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Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 5:57:53 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
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I have looked at bruising topics and my question has not really been answered.

My self challenge is while I am not a pain slut I have discovered that I do
enjoy impact/biting play however I am not comfortable with the bruising.
Now some activities such as OTK hand spanking does not leave bruises
or hasn't to this point. However, the use of riding crop, cane, biting does.
They are not in places where they are visible to others but my issue
is feeling shameful about them. If you have ever been there, how did
you come to accept and be proud of them? I understand that I have to come
to terms with it and just looking to hear from others who maybe don't like to see
the bruises or if you have always enjoyed seeing the bruises. I know to change my
thinking pattern on them just having a tough time wrapping my hand arounds this
subject matter for myself. Thanks.

Post #: 1

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 6:09:35 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

For me the bruises are a symbol of his power over me, reminders of him. The pain brings back memories of our time together and who and what I am to him.

It's like wearing a collar or a mark of ownership.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 2

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 6:12:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Neither ashamed or proud. They are a natural outcome of rough play just like knocking into the table gives me them. It's the healing time I find a pain since we prefer not to keep damaging the same patch of skin.

Where they are a nuisance is on my neck. I don't wear turtlenecks even in winter, and certainly won't in summer. And a bite mark on my neck is obvious to all.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 6:42:56 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

As to your question OP of liking or not liking marks/bruises - I have always liked them. It's a strange thing to say but I feel proud of having this type of mark on my body from the person who owns me. I have never felt shameful about having them. I like to touch the bruises and feel the way it hurts later on. It makes me think of him in a good way and want more.

Since you said you were exploring the topic and wanting to gather information on it I asked my Dom tonight why he liked doing it- biting me. He said he likes to do it because of the powerful reaction I give him. So for us anyway it's a positive thing on both sides and one side feeds the other.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 4

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 6:51:04 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
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I get downright smug about bruises that are from sexual interaction with a partner. :> Thankfully, I seem to have avoided my parents' and most of society's peculiar negativistic views about sex and have always viewed it as a joyous, sacred thing with someone dear. I am also very keyed in to things that denote possession and, in my interpretation, bruising is one of those things. They can also be a mark of empowerment and/or power: if I asked for them and they were placed according to my desires.
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to lizi)

Post #: 5

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 7:26:03 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

Thank you all very much for your replies. Your replies very much echo what a good friend has
shared with me as well regarding this.

DavanKael I think you hit the nail on the head for me so to speak when you stated: "Thankfully, I seem to have avoided my parents' and most of society's peculiar negativistic views about sex and have always viewed it as a joyous, sacred thing with someone dear."

I think for me personally that is a large part of my issue with it is the societal view that has been passed down to me.
In many ways, there are things that I do that go against the grain and would bring much chagrin to my family and friends if they knew and thankfully they don't. However, in the past I have had to struggle and come to terms and be okay with the things I enjoy and I think this is just one of those items I am still coming to terms with.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 6

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 7:45:59 PM

ChasingOblivion

Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline

I'm so fair-skinned and clumsy that I can hardly go out to get the mail without managing to bruise myself, so you can imagine the relatively spectacular bruises I end up with after some rough play.
I like them. Anything worth doing leaves an impact. In my case, the impact is just far more visible. My friends all know what I'm into, and they give me grief about it but it's all in fun. My family is pretty accepting of just about anything I do, but they know me well enough to not ask too many questions, especially when they really don't want to know the answers. As for strangers, let them stare. It's none of their damn business anyways.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 7

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 7:47:17 PM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline

In all honesty, my reaction to bruises I incur during play is mixed. I play hard. I know this and accept it. With hard play comes pretty indisputable evidence of such. These bruises are often massive in size, varied in color throughout, and under no circumstances fully hidden during warmer weather. I like to look and touch and remember fondly.

I do NOT like the first look after a session though. I don't know why it is, but I just cannot handle seeing the evidence of what I took, even possibly begged for. It makes me a bit sick and ashamed. It is humiliating in some ways I guess and not in the happy way. I know it probably shouldn't be like this, but it is. I have wonderful partners who understand and help me through this stage. It is after we have parted ways that they become memories and badges of honor.

I don't know if this is one of those things that will change over time or if I will always be this way. I would love to be able to be fully accepting of the marks left behind. I think it signifies that I am still having trouble coming to peace with exactly who and what I am. I never expected to be this extreme when I first came into D/s, so it is hard pill to swallow on top of just the overall self abberation that tends to accompany such a discovery, especially with a person of my background (that means a lot of things I will not go into here). It is a lot to embrace. I am working on it day by day.

lovingpet

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 8

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 7:49:51 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Hi, califsue----
I'm not really sure how I avoided it; I can't remember a time when I didn't regard sex as sacred and an act of love. It's a view that I've noticed most people don't have.
I guess a question I have for you is: what purpose does holding onto the negativistic ideas have for you? I mean, some people get 'more bang for their buck' by feeling guilty or ashamed. That doesn't seem like what you're describing. How about some intentional confrontation of the thought processes: ie: you look at a bruise and catch yourself as you're going through one of those shame-filled thought-processes, stop that thought (Or just let it filter through) and then insert a positive one.
Okay, I'm going to indulge a moment of psycho-babbling then I promise to stop: emotions lead to thoughts which lead to behaviors. Imo, emotions are automatic. You're looking at changing a thought which will ultimately influence behavior which loops back to emotions and a different positive one can be generated, which will create positive thoughts, positive behaviors, on and on.
Go get some happy bruises and enjoy!!! :>
Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 9

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 8:08:36 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

ChasingOblivion...thank you for your reply. It is good to know that you are comfortable and accepting of your bruises and damm what other think attitude. It is a great attitude to have.

(in reply to ChasingOblivion)

Post #: 10

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 8:11:10 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

lovingpet..thank you for your reply.

For me, seeing it immediately after I feel very similar to the way you described.

And the winner is: "I think it signifies that I am still having trouble coming to peace with exactly who and what I am."

I feel this is true for me as well.

Thank you for sharing.

(in reply to lovingpet)

Post #: 11

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 8:19:29 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

DavanKael...great questions and psycho-babbling. I am not sure I have the answer to your question about what I gain by holding onto to the negativistic ideas does. Not much really. I am working on what you have suggested as well as a good friend and that is replacing the shameful thought and replacing with a positive. The Dom has said we don't have to play so hard and have the bruising and I said NO...I want to be able to enjoy I just have to work through my issues. He knows of a situation many years ago where once the bruising occurred I told the Dom..that I wouldn't see him again and walked away from the lifestyle for several years. Fast forward, and currently the Dom asked 'will you walk if I bruise you?". I said I didn't think so and so the play occurred which was fantastic and now I am dealing with and recognizing this time around what it is that bothered me last time and made me walk away. I am not willing to walk away and neither do I want the Dom to NOT cause the bruising.

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 12

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 8:54:42 PM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

I love the bite marks my partner leaves all over me. I like how it feels when he bites me, but even more I like being marked by him.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 13

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/26/2009 11:46:00 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Master and I did a lot of biting and impact play with floggers and paddles when i visited him a few weeks ago. I tend to bruise easily anyway thanks to anemia but the bruises i got from that visit i loved. Most were from Master biting me; even ended up with a bruised lip lol; and a few were from him grabbing me. I was actually very upset when they started fading, i have three left fom that visit and i wish they wouldn't go away because for me their a reminder of my first visit with Master, we live in separate states and so it's extremely difficult to get together so for me their something from him that i get to take home with me.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 14

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/27/2009 8:27:28 AM

army101

Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline

After care will take the marks/bruises out a lot faster if their appearnce really bother you? Best I have found for my subs/slaves was simple Aloe Vera lotion applied gently to the impacted area. All my best to you and hope you continue on.

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

Post #: 15

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/27/2009 2:47:58 PM

NyDaddysGirl

Posts: 75
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

For me the bruises are a symbol of his power over me, reminders of him. The pain brings back memories of our time together and who and what I am to him.

It's like wearing a collar or a mark of ownership.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kitastrophe33

I love the bite marks my partner leaves all over me. I like how it feels when he bites me, but even more I like being marked by him.

Both littlewonder and kitastrophe33 summed up exactly how I feel about bruises and bite marks.

_____________________________

I have no fear of falling, I just hate hitting the ground ~ Badlees

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 16

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/27/2009 6:46:29 PM

califsue

Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline

Thank you to everyone who replied and stated why and how they feel about their bruises and bite marks.
It is wonderful to hear from NyDaddysGirl, kitastrophe33, and kuriouswitch how much they enjoy
the bruises and bite marks and the reminder of the wonderous time together.
armyone...thank you for the suggestion of the Aloe Vera. I do have some Arnica cream but
have read Vitamin K might help as well along with a few other suggestions.

(in reply to NyDaddysGirl)

Post #: 17

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/28/2009 12:50:00 AM

pdv99

Posts: 140
Joined: 3/13/2007
From: UK
Status: offline

I've been sub in a situation where we could only meet once a week - I carried my bruises home as souvenirs, reminders of the passion of the weekend to lift me through the drudgery of a week's work until we could meet again. With one exception they weren't visible to anyone at work so they were an entirely positive thing. On the one occasion a blindfold left me with two black eyes - not the Domme's fault - and the negative thing was I lied to colleagues about how I got it - I hate lying, for any reason. I've had a sub girl who bruised very easily, and often would up with marks that would show - if people asked at work how she got them she'd just say "I don't know exactly, something must have bumped it"

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 18

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/28/2009 7:52:11 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

I come at your question from the perspective of a dominant. I love seeing the marks I place on a submissive partner's body, especially when those marks are on someone that I am getting further involved with. The marks that I've left on a casual partner's body were nice in that they showed what she would take for me and were a reminder that, even if for a brief period, her body was mine. With a longer term partner, it is a reminder that I own not just the body but the person inside that body. It is a reminder of what she is willing to take for me and of the excitement she feels when I deliver well-placed, marking blows/strikes. Touching them the next day or a couple of days later and seeing a bit of a wince and then a smile is a silent sharing of what caused that bruise and, sometimes, all that lies beneath the giving and receiving of it.

But wait...there is another aspect for me. I also like to be bitten during play. For me, seeing the mark left by my submissive partner does not denote her "ownership" of me but rather of a partner who acknowledges that I own her. It denotes her excitement during our play and a desire on her part to somehow give me something that reminds me in a visible way of her excitement and of her yielding at the same time.

(in reply to califsue)

Post #: 19

RE: Impact/Biting Play and Bruising - 5/28/2009 8:09:16 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Another insight from the Dom POV...I, too, love marking my girl...I absolutely love the sight of a well welted ass, or some word or other waxburned into her skin...

she's a painslut, so also adores it. We've talked about it many times...what she takes away from it is that lovely glow and itch that comes after a good session....and it reminds her of the good time she's had in my power...

I got the impression straight away, califsue, that the issue might be some guilt - along the lines of "I shouldn't be enjoying this". Please remember, if you enjoyed it at the time, there's nothing wrong with enjoying the physical reminders later - whatever others might think.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 20

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