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Literature for submissives - 6/2/2009 8:38:23 PM

Blackwolf9

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What literature would you recommend to a submissive who is still new to the lifestyle?

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/2/2009 8:49:21 PM

Aileen1968

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Essentials of Classic Italian Cooking by Marcella Hazan

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/2/2009 11:09:13 PM

HeavansKeeper

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Aileen makes a good point, though semi in jest.

(That cheap "ingest" pun was completely accidental, by the way).

More important than books specializing in how D/s relationships go, I'd encourage the use of books which make the mate a more compatible person. (That said I've been lax in this department...)

I'm not disregarding D/s relationship books, in fact, some are very helpful. But it's worth reminding that its your life, your love. So long as the adults participating are consenting, the arrangement doesn't much matter.

If you wanted D/s books specifically, here's a link to a post much more thorough than I could ever be.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/2/2009 11:45:19 PM

onlyfreelycaged

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oo... that's a useful list.. now if only the local library had them.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/3/2009 4:57:14 AM

colouredin

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To tack on to the end of HeavensKeepers point a blanket list of books is that not everyone enjoy the smae kinds of books, people always recommend screw the roses, send me the thorns which I couldn't get to grips with at all.

You kinda have to work out what works for you when 'learning'.

Also, don't believe everything you read.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/3/2009 5:02:40 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper

Aileen makes a good point, though semi in jest.

It wasn't really in jest. I think someone can learn techniques such as knot tying, cooking and such, but they can't learn the mindset.
You either have that or you don't. Learning to cook his favorite kinds of food is just as important.
Apologies for the disjointed thoughts....no coffee yet this morning.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/3/2009 5:13:08 AM

BitaTruble

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Gray's Anatomy. Seriously.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/3/2009 9:28:18 AM

SassySarijane

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I second Gray's Anatomy. Smart to learn where things are so as to avoid hitting or having hit problem areas such as kidneys.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/4/2009 7:07:07 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyfreelycaged

oo... that's a useful list.. now if only the local library had them.

Actually, O/one can request T/them & T/their library can get them from other library systems for a very small postage fee...i paid $2 a book. That's what i've done & it's amazing the reading Y/you can do. Well worthwhile if Y/you like to read. Good luck.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/4/2009 7:13:56 PM

DesFIP

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Seconding Aileen's suggestion. The best book on how to cook Italian food I've ever seen.

But what does she want to know? What I bought was the Topping Book because I knew what I wanted but I couldn't get a handle on why he would be willing to do all that work when I got all the fun.

Basic books on how to cook quickly and easily so there's always a good meal without tiring her out too much. Same for cleaning if she isn't a housekeeper by nature (I'm not). Five Love Languages so she can figure out what she needs to be happy and tell you.

Do you want her to take pain stoically or do you want to hear whimpers and pleading or are you turned on by primal play and want her to unleash her inner self and fight back? Because the answer to that would change what she ought to be learning. And which of those appeals to her?

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/7/2009 10:45:08 AM

twistedlittlesub

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The following list was given to me by a Dom friend. i personally own all but 3 of the books and have read the ones i do, front to back many times.

Flogging by Joseph W Bean

Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, 1988. Although not oriented towards a BDSM readership this is the best available text on general anal play.

Learning the Ropes by Race Bannon, 1992. A beginner-friendly guide to BDSM; an excellent,compact, introductory text, and ideal gift for the SM novice.

Leathersex: A Guide for the Curious Outsider and the Serious Player by Joseph W. Bean, 1994. A guide to intermediate and advanced play, discussing master/slave relationships, Spiritual issues, history of the SM movement. Men's scene emphasis, but applicable to anyone.

On The Safe Edge - A Manual for SM Play by Trevor Jacques, 1992. A sophisticated and comprehensive guide to beginning and advanced BDSM play better than most for its constant emphasis on issues of play safety. Covers coming out, anatomy, technical info, mind and body play, most comprehensive treatment of play safety in print, First Aid, and Scene Etiquette, suggestions for further reading.

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns - The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon, 1995. An excellent and lavishly illustrated introduction to SM play, as close to a coffee table book as the field has yet produced. General topics as well as in depth treatment of Bondage, Flogging, and Dungeon design, as well as Appendices on groups, and on-line Bulletin boards. Emphasis on male top, female sub.

Sensuous Magic: A Guide For Adventurous Couples by Pat Califia, 1994. A play manual for mixed, lesbian or gay couples.

Sir, More Sir! by Master Jackson, 1992. A recent practical overview with a how-to emphasis. Men's Scene.

SM 101, A Realistic Introduction by Jay Wiseman, 1992. Another comprehensive how to guide, emphasizing mixed play.

The Bottoming Book A beginner's manual emphasizing submissive role play. Pansexual emphasis.

The Leatherman's Handbook by Larry Townsend, 1972. The first of the SM play manuals. At 22 years old, slightly dated but still relevant. Men's Scene only.

The Leatherman's Handbook II by Larry Townsend, 1988. A total rewrite of the original classic, and near exhaustive treatment of how to information about play involving men.

The Lesbian SM Safety Manual edited by Pat Califia, 1989. A play manual for women on women, including topics such vaginal and anal penetration, STDs, First Aid, etc., psychological and physical safety.

The Master's Manual - A Handbook of Erotic Domination by Jack Rinella, 1994. A comprehensive study manual emphasizing the theory and practice of erotic domination, Primarily men but useful to anyone interested in developing and honing dominance skills.

The Sexually Dominant Woman - A Workbook for Nervous Beginners by Lady Green, 1992. A playful introduction to practical female domination of men or females.

TRUST: The Handbook, A Guide to the Sensual and Spiritual Art of Handballing by Bert Herman, 1991. A technical guide to fisting. Includes technique, health and safety, concepts of tantric sexuality.

Happy Reading-twisted

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/7/2009 4:03:00 PM

porcelaine

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there are pros and cons to the reading. especially when you bring erotica in. it is a lot to digest and many wonder if their experiences should be similar or question if something is wrong with you or them if they're not. she should be learning how the person she serves ticks. his favorite foods, how he likes his coffee, house cleaning, etc.

people are always in such a hurry to jump into the bells and whistles of submission and lack significant grounding on the other end. it is because the girl has self control and can follow directions and is consistent in these things that she IS a good servant. if she presently unattached she should be addressing all the psychological and emotional barriers she has in place that will hinder the relations. rest assured they will come up at some point. it is best to tackle them now while she can.

in addition how does she communicate? is she able to express herself cohesively or do you need to pry her lips apart to get her to speak? is she comfortable in the company of others? can she entertain well and serve as a hostess when needed? has she experienced the community in any capacity or is she merely reading books and online? there's a host of things to address but i'm a big proponent for fundamentals myself. i believe she'll be far more appealing if she's well versed in these areas and more aware of what she seeks in a partner.

the kinky stuff can be taught. but someone lacking discipline is a headache in the making and all the training in the world won't change this.

porcelaine

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/8/2009 4:09:00 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968
...but they can't learn the mindset.

Heh, because it is my mission in life to disagree wtih this statement, I have to respond.

Sure they can.. just not from a book.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/8/2009 4:16:53 PM

subangi

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Though it is fiction, I would recommend the Beauty series by Ann Rice. I feel it puts you in the mindset of what serving means along with easy, interesting, and salivating reading. SM 101 is also ok. Screw the roses to me is more like dictionary persay of the lifestyle, but when I read it in the beginning, it made me familiar with terminology.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/8/2009 4:30:27 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

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No offense to you but I thought the beauty series was pure and utter crap and horribly written to lol.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subangi

Though it is fiction, I would recommend the Beauty series by Ann Rice. I feel it puts you in the mindset of what serving means along with easy, interesting, and salivating reading. SM 101 is also ok. Screw the roses to me is more like dictionary persay of the lifestyle, but when I read it in the beginning, it made me familiar with terminology.

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/8/2009 4:41:47 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Blackwolf9
What literature would you recommend to a submissive who is still new to the lifestyle?

When you say "submissive", do you mean someone who wants other people to tell em what to do or someone who is on the receiving end of some sort of kinky sex?

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~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Literature for submissives - 6/8/2009 6:22:10 PM

antipode

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quote:

What literature would you recommend to a submissive who is still new to the lifestyle?

This being 2009, I tend to give newbies a short course in search engine logistics. Most search engines, unfortunately, still function best for those able to put program queries together, not in itself high science, but it needs to be learned.

Books? Their time is past. Much of what has been published is available online, and in searching, one discovers much of the other stuff that has been written, as well as the excellent videos now all over the web.

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