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Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 9:42:29 AM   
redheaddomme


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/2/2009
Status: offline 		I would like to hear everyone's opinion on how much attitude they accept from a Sub early on.  I have a new (to me and to the lifestyle) sub.  I am getting attitude from him when i ask him to do things that he does not like.  These are things that are minor and 'easy' in my mind, although I know he doesn't like them.  It's a light attitude, but most certainly there.  Considering he is new to submission and new to me; should i take it as normal and punish?  Or drop him and assume that he does not really want this?  I have not has this issue before so early on, over minor instructions.  What do you think?
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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 9:52:25 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		Dump him he is not compatible with You and You will be doing him a favour too. What You see as easy does not equate to what he sees as easy. Dump him. Life is too short
kevin

(in reply to redheaddomme)
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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 9:58:50 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: redheaddomme

I would like to hear everyone's opinion on how much attitude they accept from a Sub early on.


How much attitude do you feel you can take? Once you have answered that then you have your answer.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 10:00:05 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		Do what feels right to you. If you want a bratty sub, keep him. If you don't, then kick him to the curb. I'd ditch him in a millisecond. But that's just me. What feels right to you?

I don't have a punishment/reward dynamic, so I'd just like to point out that it isn't necessary... with a willing, compliant, obedient sub.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 10:04:28 AM   
redheaddomme


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/2/2009
Status: offline 		It's feelin too much like work.  Apprehension I can deal with better, esp. if it were over being told to suck cock or bend over for the 1st time. 

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 10:11:57 AM   
Mrnicennaughty


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		Ask your sub "why the attitude" if you don't like the answer, dump him/her or tell him/her that they need to get over it and accept it because YOU like it and if they don't like it they should hit the road.  They are there for your benefit, not vise versa.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 10:14:48 AM   
lobodomslavery


Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline 		then why keep him. i take it he is an adult, yes. is he 18 or over. if he is he is an adult, treat him like an adult and get rid of him. he is not doing You any favours or himself. he needs to start afresh and learn he cant treat his Superiors like that and that there are consequences if he does namely dismissal. if he is not 18 or over You should not be playing with him , its child abuse in that case. But if he is an adult as i suspect he is , he should know better
kevin 

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 10:49:50 AM   
Politesub53


Posts: 14862
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Is he giving you attitude because he wants to be punished Ma`am, if so dont reward him. If he is giving you attitude because he is new, sit him down and explain what you want expect from him. Then give him a time frame to shape up or ship out.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 1:09:56 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Is he giving you attitude because he wants to be punished Ma`am, if so dont reward him. If he is giving you attitude because he is new, sit him down and explain what you want expect from him. Then give him a time frame to shape up or ship out.
I knew someone would have advice that I could ditto, without typing all the words.  
I'd go with this redheaddomme.   As a rule, if I could deal with attitude or endless negotiations when I ask that something be done, I date vanilla gentlemen.    M

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 3:06:01 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Is he giving you attitude because he wants to be punished Ma`am, if so dont reward him. If he is giving you attitude because he is new, sit him down and explain what you want expect from him. Then give him a time frame to shape up or ship out.
I knew someone would have advice that I could ditto, without typing all the words.  
I'd go with this redheaddomme.   As a rule, if I could deal with attitude or endless negotiations when I ask that something be done, I date vanilla gentlemen.    M


I agree.  If he is new, he might also think that being obnoxious is somehow an expected behaviour.  You'll never know until you sit down and ASK him what the hell he's thinking.  It could be that simple.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 3:13:37 PM   
PrincessDonna


Posts: 189
Joined: 7/7/2006
Status: offline 		I usually just put them in bondage where they have to remain still for awhile and let him know that you want him to think about what he wants from submission,and is he truly ready to totally submit.Once those arms start aching from being hogtied they are ready to talk and or comply.It's up to you of course weather its worth the effort but being a new sub it is possible that he does not know what to do or expect and has insecurities his self.Good Luck.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/2/2009 3:55:53 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		What's he like at writing?

He needs both to understand himself and communicate what he know about himself to you. 

So, I suggest: set him an essay.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 12:06:31 AM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		If you're pushing his limits, then he's got a right to have an attitude. esp. if it's a hard limit.... they aren't all in play.

(in reply to PeonForHer)
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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 12:15:27 AM   
LadySweetOrSour


Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

quote:

ORIGINAL: FullfigRIMAAM1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53
Is he giving you attitude because he wants to be punished Ma`am, if so dont reward him. If he is giving you attitude because he is new, sit him down and explain what you want expect from him. Then give him a time frame to shape up or ship out.
I knew someone would have advice that I could ditto, without typing all the words.  
I'd go with this redheaddomme.   As a rule, if I could deal with attitude or endless negotiations when I ask that something be done, I date vanilla gentlemen.    M


I agree.  If he is new, he might also think that being obnoxious is somehow an expected behaviour.  You'll never know until you sit down and ASK him what the hell he's thinking.  It could be that simple.


Ditto to all the above (thanks ladies and gentleman!!).

What may be minor and easy to you may be something he hasnt come across before. If he's really new, he may not entirely be sure of what is expected and not expected. If you are giving him clear and concise instructions and he has a problem with them, then perhaps he isn't too bright. He may be trying D/s on for size and it might not be what he really expected when he saw all those porn pictures and movies he probably saw. He may be a "do me" type, who doesn't want to do what you want, and is more interested in things he wants doing to him.

Some people like bratty subs. I don't personally, they are far too much like hard work. But some like breaking the will of some subs. It depends on what YOU like.

As PS said, give him the ultimate instruction talk and, if he can't learn to follow those instructions in a set period of time, say bubye.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 12:15:51 AM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		Something that is minor and easy for one person might be very difficult for someone else. I know people who can take all kinds of pain, but have tickling as a hard limit, and one lady just posted about her submissive having bad associations with doing housework as D/s service. Maybe discuss with him why he is objecting, before deciding that he's just a brat? Of course, it may indicate that you just aren't compatible, but there may be some room for compromise. Also, some people aren't comfortable with someone ordering them around when they are not in a D/s relationship yet. I cancelled a couple of coffee dates because the other person ordered me to shave my pussy or to not wear panties - it seemed way too pushy and intimate from someone I hadn't even met yet, although neither one would be a big deal from someone I was actually in a relationship with.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)
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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 4:44:22 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I would not drop him right away, not if he is otherwise good.  Maybe point it out to him.  Determine what works best on him, rewards or punishment, and then reinforce behavior accordingly.  I know I can get a bit of an attitude sometimes.  I don't mean to, but it just happens.

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 8:53:07 AM   
MistressDolly


Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redheaddomme

I am getting attitude from him when i ask him to do things that he does not like.  These are things that are minor and 'easy' in my mind, although I know he doesn't like them. 

It's a light attitude, but most certainly there. 


Newbie or not, the attitude itself is undesirable. You should be inspired, not frustrated by some ungrateful, pissy man.

_____________________________

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m y s p a c e


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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 9:13:38 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I don't bring a slave or submissive into my life to make it more difficult or create more work for myself.

I've no interest in dealing with slaves/submissives that do not want to submit or serve.




_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 9:20:15 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		If he is brand new, then give him a bit of time to get used to having to do things he doesnt like because they are for you. I dont care what anyone says no one automatically comes into the lifestyle and is good at putting aside the minor grumbling to do things they do not enjoy. Fox still procrastinates doing dishes becasue he doesnt like it. I am not going to drop him for being human.

You do, however, have to let him know you feel it is innapropriate. Dont punish, yet, since he might not even realize he is behaving poorly. Make sure you are clear that you do not like or appreciate the attitude, and that he is giving you the impression that he does not actually want to be involved in your relationship. Tell him he has a period of time to straighten up and fly right or you will be giving serious thought as to whether or not you two are compatible. This is not a punishment situation, this is a compatibility one. If he does not want to do what isnt enjoyable for him then he is going to be of limited service to you. If he can get over it, with some time and effort, that can be worked through. If he doesnt have the interest in making the effort to work through it, then theres your answer, he isnt for you.  Growing pains are temporary, but attitude problems are not.

Good luck
DV


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RE: Attitude from Sub - 6/3/2009 9:30:55 AM   
RumpusParable


Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: redheaddomme

I would like to hear everyone's opinion on how much attitude they accept from a Sub early on.  I have a new (to me and to the lifestyle) sub.  I am getting attitude from him when i ask him to do things that he does not like.  These are things that are minor and 'easy' in my mind, although I know he doesn't like them.  It's a light attitude, but most certainly there.  Considering he is new to submission and new to me; should i take it as normal and punish?  Or drop him and assume that he does not really want this?  I have not has this issue before so early on, over minor instructions.  What do you think?


My answer:  None, and walk away.  I don't deal with that sort of thing at all.  And this includes in vanilla relationships.  Either a person is what and who they want to be around me, regardless of orientation or role to me, or they aren't.  I've no interest in that second group.

I believe in communicating, teaching/guiding, and punishing/correcting only with someone who is actively seeking to please me and who is okay submitting (even when new).  If there is "attitude" then they're choosing not to communicate as an adult and aren't particularly pleasing-focused.  Not for me.

I can work with someone who says, "Miss, I'm uncomfortable with this...  because...", but if they just turn mutinous or slatty or other shows of attitude I move on.

_____________________________

Relationships come and go, but plastination is forever.

I generally use fast-reply. If directing my post at someone specific I will indicate so.

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(in reply to redheaddomme)
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