Giving up on finding the right person (Full Version)

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openmindedslave -> Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 6:43:19 PM)

In the last month, I have spoken to three different Mistress friends of mine who have pretty much given up on finding a sub or slave to spend their lives with on here. Noticing some of other profiles in my area I see a few other Mistreses have come and gone from time to time on here...My Question is what are the challenges that the Mistresses on collarme are having in finding their slaves and subs?? Is it really more of challenge than you imagined it would be ?? Thank you



seaturtle50 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 6:52:00 PM)

quote:

I have spoken to three different Mistress friends of mine who have pretty much given up on finding a sub or slave to spend their lives with


They will probably find them now.

st50



tasha_tart -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 6:58:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

quote:

I have spoken to three different Mistress friends of mine who have pretty much given up on finding a sub or slave to spend their lives with


They will probably find them now.

st50

sea turtle...now won't *that* screw up their plans!

Tasha



littlesarbonn -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 7:12:40 PM)

Finding the right person is often difficult, especially in a dynamic where people pretend to be something they wish they were but generally are not. Not only that, but quite often submissives tend to be searching for an ideal, but once it appears before them, they either discover they weren't really serious about it in reality, or they discover they were mistaken about what they were seeking.

Connecting can be one of the hardest things around because not only do you have to find someone who is what you are truly seeking, but you have to eventually discover if that future partner is serious about being that thing you are seeking, and then you have to face the quandary of whether or not you are really what you claim to be when it comes to being the seeker of such a relationship.



MistressFire70 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 7:24:37 PM)

I can't speak for everyone, I can only relay my challenges in finding someone: I want someone who...

...focuses on service first and foremost.
...believes SM is a part of spirituality.
...is attractive to me.
...is open about what they do and who they are, within reasonable public.
...is intelligent and holds a job.
...wants to attend leather events on a local and national level.
...wants to live this as a lifestyle rather than an occassional thing. This is not what I do, but who I am. I want people who get that.
...isn't about sex, but is willing to perform to satisfy me. This one is the hardest because most of the time I get the "I expect sex" vibe from most. It's annoying and turns me off.

So, all that combined with the sterility of meeting online, makes for a hard search. I have 3 people in my household at various levels. The two slaves, I met in person first and developed a relationship from there. The submissive, I talked to briefly online first; he doesn't fit all the categories above, but he's a very nice man and is interested in the spiritual aspects, which is a rare find in my area.

In fact, I haven't made any long-term slaves or subs online. But, that's ok. I get out from behind the computer into my local and national community and don't really expect to find them here. But, it can happen.

Fire



seaturtle50 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 7:24:58 PM)

Excellent points littlesarbonn,

quote:

but quite often submissives tend to be searching for an ideal


i for one, have always done this, all of my life. Always. In my relationships, in my career, in my friendships. And, i will always continue to do so. Why not?

st50



MstrssPassion -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 7:29:05 PM)

You can't depend on an online site alone.

You have to get involved.

If you look online, you have to promote yourself properly. I reached that same level of frustration more than once even when actively involved in the scene along with personals. I was single for many years before I met my current partner... well before she found me.

Hang in there!



MHOO314 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 7:38:25 PM)

PATIENCE



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 7:58:03 PM)

quote:

My Question is what are the challenges that the Mistresses on collarme are having in finding their slaves and subs?

My challenges: 1) sometimes my insecurity related to compatibility and experience, since I am a relative novice, and most subs come with major expectations for scenes/play.
2) My needing single (as in sans girlfriend/wife/fuck buddies), and therefore willing/able to focus on courting me
3) Expectation of honesty... A very simple concept to me of saying what you mean and mean what you say, or simply walking the talk, but I am every day amazed at how grown adults are unable to be
4) Is able to effectively communicate with me
5) Is submissive, or is willing to submit within a trusting/comfortable relationship
6) Compatible kinks, as some things I simply cannot stomach, and worse, I would feel inadequate as a domme if someone in my care had a serious desire I could never deliver on.
7) Maybe being too comfortable where I am in life so that sometimes I am a little slow to accept a meeting if I don't feel there is much potential...
8) Last but not least, chemistry/sexual tension or whatever you may call it; I need it in order to be with him. No matter how wonderful he is, I have to be able to see myself ordering him nude (yes I only want him nude when I say so [8D]) and doing with him what I will).
quote:

Is it really more of challenge than you imagined it would be ??
Yes it most definitely has been more of a challenge, as I didn't realize how much there was to learn, or the incredible amount of BS I'd have to sort through. M



Misstoyou -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 8:20:25 PM)

Finding the right submissive for me (though I was not looking for the One) wasn't more of a challenge than I anticipated, but I was lucky....very, very lucky...far luckier than I ever imagined...almost luckier than I deserve... (nah! [;)]

I continue to meet submissives for coffee, mostly because I *like* submissive men, and though I've met lots of nice guys, I have yet to meet anyone who even comes close to my submissive in quality and compatability. There is much to be said for syncronicity.




michaelGA -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 8:25:18 PM)

i believe i've expressed pretty much the same thing a while back. the thing i've noticed is that most local Mistress's don't seem to want anyone local...just an observation. LOL



UtahGoddess -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 9:54:05 PM)


First of all my search is over and I have never been happier. Though I never completely gave up hope of finding my slave, I did become quite jaded and guarded when male submissives approached me seeking a personal relationship.

I had my share, maybe more, of men seeking to submit to me. Here are a few of the things that hardened me:

1) Boys who claimed they were into service, but were really only interested in serving so long as it was erotic in nature.

This was not a bad thing in itself, except it was not the kind of service I was seeking. I was clear in my expectations up front and they agreed to them. Within a few dates their submission evaporated outside scene related activities.

2) Boys who wanted a "kinky side" thing yet pretended to want a personal relationship.

I once had a boy (whom I had seen for some time and was quite fond of) in light bondage and a chastity cage. I was teasing him while we watched a DVD together. His cellphone rang and I could not believe it....A} he answered it and B} he made other plans for later that evening. He paused from his call and said "We'll be done by 10 won't we?" I said "Oh no...we're done now!"

3) Boys who were seeking trophies.

Boys who wined and dined and did all the right things to make me fall for them, only to disappear completely. In one example I was falling HARD for this boy as he said he was for me. We talked about getting married....the works. He called one night and said how much he missed me and couldn't imagine another day without me. "Let's move in together and plan the wedding." I was beaming. I wanted to talk about the details, but he was at work and had to go. He was to call the next day. I never heard from him again.

Thinking something had happened to him I kept calling and leaving messages. After 4 days I called his office. He was there, said he'd call me later. He never did.


In between there were the secretly marrieds, the drug or alchohol addicted, those seeking a place to hide from the world, the criminals, etc etc etc. There were also many boys with whom I just didn't have the chemistry necessary to persue anything further (or vice versa).

By the time I met my current slave/husband I was quite guarded. If he had not continued to persue me, despite the tests I put him through, we would still be single. Knowing him now as I do, I feel a tiny bit bad about that, but he was up to the challenge. LOL I am glad my search is over.

Ms Sandi



Dollbecky -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 11:11:09 PM)

I find it hard to find what I am looking for locally and in real time (been looking for 2 years)
the challenges for me are...
Finding someone who is not just wanting a bit of "kinky slap and tickle" followed by intercourse

Someone who is single and able to attend play parties and other events

Male subs who are into sissy/forced fem and nothing else

Finding a sub who doesnt act like he is doing me a favour in letting me live out his fantasies

Some one who understands I dont want a boyfriend/slave I want a bottom/sub I have outlets for my vanilla needs

I dont care about looks, age or member size or money, I value manners and thoughtfullness I would like a sub who feels the same way.

I dont like my chances locally



michaelGA -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 11:18:39 PM)

well, as luck would have it, one of the local groups is having a munch that i can actually get to tomorrow night, i intend to be there and meet with them. wish me luck.



seaturtle50 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 11:25:37 PM)

quote:

well, as luck would have it, one of the local groups is having a munch that i can actually get to tomorrow night, i intend to be there and meet with them. wish me luck


i am sure you will have a great time. good for you.

And remember, they love hearing a positive spin on things.

st50



michaelGA -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 11:29:15 PM)

i'll take a Twister spinner, should add some fun...LOL...Just kidding



seaturtle50 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 11:31:55 PM)

no, actually that could be a great idea! The trick will be to pull it out at exactly the right time. lol

st50



seaturtle50 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/7/2006 11:35:16 PM)

Is this your first munch? i am attending my second on the 15th. After that i get to go to the play party <yikes!! [8|]>

st50



UtopianRanger -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/8/2006 12:06:05 AM)

quote:

In the last month, I have spoken to three different Mistress friends of mine who have pretty much given up on finding a sub or slave to spend their lives with on here.


''Give up'', ''quit'' or any other term that would illicit such pity should never be part of yours or anyone else’s vocabulary - Tell them to keep trying.


JMHO


- The Ranger



MHOO314 -> RE: Giving up on finding the right person (2/8/2006 7:00:49 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

In the last month, I have spoken to three different Mistress friends of mine who have pretty much given up on finding a sub or slave to spend their lives with on here. Noticing some of other profiles in my area I see a few other Mistreses have come and gone from time to time on here...My Question is what are the challenges that the Mistresses on collarme are having in finding their slaves and subs?? Is it really more of challenge than you imagined it would be ?? Thank you




IMHO--I think it is hard both sides of the dyamic to find someone at times---My boy and I had this very conversation this weekend---There is fantasy and there is reality---My assumption here is that they were seeking an LTR--vastly different criteria than play partners---but as in any relationship seeking mode--it takes time and tremendous patience--personally-I screened over 200 petitions to get to the few that I actually interviewed---then it was down to real life issues---but I never gave up--because this is what I want and to settle for less to Me would not bring about the happiness I hoped for--I was happy alone and had nothing to lose and everything to gain--and gain I did when I found the boy--he had EVERYTHING--literally--pieces of all the best I hoped for in a man, a mate, a friend, a submissive, a slave--but the chemistry was right too--the dance of the Dynamic in the L/life and life were there---

The reality was there---



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