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female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:14:40 AM

allisonludwig

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I've seen some posts on here (in response to other questions) about women having difficulty developing friendships with other women. I have had this difficulty for much of my life. I would rather hang out with my husband and a few of his friends. I have had some female friendships, but a minority compared to the male friendships I've had.

I'm curious what this is about. I think for myself it's a matter of wanting male attention and finding it easier to interact with men; I know my role in those situations. With women, I think I get a little confused, unsure of myself.

What about other women on here? what have your experiences been? do you have difficulty making friendships with women? why do you think that is?

Post #: 1

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:17:23 AM

KyttynTheMynx

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From: Moosecrotch, Va
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Honestly, I do have issues with making friends with females. It is only because a majority of the ones in my current town tend to be the type that are up to their asses in drama. The guys around here are just out to have fun, party, and do whatever.

I do, have local female friends, but I think that count maybe stops at 3-5 (only because we are all on the NO DRAMA, NO BS bandwagon.)

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:19:14 AM

subtlebutterfly

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I have no difficulties forming friendships with either sex...I usually don't think about what my "role" is with men or what my "role" is with females I just..befriend them I don't think I approach them differently, besides well I don't drag my male friends with me to shop for clothes 'cause they'd rather die....and I don't ask if they have tampons but besides that I don't think I'm in a specific role except for the friend-role.

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:21:53 AM

camille65

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From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allisonludwig

I'm curious what this is about. I think for myself it's a matter of wanting male attention and finding it easier to interact with men; I know my role in those situations. With women, I think I get a little confused, unsure of myself.

Yup. I am most comfortable when I know my role and I have a tough time figuring that out with women unless I am actively helping someone with something.

Most of my friends are male and always have been. I would like female friends (I think?) but I don't feel like I understand 'stuff'. A lot of times it feels like female friendship is this mysterious thing missing the directions.

But I don't think for me it is about male attention per se, more that I just understand the dynamics a bit better.

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:23:54 AM

LadyHibiscus

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For all intents and purposes, I ONLY have friendships with women. I've been that way all my life. If it weren't for the sex part, I don't think I would associate with men at all, really. I have some men that I am "friends" with, that I respect, that I hold in high regard, but my relationships with them pale in comparison to my female friendships.

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:29:30 AM

Lashra

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I have friends of both genders and get along equally well with them. I would have to say that I have more female friends, though they tend to be the less "girlie" type and more the tomboyish variety. If that makes any difference.

~Lashra

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:30:49 AM

agirl

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quote:

s

quote:

ORIGINAL: allisonludwig

What about other women on here? what have your experiences been? do you have difficulty making friendships with women? why do you think that is?

I'm not sure why I have never had a female *friend*. Part of it is that I identify with men much more readily, feel *at home* with the way they interact and find them better company.

I envy other women that have girl friends, I'd quite like to experience this *female sharing thing*, at least once, but all the same, I accept that I'm unlikely to have one that I'm as comfy with as I am a male one.

I'm stuck with blokes as friends: oh dear, how sad, never mind.

agirl

(in reply to allisonludwig)

Post #: 7

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 9:43:47 AM

breatheasone

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~~FR~~
i have been blessed in my life with wonderful friends from both genders. i personally am more comfortable with women friends. i can let it "hangout" if you will LOL AND women UNDERSTAND each other in a way men just can't seem to. (well and rightly so, men are men, and women are women after all LOL)

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Post #: 8

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 10:47:42 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

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I don't have many female friends. A lot of female Aquaintances, but few whom I'd actually call my Friend. What few female Friends I have are all in other areas, rather than anywhere Physically close. They aren't people that I hang out with, because we live to far distant to do so - and probably wouldn't get along for very long if we did hang out more frequently than short vacation type visits and talking online/on the phone.

I don't particularly trust most females. It's a holdover from highschool, when all the grief I got came from those of my own gender. Granted, I don't trust Males particularly well Either - but that's strictly in the relationship context, not as a general rule. In highschool, the girls hated me - I wasn't particularly girly-girl (I'm still not), and I was buddies with many of their boyfriends. I had no interest in Those males as potential relationships, but they gave me grief none-the-less out of the assumption that I was "buddies" with "their" guy in an attempt to take him from them. That wasn't the case at all. I was simply more used to hanging around with males as buddies because of my older brother and all his male friends - none of whom treated me like "the girl" - just as "another one a the guys" when we were hanging out. (Depressing in and of itself in some respects, since I AM female, and hetero female at that!) From there we go to adulthood and several female "friends" who did exactly what the girls in highschool thought *I intended to do. They knew I was in a relationship with someone, and would specifically go after him, or at least make an ernest attempt to sleep with him, to prove that they could/were better/were more woman/whatthehellever. Add to that the various problems with my female relatives, and what it amounts to is a deep seated distrust of anything that routinely bleeds.

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 10:48:57 AM

hizgeorgiapeach

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone
AND women UNDERSTAND each other in a way men just can't seem to. (well and rightly so, men are men, and women are women after all LOL)

Yes - women DO inherantly understand other women. That's a large part of the reason I don't particularly Trust other women - because I know how they think!

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Post #: 10

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 10:53:22 AM

LaTigresse

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I think I am just too.......lots of things, to maintain longterm female friendships. Women require more of your time. More remembering things (birthdays etc), more making sure you bring and share equally (god forbid they bring treats more times than you!!) more sensitivity to their mysterious issues, etc etc etc........for me to keep up.

I am one of those people that if I do something for someone, give them something, whatever, I really do not expect anything in return. I don't keep an imaginary score chart. Most women I have met, do. That annoys me. Enough to purposely tip the score chart clear out of wack.

I just think that I do not feel the burning NEEEEEEEEED to have close friends, so haven't the desire or patience to do the work to maintain the relationship properly.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 11:03:53 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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~FR~

I have difficulty maintaining friendships with women. I've been told on more than one occasion that I don't think like a woman -- I think like a man. Most of my friends throughout my live have been men. For some reason, men are much more comfortable with my dominant personality than women. Some of them want to get into a pissing contest with me but more of them like my confidence, I guess. Women tend not to like that I'm an alpha female. They want me to be softer and I'm just not.

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Post #: 12

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 11:09:12 AM

Lashra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

~FR~

I have difficulty maintaining friendships with women. I've been told on more than one occasion that I don't think like a woman -- I think like a man. Most of my friends throughout my live have been men. For some reason, men are much more comfortable with my dominant personality than women. Some of them want to get into a pissing contest with me but more of them like my confidence, I guess. Women tend not to like that I'm an alpha female. They want me to be softer and I'm just not.

I have run into this exact same thing all of my life. I guess that is why most of my female friends are "tomboys" they do not have that expectation that I should be softer so that I "fit" into the crowd. I do not want to fit into the crowd, I simply want to be me. Yes men seem to accept my dominant personality more, although there are the few that want the pissing contest and the few who ignore me as if I was not there in the hopes that I'd go away lol. Or perhaps they were just afraid of a different type of woman, yes that sounds more like it.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 13

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 11:16:10 AM

LaTigresse

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Do you think it is because women can be so much more competitive, that a dominant woman's nature just rubs other women the wrong way?

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 5/26/2009 11:18:47 AM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 14

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 11:22:48 AM

SylvereApLeanan

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Millions of years of evolution have made men highly competitive creatures. So I don't think it's that men are less competitive than women. Only that they're competing with a different group -- other men. From a purely biological standpoint, the strongest males should be attracted to the strongest females in order to produce the strongest offspring. However, men and women would be more competitive with their respective sexes in order to secure the best mates. Maybe that's it.

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Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 15

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 11:31:40 AM

LaTigresse

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After years of working in different office environments I have noticed one thing. Most women have a totally different set of rules for male co-workers than female co-workers.

As for male friends versus female.....Most guys are not at all bothered if you don't call them or see them for weeks or even months. Women, will call you, want to see you, will not get that you are "just not in the mood to go out" they worry that you are angry with them, build this whole back story, get defensive, then offensive and never believe that it is ever as simple as "just not in the mood". Guys are like "okay, seeya around!" and that's usually the end of it. No second guessing, no in depth questions.

Sometimes the lack of complexity in men is definitely preferable. Most women are just way more work. They ask "what's wrong?" "are you mad at me?" "are you okay?" etc etc etc........and if you tell them you are fine, not angry, etc etc....too much, that's when their brains go into overdrive and they start creating stories. Not guys, out of sight, out of mind. No worrying, no crazy neurotic imagined slights, just ..."next!", until they see you around again.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 16

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 11:56:13 AM

oceanwinds

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I thank the Goddess everyday for those who have embrace my heart and to experience a depth of friendship that i have had with a them. We can bicker, disagree, but at the end of the day we know each is there for them. I never wanted what someone else had, so i guess i never been seen as a threat.

My friends have strong minds and they back their words with actions. Sometimes they cant be there when you fall and sometimes they can, but you know in your heart they are there. Few i will ever call a sister, and i do not believe in using that word with many. A sister friend is bonded for life. I have a few long term male friends as well, but i have always prefer the company of women. We tend to be more right brain, and discuss things of importance.

None of my friends will put others down for what they say, but encourage them to speak and find their truth. I think we get/attract what we are, at least in my life it seems to be the case.

I personally never understood why women shy away from women. It is sad in my eyes. Maybe it's just the sterotypes people bought into.

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 12:05:53 PM

Rule

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
From a purely biological standpoint, the strongest males should be attracted to the strongest females in order to produce the strongest offspring.

Males will fertilize any fertile female. From a purely evolutionary point of view, your assertion is simply wrong.

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

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RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 12:09:40 PM

LaTigresse

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Unfortunately, their determination of fertility can be a bit skewed.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 19

RE: female friendships - 5/26/2009 2:05:45 PM

sirsholly

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i have friendships of both genders, but relate easier to men.

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