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gypsygrl -> RE: Having Boundaries (5/24/2009 9:08:41 AM)
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quote:
what (if anything) is the difference between boundaries and limits?
For me, boundaries are not as concrete as limits. They define the perameters of my 'self,' that intangible bundle of non-physical stuff that makes me who I am. There's my body that defines me in physical space, then there's my self that defines me in social space. My boundaries are like a circle around my self that differentiates me from others. So, my Sir is the only one who's allowed in the bathroom when I'm showering or peeing. Other people might be in the house, and want to talk to me, but they wait until I'm done in the bathroom. That's a boundary and, I think most people would agree that its a reasonable one. As adults in the United States, we're allowed to say who may and who may not observe us while we're peeing thought sometimes this implicit right is revoked. One of the reasons prison sucks is because prisoners don't have the right to define their own boundaries.
A limit, as its commonly used within bdsm, is much simpler--it defines what activities we won't engage in. They're no-go areas, though they can be soft or hard, more or less flexible. Typically when you're discussion limits with someone, you're telling them what you won't do with them in the context of bdsm play and what they aren't allowed to do with you while remaining within a consensual exchange.
I suppose there can be some overlap here: one has a limit because of the way they've set their boundaries. So, I'm not good with coercion play because it fucks with my head. Consent is important to me and something of a boundary. One of the things coercion play plays with is the idea of consent. Messing with that boundary destabilizes me. As a consequence, I don't do coersion play. Its a limit.
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