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RE: Is it bad? - 6/6/2009 6:53:07 PM

LookieNoNookie

Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: RRRpyro

Is it bad for me to be my own person even though I desire to be a submissive? No. I find that my life is separated into 2 circles, the first circle holds my career, my schooling and school related friends and family. The other circle is my more private circle that deals with the BDSM lifestyle and rarely do I find that I can mesh these two circles together.

You're young...consider yourself lucky that you see these things in yourself at your age. You're 22....and a good looking kid...you'll be fine. I wish I would have known 3% about myself as you do today.

Relax...you'll be fine.

I've been looking through profiles of Mistress/Dominant woman on this site and I've noticed a large trend where they ask for complete almost 24/7 servitude.

Fuck them.

Allow me to repeat myself in case I wasn't entirely clear on that particular subject:

FUCK THEM!!!!!

(Feel free to email me in case the above wasn't entirely clear).

I dont think that i'll ever be able to get that in depth into the lifestyle, theres no way i'm going to let anyone command my career moves or anything else from that circle of life. Dont get me wrong, I do have fantasies of a weekend long servitude, or even a full week of it, but still, there is a part of my life that is my life and no one else is going to have control over it.

You have a lot of work to do....largely in your desires....it sounds like you want kink....which is entirely ok....but you need to find out where you stand (or sit) in this lifestyle. It's all good....:)

Is this a bad attitude for me to have? (Depends....do you like this aspect of yourself?). Will I ever find that partner who is able to work with my specific needs? (Possibly). Or should I make the decision now to become a complete sub in every aspect of my life or not attempt to breach the world of BDSM?

Depends on where you "live".

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 6/6/2009 6:55:26 PM >

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RE: Is it bad? - 6/6/2009 9:06:15 PM

LyraLaLaurie

Posts: 83
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

I own chairs and pillows 24/7 and I can beat them up or hump them at my will. It's not particularly empowering.

Yes, be your own person. :) You are young, and eventually your double selves will merge personality-wise and the transition will be easy.

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RE: Is it bad? - 6/6/2009 9:25:34 PM

RRRpyro

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/1/2009
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Thanks everyone for your thoughts and advice, it has really helped me to see that what i'm looking for is still out there and available, I just have to figure out how to find it, lol. I'll continue my search than.

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Post #: 23

RE: Is it bad? - 6/6/2009 11:32:14 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie
Fuck them.

Allow me to repeat myself in case I wasn't entirely clear on that particular subject:

FUCK THEM!!!!!

Dontcha mean Un-fuck them, or consider yourself not fuckable by them, but there is plenty to go around of the types who will want you as you are?

M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

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Post #: 24

RE: Is it bad? - 6/6/2009 11:54:56 PM

KneelforAnne

Posts: 1011
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRRpyro

Is it bad for me to be my own person even though I desire to be a submissive? I find that my life is seperated into 2 circles, the first circle holds my career, my schooling and school related friends and family. The other circle is my more private circle that deals with the BDSM lifestyle and rarely do I find that I can mesh these two circles together.

I've been looking through profiles of Mistress/Dominant woman on this site and i've noticed a large trend where they ask for complete almost 24/7 servitude. I dont think that i'll ever be able to get that in depth into the lifestyle, theres no way i'm going to let anyone command my career moves or anything else from that circle of life. Dont get me wrong, I do have fantasies of a weekend long servitude, or even a full week of it, but still, there is a part of my life that is my life and no one else is going to have control over it.

Is this a bad attitude for me to have? Will I ever find that partner who is able to work with my specific needs? Or should I make the decision now to become a complete sub in every aspect of my life or not attempt to breach the world of BDSM?

I've not read all of the replies, but I was in a similar mindset.

I think that when I started this, I thought and felt the same way. As I have progressed and learned more on the vast variety of styles available, the more I think that I could open up my life more to my (eventual) Dom.

For me (and perhaps for you?) the problem is that I was viewing it from a limiting standpoint. I was afraid that my Dom would want to limit my career, or would be jealous of it or something along those lines.

The more I read and learn about this lifestyle, I realize that I need someone that will lift me up...not hold me back. I need someone that will work with me on things that are important, not against me.

If you trust someone completely, then why wouldn't you trust them with something like your career?

Now, I'm completely not saying that your Domme/Dom (whatever you like) should go to work with you and peer over your shoulder every day--but major career decisions, going back to school, moves, what you need to do for promotions? All of those things can be achieved together, celebrated together. You can bounce ideas off of Him/Her...use them as a guide/ resource. Why not?

I guess my main point is why hold back? Is it fear that they won't treat it as carefully as you do? Or is it because it's something you want to do on your own?

Either way, the beauty of this life is that you can choose whatever dynamic fits for you.

I think the concept of "complete sub" is difficult, simply because what I see as a "complete sub" could be what others call a "slave" and others still something totally different. Don't worry so much about labels. Worry about being you, and finding someone you mesh well with.

~

P.S. Read my signature line. I love it, but more importantly, it speaks to your situation.

(P.P.S. Sorry if this isn't clear, but it's really late here. I just wanted to toss this idea out before bed. :) )

_____________________________

~Posting now as ForgetMeKnots~

BDSM is what two people at the moment decide it should be...
--CatdeMedici

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Post #: 25

RE: Is it bad? - 6/7/2009 12:06:07 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

So, when they say, "it's time to put the boat in the water, can I go next weekend?" a good slave owner says yes, if the slave is deserving.

I love these metaphors Lady H

Nothing metaphorical there, Politesub! In Michigan, I think 50% of the population are boat owners! Putting the boat in the water is a sacred event.

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Post #: 26

RE: Is it bad? - 6/7/2009 3:15:16 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I am poly, but I will not accept married submissives unless BOTH of them are serving me. Lady Pact has a different situation, maybe she can shed light on how that works. As to whether a wife would put up with that... well, they DO, so I reckon the answer is yes. I am a family first person, and I would never come between a submissive and his children, spouse, or parents. I also wouldn't take on someone who would choose me before a sick child, or a kid's important event, or that sort of thing.

I want to try to answer this the best that I can. I'm a little fuzzy still from a fun play night in Atlanta.

How it works:

I admit that I have a different situation than most. I probably see things in a different way than most people do. To Me, 24/7 isn't just a state of being. It's a state of mind. I am one of the few who believe that the physical is secondary to the emotional. The bond of the heart is more important than what can be obtained in the flesh. This is why I can do well during periods of long separation. I can forgo carnal pleasures, knowing My heart is full.

I'm often asked how clip can be married to another and still belong to Me. I have no profound words for this. All I can say is that his submissive heart is Mine. The part of him that is in his core and speaks only to Me. I heard his whispers, and I answered. I saw his inner beauty, and I looked.

I call it emotional 24/7. It is something about the heart and the soul. Deep within Myself, he is with Me, as I am with him. It crosses miles, oceans, continents. There is no distance that can break it. No war that can destroy it. No death that can kill it.

May you find such a thing, and treasure it.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 27

RE: Is it bad? - 6/7/2009 6:32:44 PM

LPslittleclip

Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
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the best way to find anyone vanilla or otherwise is to be honest and truthfully to other es and yourself. when i found my M'Lady i was only looking for a play partner, and i found a special bond and a poly family. now i have 2 family's and more to love and cherish. now the bonds that W/we have is special and unique in itself. just be yourself and be open to the things that might come.

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Post #: 28

RE: Is it bad? - 6/7/2009 6:46:02 PM

MistressLavinia

Posts: 1110
Joined: 3/6/2009
From: DFWM in the Land of LaviKinks
Status: offline

I think you make a much better submissive, friend and well adjusted person if you have outside interests. I dont think its a bad thing at all. Unless a dominant is fully supporting her submissive and following him to work, and everywhere, he has an outside. He can live 24/7 by her guidelines but still has to have an outside life, unless the Dominant is supporting the submissive with necessary things. I personally feel its better for the relationship. Again, this is only my opinion, and no I dont think its bad. I do think you need to find a counterpart that agrees with the lifestyle you live and you with her/his lifestyle. The D/s relationship is just that, a relationship.

Good luck

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Post #: 29

RE: Is it bad? - 6/7/2009 8:47:42 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RRRpyro

There exists a broad spectrum of possibilities for how to define a BDSM relationship. Amongst these possibilities is a romantic relationship in which BDSM plays a significant role in sexual and general relationship expressions.

You do not necessarily have to be a servant or a slave in its classical sense; you can be a romantic companion who is submissive.

As for how to define your boundaries and how much control to surrender (career and the like), it is up to you. Your boundaries might make you incompatible with some dommes, which is fair enough.

My philosophy is that my extent of submission is not driven by a sense of duty (a submissive should do this or that) but by how I feel about a woman, and I am content to let this definition occur organically.

I think you will find this thread useful and interesting. It has multiple good posts.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2599148/mpage_1/tm.htm

Cheers,

Sea

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