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oppinions about major disability - 6/1/2009 2:17:13 PM   
valuedfeelings


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/30/2009
Status: offline 		its my dream to subbmit to a Dom Master or Mistress who is disabled, in one way or the other. eventhough i am not. i am totaly healthy and sound. but most of my friends argues on that and disagrees. please i will appreciates some oppinions of some other subs and slaves here. what is bad in following a potential Master who has a major disability???
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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/1/2009 2:20:09 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		The dude with the picture of himself and Jimmy Smits has a disability and has been looking foreva..
I'd say the only bad thing is that it's far more work and it can take it's toll on you physically as well as mentally...however..it doesn't necessarily have to be bad...it's just harder and not all that are up for it..you also have to be ready to handle a lot of responsibility...and to adapt your life around this person...you may need to make more sacrifices than otherwise, not necessarily though but yea...in general I don't think it's "bad" it's just..harder.

< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 6/1/2009 2:25:48 PM >

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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/1/2009 3:09:14 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Maybe ask yourself why you want to submit to someone with a disability...is it because you want to take care of them?

If so this is part of the "white knight syndrome" and really..these never work out well.

(in reply to subtlebutterfly)
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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/1/2009 4:40:08 PM   
janigrey


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		valuedfeelings,

I don't see anything wrong with it.  It doesn't matter (at least for me ) your motivation.  I would chalk it up to as perhaps a fetish.  You get turned on by something that most people don't.

Good for you - embrace it.

Different Loving ( the Book) would tell you that many people have similiar fetishes.  There are people that are 'into' amputees.  There was a testimony from one of these people - they volunteer at a center that teaches amputees how to use their new protesis (spelling?).   Maybe you could volunteer some place similar.

good luck.

jani

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/2/2009 7:33:41 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		There are plenty of disabled people in the scene who would love to meet someone like you.
What does it matter if a person is disabled?  In a heartbeat each and every one of us can be at any moment in time.

Accidents..disease. 

However, it is hard work taking care of a disabled person so know what you are getting into before you commit.
Also consider if you feel you are submissive you are going to be put into a dominant role much of the time. Are you ready for that?

Certain types of play you will not be able to engage in dependent upon the disability. 

Just a few factors to consider.


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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 1:21:56 AM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sub4hire

There are plenty of disabled people in the scene who would love to meet someone like you.
What does it matter if a person is disabled?  In a heartbeat each and every one of us can be at any moment in time.

Accidents..disease. 

However, it is hard work taking care of a disabled person so know what you are getting into before you commit.
Also consider if you feel you are submissive you are going to be put into a dominant role much of the time. Are you ready for that?

Certain types of play you will not be able to engage in dependent upon the disability. 

Just a few factors to consider.


My Sir is disabled.  Although not in a wheelchair, He is diabetic, is on haemodialysis because of kidney failure, and suffers chronic pain from arthritis.  We do the dialysis at home because He gets more time on the machine (24 hours a week as opposed to 15 hours max at a dialysis unit).

Life can be quite stressful - Sir has been in hospital numerous times, has had a number of surgeries and procedures, and is tired a lot of the time.  Plans have had to be changed at the last minute because He is not feeling up to doing anything.  I am in charge of meds and I also put in the needles for the dialysis (where they go in - back of forearm) is awkward and painful for Him to even see let alone insert), plus set up and clean up the machine afterwards. 

It has also been hard for me to take the dominant role when needed, but I see it as part of service even if it might seem like topping from the bottom   

If anyone wishes to know more, feel free to message me.

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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 7:09:31 AM   
SmokingGun82


Posts: 575
Joined: 6/19/2004
Status: offline 		So my view is from the flip side, but maybe useful anyway.

Without planning to, I've had a semi-serious and a serious relationship with someone with MS. The semi-serious one I knew going in, the serious one wasn't diagnosed until we were living together. For both, it meant being flexible. You can make plans weeks in advance, think you've figured out a way to work around potential difficulties, but MS doesn't like logic or reason. You can get used to one manifestation of symptoms, have found a way to work around it, and then that one slips away and something new comes up.

For me, though, the hardest part is seeing someone you care about/love suffering, and being able to do nothing about it. It's incredibly frustrating. Watching their body betray them is hard.

But you work around it. You find things that you can still do. You make back-up plans in case something flares up. You get used to having to help do things that are in no way "romantic" and you get used to seeing someone at their low points. If you love/care about someone, though...

Would I do it again? Depends. For a one nighter, or two weeks even, not worth it. Too hard mentally, too frustrating, all that. But for long term? If they're someone I can see myself being with for a long time, and all the pins line up, then disability is not even close to a deal breaker.

So I ran a little long here, and might have wandered off topic...


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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 7:58:00 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		At some point in the future I will be taking total care of my M.  He has parkinsons and at some point it's going to make it so he can't walk, or do most things for himself.  He is still young, 43, but has had this now for several years.  I know this time is coming and it's something I have had to deal with.

I have no problem with peoples fantasies, we all get our kicks in different ways I guess.  The concern I would have would be, what's going to happen when/if the fetish wears off and you don't feel that way anymore?  Are you just going to leave this person high and dry because you don't want to mess with it?

Getting into any relationship is hard, add to it the D/s dynamic, then throw on top of that the fact he would be disabled therefore adding more stress onto what already exists...and you have a lot on your plate.

For me sometimes it's a fine line in knowing when to just step back and let him do things himself, or stepping forward and taking control of the situation.  I can only imagine how much more that is going to change as the years go by.

If this is something you have thought through and really believe you are meant for, more power to you and I hope it works out.  If it's just something you get a kick from, please be careful about starting something that could end up hurting someone that probably deals with enough things to begin with.

SB


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~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 8:10:35 AM   
MissDominae


Posts: 94
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		I'm on the same wavelength as SmokingGun here.   Like his friend I have MS and, like his friend, I deteriorate a little more each month.   Things I could do easily a year ago I can only do with difficulty now and, in another year, will not be able to do at all.

My girl knows and understands this and my illness is also part of the reason why I am part of a polyamourous triad and share her with a Dom (the other reason being she is bi and likes guys as well).   I cannot play for long periods and a very physical session with me will last less than an hour.   For that reason I've had to learn many new skill sets and now focus very much on quality, pre-planned and structured play rather than the 'lets just have a wild weekend' type of a few years ago.

I'm currently seeking a second girl to be much more of a service oriented submissive; not to wait on me hand and foot because of my disability per se, but to allow me to exercise the mental aspects of D/s and TPE as the primary focus of the relationship, with the physical side of things being of secondary - but still enjoyable - importance.   I may not be physically what I was but my illness has forced me to relearn things, introduce new skills and develop a more positive and innovative mindset, so as silly as it may sound I'm probably a better and more rounded Dominant now than I was before, better able to understand and respond to the needs of my submissives.

@ValuedFeelings, all I can suggest to you is that you carefully examine the reasons behind why a Dom/me with disability is what you seek.   If you find that you are doing it for good and sufficient reasons and that such a relationship would be good for you both then I'd recommend it - there are quite a few of us out here to choose from, after all - including me~!

I wish you the best of luck in your search ...... Dominae

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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 11:07:52 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: valuedfeelings

its my dream to subbmit to a Dom Master or Mistress who is disabled, in one way or the other. eventhough i am not. i am totaly healthy and sound. but most of my friends argues on that and disagrees. please i will appreciates some oppinions of some other subs and slaves here. what is bad in following a potential Master who has a major disability???
i have to question why you want this, and if you are honestly prepared to deal with the disability of another person.

Let me tell you...my late husband was disabled and it is hard. It is much harder than you know, until you are in it with him.

Most, not all but most, with a disability slowly get worse. Are you prepared to watch someone you care for begin to lose his battle, right in front of you? I am not saying it will happen, but it is a very real possibility.

If you are not prepared to take on this level of responsibility and commitment, i seriously suggest you rethink your desires. You will cause harm if you leave a relationship because you cannot handle the stress of a disability.

The disabled have more than enough on their plates without having to deal with someone who is going to bolt when the going gets tough.


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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 1:20:32 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I'm with Holly on this one.

I have had many willing to accept my illness and are all gung-ho on being with me and yet they do not have the stamina to withstand certain things.  My day to day isn't hard to take.  It is when we get to go see doctor's that the hard part comes.  I had a live in boyfriend get a freaked out look on his face because they gave me a medication I said I could not take and was now at risk for a serious problem.  He stood, said I can't handle this and ran!  That was the worst time someone could have left me.  I was in trouble and he was gone.  I had to call people to come help me leave the hospital against their orders and I could hardly walk.  I had to drag myself using a walker and one leg and hanging over the walker to steady myself, all the while knowing he had run out on me simply because the hospital was giving me a hard time.

To look at me you don't see I am disabled.  I think that is what throws a lot of men off.  They see me smiling and making jokes and acting normally and they want that.  Till I am sick and vulnerable.  It would be wonderful to share the good and bad with someone really willing to deal with it all... but I have faced the fact that there are few who would be able to.  All but two relationships I have had, were broken up because of the hardships my illness create financially or them having to watch me day after day, suffer (with a smile, rarely tears) and not be able to fix me.  That is the first mistake they make... trying to fix me.  I can't be fixed.  I can have lots of fun and live life and face the medical community challenges... but I cannot face constant rejection from those that like the flash and dance of Lockit... but can't handle the cold hard facts of Lockit's life.

So if you do it... know what you can handle and be committed, rather than do harm when it might be the worst time you could do it to that person.  The stress of that abadonment can cause far more damage to someone already at risk.



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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 1:40:41 PM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

because of the hardships my illness create financially or them having to watch me day after day, suffer (with a smile, rarely tears)


i so admire you...


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to Lockit)
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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 2:15:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you Holly... and you know I admire you as well!

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 2:19:54 PM   
ShaharThorne


Posts: 11071
Joined: 2/24/2009
From: Somewhere in TX
Status: offline 		Lockit, check your CMail in a few minutes...

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You are making two and a half feet of irresistible, tubular sex! -Lola, Kinky Boots

Founder: Bitch with Tits

Whip me, beat me, make me feel cheap and have great sex

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RE: oppinions about major disability - 6/3/2009 3:12:37 PM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		They left 'cause of that? are you kidding?
*mumbles somethin about dumbass crayons*


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Profile   Post #: 15
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