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Love? - 5/27/2009 7:43:31 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		Ok so I'm a new sub and I'm not sure what's normal. Is it normal for subs and Domme's to fall in love in such a short period of time? Is it normal to be conflicted about any feelings of love?  I'm reading around the forums here and a lot of people are alluding to subs feeling love only because they have submitted.   I feel like I'm on a talk show, lol.

Tyra is is normal for my Dom to force feed me cake?  Cause see....

-Mag


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West


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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 7:46:29 PM   
AngelGeena


Posts: 1324
Joined: 10/17/2008
Status: offline 		As with any relationship, normal varies from one person to another.  I think far too many people try to define themselves because they "affiliate" with a particular lifestyle different from the norm.  I wouldn't dive in too far without taking a real look at things, as I would, again, with any relationship.

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Owned heart and soul, bound to MZ forever.

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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 7:46:59 PM   
aphotic


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/17/2009
Status: offline 		Desire will make people do and say strange things. Love is love...who knows what is normal and real?

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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 8:07:59 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

Ok so I'm a new sub and I'm not sure what's normal. Is it normal for subs and Domme's to fall in love in such a short period of time? Is it normal to be conflicted about any feelings of love?  I'm reading around the forums here and a lot of people are alluding to subs feeling love only because they have submitted.   I feel like I'm on a talk show, lol.

Tyra is is normal for my Dom to force feed me cake?  Cause see....

-Mag



In my case, I fell in love before any submission on my part - it's just how it happened.  Going forward, if I were to ever be with another, if I could plan it, I would submit first and (hopefully) love would follow.  What I would be concerned about (for me - I'm sure others can handle themselves quite nicely) would be thinking that my forcing myself to reveal completely to him was the same thing as love.  And maybe it is.

I don't know.  My head hurts.


_____________________________

"Silly bitch."

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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 8:35:42 PM   
MMagic


Posts: 183
Joined: 2/9/2009
Status: offline 		First let me say if those are your boobs in the picture they are gorgeous. I am not bi-sexual and I say that with no sexual connotations AT all.  I just want boobs like that WITHOUT surgery.

Anyway, I get what you mean and my head is already hurting.  I'm not sure were the submission ends and loves begins and vice versa, but I am starting to realize SOME things in wandering the forums.  Or at least I'm realizing it for me.  I don't think I could submit to anyone without loving them in some manner.  And I truly do love all people. I can find the one little perfection about any person and fall in love with that.  Not madly mind you, but the spark is always there.  Does it grow into full fledged I wanna tear your clothes off desire? No, not all the time.  But it is love, I know that much.  But love with submission...yeah I think I'm in trouble here, lol.  AND I'm rambling

<passes Delphinus the pain killers>

-Mag


_____________________________

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before. -Mae West



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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 8:47:26 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline 		Why, thank you. 

"They're real, and they're spectacular."

Anybody?  ....I should repost on the humor thread.  I guess my boobs are sort of off topic.  Let me write something else to make this legit.

I do think I could submit without loving.  I used to not think so, but...they don't necessarily have to be one and the same for me.  But I would want them to ultimately be one and the same.  So if I found that I just didn't love the man I was with, the whole thing would eventually come to an end.  But I don't think it has to start that way.  That would be a lot to expect, I think. 






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"Silly bitch."

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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 9:29:52 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Hi, Mag----
For me, it's pretty natural to want to submit to someone I am developing a close relationship with to a degree.  The amount of doing so runs rather close to the amount of feelings I have for a person. 
Congratulations on having good things to contemplate; continued joy to you!  :> 
  Davan

Delphinus--Yes, I think I know where you got that quote: Samantha, "Sex and the City", right?  You go!!!  :> 

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 9:34:39 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DavanKael

Delphinus--Yes, I think I know where you got that quote: Samantha, "Sex and the City", right?  You go!!!  :> 


Nope. (Though it certainly sounds like her.)


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"Silly bitch."

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RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 9:39:27 PM   
aphotic


Posts: 119
Joined: 5/17/2009
Status: offline 		That quote was from Teri Hatcher (sp?) when she was Jerry's gf on Seinfeld.

-"They're real, and they're spectacular"

(in reply to Delphinus)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 9:41:17 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Aah, thanks for the correction, folks!  :> 
  Davan

_____________________________

May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
-Leadership527,Jeff

(in reply to aphotic)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Love? - 5/27/2009 10:17:13 PM   
housemouseinoz


Posts: 83
Joined: 2/3/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MMagic

Ok so I'm a new sub and I'm not sure what's normal. Is it normal for subs and Domme's to fall in love in such a short period of time? Is it normal to be conflicted about any feelings of love?  I'm reading around the forums here and a lot of people are alluding to subs feeling love only because they have submitted.   I feel like I'm on a talk show, lol.

Tyra is is normal for my Dom to force feed me cake?  Cause see....

-Mag



For me personally, i love the one i submit to, i do not believe i could submit if i were not in love, but then i'm speaking of 24/7 (it's all i know) 

I don't think love has a time frame where it should or could or may happen, sometimes it happens in a short time, sometimes it takes longer and sometimes never at all. If your relationship brings you both peronal happiness, then it's working for you and that's all that matters.

Mine makes me blissfully happy, to submit to Him makes me get those warm fuzzy feelings  I had the same confusion when i entered this D/s relationship, i read so much, i wondered and was confused, was love allowed? In the end, yes of course, because it is Our relationship and it can be anything We wish it to be

_____________________________

Guide me into a brand new day
In Your eyes You know i've found my place

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 12:00:23 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		For me personally, I tend to start developing D/s feelings faster than I fall in love/come to love someone. However, if I don't love them, and they don't love me, it's going to have a negative impact on the relationship after a couple of months or so. Some people develop feelings faster than others, but I'd be a little suspicious of someone claiming to love me after we'd only met 3 or 4 times, while we might already be starting to develop D/s chemistry and interaction at that point.


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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 3:52:46 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		I don't think there is a pat answer, it depends on the people involved--there is a danger of mixing "hero worship" for "love"----so one does need to be aware of the normal personal warning signs--and never forget no one is perfect. Good Luck!

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I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 3:59:05 AM   
Zechriel


Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline 		Good morning!
You also have to remember that not all people's definitions of love are the same. Daddy and I started out loving each other, saying it to each other. Then as the relationship got on and more involved, he panicked. Fear of loosing his personal  space, his habits as bachelor, fear of being vulnerable again. So he backed off a bit. He doesn't sign "love you" or anything anymore. maybe just "hugs". MY feelings have not changed cause I know what level of love I feel for him but to him, I think it is all one level. just LOVE.

He said he still cares, still has feelings for me, still babies me, and  on some little level he does love me, but he has to realize that it is okay to say love and be loved and love me. His divorce and past relationship just messed up his love barometer so badly...you know? He right out told me "I don't  really know what that means" when I asked him if he loved me anymore. Soooo I give him time, I let him figure it out for himself. I think one day he will come back around to saying it. Cause it is there. And like i told him, it is okay if you do not love me the same way I love you. I GET it, they messed you up that way. He just has to come to it on his terms. AndI have to be devoted and faaithful and loving to him while he does. So keep that in mind, it may mean something to him and another to you and you have to see if that is okay. Good luck!

Love,
Zechriel


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Sir HighlanderME's little z

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 4:16:11 AM   
oceanwinds


Posts: 530
Status: offline 		Hello
In the beginning i was smitten and at awe that i could feel such strong emotions to another guy again. Wasnt in any way or form seeking any type of relationship after hubby died. Respect for Him was easy, he did what he said and his persona was one that i would choose for a friend. I went through what i refer to as the Rose-colored- glass period. When those glasses got taken off with real life taking presidence, things changed. What i called love then, turned into a stronger love now. Trust was being built and becoming more solid each day, even during complex times. I have seen how he responds to tough times, as he did me.  I respect him more as well and have a love of deep friendship. A person who i choose to be a friend too as well as a submissive built only on the reality of who we are and what is in the present moment of time to offer.



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I know where I came from and where I am today. I am forever grateful to all that touched my life. Thank you all and especially you, Goddess.

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 4:44:07 AM   
HisSweetM


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline 		When I started putting my toe into the bdsm pool as it were over in my early 30's (OMG that's 15 years ago!) I met with a few Doms who started me on my path.  I never felt "love" for them but instead more of a respect and a strong desire to please.    When I met Sir, it started out casually but it wasn't long before I realized the feelings I was having were different.  While I do enjoy physical pain, as my heart has been broken more times than I care to think about I have always tried to build a neat brick wall around it to protect it.  He saw that and told me that in order for me to give myself completley I would have to take down that wall and trust him.  This came in the form of various tasks and tests.  It was very hard but once I did let go, it was like he had given me a gift...and that is when I realized I loved him.  With that said, he musta have had the same kind of feelings as we have been together 14 years (married for the last 6).  I know that I am very lucky that he has the same feelings for me as well as the desire to protect and value me.  I hope everyone here finds the same thing ~M 

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 6:54:46 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		@OP

I'm not sure that what my wife and I do is dominance and submission exactly... but whatever it is, I cannot imagine bossing some woman around that I didn't love... I can't for the life of me see why it'd be worth the effort. I know she could not obey someone she didn't love. For us, the authority dynamic between us is yet another way that our love expresses itself -- as I said, not particularly bdsm-ey.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 8:47:37 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		I could not submit without as least liking someone, love at first never enterened into the equation. Then i met Master and everything changed. He told me he loved me even before we met, he was the one who said it first, now i an head over heelsin love with him and he with me. Submitting with love is so much better then submitting in like. Love did not make me less sub or him less Dom, but just made it so much better.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 9:44:30 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		i love Sir.  i could never submit to Someone i didn't love.  If i did, i would just feel used & not in that good way. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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RE: Love? - 5/28/2009 10:01:56 AM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		I tend to fall in love too quickly... I can be madly in love after only knowing someone a couple weeks. I try be careful though, as it has led to heartbreak in the past. Being in a submissive mindset leaves me emotionally open and sensitive, so I'm much more likely to fall for someone that way.



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