I need to learn

I need to learn (Full Version)

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PrinceofDarkfr -> I need to learn (6/4/2009 3:41:01 PM)
First I want to say what an honor it has been finding this place. That being said, I have called myself a Dom and Master for years but I feel that I very little experience in the finer points. I am looking for a experienced Master to take me under his wing and teach me how to be a true Master. I am 29 from central Florida but this could be an online classroom as well. Thank you.

SteelofUtah -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 3:50:50 PM)
Rule number one: Calling anything TRUE or TWUE makes it a Joke and makes you a target for just about anyone who has been doing what it is that we do for any amount of time. Rule number two: The Search Button is on the top right of the Screen ..... USE IT!!!! Type "Being a Master" then read EVERY THREAD there will be a million and 7. By the time you have read through them all you will have a better understanding why this place can chew people up and spit them out. Rule number three: never, NEVER Talk about Fight Club! Rule number four: Anyone who seems too good to be true usually is BUT you gotta kiss a lot of Frogs before you realize you aren't even attacted to Frogs. In a Year this will start to make sense. In Two Years you will Understand comepletely In Five Years you will change it up a bit and re use it a few times. In Ten Years none of what I say will fucking matter to you because you will be your own man. Take care and get to know YOU because in the end that is who you will eventually become. Steel

Delphinus -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 6:18:16 PM)
I read your profile. I'm not judging - I'm really not - there are a million reasons why people do things and I am guilty of major sins myself, but with the utmost sincerity (and experience) I say - if you really want to be a "true Master" you need to remove the secrets from your life. How can you truly be in control of another woman when hiding her from your marriage? No, scratch that. How can you truly be in control of yourself when leading a double life? And you should certainly have your own affairs (no pun intended) in order before taking on a submissive, I would think.

Arpig -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 6:30:22 PM)
My advice is simple. Talk this over with your wife. If she is not interested in allowing you to have slaves on the side, then either do without or end the marriage. Anything else is deceitful and just plain wrong.

DesFIP -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 6:33:43 PM)
If you're near Orlando, you may want to start going to the Woodshed and making friends there. Beyond that, there are tons of books. Kink books and relationship books and books on how to be a good manager. All of which are equally valid resources to teach you how to be successful in your relationship. It isn't about the kind, it isn't about who swings a meaner flogger. It is about keeping your word, about not being above apologizing for making a mistake, about learning from your mistakes and not repeating them. It's necessary to have open communication where a sub can tell you that you have been a dishonest prick without being punished for telling you the cold hard truth.

Arpig -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 7:05:34 PM)
quote: It isn't about the kind, it isn't about who swings a meaner flogger. It is about keeping your word, about not being above apologizing for making a mistake, about learning from your mistakes and not repeating them. It's necessary to have open communication where a sub can tell you that you have been a dishonest prick without being punished for telling you the cold hard truth. I think his own profile has already established that he doesn't keep his word

PrinceofDarkfr -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 7:38:33 PM)
You know I didn't ask to be judged and you have no idea what goes on between me and my wife. The fact is we fight all the time and she threatens to either leave or kill herself every week. Now I love her and what to try to make her happy but I don't want to wait till something happens to our relationship to learn these things. Just because I want to meet someone who shares my interests doesn't mean I will do anything behind my wife's back. I just want people I meet here to know I am married and that any contact will have to be discreet for now. Now if people here can't get off their soap boxes I will just delete this post.

RedMagic1 -> RE: I need to learn (6/4/2009 7:50:09 PM)
Well, you can't delete the post. Also, you posted on an open, international forum. People are going to respond however they see fit. So deal. It's not unreasonable to suggest that you do your best to "master" a life commitment you made, if you want to learn the finer points of mastery. I've been to the Woodshed. It's my favorite public playspace in the country. The people are superb, as are the classes I've attended. The first time I was at the Woodshed, I met a woman, also there for the first time. She was there without her husband's knowledge. She asked me what it was like in the scene for people who are married but discreet. I told her, "I know nothing about the state of your marriage, so I won't judge. However, sometimes in BDSM, one person holds the other person's life in their hands. So honest communication is extremely important. If someone is giving off a 'cheating vibe,' you have to wonder how honest their communication is going to be. So a lot of people won't play with someone who has to be discreet."

playfulotter -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 4:06:36 PM)
I agree with all that "SteelofUtah" said...the advice can be the same for being submissive too but I don't think the "Fight Club" thing fits or I don't understand it...ha ha [image]http://www.collarchat.com/upfiles/smiley/boxer.gif[/image]

angelikaJ -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 4:21:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr You know I didn't ask to be judged and you have no idea what goes on between me and my wife. The fact is we fight all the time and she threatens to either leave or kill herself every week. Now I love her and what to try to make her happy but I don't want to wait till something happens to our relationship to learn these things. Just because I want to meet someone who shares my interests doesn't mean I will do anything behind my wife's back. I just want people I meet here to know I am married and that any contact will have to be discreet for now. Now if people here can't get off their soap boxes I will just delete this post. Have you gotten help for your wife? Have you sought help for your marriage? It kind of sounds like you want to pursue your interest in the life style as a distraction for the things that are disharmonious in your interpersonal relationship with her. Generally speaking that often does not work because "wherever you go, there you are". There is a saying you are likely to come across: "One can't master another until one first learns to master one's self." It sounds like there are numerous places in your life that are either out of control or need attention/work. If you want to succeed at this, then I might suggest you work on those things first. The outcome is likely to be better for all concerned. A suggestion: there are kink friendly counselors.

Apocalypso -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 4:35:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr You know I didn't ask to be judged So you're looking for a mentor who won't actually tell you anything you don't want to hear? Fair enough. I'll validate your ego for a hundred dollars a week if you want.

DarkSteven -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 5:00:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr The fact is we fight all the time and she threatens to either leave or kill herself every week. Now I love her and what to try to make her happy but I don't want to wait till something happens to our relationship to learn these things. Get counseling or get a divorce. 1. You have a very bad relationship. Either fix it or get out of it. This is NOT the time to start a new one, What if your slavegirl turns psycho as well? 2. There aren't many slavegirls out there. There are far fewer who will be a slave to a married man, especially one who has no intention of leaving his wife. Then there's that possibility she could find herself in a Fatal Attraction situation with the wife and gf's roles reversed.

CallaFirestormBW -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 5:25:40 PM)
OP, you have C-mail.

NihilusZero -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 6:12:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr You know I didn't ask to be judged and you have no idea what goes on between me and my wife. The fact is we fight all the time and she threatens to either leave or kill herself every week. Now I love her and what to try to make her happy but I don't want to wait till something happens to our relationship to learn these things. Just because I want to meet someone who shares my interests doesn't mean I will do anything behind my wife's back. I just want people I meet here to know I am married and that any contact will have to be discreet for now. Now if people here can't get off their soap boxes I will just delete this post. You want advice? Find and execute a plan to adequately care for your wife and leave her (at least semi-) amicably to where she can stand on her own two feet. It doesn't have to be perfect and it may come with plenty of tears, but do it. Consider that the first test of your capacity to communicate and and act with integrity and honesty (all crucial traits needed in in becoming a Master/Dom). Or if you just want a bottom to play with occasionally to sate your fantasies (which any person is entitled to) I hear craigslist provides a better hit/miss ratio than CM.

SmokingGun82 -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 8:35:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr You know I didn't ask to be judged and you have no idea what goes on between me and my wife. Posting is putting yourself up for judgment. You asked for guidance in the form of a mentor. Six people gave you logical, sensible information. What makes you think one person wouldn't say "Hey, quit being a dick and end the marriage rather than lying." quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr The fact is we fight all the time and she threatens to either leave or kill herself every week. Now I love her and what to try to make her happy but I don't want to wait till something happens to our relationship to learn these things. So you're not willing to make a move until you have someone new to land with? Dude. Also, therapy/commitment sounds like a legit option at this point. quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr Just because I want to meet someone who shares my interests doesn't mean I will do anything behind my wife's back. Watch how this is negated by... quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr I just want people I meet here to know I am married and that any contact will have to be discreet for now. So, you won't do anything behind her back, but you want to hide the fact you're talking to other women/men. That's perfectly logical and not at all something I want to mock. quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr Now if people here can't get off their soap boxes I will just delete this post. You asked for the soapbox treatment. You want to learn at another's feet, whether you put it that way or not. Suck it up, take the advice you've been given, process it as you want, and act on it. But if a couple comments on a public forum got your panties so bunched up, how would you take it if a mentor told you you were screwing up? Plus, as has been mentioned, once you post something it's lost to you- it takes on a life of it's own. You can't delete it just because no one is telling you how awesome you are. Oh, and welcome to the boards.

colouredin -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 8:55:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: playfulotter I agree with all that "SteelofUtah" said...the advice can be the same for being submissive too but I don't think the "Fight Club" thing fits or I don't understand it...ha ha [image]http://www.collarchat.com/upfiles/smiley/boxer.gif[/image] Cult film reference "the first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club the second rule of right club is YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB"

YourhandMyAss -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 9:08:53 PM)
Get used to it. If you come online and put yourself out there you're going to get people's judgments, asked for or not. If you can't handle it, then don't come online and put yourself out there. I personally would never come near you with a situation like yours. I'd run the other way like it was the plague. Not only being married and not having her permission being one strike but having so much drama and chaos and a very unstable person in your life make you a double strike out. Get your life straitend out and on the up and up and then seek to learn to be a dom and control someone else. quote: ORIGINAL: PrinceofDarkfr You know I didn't ask to be judged and you have no idea what goes on between me and my wife. The fact is we fight all the time and she threatens to either leave or kill herself every week. Now I love her and what to try to make her happy but I don't want to wait till something happens to our relationship to learn these things. Just because I want to meet someone who shares my interests doesn't mean I will do anything behind my wife's back. I just want people I meet here to know I am married and that any contact will have to be discreet for now. Now if people here can't get off their soap boxes I will just delete this post.

HeavansKeeper -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 9:25:20 PM)
This got ugly fast. I will train the boy.

marysdream -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 9:56:35 PM)
oh please if you are sincere, do not take anyone's word on here lol that they are True D's ....take it from this end most on here have learned to talk the talk..but have never and will never walk the walk! just read their profiles, you will get the idea!...i would find someone recommended, through some of the BDSM books/ publications, who can and allow themselves to be authenticated! good luck ree

WyldHrt -> RE: I need to learn (6/5/2009 10:28:44 PM)
quote: This got ugly fast. That surprises you... how? quote: I will train the boy. I wish you luck in that, HK OP- You have just learned that people WILL look at your profile if you post here, as I did. They will also comment on it, as I'm about to. You are seeking (you say) to totally control someone's life. I don't think that you really understand what such a thing involves. When someone gives you total control of her life, there's this little part where you agree to be completely responsible for that life, and that requires a great deal of interaction and communication on a daily basis. How do you do that while hiding said relationship from the person you are living with? What happens when your sub/slave, having put her trust in you to control her life, has a crisis and you aren't available to help her deal with it because your wife will find out? I may be wrong, but it seems that you want a sub who doesn't have a real life to deal with and will sit in a corner, like a toy, until you have time to take her out and play with her. That isn't the way this works, at least in my world. You said you wanted to learn. If that is really true, you will read this thread with the open mind of a student. Believe it or not, the good teachers are the ones that tell you the things that you do not want to hear.

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