I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme

I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (Full Version)

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MommyFiercest -> I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 1:09:11 PM)
When I want to talk to my boy, I want to talk to him RIGHT THEN. I leave messages and act as though I don't care whether or not he calls me back because i want him to be so excited to talk to him Mommy that he just picks up the phone happily BUT this is not getting me what I want. And I can't expect my sub to read my mind right? I sholudn't be angry and unhappy with him for not doing what I am NOT telling him right? I want him to call me right back. If he dawdles I get antsy and insecure. I should just tell him when I call him he needs to make it a priority to call me back ASAP right? Pretty sure I just answered my own question.

DesFIP -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 1:18:56 PM)
If he's at work, you can't be a priority. But you could learn to set your cell phone to beep at his known break and lunch times. This way you would only call when you know he could answer. Are you sure he's getting your messages right away? I'm in an area with a lot of dead spots and sometimes messages come in much later than when he sent them.

RCdc -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 1:29:10 PM)
Unless you communicate with him, he can't do what you require. You should remember though that everyday life intervenes. Whilst I don't subscribe to the thought that a job is more important than a person, consideration of circumstances is important. Your insecurity isn't his issue, it's yours and something you have to deal with - you can make the decision to get him to assist you with that as a service to you or do it alone. the.dark.

SimplyMichael -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 1:33:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MommyFiercest When I want to talk to my boy, I want to talk to him RIGHT THEN. I leave messages and act as though I don't care whether or not he calls me back because i want him to be so excited to talk to him Mommy that he just picks up the phone happily BUT this is not getting me what I want. And I can't expect my sub to read my mind right? I sholudn't be angry and unhappy with him for not doing what I am NOT telling him right? I want him to call me right back. If he dawdles I get antsy and insecure. I should just tell him when I call him he needs to make it a priority to call me back ASAP right? Pretty sure I just answered my own question. I SO get where you are coming from! Take it as a wonderful chance to WORK on those insecurities and or hurt places that drive that response. Work at being clear, make it plain when it is a need. Find ways to let him communicate he cares but can't talk. Most importantly, drive the point home to yourself that when you haven't heard from them and your heart is racing and you are feeling whatever negative feelings, that those are YOUR feelings coming from YOUR wounds, not failures on the part of your submissive. Both you AND your submissive need to get that the failure is in you, not them, but it seems you get that. Best of luck to you!

colouredin -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 1:39:17 PM)
I was with a Dom once who was like this, I found it so draining no matter what I was doing I had to drop everything (stupidly culminating in my final year exams at uni which of course I shouldnt have allowed) At the end of the day, I do not mean to sound harsh but if you are asking someone to do as you tell them you also have to consider what is best for them and being at your beck and call at all times may not be

littlewonder -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 3:05:51 PM)
uumm...have you ever asked him why he doesn't call back right away? Does he have a family, job, yard work to take care of, studying, other priorities? People aren't always going to be able to be there for you 24/7. Yup I'd like to be able to talk to Master the second I text him but I know we're both adults which means hey...he's gotta work, so do I. I have a UM to take care of, he has studies at his beck and call...but we both know each other's schedules and keep in contact as much as possible. Kinda part of being an adult.

Blodeuwedd -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 3:13:14 PM)
I have the same thing, though its not a phone call. If you're important in my life I need to know where you are or where you're going to be. That includes immediate family. It comes from childhood when the adults around me would leave... and I never knew where they were going. Something would happen and nobody would be able to find them. I've worked on it, but I find its saner for me and anyone else around me if people just call me to let me know what's going on. If you go to the store then stop at someones house and you're gone for three hours after the first hour I'm going to start panicing. Just a text/phone call or an email even works for me as long as i KNOW. I'd say if he can't answer you right away when you call, ask him to maybe text you. If he's at work, he'll probably know his phone got called so just have him email you if he can.

breatheasone -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 3:14:18 PM)
~~FR~~ i can understand where you are coming from. i think its good that you see this and want to address it. i think thats a VERY ADULT thing to do. i also am an Adult with some insecurities. Have you considered having him save some custom "quick texts" in his cell?.... This is very easily done, and that way he can send the "quick text" and you will have been responded to right away or faster.

SaintSavant -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 3:26:33 PM)
Yes, you did answer your own question. Make it a rule that he must get back to you as soon as is practical. Make it clear that you will make allowances for work, school, family, or anything that may make it difficult for him, but he has to call you at the first available opportunity. I have never known a sub to object to this (quite the opposite) as long as they have the leeway to still carry on with their lives without your calls being disruptive in the way colouredin experienced. Also, be sure to ask/demandto know what he is up to next. If he is in a rush to get somewhere important, it is better for you to end the call in time for him to get there than for him to feel bad that he had to tell Mummy, "I have to go". Hope you work it out.

DarkSteven -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/1/2009 5:24:36 PM)
I have set a rule that a sub is responsible for contacting me - phone, in person, test, or email - three times a week at minimum. You may want to set certain times aside for communication with him. Or set a rule that he has 24 hours to return a contact from you.

oceanwinds -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/2/2009 3:20:54 AM)
Hello MommyFiercest There are couple things you can do. One, you could tell him what you want and give instructions for him to carry it through. Two, you could deal with your neediness through controlling your insecurites and working through why you have them. I am sure there are a lot of submissives that would enjoy your need to rapid response. This is something, i could not honor in a Dom. Constant neediness is a turn off to me. I learned so long ago, a person cannot feed the emotions of a needy person. When Sir contacts me, I will contact him back. The timing for this depends on everyday life and he totally understands that. If an answer is needed right away, he will stress that and I will follow through, though he has seldom done that. Blessings to you oceanwinds

CuriousPuppy -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/2/2009 9:55:51 AM)
Only a few people mentioned it, but you should find out why first. It's incredibly likely that dropping everything and calling you while in the middle of working, cooking, yardwork, whatever is simply not an option. It's entirely possible that he's just bad with voicemail and a text message IM or email would be better/more reliable. Personally I'd go batshit crazy if someone was aggressive about phonecalls simply because I generally don't particularly like the phone for communicating.

xxblushesxx -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/2/2009 10:16:16 AM)
Do what HM does...just keep calling and calling until someone answers![:@]

DominaAmy925 -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/3/2009 11:59:49 AM)
Yes you did answer your own question. One key you need to remeber is comunication. With out that you will always have issues.

junecleaver -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/3/2009 9:50:35 PM)
For me, this is not an unreasonable request. I don't know your partner or his schedule so... Texting someone a 'I'm kind of busy. Let's talk later.' takes about five seconds. So for me it would be two separate issues...your insecurity and why I'm not returning your phone calls in a timely manner. If I'm dominating someone, I want them to pick up the phone when I call. Of course, I don't call constantly. I'm not insecure. Just high maintenance. But I give the information out in the beginning so they know what they have signed up for. ;)

PrincessDonna -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/3/2009 10:36:27 PM)
I think oceanwinds has it the way a sub should take it,the sub should do as told within reason,I give an hour to answer,even finals would be over but then I would have known if my sub was doing finals and would just expect him to call when finished.Communication is the basis of understanding!

CatdeMedici -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/4/2009 3:59:20 AM)
Here is where I, at times just shake My head,---Dominant is not Domineering--everyone has a real life out there, real life does not give a damn if you are a D or an s, --it has to continue. Unless you and your s live together or are close enough that You know his daily schedule, there is just so much impact One can have or SHOULD have. IMHO a wise Dominant gets that and finds way to be the center of attention without "standing hands on hips stamping feet and pouting". That's the subtle difference between Dominant and Domineering. It isn't weave real life into what we do, its weave what we do into real life because at the end of the day, the real life beat goes on.

masmiss -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/6/2009 6:27:37 AM)
Does he eventually call you back when he is able? If not, and you have to wait an unreasonable amount of time then you should talk with him about it.

kori -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/8/2009 11:38:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MommyFiercest When I want to talk to my boy, I want to talk to him RIGHT THEN. I leave messages and act as though I don't care whether or not he calls me back because i want him to be so excited to talk to him Mommy that he just picks up the phone happily BUT this is not getting me what I want. And I can't expect my sub to read my mind right? I sholudn't be angry and unhappy with him for not doing what I am NOT telling him right? I want him to call me right back. If he dawdles I get antsy and insecure. I should just tell him when I call him he needs to make it a priority to call me back ASAP right? Pretty sure I just answered my own question. Expectations of the fulfillment of non-communicated desires will always lead to pain, unless you're testing to see how he responds to you naturally. Obviously that's not the case, based on your reaction. You are the Dominant and as such can command him in whatever way you wish - however, realistically, as has been stated here, it's best to take life circumstances into consideration.

trueshadow -> RE: I don't Want To Be a Needy Domme (6/8/2009 8:02:28 PM)
To me, you come across, forgive me, a bit insecure. I'll bet he is very interested in hearing from you, but if he has a domineering boss, or lots of customer requests to deal with, or needs to focus 100% on work, it is really unfair of you to expect instant compliance. If he is not at work, and is not caring for an invalid family member, but is just tardy in his response to you, then he is telling you something, wordlessly. When you tell him you expect and demand that he answers his Owner promptly, you will learn a lot by his response. (Of course, being a slave, I selfishly see lots of opportunities for painful discipline and just cause to assert your superiority...)

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