Submissive or Switch? (Full Version)

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IncubusInChains -> Submissive or Switch? (5/27/2009 5:33:55 PM)

I have to admit that, as of late, I keep watching these videos and reading these articles on Mistresses and Dominatrixes, and at times, I think, "I want to do that."  As a feminist, there was a time in which I heavily resisted my submissive tendencies.  I couldn't believe that I could be an empowered woman and a begging submissive at the same time.  However, after learning more about the lifestyle and doing a lot of soul searching, I finally began to accept the submissive inside of me.  Now that I have gotten in touch with that side and begun experimenting with it, I also begin to question whether or not I may be a switch.  I have tried dominating before.  Sometimes, it was weird and I felt out of place, other times it was fun and I was very curious to see how well I was doing.  I don't know if the feeling of awkwardness came because I really had no training and no experience as a top/dominant, or if it was my submissive side saying to me, "Smarten up - this isn't you."  At times, I believe it's the latter, but as I roll the idea around on my tongue more and more, I become more curious.  I must say that the vision of a woman in power, a woman in charge, clad in beautiful lingerie or whatever her choice of outfit may be, is incredibly awe-inspiring to me.  But, again, I don't know if that is me wishing I could be one of those women in the heels with the flogger, or if that is a part of me actually trying to come out.  Does anyone have any advice or any personal experiences that they can share with me that may help me out?



lovingpet -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (5/27/2009 7:34:54 PM)

Why is it always a choice?  I don't mean this at all snarky.  I just don't know why it is that a person isn't still a submissive just because they happen to have another aspect to their personality.  I don't see it as somehow dilluting the submission within.  My submission and submissive nature is without question to those who have discovered it.  My dominance is also without question by those who have experienced it.  Why, oh why, do we let people tell us we are less than exactly who we are?

lovingpet



GeekFreak -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (5/27/2009 7:57:40 PM)

I think most people should only classify themselves as a way for others to more easily understand their general tendencies. However, dominant, submissve, and switch are really such vague categorizations that they only give people a slight hint at who you are. I'm sure you've seen so many "He's not a real dom" or "she's not a real sub", that's because neither are fricking real to begin with...just general words with little meaning. :P If you need some reason to define yourself to others now, as you find yourself learning more, use more words to describe yourself -- such as you've done here. However, if it is only for yourself you ask....who cares...you are you. :P You are far more complex than you or anyone else will ever be able to classify with any amount of words. If you think you may enjoy something...try and see...you've done it many other times in your life (beer and cigs maybe an example). Anyone who takes you as "any less of a sub" or something of that sort, because you explore such interests would be a dumb dumb...because you being a sub meant so very little to begin with, and you being uniquely you had so much more to do with how you would interact with future partners.

Oh...I just started rambling...I barely remember what you asked now! I still vote that I'm more coherent than 90% of what is typed on here anyway, though. :P



allisonludwig -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (6/1/2009 9:17:33 AM)

I agree about not worrying about the labels. If you explore this further and realize you get off on tormenting, dominating others, go for it and enjoy it. It could be gender based, too. I can't imagine dominating a man, but I've been fantasizing more and more about dominating/topping other women.

It sounds like some more "practice" lol could help you to build your confidence and allow you to enjoy it, realize that you like the idea of a sexy lady in lingerie controlling you, or both. again, I say don't worry about being truly submissive or not being submissive enough to your partner, and enjoy the play and have fun.



DavanKael -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (6/1/2009 11:42:40 AM)

Feminism isn't about (Insert stereotypical concept of your choosing), it's about having a choice.  Perhaps when you're able to let go of the preconceptions about feminism and being an empowered woman, you'll allow yourself to be more fully you.  :>
  Davan



FetishHound -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/6/2009 5:13:26 PM)

I really hate titles for myself.I don't consider myself anything but a man who enjoys fetishes.I love having a lady smack my ass as much as I love smacking her ass and so many naughty thing.



BelleMajia -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/6/2009 5:24:11 PM)

While I can switch with my current primary partner just fine, there are some people I am dominant to and other people I am submissive to.

For me, its the chemistry in the individual relationship.

It feels weird to top someone I feel submissive to, and laughable to submit to someone I feel dominant to.



QuirkyAnne -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/6/2009 7:12:49 PM)

quote:

Why, oh why, do we let people tell us we are less than exactly who we are?


[sm=goodpost.gif]

Anne



Elisabella -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/7/2009 5:18:24 PM)

Hey Incubus,

I have a few thoughts on this - firstly it could just be an attraction thing. I don't consider myself lesbian or bi, but I have a strong attraction to a certain type of woman (the 'Tank Girl' kind of girl - shaved or partially shaved head, tattoos and piercings, combat boots, tight shirt and big pants) and I remember when I was younger I was unable to differentiate between "I find this attractive" and "I want to be like this" so when I went through a phase of trying to be tough and butch it failed miserably. So consider that it could just be that you find that type of woman attractive.

Also consider that if you 'failed' at dominating before, it could have been that you were trying to *imitate* a certain style of domination rather than let your own personality show. I consider myself a switch, and I used to do pro-domme work in the past, and I can say that whenever I did the "grovel before me bitch" type of domination I always felt like I was just playing a role. I have my own style of domination (it's softer, more privileged, I don't raise my voice and insult because I *know* I deserve to be catered to, I *know* my orders carry weight, and I like to be fun and giggle while I do it) and the way I do it isn't the stereotypical latexed stiletto'd Uber Domme, but it does flow naturally from my personality.

I can't answer for you whether you're a switch or a sub, but I will say don't force it. I would focus on your fantasies - if you have fantasies of being dominant, what are they? Are you a Queen who was born to have people serve you? Are you a conquering warrior woman who can beat a man in combat? Are you a femme fatale who can make men crawl to you and beg to be allowed to remain in your presence? If you make yourself more aware of your domination style (if you have one) you'll find it easier to try to turn that domination into a real life scene or relationship.

Good luck!



FetishHound -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/8/2009 1:12:30 PM)

I think I'm evolving.Years ago I would have said I was a complete bottom.I say bottom because I always got off on having a woman into humiliating me or spanking me in the bedroom but I'm not submissive.I don't like anyone to tell me what to do.I like things my way.I soon found later on that I got off tying woman up.Spanking their ass was fun for me.Love pissing on women.After being hurt in a relationship I find myself wanting to have a woman that would be submissive to me.I love the thought of her on her knees.



blackpearl81 -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/8/2009 5:06:02 PM)

 I don't know how definitive it would be, but several months ago I was speaking with someone from here, and during our conversation(s), she asked me some very good questions that kinda gave me a desire to explore this part of myself. I don't know if I'd neccesarily identify myself as a "switch" yet, but it is definitely intriguing.



johndafreak -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/19/2009 12:34:34 AM)

quote:

Now that I have gotten in touch with that side and begun experimenting with it, I also begin to question whether or not I may be a switch. I have tried dominating before. Sometimes, it was weird and I felt out of place, other times it was fun and I was very curious to see how well I was doing. I don't know if the feeling of awkwardness came because I really had no training and no experience as a top/dominant, or if it was my submissive side saying to me, "Smarten up - this isn't you." At times, I believe it's the latter, but as I roll the idea around on my tongue more and more, I become more curious


explore more!
Perhaps these feelings you have now will become fond memories of exciting times. Becouse that's what za happ'n fo you right now and it's a beautiful thing. Like a good road trip, half the fun is getting there.

Now personally I don't like to do labels. ( labia, anytime:p)
I think a simple metaphor might help the understanding here.
Supposedly, god paraded the animals before adam and then he gave them names, So first was the experience of the beast and then the label.
Or there is the one about the zen master asking the student if the glass of water is half empty or half full and the student just picked up the glass and drank it.




Level -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/19/2009 4:28:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Hey Incubus,

I have a few thoughts on this - firstly it could just be an attraction thing. I don't consider myself lesbian or bi, but I have a strong attraction to a certain type of woman (the 'Tank Girl' kind of girl - shaved or partially shaved head, tattoos and piercings, combat boots, tight shirt and big pants) and I remember when I was younger I was unable to differentiate between "I find this attractive" and "I want to be like this" so when I went through a phase of trying to be tough and butch it failed miserably. So consider that it could just be that you find that type of woman attractive.

Also consider that if you 'failed' at dominating before, it could have been that you were trying to *imitate* a certain style of domination rather than let your own personality show. I consider myself a switch, and I used to do pro-domme work in the past, and I can say that whenever I did the "grovel before me bitch" type of domination I always felt like I was just playing a role. I have my own style of domination (it's softer, more privileged, I don't raise my voice and insult because I *know* I deserve to be catered to, I *know* my orders carry weight, and I like to be fun and giggle while I do it) and the way I do it isn't the stereotypical latexed stiletto'd Uber Domme, but it does flow naturally from my personality.

I can't answer for you whether you're a switch or a sub, but I will say don't force it. I would focus on your fantasies - if you have fantasies of being dominant, what are they? Are you a Queen who was born to have people serve you? Are you a conquering warrior woman who can beat a man in combat? Are you a femme fatale who can make men crawl to you and beg to be allowed to remain in your presence? If you make yourself more aware of your domination style (if you have one) you'll find it easier to try to turn that domination into a real life scene or relationship.

Good luck!


Well said (and great new avatar pic).



KCpower -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/20/2009 5:37:57 PM)

it is like watching a sitcom...good guy...bad guy...why...why not...blonde brunette?  The answer is never easy, but the reward is always great....switch?  Hell no...OK maybe??



KingCrazyEyes -> RE: Submissive or Switch? (12/20/2009 9:50:49 PM)

I've got myself listed as switch because I'm not entirely sure if I wanna be a dom or slave. In otherwords, I'm very new to all of this.



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