SecretStormFLA
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Joined: 2/11/2009
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Next, below is the result of a writing assignment I gave to a struggling sub of mine a while ago. I reflect on it occasionally. Now, I am looking for your input and comments on what she wrote. Many thanks to all who participate. Both Dom and sub perspectives are greatly valued .....
"This is my best attempt at your essay request. I never know what you're looking for, but I will do my best!
MY SIR IS …
My Sir is loving, kind, somewhat patient, caring, devoted, trustworthy, honest, dedicated, hard-working, self-less, tender, positive, knowledgeable, somewhat secretive, demanding, and just a downright good person at his core. My Sir is the man whom I want to spend the rest of my life with, who cherishes me and adores me, even when I'm struggling and being difficult.
MY SIR IS NOT …
My Sir is not a man who is trying to hurt me or mislead me. He is not someone who says things and then sways from the things that he says. He is not always understanding of my mindsets and sometimes has trouble being compassionate when he thinks that I should be doing something that he feels is for my own good. Sometimes I try to explain to him the reasoning behind my feelings, but that is often times discarded and not placed value on. My Sir is not a man who deliberately does anything that would be hurtful to me, at least I think he doesn't.
WHAT I LIKE ABOUT MY SIR …
What I like about my Sir is that he is generally very caring and concerned about my well-being. He does the absolute best that he can to try to see to my needs, in spite of the issues that are currently ongoing in his own life. He has made promises to me, which he has kept thus far, and I can rely on him when I need direction and advice. He always goes over and above what he needs to do, always putting others' needs ahead of his own, which I find extremely admirable. My Sir loves me and demonstrates his commitment to me on a daily basis in some fashion. There are certainly many other things that I like about Sir as well, but there are just too many to list and I truly believe Sir knows what most all of them are.
THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE ABOUT MY SIR.
If it were possible to change any things about Sir, I think I would begin with the interruptions that he often does when I'm speaking. I know he does not like it when the same is done to him, so I would like the same courtesy for myself. I believe that because he has grown accustomed to having to jump in to be able to speak (Catherine), that now it is difficult to break that pattern. I would also like to change Sir's attitude about comparing me to things that his wife has done over the years. I am not Catherine and I do not share the same thought processes as her, nor do I even think like her. I wish Sir could get beyond the comparison and start trusting that I do not have any ill-will toward Sir either. I also would like Sir to be able to control his anger that he sometimes shows. I know we all get that way, but Sir seems to stay in the moment longer than he normally should. It also would be super if I felt trusted by Sir. I think Sir has been hurt himself in the past, so he always seems to be questioning my motives, my whereabouts, etc., and that makes me feel like Sir does not trust me and that he somehow believes that I lie to him, which is very hurtful to me. I would also change Sir's views on keeping the relationships ongoing with old lovers, which is very hurtful to me. Also, since Sir knows that I have jealousy issues from my past, I wish he would discontinue trying to make me jealous by telling me that he is going to seek out the presence of other women and that he will talk and flirt with others all in the name of trying to find someone for me. I do not like that and I never have. On that same note, the profiles that Sir has created solely for himself to try and attract women who are only looking for a single man are not appealing to me either. In fact, Sir has conversed with many of the women and there was no mention of me, only mention of him meeting them, which I can assume is only for Sir's benefit and not mine. The other thing that bothers me is when Sir corresponds with different subs online to talk about me and all the things I should be doing or the things that I'm doing wrong. According to Sir, some of these particular relationships have been ongoing for years and they certainly do nothing for me. I think if I were doing some of these same things to Sir, he would be very hurt and upset about them, so I wish he could look at things through my eyes and see how it makes me feel and how it affects my self-worth and my self-esteem. If you take me, somebody who doesn't have lots and lots of confidence and who is generally extremely shy, and then you throw these just-mentioned issues into the mix, it does not help advance my confidence, but instead makes me more timid by the minute.
WHAT I HAVE LEARNED IN THE PAST YEAR.
Over the past year, I have learned that things do not always go as smoothly as we would like. In fact, usually things are more of a struggle than they are easy and breezy. I have found out that even though the curve balls continue to be thrown at us from all angles, we still seem to hold on to each other, even when it seems like all hope is gone. I have found that Sir has not faltered in his promises to me regarding abandonment, and he is still remaining strong in spite of our life problems and issues. I have also felt like, perhaps, I am not understanding the D/s relationship the way that I should be, and have always struggled with that issue. I was extremely hurt and affected by the comment Sir made to me that sub-4 was a more advanced, better D/s partner than I, and it bothered me to the point that I did not want to be a part of it anymore. It has made me self-conscious of my role in this, as well as made me evaluate my own worth and Sir's desire for me. I think that if given the choice, I would not be the choice of the best D/s partner for Sir, as he has told me this already. That makes me very sad. I'm not sure if I will ever have it inside of myself to learn what Sir's other partners seem to have learned easily.
That's all for now,
Toy"
ADDENDUM: Leadership527, thank you very much for your well thought out response. So far, it has been the most instructive to me. To those of you who seem quick to condemn my posting of this "personal letter", let me clarify. Part of this sub's training is to learn from the unbiased perspectives of others who do not know her. Also, you should know that any important names have been changed. Also, I would ask you to avoid judging me, based on things the sub says. Instead, look at the way and the tone the sub uses to express herself. Look at the protocol as well. Velvet Cruelty, I thank you as well. I believe your most insightful comment has to do with the length of the section in which she enumerates things she would change about me. Verrrry telling.
The real question I am asking all those who read is this: "Does this sound like a sub who is committed and satisfied with her Dom?"
Finally, I also ask all who read this to avoid jumping to the assumption that this sub is unaware of this posting. Also, bear in mind that she and I have a rule. If she speaks an untruth, I WILL interrupt her and correct her accordingly. Those are the interruptions she speaks of.
< Message edited by SecretStormFLA -- 5/29/2009 12:45:15 PM >
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Writing Assignment from a Struggling sub of Mine - 
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