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RE: showen your war face - 5/30/2009 2:35:19 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		If you are angry - chop wood, go for a run, get a punching bag. Don't face your slave when you are angry, unless you can control yourself. I had a therapist who told me to scream in the car when angry, that getting the anger outside of my body would help. He also told me to get a pool noodle and bash the heck out of my bed when i was angry.

One thing he told me was that behind anger is fear - that when i was angry with someone, i was using the anger to hide from the fear, because the anger was easier to deal with than the fear. Anger is more comfortable to feel than fear.

I respect the fact that you are aware that you do take your anger out on your slave, now you need to change that pattern, or one way or another you will lose her.

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 5/30/2009 2:36:18 PM >

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: showen your war face - 5/30/2009 10:08:26 PM   
LudoBiter


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		thank you all for your words. she already knew i had anger problems and i have told her to get away from me if i am angered and she still refuses to leave or run from me. i have not yet hurt her out of anger yes i have hurt her but on accident example: we were walking and i bent down and picked up a penny off the ground and i had a pole wrapped around my back and it wacked her on the head. we both laughed i was more worried about her but she was laughing anyways. she is a massicast aswell and i do not wish to harm her out of anger i know it is wrong to she is doing 24/7 with me. i am going to therapy i start this monday coming up and no there is no free programs that will take me.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: showen your war face - 5/31/2009 2:51:32 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Ludo, it's REALLY good that you're starting therapy. It's an important step forward, but I would say you need to OWN your anger. It's no use telling her to get away if she won't go...you must get away.

What worries me is that you believe she is OK with it. You are responsible for her, you need to be seeing the wood for the trees. Kudos to you for acknowledging you have a problem, and more kudos for trying to work on it, but hear this: she has no part being anywhere near your temper. YOU decide this, YOU are utterly responsible for her safety. It's not good enough to say she refuses to go, not at all.

Masochist doesn't mean "punching bag".

I wish you well with the therapy, but please, there are things you can do without being told to by a professional. Hit the internet, indulge in some soul searching, meditate. Anger issues normally come from some trauma in childhood. Be honest with yourself and if this is the case, look for closure or some kind of resolution.

You own an adult human life. You owe it to that person to be MORE emotionally stable than them. If you genuinely can't do it, do the noble thing, let her go and take a break until you have your shit together.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: showen your war face - 5/31/2009 2:57:13 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely
What worries me is that you believe she is OK with it. You are responsible for her, you need to be seeing the wood for the trees. Kudos to you for acknowledging you have a problem, and more kudos for trying to work on it, but hear this: she has no part being anywhere near your temper. YOU decide this, YOU are utterly responsible for her safety. It's not good enough to say she refuses to go, not at all.

Masochist doesn't mean "punching bag".


These are the bits that jumped to me too. Op you can not say that she won't leave. This is the problem if she wont then in a fit of anger are you going to have the presence of mind to tell her to go? To me this is unhealthy and your suggestion that 'she is masochist' in that post to me rings massive alarm bells.

I will echo Fitz, great that you are seeking real help. For me you shouldnt be living together at the moment, she will need somewhere to go to if you get angry. I still think you shouldnt be in a relationship at all, how you imagine you can have power over someone when you can not control yourself is beyond me



_____________________________

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(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: showen your war face - 5/31/2009 12:53:39 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		You do not need a slave nor a submissive, what you DO need is anger management therapy. Once you get those lessons down then perhaps think about a D/s relationship. I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear but it is the truth of the matter. If your slave is as traumatized as you have stated then the last thing in the world she needs is an owner with an anger problem. Do yourself and her a favor, go get some therapy and learn how to properly handle your anger before someone gets hurt.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: showen your war face - 5/31/2009 1:25:48 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

If you are angry - chop wood, go for a run, get a punching bag. Don't face your slave when you are angry, unless you can control yourself. I had a therapist who told me to scream in the car when angry, that getting the anger outside of my body would help. He also told me to get a pool noodle and bash the heck out of my bed when i was angry.


or...if you feel silly screaming in the car...sing. Put in a CD and sing your lungs out. It is what i used to do on the drive home from a stressful job.


quote:


One thing he told me was that behind anger is fear - that when i was angry with someone, i was using the anger to hide from the fear, because the anger was easier to deal with than the fear. Anger is more comfortable to feel than fear.


THis is so true. Anger is almost always a smoke screen for another emotion that we are not yet prepared to deal with. This is where Anger Management will benefit...it teaches you how to dissipate the smoke and see the real issues.


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(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: showen your war face - 5/31/2009 1:49:27 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		~fp~

The first time my M takes his anger out on me with any form of physical contact, is the last time he takes it out of me in any form.

You need to get control of yourself before you can hope to control another.  I really feel for your slave, and I hope she can gather up the nerve somehow to get out of relationships that cause her so much emotional/physical pain.

You might be really good at this someday, since you will at least admit you have a problem, but you need to get help for this first.

SB


_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: showen your war face - 5/31/2009 4:34:15 PM   
Br0kenAngel


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/31/2009
Status: offline 		The slave is in control here. If she did/did not do something, a punishment is warranted but there are limits. You cannot walk through the door raging and angry because you're pissed off or have an anger problem. The anger problem is your problem, and no slave should have to succumb to that unless it's an agreement between the both of you.
Get counseling so that you can understand who really has the upper-hand here. And no amount of punishment will help your slave to listen if it is out of anger.

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 12:45:59 AM   
eclipticsubwitch


Posts: 4
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline 		Sir I can only speak for myself, but being ignored or given corner time in a very silent room...for me is the worst punishment

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 3:58:29 AM   
SaintSavant


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		It's great that you are going to get therapy, but in the meantime, let the girl go and get one of these:

http://www.realdoll.com/cgi-bin/snav.rd?action=viewfemalegallery&gallery=melissa

You think I am joking. I'm not.

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 5:28:33 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely


quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin


quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely


quote:

ORIGINAL: colouredin

Jeremy Kyle (as this is a mostly US site- He is a very well respected social warrior in the uk)

HAHAHA! I only just saw this...OMG I hate that guy...



Aww come now, hes great. Never have I seen a man shout more about absolutely nothing


"Never in the field of human procreation have so many paternity tests been given away to so many by so few..."


And making a living off of people that can't keep track of who they're fucking is soooooooo easyyyyyy...... There's so many of them!

I hope his own kids don't ever fuck-up.......  Christ, the press would have a field day. He's a muppet.

agirl


(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 6:48:47 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Br0kenAngel

The slave is in control here. If she did/did not do something, a punishment is warranted but there are limits. You cannot walk through the door raging and angry because you're pissed off or have an anger problem. The anger problem is your problem, and no slave should have to succumb to that unless it's an agreement between the both of you.
Get counseling so that you can understand who really has the upper-hand here. And no amount of punishment will help your slave to listen if it is out of anger.



Actually, it appears that no one is in control.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Br0kenAngel)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 8:39:51 AM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		The best bet is to knock the 'war' chat on the head.

It's baffling how angry people fail to realise that they're fighting an imaginary battle that exists only in their heads. It's like turning up for duel when no one else knows about it; nor cares about it.

What's that old saying.......resentment is like drinking poison while hoping someone else will die.

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I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 8:43:27 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

What's that old saying.......resentment is like drinking poison while hoping someone else will die.


So very true.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: showen your war face - 6/1/2009 11:21:22 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LudoBiter

i do have a anger problem i know i do. but the slave i have has been throu enough with her past masters/mistresses. and yes she pisses me off sometimes and so do other people but. her health could not handle it if i unleashed any amount of anger on her. she would freak out and probably have a heart attack or a panic attack which any panic attack could kill her. she doesn't have an expiration date or anything but yeah i get pissed off and when i am about to to walk throu the door or look at her i want to just punish her for either wat she did or what someone else did. my question is how do you think i could unleash without losing a good slave?


First of all, it's a good thing that You are getting anger management.  Good for You.  Next, You have no business controlling someone else if You can't control Yourself.  Discipline or punishment should be done for a good reason and not out of anger...it should not be uncontrolled anger unleashed.  With all due respect, Sir, it is absolutely wrong to punish a slave - or A/anyone for that matter - for what S/someone E/else has done.  If You "unleash" on her it could be very harmful for her physically and/or emotionally, to say nothing of the health problems Your anger could cause You....heart attack, stroke, HBP, ulcers, nervous collapse, You name it.  You T/two really should separate until You get treated for the anger problem and get it under control.  Good luck to B/both of Y/you.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: showen your war face - 6/4/2009 4:03:42 PM   
Jester0587


Posts: 45
Joined: 12/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

You do not need a slave nor a submissive, what you DO need is anger management therapy. Once you get those lessons down then perhaps think about a D/s relationship. I am sure this is not what you wanted to hear but it is the truth of the matter. If your slave is as traumatized as you have stated then the last thing in the world she needs is an owner with an anger problem. Do yourself and her a favor, go get some therapy and learn how to properly handle your anger before someone gets hurt.

~Lashra


This seems to be the consensus here, and I'm no different.  It's not healthy to have a sub if you yourself cannot maintain some level of consistant composure.  Slipping up now and then is fine, but even then you have to channel your anger in a nonviolent and nondestructive manner.

If you and your sub/slave decide to maintain your relationship during your treatment process, you may consider some advice I recieved when I myself had an anger issue (I've recently adopted the mindset of an internal locus of control).  Before administering any harsher punishment, try sending them into the corner in an awkward position or for en extended period of a time and have them hold a ping-pong ball between their nose and the wall.  I believe it was on this very forum that linked to for that.  At any rate, while they do that watch a relaxing program or listen to some soft music, paint, do anything you enjoy to help de-stress yourself.  After the "time limit" is out, your sub/slave will probably be a little bit sore, depending on the position and how long, and that will make anything that follows all the better while still giving you time to think over your actions and take ownership of your own emotions.

I hope I helped, I may have gone on a tangent because I'm in class.  Sorry if I did.

~Jester~

< Message edited by Jester0587 -- 6/4/2009 4:06:56 PM >

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: showen your war face - 6/4/2009 6:36:39 PM   
marysdream


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline 		you have got to be kidding! ...men like you and i would not refer to you as a D...because you are evidently not! i hope your slave comes to her senses and leaves your ass!

(in reply to LudoBiter)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: showen your war face - 6/4/2009 6:58:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I do want to stress seeing your doctor. Anger management is great but it won't cure a physical disorder. You need to rule that out as well as learning healthier coping skills.

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Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: showen your war face - 6/5/2009 10:48:19 PM   
justrose1


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/5/2009
Status: offline 		Loose the relationship? She should run as fast as she can away.

(in reply to antipode)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: showen your war face - 6/22/2009 1:26:52 AM   
LudoBiter


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		well it just seemed i needed was some caffeine and some well worth rest and now i feel all calm and better many people are gone now that were bring unneeded drama and stress into my life so i am much happier now... and no i have not harmed my slave which she is still here with me and we are more relaxed and happier now.


_____________________________

i'm the ****ing amazing.

(in reply to justrose1)
Profile   Post #: 40
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