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Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 9:53:54 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline 		I am hoping this thread will turn into something to help people who seem to have a hard time defining their place within the community, and the actions that communicate that role.

For over a year, I have been contacted by a man who classifies himself as a sub in his vast collection profiles. Each email is a rant about this Domme, that Domme, this protocol, that expectation. Even though he changes nicks like most people change underwear, it is always easy to figure out it is the same person over and over again because of the distinct tone of his emails. A tone that has never had a hint of submissive quality indicated anywhere in the exchanges. This got me to wondering how many people there are out there that THINK they want to do one role; however, their personalities are predisposed to another, but they never realize it.

I would like for people to reply stating :
1. What role they have posted on their profile
2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.

THEN
3. What type personality they seek.
4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.

FINALLY
5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


MzKim

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 9:56:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Personality for me has nothing to do with personal relationship orientation.

How many submissives will chime in on how they are submissive in orientation but have anything but a submissive personality? Does that make them a switch? I don't think so.

As well not all dominants have a dominant personality. Some dominants are actually shy and laid back, not desiring to take the leadership roles in social situations.

Ds orientations aren't about how you ACT or whether you're a nice person or an asshole. It's simply who you are in your personal relationships.

Who here can say they haven't been told at least once "You aren't a sub/dom because you do/don't do X?"

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:03:10 AM   
LadyKim


Posts: 191
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline
quote:

1. What role they have posted on their profile


Dominant

quote:

2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.


Truly enjoy directing the activities, training, and course in relationships.
Deeply enjoy and aroused by pulling reactions from a submissive during 'play'.
Expect to be treated like a lady
LOVE the TOYS


quote:

3. What type personality they seek.


submissive

quote:

4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.


Confident, self assured, curious, adventurous, open minded, eager to serve, eager to please, respectful, and easy to get along with.

quote:


5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


Argumentative, controlling, easily annoyed, difficulty in laughing, take themselves too seriously, pushy

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:07:46 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyKim
1. What role they have posted on their profile

bi poly slave top
quote:


2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.

In my personal relationships I am fulfilled as a slave and as a top.

quote:


3. What type personality they seek.

Someone who is stable, self aware, socially aware, thirsts for knowledge, thirsts for pleasure of life, patient, and has a shy streak.
quote:


4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.

Not sure what this is asking. I expect them to show the characteristics that I listed. This is done through time together.
quote:


5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.

Inconsistency, frequent breakdowns, lack of patience.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:16:21 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Who here can say they haven't been told at least once "You aren't a sub/dom because you do/don't do X?"


Oh my....if I only had a quarter for every time I have heard that, I would be retired and living in that beach house in Hawaii by now!!!!!! I have to agree with LA, how one acts outside of a personal relationship has no bearing on their orientation. In a work setting, I am no pushover and generally run the show. In a social setting, I am an outgoing social butterfly who in lifestyle circles could be easily confused for a Domme by those who do not know me. In a relationship, those in my life who I have committed to, see who I am at my core. Sometimes self confidence and self assuredness or assertiveness are characteristics that are misunderstood as being Dominant traits, but I can assure you that Dominants do not have that market cornered.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:19:48 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, guess it's time to really come out of the closet on this one.

My profile says i'm a submissive.... i'm not a Dom. But I do so live the more dominant life being a single mother for the past 10 years.

I'm argumentative... I like a good debate. I don't always have to win.. but it's fun to be able to match wits with someone, different people, on all different types of subjects.

I can be easily annoyed.. depends on who's pushing my buttons at the time.

It doesn't mean they're red flags that i'm faking being a submissive. It just means I'm more of a challenge to some.

What do I look for in others?....... to be themselves....

Personality I seek?........ an honest one... one that knows where they stand... and if they don't know exactly... be honest about it.

To many different answers to these types of questions. Because we see in one... what we want.. and yet we see something else... in another.. sometimes we just wish we can combine the mulitude.. and have the perfect one... but we can't... so we look for flaws.. and shy away faster. Let me refraze that... some do this... not all.

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:32:22 AM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyKim

I would like for people to reply stating :
1. What role they have posted on their profile


Submissive
quote:


2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.


The way I become in the presence of one man
quote:


3. What type personality they seek.


Intellegent, outgoing, extroverted, passionate about life

quote:


4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.

Strength of moral character, Has life together, Knows what he wants, Knowledgeable about world events
quote:



5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.

Metrosexual tendancies, making excuses, inability to manage time, money, life, activities, etc.


(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:34:11 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline 		I know who that is! Seriously, I bet it's the same guy (from Atlanta area) who has gotten kicked off a few local Yahoo groups...same guy who constantly sends me messages that are not very amusing.

We've met him a few times at local events. Same attitude in person.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:43:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Metrosexual tendancies

Que? How does someone caring about their fashion/nails/hair (which usually accompanies having a lot of time and money in life), drinking frou-frou drinks, and not being stereotypically masculine equate to lack of character/bad personality?

I can understand if a metrosexual in a TURN OFF for you, but I don't understand how you equate it with being fake or red flags?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:43:22 AM   
Elegant


Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline
quote:


1. What role they have posted on their profile


Owned slave


quote:


2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.

I am a slave with a dominant personality. I need his control and I wish to serve him



quote:


3. What type personality they seek.


I seek friends who are open-minded, honest and with a desire to learn. Power orientation is not a major determination. If someone wishes to join our family then the parameters are similiar.


quote:


4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type

For any personality type I expect politeness, desire to learn about themselves and others and honesty.


quote:


5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


It's hard to determine reality just from a profile.

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to Elegant)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 10:46:10 AM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

1. What role they have posted on their profile


Need to change that from Switch to Sadomasochistic Dominant

quote:

2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.


I dont sub. I bottom. When I serve someone it is because I wanted to make them happy, or help finish something faster. I've realized though, for the most part, I am in control of the situation, and tend to grapple for control when I am not.

quote:

3. What type personality they seek


Any. Not looking for a relationship, just looking for friends. Although I hope to garner a Mentor in a local Dominant.

quote:

4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.


Just that whoever they are and I work well together. The Mentor I hope has lots of practical S&M experience, and not expecting me to be his/her sub, cause that ain't gonna happen. I would be there to learn, not to serve.

quote:

5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


Someone who tries to control me. Someone who is in it just to see if I will have sex with them. These type of people I am not looking for.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to mistoferin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 11:08:17 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

1. What role they have posted on their profile


Dominant

quote:

2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.


Put me with a team of people and I'm usualy the one they turn to looking to settle disputes or to get things moving if there is some task or problem to overcome. I like who I am, am comfortable being me and don't need approval of the 'pack' in order to continue being me. I stick to my own ethics which include being honest and truthful even if it isn't the easiest course of action. I stick to my word, I am consistant, people rely on me doing what I say I would do. I have high expectations of others.... but higher expectations of myself. I enjoy having that control of others, but I NEED that control of myself! Communicate well. Know when to compromise and when to stand my ground... and have a warped sense of humour

OK the last one isn't maybe necessary, but it helps

quote:

3. What type personality they seek.


Female submissive

quote:

4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.


Common sense, realism, a knowledge of who they are and what they want... those count on both sides of the equasion.

Careing, polite, considerate, know they need to submit and are clear about looking for the person or people that can give the trust and security to do so. lively, easy to get along with.

quote:

5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


"Master I have no limits only those you give me" within five minutes of meeting them for the first time. Red flag to indicate a person too enamoured of the fantasy and more than likely incapable of handling the reality.

Inconsistant, Lack of self control, uncommunicative, unintelligent

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 12:29:28 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Metrosexual tendancies

Que? How does someone caring about their fashion/nails/hair (which usually accompanies having a lot of time and money in life), drinking frou-frou drinks, and not being stereotypically masculine equate to lack of character/bad personality?

I can understand if a metrosexual in a TURN OFF for you, but I don't understand how you equate it with being fake or red flags?



Hmmm......I believe the question was "What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it". That is a big difference from equating it to a lack of character/bad personality.

I find most metrosexuals to be not dominant at all, despite what they claim. It is not a "lack of character or bad personality", just not what *I* expect as a dominant indicator. And the question was about what personality indicators give me a hint the person is not what he claims to be.

Most metrosexuals, IMHO, are no different from anyone else, as far as lack of character/bad personality. Alas...that was not the question asked.

Perhaps there are some dominant metrosexuals on this board that would like to disagree.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 12:31:09 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119
Perhaps there are some dominant metrosexuals on this board that would like to disagree.

Definitely has not been my experience.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 12:47:36 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Nor mine. I lo-ove a dominant metrosexual and I can think of a few. I also know some very "masculine" submissive men. I don't see that as a red flag or a sign of being "fake."

To me red flags are things like inconsistency, overly emotional (in a hysterical whiny way or an aggressive he-man way), closed off, unwilling to communicate, unrealistic, etc. Even these do not mean the person is fake -- just not what I am seeking.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 12:55:17 PM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

1. What role they have posted on their profile


Male submissive.

quote:

2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.


I am a male, and I frequently have sexual fantasies that involve my (erotic, although not necessarily sexual) submission to a dominant female partner.

I have enjoyed topping women as well, but that's not the primary component of my sexuality. I don't think I'd have any integrity if I said because of a few enjoyable experiences with topping that I'm a switch.

I make no claim at being socially, relationally, or sexually *dominant*, but I am not in any way happy with the label "submissive", either. It implies too much that simply isn't true for me. Truth be told, I do not believe the idea of relational female dominance (outside the bedroom) is right for me. I believe in a climate of mutual respect and negotiation and communication and service to the *relationship*, not to one partner's needs exclusively at the expense of the other. I enjoy pleasing my partner and get great satisfaction from that, but 24/7 or domestic "servitude" just isn't something I'm capable of offering. I'm sure some will label me a "fake" because of that. Whatever.

quote:

THEN
3. What type personality they seek.


Female human being. Intelligent, adventurous, kind, sane, creative, communicative, one who is comfortable with my sexual identity, and compatible with it, and relates to me in all the usual, healthy vanilla ways.

I have "female dominant" specified on the profile, however... But if there was a choice for "open-minded female who despises being labeled and painted into a box based on others' preconceptions", I would choose that.

quote:

4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.


See answer to #3.

quote:

FINALLY
5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


I don't get too wrapped up in real vs. fake.

When surfing profiles, I just have an intuitive sense for whether the person might be a good match for me or not. Generally, I'm looking for a thoughtful, well-written, moderate-to-lengthy profile, and a realistic photo. That said, I'm sure I've taken the bait and responded to a fake profile or two. I wrote one of these "too good to be true" women last night, as a matter of fact. I don't expect a reply, but the potential rewards are too great to not risk doing something foolish every once in a while.

If the woman is disrespectful, or rude, or assumes by default that she has earned my submission to her demands, or refuses to talk off-line or meet real-time, those are red flags to me.

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 1:33:25 PM   
NeedToUseYou


Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
Status: offline
quote:


I would like for people to reply stating :
1. What role they have posted on their profile
2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.

THEN
3. What type personality they seek.
4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.

FINALLY
5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


MzKim




1 Dominant

2 In real life I've always, been very much the against the grain type. That doesn't mean I'm an asshole. It just means I generally do what I feel is right, regardless of the consequences. I've nearly been fired over such things,but have gotten into it with VP's etc..., always a good worker though so they couldn't fire me:) until I just decided I can only reconcile with being my own boss. As far as BDSM dominance, well, I always have to be the important decision maker, or at least approve it. I'm not arrogant or cocky, but trust my own judgement moreso than anyone elses. Sexwise, well, I'm more aggresive, not really in a physical sense, but more in it's really not worth denying me, I can make things quite uncomfortable if I'm not happy, and pleasant if I am. Happy for a partner means I need to be happy, or else you will be miserable. I don't forbid physical force, but hopefully that wouldn't even be necessary outside of fun.

3 I seek a pleaser, a person that would get gratification from pleasing me, as I only enjoy pleasing another when I get what I want. A person that doesn't mind the fact that I'm in my own world, and enjoys exploring it with me.

4 Meekness, interest in me and what I'm about. A desire to work with me, and not seperately, to get to the best place possible for us.

5 Bitchiness, Loud, obnoxious, I oriented, whiny.

Really what I'm looking for is about 70% non-bdsm and the rest is related. It's just alot of what I'm looking for is more common in BDSM sub women than the normal population. I don't have any particular niche, as in I like doing this or this specifically. Just dominating in general gets me going.

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 1:39:45 PM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline
quote:

I would like for people to reply stating :
1. What role they have posted on their profile
2. What attributes they have that lead them to believe they are dom, switch, or sub.

THEN
3. What type personality they seek.
4. What personality characteristics you expect a potential partner to display to show they are that personality type.

FINALLY
5. What personality indicators are red flags that the person really is not what he/she claims and merely trying to fake it.


1. i am posted as submissive yet i vary back and forth from slave.

2. Erm, the fact that i have always seeked out Dominant men usually having no interest in them if they are not. Liking control. and i've been dominant. It usually leaves me cold, unfeeling, and calculating. While being at His feet, his mercy, restrained usually leaves me turned on, cozy and content. Other then that, i dont really know. Its just the direction i sought (submissive), a direction i've fought, and a direction i have constantly re evaluated wondering it if really is the RIGHT direction for me.

3. i seek those with a lot of life experiences. That are generally alot like me - but more.

4. Dominance, control, knowledge, strength of will. Those that take no BS

5. i constantly test amoung other things to seek out the truth.. When i start to walk all over them. Start to take the control, when my will is stronger then theirs, my mind quicker then theirs. i usually let it play out, just incase i am mistaken, but when i start to run the show is when i know this person isnt for me. The interest in them starts wanning when i they start failing the little tests and stops completely when i run the show.

Little things like making small direct commands and then watching to see how well they go over. Told one so called Dominant once to "turn around" and when he stated we would be eating at so and so. i simply said "no, we're going to eat here" Then i teased him and made fun of him. Still had a nice lunch.

Comes from searching for 7 years for one that was dominant enough to dominant me. As i tend to be very strong willed and can be dominant in my own right.

A man i would be interested in, would not bend to my will. Which is why i am with a man who does not. No matter how many times i test or how close i think i am to bending Him to my will.

The sum of a test is not the answer you get, but average of all the answers you get.

(in reply to LadyKim)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dominant, switch, or sub? - 2/8/2006 1:45:55 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry needtouse... need to borrow your reply to get to Riot...


RIOT... damn hurry and get over punishment... I hate having to wait to see your reponses.. LOL

_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to NeedToUseYou)
Profile   Post #: 19
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