BDSM and People with Disabilities

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Tysyacha -> BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 7:47:01 PM)
Yes, good Dom(me)s and subs, I have a disability. Cerebral palsy, since birth. That means that the parts of my brain that control my big muscles (arms and legs) are partially damaged. I can't drive, although I have tried. I just couldn't make my body work fast enough to act upon the stimuli from my brain. I can eat, drink, and use the bathroom just like typical people do. I just have trouble standing for long periods of time, walking long distances, climbing stairs without handrails, etc. Because of this, a lot of people have the perception that I don't have sexual desires. I shouldn't even be interested in SEX, let alone kinky sex! Either that, or I'm hypersexual, like an animal unable to control my impulses, urges, or desires. I have only had three boyfriends, and two were the "use 'em and lose 'em" kind. You can imagine that with as few chances as I've gotten, I'm afraid I'll never get another one. Once a lot of people see the way I walk, they assume I must have a very low IQ or be like a child in an adult's body. I myself believe I am neither. So...for someone with tight muscles by nature, how do I go about being safe in BDSM? I never knew the hell that you could get as a human being, just because the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck in the womb. Any advice? NOTE: If ANYONE calls me "cripple", "retard", "lame", etc. or even "childish", I will not attempt to dignify your insult with a response. I've had enough of that $4iT.

snappykappy -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 7:48:46 PM)
wishing u a omg-ridiculously-improbable-can't-f'n- believe-it-actually-happened super duper fantabulous awesome day thomas michael just a simple wish i have sarcoidosis it does not have me i will kick its ass i refuse to lose thomas michael kappler

DarkSteven -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 7:57:47 PM)
Well, cutie, you definitely feel comfortable asking questions here! Tell you what. I'm not going to answer your questions. I'm going to give you enough to let YOU answer them. The mental part is obvious. You can serve as well as anyone in terms of devotion and caring. So let's discuss the physical stuff. Bondage - is there any way that it would be different for you than anyone else? My first inclination would be to say no., but I don't know how CP would affect bondage - do you? If there IS a difference, could we compensate for it? Spanking - I'll be willing to bet you that you could be spanked just like any other sub. Sex - I can't see any difference between you and any other virgin. Get it? Just pick activities (if you have a hard time coming up with them, just look at someone else's profile) and see if you could do them. Go ahead. Do it!

LPslittleclip -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 7:59:50 PM)
i have known several persons in the lifestyle with differing abilities. as for being safe i would recommend going to a public dungeon or similar public play party and get to know the members and as with anyone else find a suitable partner. with any prospective play partner let them know of your cp and what your boundary's are. of course get some advice from you Dr on your play and what might need to be expected from the play, but otherwise just be yourself and just have loads of fun.

Tysyacha -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:04:25 PM)
One of the things I have trouble doing is spreading my legs really far apart. I don't want my partner to want me to be a sexual gymast and stick my legs up over my head or something. "Cannot do this, even if asked". Does everyone want their ladies to be able to twist themselves into pretzels for the sake of "trying a cool new position"?

onlyfreelycaged -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:06:58 PM)
well, as far as being disabled and doing bdsm, it's possible. I know... I've got asthma, and carpal tunnel. So, there are small things done for my wrists when being tied up... I dont do things that hurt them. the important thing is to talk about it.. and don't use it as an "excuse" not to do things.. I know with me, I've done things that I shouldn't with my wrists, and felt it the next day... but that was because I was told to do it.. the most notable is opening up wine bottles.. always hurt if I'd open more then one or two. But, it only was allowed to continue because I didn't say a thing about it.

lovingpet -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:09:46 PM)
OP you have cmail! As for basic safety, as long as you are playing with a partner who understands cp and accepts the limitations it brings, I don't see it as a barrier (to me anyway). I think it tends to have more to do with comfort level and having built a good relationship than on what condition you may or may not have. I have some health problems that put limits on my play that I wish didn't exist, but my partners are so good to me and understand that I would do any of these things for them if I could. They accept me as is and work within what I am capable of. Sometimes we have to get creative. Sometimes something just will not work and we can let it go or come back to it when my body may be more apt to cooperate. Hope this helped at least a bit! lovingpet

Joseff -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:20:33 PM)
My debbie has limited movement because of arthritis. She has no cartelege in her knees, and 8 disks that are either herniate or ruptured. I have severe degenerative arthritis and nerve damage in my left arm. We are both diabetic and have high blood pressure. We manage to play often, and even try new things. You do not have to be a gymnast, most of us aren't. Just know your limitations, and make sure your partner does, and you should be fine.

AngelGeena -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:32:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tysyacha One of the things I have trouble doing is spreading my legs really far apart. I don't want my partner to want me to be a sexual gymast and stick my legs up over my head or something. "Cannot do this, even if asked". Does everyone want their ladies to be able to twist themselves into pretzels for the sake of "trying a cool new position"? I certainly hope not. I'd end up breaking a hip. Although I suppose traction could put a whole new spin on bondage, especially if there is a cute and kinky doctor involved. dreamy sigh As with any situation, its about finding the right person to experiement with and find out what things work for you physically. My best to you.

DarkSteven -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:37:30 PM)
Tysyacha, there are a lot of things that I would expect from a submissive, but... the ability to spread her legs far apart? You seem to have this vision of a Dom with a massive checklist of things he is just waiting to ding you on. Nope. Doms are people too, and any decent one will relate to you as a person. You're thinking about all of this too much. Go out and meet people. And not for a Dom... not right away. That will come. For now, just get to meet people and get past your apprehensions.

DavanKael -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 8:54:12 PM)
Hi, Tysyacha---- I think that your choosing to get involved here on the boards can also help with dissipating the apprehensions you have. You obviously are able to express your thoughts and feelings well and that puts you at an advantage to many people who have not cultivated those abilities. You are a person with a whole lot of things to offer in addition to the limitations that you have. Best wishes, Davan

breatheasone -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 10:16:01 PM)
i met my Master on here 2 years ago, i also suffer with arthritis. Master restricts my kneeling time, and frequency, my bondage time in any one position, and even my position while having sex, He is mindful of. There are plenty of good people in the "life style" finding them can be the challenge. Frank discussion early, can really help eliminate some major heart ache later.

newone11 -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 10:20:31 PM)
My brother has CP. He's a lot like you in that there's a lot he CAN do. And those that don't know about his CP just think he's a bit off as far as his mobility/walking. Nine times out of ten they can't even put their finger on what exactly is off about it. Anyway, my suggestion is to talk, talk and talk a little more. I'm not into public play or munches but I think it's an excellent suggestion that others have put forth. And, once you find a guy (I'm assuming here), try a few light, easy experiments and go from there. Does it work? Is it painful? Can it be better? Can it be modified? Can it be pushed a little? A little more?

stella41b -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 10:27:22 PM)
You have a wonderful smile which could melt chocolate at twenty paces, which suggests a wonderful heart, and I'm sure with the right dom safety will not be an issue as you will be appreciated for who you really are, a complete, whole person.

BKSir -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 10:28:42 PM)
Hell, if anything, the bondage part might be easier, not needing as tight of restraints and such. No offense meant, just looking at it from a practical standpoint. If anything though, the aftercare would be where a lot of the attention should be focused, as I'm sure that after a while things might get uncomfortable. Although, that could be some easily built in "torture/punishment" for you. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have a disability, you have a convenient ability. I know that I, for one, am lazy. Anything that I can take advantage of from my pet to more easily torment him at times just makes me happier. ;) As far as "disabilities" go, I don't really believe in them... unless they're terribly glaring, like someone just being a head in a jar. My mom was "disabled", didn't stop her from raising me as a single parent while going to college and work. I work with "disabled" vets, hell, I'm married to one. The thing is, for every "disability" there is, there's another ability that shines through in other areas. It can just take patience to find the right person to see that. Until then, welcome to CM. If anyone gives you shit about something like having C.P., I'm pretty sure that you'll have plenty of backup around these here parts. HUG :)

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 10:30:28 PM)
PPL adapt and modify as with any relationship.. There are DOM/mes on here in wheelchairs and many many ppl with different challenges such as limited motion...CP..MS..diabetes..paralysis and more.. I have diabetes..and no tailbone so need to modify for that..at times I have a playmate who has diabetes.. and a kidney disease so we take this into consideration.. One of the first things a potential playmate.DOM should ask is.. medical issues? abuse issues? STAY around TY and you will find this a very supportive..honest group..[:D] GQ

breatheasone -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/24/2009 10:34:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BKSir, If anyone gives you shit about something like having C.P., I'm pretty sure that you'll have plenty of backup around these here parts. HUG :) Right-on! [sm=boxer.gif]

LadyPact -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/25/2009 12:00:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tysyacha Yes, good Dom(me)s and subs, I have a disability. Cerebral palsy, since birth. That means that the parts of my brain that control my big muscles (arms and legs) are partially damaged. I can't drive, although I have tried. I just couldn't make my body work fast enough to act upon the stimuli from my brain. I can eat, drink, and use the bathroom just like typical people do. I just have trouble standing for long periods of time, walking long distances, climbing stairs without handrails, etc. Because of this, a lot of people have the perception that I don't have sexual desires. I shouldn't even be interested in SEX, let alone kinky sex! Either that, or I'm hypersexual, like an animal unable to control my impulses, urges, or desires. I have only had three boyfriends, and two were the "use 'em and lose 'em" kind. You can imagine that with as few chances as I've gotten, I'm afraid I'll never get another one. Once a lot of people see the way I walk, they assume I must have a very low IQ or be like a child in an adult's body. I myself believe I am neither. So...for someone with tight muscles by nature, how do I go about being safe in BDSM? I never knew the hell that you could get as a human being, just because the umbilical cord was wrapped around your neck in the womb. Any advice? NOTE: If ANYONE calls me "cripple", "retard", "lame", etc. or even "childish", I will not attempt to dignify your insult with a response. I've had enough of that $4iT. Now, why would anyone call you any of those things? Plenty of people with disabilities are involved in BDSM. Kinky folks are just a cross section of the rest of society. We have people who are CP, MS, diabetic, amputee, blind, deaf, and anything else you can think of. It's not a perfect physical health only crowd. As to how to play safely, I agree with clip. Talk to your doctor about your interests and get the advice from there. Besides you, that's the person who knows your medical history the best and can help to guide you. It's very important for you and any future people to know what limitations you might have and what you can participate in without being harmed. I can't speak to what potential sex partners might want from you, so I'm not going to go there. I'd hope that anyone you would consider being intimate with would want to be so with the whole you, and not just what your legs can or can not do. In the meantime, learn what you can around here and go to munches and events in your area. Welcome to CM!

NihilusZero -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/25/2009 12:23:08 AM)
If you're honest about your physical abilities (or lack thereof) and someone else is incapable of understanding it or properly taking them into consideration when determining their interest in you, the problem isn't yours. Keep on keepin' on and don't get too bogged down by superficial negativity.

EmelineRose -> RE: BDSM and People with Disabilities (5/25/2009 12:34:44 AM)
Hi Tysyacha! You're obviously a VERY intelligent and articulate young lady, so you've got a LOT to offer! I know what it's like to struggle against disabilities (and sadly the stigmatisation and discrimination disabled people often encounter) so I think I have a very good idea of where you are coming from. I have a Dominant friend who regularly plays with a woman who has CP - has done for years. He thinks she is absolutely marvellous and totally adores her. A spirit such as yours will always shine through so I really encourage you to get out there - starting with some good groups sounds like a good idea - and find those who will be helpful and supportive. FWIW I think compassion is probably the most attractive aspect of anyone's personality, and when you are not (supposedly) "perfect" I am sure you will find you DO attract genuinely compassionate types, as opposed to the more superficial, so in a way think of that as quite an advantage like I do - good way to sort out the wheat from the chaff early on! I wish you tons of luck, love, fun and laughter.

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