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Need some advice - 5/26/2009 12:31:16 AM

subneedsadvice

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline

As i am sure You can all tell this is not my screen name but i needed to post and ask for some help and if i am wrong i dont want to insult Him. i started seeing the gentlemen that has taken me under consideration 2 months ago. When i first read His profile He said how much He did not like people that lied about their marital status etc. i took that as Him being single. i am starting to doubt myself. It seems i only see Him during the week, although sat and sun i work extremely long hours, but never at night and there is always a reason. Seems that phone calls on weekends are rare and that lately emails and phone calls are few and far between. That now W/we go 2 weeks without seeing each other and 3 - 4 days without talking. my question is does anyone get the same feeling that He is attached otherwise or is this just me being a girl and overthinking. (BTW, He did also change His profile on here to include me. Not that it means anything but just another bit of information).

Post #: 1

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 12:34:53 AM

Kat713

Posts: 134
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline

Just ask him babe :)

(in reply to subneedsadvice)

Post #: 2

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 2:45:23 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Could be he simply knows weekends are bad for you. I'd ask, too.

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(in reply to Kat713)

Post #: 3

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 2:58:33 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I also work long weekends at times. (Rotating schedule that most sadists wouldn't even come up with.) People try to be considerate of that and understand that I don't have the time to keep up with emails or long conversations when I don't have much personal time. I'd think this was at least part of the case in your situation.

If you are suspicious, just ask.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 4

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 3:25:34 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

You can ask, but if the answer doesn't match his actions you have enough info to make a decision.

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 3:43:59 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Do you have his home number and address? If so, tell him you'll call him after you get home, or you'll come by after work. His response will tell you whether he's married or not.

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(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 6

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 4:02:40 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

quote:

Do you have his home number and address? If so, tell him you'll call him after you get home, or you'll come by after work. His response will tell you whether he's married or not.

I completely disagree with this. If you want someone to be honest with you, you don't play games with them and sneak around trying to set them up. If you want to know just ask and either trust him or end the bloody relationship.

No wonder so many relationships are screwed up people think someone is lying so instead of being HONEST with them, the other person in the relationship starts play silly games that many times lead to misunderstandings, or misinterpretation of the situation that simply being HONEST and asking could clear up.

Hell the way i see it, tell him simply -- look, i am having some doubts about what you have told me and its effecting my trust of you. Why does this this and that occur -- i am asking you point blank are you married or have someone else you spend your time with that i should know about? If i can't shake this feeling and my trust settled, its going to majorily effect our relationship.

Its silly to play games especially when you are setting someone up because you don't believe they are being honest, instead of just being honest and asking. Sure he may be lying to you, but don't compromise your integrity by playing ganes of catch the mouse stealing the cheese. This is a Man you supposedly respect and care for -- prove it even if he may be compromising his integrity doesn't mean you should by playing ganes, it means trusting him to tell you the truth or end the relationship becuase you no longer trust what he is saying.

angel

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 6:24:08 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subneedsadvice

As i am sure You can all tell this is not my screen name but i needed to post and ask for some help and if i am wrong i dont want to insult Him. i started seeing the gentlemen that has taken me under consideration 2 months ago. When i first read His profile He said how much He did not like people that lied about their marital status etc. i took that as Him being single. i am starting to doubt myself. It seems i only see Him during the week, although sat and sun i work extremely long hours, but never at night and there is always a reason. Seems that phone calls on weekends are rare and that lately emails and phone calls are few and far between. That now W/we go 2 weeks without seeing each other and 3 - 4 days without talking. my question is does anyone get the same feeling that He is attached otherwise or is this just me being a girl and overthinking. (BTW, He did also change His profile on here to include me. Not that it means anything but just another bit of information).

Whether or not he is married or seeing anyone else, he certainly has you low on his priority list. Why are you under consideration to one who does not care enough about you to keep regular, frequent contact?

He could text you in a matter of seconds, if he missed you. He's showing you by his actions, that he's just not that into you.

Ditch the loser. Your time is precious. You deserve someone who is nuts about you and shows it. Don't settle for less.

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(in reply to subneedsadvice)

Post #: 8

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 10:45:53 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: subneedsadvice

... It seems i only see Him during the week, although sat and sun i work extremely long hours, but never at night and there is always a reason. Seems that phone calls on weekends are rare and that lately emails and phone calls are few and far between. That now W/we go 2 weeks without seeing each other and 3 - 4 days without talking....

Whether or not he is married or seeing anyone else, he certainly has you low on his priority list. Why are you under consideration to one who does not care enough about you to keep regular, frequent contact? ...

I wonder why someone would be "under consideration" to someone without ever seeing where they live. - Or is "under consideration" just bdsm-speak for "getting to know one another"?

It sounds like it entails some sort of commitment, but I'm not sure.

Anyway, for what it's worth - I do all kinds of things that make people conclude I'm married, a fake, trailer trash, or whatever else.

I generally prefer to work on weekends and make plans for weekdays when there are fewer people around. For example, I live in a fairly large city - on the weekends when all those people are on the loose even the local National Forest is like a suburban shopping mall in terms of cars parked and people milling around.

People come up with "red flags" and short hand signals which may be right a majority of the time, but I'd wager they are also wrong a smaller, but still significant, percentage of the time.

< Message edited by Jeptha -- 5/26/2009 10:48:15 AM >

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(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 9

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 11:16:35 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

He could text you in a matter of seconds, if he missed you. He's showing you by his actions, that he's just not that into you.

i have to agree here.

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(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 10

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 1:06:57 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

ehhh someone who has to hide behind a fake nick for whatever reason...deserves a fake answer.

BadOne

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(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 11

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 1:11:57 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kat713

Just ask him babe :)

Yes.

But... she can't even ask "us" directly, as BadOne points out.

OP, are you capable of asking a direct question, about anything? This is not a snarky question. For real, can you do it? If so, why is this different? If not, why can't you?

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
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(in reply to Kat713)

Post #: 12

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 2:35:34 PM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

ehhh someone who has to hide behind a fake nick for whatever reason...deserves a fake answer.

BadOne

Missed ya. Been jonesing for your bad ass replies.

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 13

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 2:47:54 PM

SmokingGun82

Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline

I've been accused of being married twice now... and I've found it amusing both times, since I'm decidedly not. If it's someone you're thinking of being with for more than an evening, then asking them "Are you married/whatever?" and trusting the answer would seem to be a good start.

_____________________________

It frightens me, the awful truth of how sweet life can be.
- Bob Dylan

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(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 14

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 2:48:19 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

FR

(Personally, I would not automatically assume someone was single unless I asked them and they told me no.)

He might not be married but he might be a weekend dad or have shared custody even.
Did you ever ask if he had kids?

Why do you feel communicating your feelings and needs is somehow wrong?

Communication is vital in any relationship and by not voicing your wishes, desires, needs and wants, you are denying him the pleasure of knowing you.

If you are wishing for more frequent contact then let him know.
If you are important to him he will respond.

If he doesn't, then quite often no answer is an answer.

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(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 15

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 3:18:14 PM

SexyBlackMan2

Posts: 108
Status: offline

You need to talk to him...or begin reading between the lines. You are not a high priority for him and you obviously need more contact.

You should talk to him and make the determination if the relationship is what you really want and need. If it is, keep going. If it isn't, ask to be released.

(in reply to subneedsadvice)

Post #: 16

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 5:17:59 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Why does she need to ask to be released? She is "under consideration". Doesn't that mean he is under consideration as well?

If the OP is still under consideration then she and he are still getting to know each other. This would seem to be an area that needs to be addressed - and if he gets snarky, then that too is information. The OP needs to list her observations to the dom and ask him if there is a reason for the pattern.
Seems to me that she also needs to know his address and home phone number (if he has one) for safety reasons, and a friend needs to have the info as well. If he doesn't want to give it, that too is info she needs to know.

All interactions are grist for the mill when establishing a relationship. The way people deal with situations, and people give a fairly good indication how they will go on. His seems to be a decreasing number of interactions as they get to know each other - which if not explained - would bode ill for the longevity of the relationship.

So ................ talk to the man. If you are uncomfortable doing this, ask yourself why. Might be informative.

(in reply to SexyBlackMan2)

Post #: 17

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 8:22:48 PM

Branoic

Posts: 10
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline

Alot of good points, the 'under consideration' is a sticking point to me as well. A relationship, even one such as these, go both ways. If you are under consideration, you get the same choice. If you feel that you are low on his list, then perhaps it's time to consider something else.

If he says he hates people who lie, then ask him straight out. Be honest with him about how you feel, and ask him a stright question. If he answers back in a roundabout way, you have all you need.

OR, he could be going through something (work, family, personal, ect...). There are alot of reasons. Then again, as someone stated, text messages are ridiculously easy to use. I'm leaning toward the group that believes that it may be time to move on.

And dont hide, sure, if he 'found out' he may be angry, but shouldnt he be more worried that you had to come here to get your questions asked. A slave is a reflection of their Master; you creating a fake name, to come ask this question, to hide from his (im sure) divine anger is a clear indication of what kind of dominant he is anyway.

(in reply to kiwisub12)

Post #: 18

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 8:29:28 PM

subneedsadvice

Posts: 2
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline

i did talk to him today and voiced all my concerns. It was not me as to what has been going on but personal issues He had to deal with. i did tell Him that i posted this and what i said and He was not at all upset which i am glad about. i am going to visit His home on Thursday which will be nice. Thank You all for helping me.

(in reply to Branoic)

Post #: 19

RE: Need some advice - 5/26/2009 8:38:15 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

ehhh someone who has to hide behind a fake nick for whatever reason...deserves a fake answer.

BadOne

Missed ya. Been jonesing for your bad ass replies.

Hey ya cutie... It's much more fun practicing my sailing skills...

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to subangi)

Post #: 20

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