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fragiledesires -> please (5/29/2009 4:36:23 AM)
this one wonders what happens when you train as a slave ,then for whatever reasons he is no longer there,hes gone ,the one that managed evry aspect of your life ,is gone .I had that happened ,only thing that saved my sanity was it was very early in the relingship ,but even so i found it hard to take back the control i had so recently surrendered.my god what must happoen to those tha have been so managed for years,how can you take precautions not to be left as befret as they must be .......thank you in advance for any replies

DarkSteven -> RE: please (5/29/2009 5:49:45 AM)
My condolences. You grieve, you pick yourself up, and you trudge on. Chocolate and ice cream are optional.

Cdub2U -> RE: please (5/29/2009 6:14:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven My condolences. You grieve, you pick yourself up, and you trudge on. Chocolate and ice cream are optional. Just what he said. When life knocks you down, get up off your butt and keep going! The alternative is not very pleasant...

RedMagic1 -> RE: please (5/29/2009 6:18:31 AM)
This happens in vanilla, too. When couples have been married 50 or more years, and one dies, the other often dies soon after. It's a "there's no purpose for my life anymore" thing. So, to answer your question, you need a life purpose, other than serving him. What is important to you? Or, what was important to you, before you gave him everything? Please try to answer those questions.

DesFIP -> RE: please (5/29/2009 8:49:27 AM)
What did you used to do for fun? Write them down and start doing them. Call the friends you haven't seen because you've been wrapped up in him. Apologise for abandoning them and ask if they want to meet for coffee, have a girls night out, go to the movies. Volunteer at an animal shelter socializing pets. Take that class on advanced knitting you never got around to. But accept the fact that grief is hard and you will need to cut yourself some slack. Have a couple of weepy movies around to start off the waterworks and get it over with for the night. Have some emergency chocolate. Go work out.

janiebelle -> RE: please (5/29/2009 10:51:36 AM)
Fragiledesires, first, please accept my heartfelt condolences. I know exactly how hard it is to try to pick up the pieces and make sense of the puzzle. It's an eye opener as to how much the life of the boss isn't all fun and games, to be sure. But take heart in the fact that he chose you for your character, and you should honor him by using that character to do as he would want. Take the memories that are still fresh from his instruction and use those as a guide. Where that leaves gaps, you will need to remember your capabilities from before your submission. It will get easier, and harder, and then easier again. And contrary to what DarkSteven said, ice cream and chocolate are not optional. Chocolate ice cream, maybe? janie

Rainfire -> RE: please (5/29/2009 11:03:20 AM)
fragiledesires, what I've done in the past is remember that I am strong as a woman, even without a Master. It takes strength to submit and strength to go on. There is a line said in the children's movie The Land Before Time where the wise old dinosaur tells Little Foot (the main character) "this too shall pass, little one, this too shall pass." I tend to spoil myself, let myself do as I feel for a bit like sleep later or take naps if I feel like it, eat some of my favourite foods that maybe I haven't had in awhile like sushi or dessert, watch my favourite movies (The Ghost and Mrs. Muir is great for helping me cry and let out feelings) or maybe get something like a massage or pedicure. And keep reminding myself that this isn't the end of the world and go spoil the snot outta my cats. I really find something else to focus on rather than just replaying the situation over and over in my mind. Find something that YOU like doing on your own and DO IT! Don't feel bad about taking care of yourself, it's your turn now. {{{hugs}}} Feel free to cmail me if you want...

oceanwinds -> RE: please (5/29/2009 11:25:44 AM)
Hello fragiledesires Gentle hugs to you. This is a hard time for you and one i experienced after a long term marriage ending in death. Just try to focus daily maybe using a chore list to get you focus. I asked a lot time what would hubby do, and that helped me to focus more. I also relied on a jar of peanut butter and chocolate to help me get through the day:) Chocolate syrup is sooo good!!

littlewonder -> RE: please (5/29/2009 3:16:30 PM)
How do you protect yourself? Lock yourself away and never ever involve yourself with another human being ever. Seriously, it's the only way. Otherwise everytime you interact with another there's the possibility of disappointment and hurt. You can lessen the affects though by keeping your heart open but your eyes wide open and not letting your lust get the better of you.

ChasingOblivion -> RE: please (5/29/2009 8:27:37 PM)
It'll hurt like all hell for a while yet, but it will get easier. Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to. Big hugs to you!!! -Sarah

DavanKael -> RE: please (5/29/2009 9:10:34 PM)
My mantra in trying times becomes: I walk on, when I can not walk, I will crawl, when I am able, I will walk again. Waiting is. Davan

AngelGeena -> RE: please (5/29/2009 9:17:35 PM)
my best to you as you allow the healing process to begin and forge forward with your life. I truly love this place and seeing how wonderfully caring and giving so many are. Hugs to all.

peppermint -> RE: please (5/29/2009 11:40:16 PM)
You do the same things anyone who has been a relationship where there was trust and/or interdependance would do. You mourn for a time. Then you pull up your boot straps, decide what you need to do in order to get your own life back on a even keel, and then you do what you need to do. I took my own advice when my husband passed away after 27 years of marriage so I know something about it. Doesn't matter if it's a D/s, M/s, or vanilla relationship. A D/s or M/s relationship is not stronger or more intense or anything more including hurtful when it ends just because of the dynamics of BDSM.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: please (5/31/2009 10:05:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: fragiledesires this one wonders what happens when you train as a slave ,then for whatever reasons he is no longer there,hes gone ,the one that managed evry aspect of your life ,is gone .I had that happened ,only thing that saved my sanity was it was very early in the relingship ,but even so i found it hard to take back the control i had so recently surrendered.my god what must happoen to those tha have been so managed for years,how can you take precautions not to be left as befret as they must be .......thank you in advance for any replies Remember that when you are no longer owned by another, ownership of of you reverts back to yourself. Be the best owner for you, that you can. Treat yourself well. Take care of yourself! Be a loving, sweet, attentive owner to yourself. Be the kind of owner you wish to attract. You are owned, and loved by YOU! Rejoice! Enjoy this time! You own a fabulous, amazing person!

xxblushesxx -> RE: please (5/31/2009 10:09:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven My condolences. You grieve, you pick yourself up, and you trudge on. Agreed. quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Chocolate and ice cream are optional. Blasphemy! They are imperative!!!

colouredin -> RE: please (5/31/2009 10:46:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Chocolate and ice cream are optional. Blasphemy! They are imperative!!! AND chick flicks lots of chick flicks preferably with hugh grant in them but that may just be me

KatyLied -> RE: please (5/31/2009 11:05:59 AM)
You grieve the relationship. While in the relationship you take steps to maintain your life so that you are not lost when left alone.

AngelGeena -> RE: please (5/31/2009 11:30:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming Remember that when you are no longer owned by another, ownership of of you reverts back to yourself. Be the best owner for you, that you can. Treat yourself well. Take care of yourself! Be a loving, sweet, attentive owner to yourself. Be the kind of owner you wish to attract. You are owned, and loved by YOU! Rejoice! Enjoy this time! You own a fabulous, amazing person! This is amazing...thank you for sharing it. This has inspired me to look at myself and rethink things. Being "unowned" can sometimes get me down, but this puts things in a new perspective. [sm=yourock.gif]

dreamerdreaming -> RE: please (5/31/2009 2:34:55 PM)
takes bow Actually I'm not the first to point it out here on these boards (if I had to guess I'd say maybe it was LuckyAlbatross, a couple of years ago) but it is worthwhile to bring it up every so often when a sub/slave is feeling the loss or lack of a dominant. To reiterate: For the OP, and all those of you who are currently not owned or controlled by another: ENJOY owning yourself! Who else knows you better than you?! Treasure your fabulous possession! Be the kind of loving, attentive owner that you deserve. Allow yourself to feel the joy that the owner of such a wonderful person deserves to feel. Celebrate this great opportunity to be the best owner you can, to the most amazing person: YOU! [:D] "Change your thoughts and you change your world." Norman Vincent Peale US clergyman (1898 - 1993) "In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." -Albert Einstein "Be the change you want to see in the world.” [image]http://thinkexist.com/i/sq/as4.gif[/image] Mahatma Gandhi When you own yourself, you have a huge opportunity! Savor the sweetness of this time in your life. Edited to add this little nugget that I forgot to paste in above. "Isn't it wonderful that none of us need wait a moment before starting to change the world." Anne Frank (1929 - 1945)

califsue -> RE: please (5/31/2009 4:17:21 PM)
Awesome post dreamerdreaming. I think it is so easy to forget this and we are longing for what we had or the dream of what could be. Thanks for posting this as it is a great reminder and can be applied universally.

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