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normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:26:17 AM   
keptcaged


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/23/2005
Status: offline 		About a month ago I went to a "social" which i was told is a munch, just that it's in the evening. It was at a local restaurant. everyone sat and ordered dinner. There was no outward display of bdsm. There was very little discussion of same. There were moments where, when discussed, one member would correct/clarify the others viewpoint or terminology.
I felt like I was at a Trekkie convention!

This meeting somehow sucked my entire libido/kink factor out of me for 3 weeks after!!! I had no interest in kink. NOTHING aroused me. It was that "aftershock" that amazed me and freaked me a little.
My thoughts are either,A. i was in a room of people that i thought would be a lot like me and they appeared to be nothing like me, so i alienanted me from myself (phew) or B. i'm more of a 1 on 1 or 1 on 2 person and the group atmosphere "shut me down" mentally.
Whu happened? Any thoughts?

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:34:08 AM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		Munch.

I abhor the very word—almost as much as "kink".



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Profile   Post #: 2
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:34:48 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I've had this happen to me and I think its because a person or "persons" in the group feel that they are BDSM experts and therefore must correct and comment on everything said. I believe that if they are informative its ok, but if they are a know-it-all they are just a pain in the ass and it just sucks the *kinkiness * right out of you.
I'd rather be with a relaxed small group of people who are open minded and nonjudgemental, who are willing to inform but not be pushy about it. Sometimes you just have to search around for the group thats right for you.


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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:37:35 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged

About a month ago I went to a "social" which i was told is a munch, just that it's in the evening. It was at a local restaurant. everyone sat and ordered dinner. There was no outward display of bdsm. There was very little discussion of same. There were moments where, when discussed, one member would correct/clarify the others viewpoint or terminology.
I felt like I was at a Trekkie convention!

This meeting somehow sucked my entire libido/kink factor out of me for 3 weeks after!!! I had no interest in kink. NOTHING aroused me. It was that "aftershock" that amazed me and freaked me a little.
My thoughts are either,A. i was in a room of people that i thought would be a lot like me and they appeared to be nothing like me, so i alienanted me from myself (phew) or B. i'm more of a 1 on 1 or 1 on 2 person and the group atmosphere "shut me down" mentally.
Whu happened? Any thoughts?


Groups are like people. Some you are going to like; some you aren't. What you describe sounds like a lot of munches Libby and I go to and greatly enjoy.

You might be able to find a more "active" munch group or just limit yourself to going to parties where play rather than talk is the primary vitalizing impetus.

You might wish to analyze what turned you off (and what would have turned you on.) If it was outward display of BDSM activities then parties are clearly the route of choice here. If it was discussion about BDSM, you might try seeking out classes where a specific topic is overtly on the table.

Of course, your final hypothesis, that you are a dyad and small group person, may have been the proper one. However, unless one "mines" larger groups for these people, they can be very very hard to find.

Libby and I play with a group of friends that numbers only 10 or 15, but to find those, we've had to talk with literally thousands of perfectly nice (and some not so nice) who just didn't ring our bells in that way.

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:40:50 AM   
Nuke718


Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		Don't let a single bad experience keep you from getting out. All groups are a little different, and apparently that one was pretty button down from the sounds of it.

I'll tell you that when out in an exposed public place, most groups I have been involved with tend to dress casually, and keep it a LITTLE on the quiet side (but we are sorta conservative in the midwest). Munches in a privite dining room, people will be more talkative (at least when the waitress isn't around.) Private parties or fetish "events" tend to be the most open and exciting if you are looking for fetish wear and play. But in between, are what we called "socials".

Now socials in our group were not even necesarily lifestyle oriented, but more a fun night out. Bowling, kareoke, pool, Blues Night at the pub. Usually not a resteraunt, so people could come and go through out the evening. nd usually loud enough you wouldn't worry about offending or scaring folks.

But in ALL of those settings, we talked about BDsM (and usually laughed a lot). So maybe you caught em on a boring night, or maybe it's just not the group for you.

Sorry you had a bummer night out and I wish you better luck next time.

Nuke

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:42:32 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

I felt like I was at a Trekkie convention!


well, if you were expecting "outward display of bdsm", whatever that means, it won't be happening at most munches held in public restaurants...most restaurants have to be pretty careful about what they allow in and around their establishments, if they want to stay in business.

have you looked into what resources are available to you in your area as far as meeting like minded folk in a more private social setting (private club or dungeon)?

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:50:12 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged
I felt like I was at a Trekkie convention!

LOL sub-cultures attract similar personalities. There's lots of discussion cross-over between geek/kink culture.
quote:


This meeting somehow sucked my entire libido/kink factor out of me for 3 weeks after!!! I had no interest in kink. NOTHING aroused me. It was that "aftershock" that amazed me and freaked me a little.
My thoughts are either,A. i was in a room of people that i thought would be a lot like me and they appeared to be nothing like me, so i alienanted me from myself (phew) or B. i'm more of a 1 on 1 or 1 on 2 person and the group atmosphere "shut me down" mentally.
Whu happened? Any thoughts?

Maybe you just got shocked out of your expectations. Maybe it's not a good group for you. Maybe you had an off night. Try things a few times and see what happens. MOst groups hold a variety of munches/dinners/socials/demos/meetings/parties that can vary widely in attitude and focus.


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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 10:52:27 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

About a month ago I went to a "social" which i was told is a munch, just that it's in the evening. It was at a local restaurant. everyone sat and ordered dinner. There was no outward display of bdsm. There was very little discussion of same. There were moments where, when discussed, one member would correct/clarify the others viewpoint or terminology.
I felt like I was at a Trekkie convention


Anything at a vanilla venue (in this case a restaurant) needs to be kept from being overtly kink-oriented.

I've been to a lot of munches and the like over the years, and some groups I clicked with, others I didn't. It really depends on the mix of people and who was best suited for me. I go to a munch now that is femdom oriented that I very much enjoy. I recall going to a munch years ago where most were dressed very poorly, the the point of it being inappropriate for even a casual dining restaurant - a pet peeve of mine. I generally don't come away from a munch feeling "kink charged" but rather in an "enjoyed an evening with friends" mode.

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 11:16:23 AM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		What happened is that you went to a munch. I've had the same reaction every time I've gone to one. That's why I don't go to them. They literally make me sick.

quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged

Whu happened? Any thoughts?


(in reply to keptcaged)
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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 11:23:18 AM   
seaturtle50


Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

primary vitalizing impetus


Creates lovely smile

st50

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 11:25:22 AM   
keptcaged


Posts: 44
Joined: 4/23/2005
Status: offline 		Wow! Thanks, all of you for the quick reply!
(Amayos, what can i say?)

Now that i think of it....there was a dynamic going on that i couldn't (or didn't) anticipate.
The way we were seated, i was a male sub sitting opposite a female sub. She was next to a male Dom as was i. i'm not sure but that may have whammied my subconscious. One of the guys looked like ole Jesse Dukes (minus the overalls) and any visual that crept into my head was........too much. i didn't know what to do with my "self" in that situation.
In gay clubs, while not bi, i took advances as a compliment.
Hmmmmmm
Thanks again.

_____________________________

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 11:29:25 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged
i didn't know what to do with my "self" in that situation.
In gay clubs, while not bi, i took advances as a compliment.
Hmmmmmm
Thanks again.

Gay culture/bars are VERY different in expectations and social dances than standard het munches.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 11:41:00 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline 		I have lost count to the number of munch type groups that there are in metro Detroit. Each munch is different from the other, and if someone attended just one, they might not have a good impression of the community, as a whole. The people at each event can be very different. The west side, the east side (a HUGE Detroit thing...eastside, westside), the downriver group (VERY personable), the northern...etc. ALL very different gatherings, but with some of the same folks. The atmosphere being so different, and the dynamic in some cases conducive to warmth and friendliness to utter banishment of newcomers. There are no welcoming committees, although some groups have some very good ambassadors.

Perhaps your expectations were too high. I find a munch a nice social event to meet others. A place to enjoy coffee or dinner. Some in attendance may share my interest, but most don't overall. I'm single, most come in couples. Some are nice and friendly, and others quite in their own world. Some play with BDSM, some breath it!

I enjoy most munches, now and then, but I've also felt like my interest was sucked out of me, after going to the unfriendly cold ones. Many of the people can be those types of folks that I would not otherwise enjoy or know, if not for are like interest in BDSM related activities.

If I were you, I might consider trying another group. I've met some wonderful people through my group affiliations.
K

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 12:03:35 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

quote:

primary vitalizing impetus


Creates lovely smile


[blush] Maybe sometimes I need to keep my "inner academic" under better control

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 12:09:33 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: keptcaged

Wow! Thanks, all of you for the quick reply!
(Amayos, what can i say?)

Now that i think of it....there was a dynamic going on that i couldn't (or didn't) anticipate.
The way we were seated, i was a male sub sitting opposite a female sub. She was next to a male Dom as was i. i'm not sure but that may have whammied my subconscious. One of the guys looked like ole Jesse Dukes (minus the overalls) and any visual that crept into my head was........too much. i didn't know what to do with my "self" in that situation.
In gay clubs, while not bi, i took advances as a compliment.
Hmmmmmm
Thanks again.


Are you saying some of these people made unwelcome advances toward you? I admit to being a bit confused.

Did you talk to the people around you (including the old geezer with the beard)?

One of the neat things about a munch is that it gives people who might not have an interest in you as a play partner a chance to get to know you as a person. This is significant because they might know someone who would like to meet you as a play partner, but you won't find out about it if you don't make the effort to know them.

That's why it's called a "network" and not a "line." If you impress people favorably, you create a net, branching and expanding, that advertises your existence and availablity.



_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 12:10:35 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		Whu happened? Any thoughts?
===========

i have gone through this post 3 times.
may i ask you 'a' question?

just a simple yes or no.

is this possibly from...expectations not being met?
ergo
i am, born and rasied in iowa.
i went to nevada the very first time, moving there with intent on staying, which i did for 5 yrs
i EXPECTED this big glorious palace when i walked into my 1st casino...and was SO let down, seeing a mere simple rug, bare walls and a shitload of machines.
no grand palace.
no big to-do foo for all.
like walking into your neighbors bathroom...a big let down.


IS this what you think maybe--happened?

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 12:11:34 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: seaturtle50

quote:

primary vitalizing impetus


Creates lovely smile


[blush] Maybe sometimes I need to keep my "inner academic" under better control



Oh NO Mr. Warren, please I for one, would like to see more of that inner academic...

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


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Profile   Post #: 17
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 1:10:16 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I've had this happen to me and I think its because a person or "persons" in the group feel that they are BDSM experts and therefore must correct and comment on everything said. I believe that if they are informative its ok, but if they are a know-it-all they are just a pain in the ass and it just sucks the *kinkiness * right out of you.




Sounds like some posters we got on here... (not you.. LOL.. )... just made me think of some of the post i've read on here.... giving information is great.... trying to prove thy self to be a know it all.. it's my way or no way.... makes me laugh. On here.. and in real life meetings as well.

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RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 2:40:59 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I agree that it's probably just the group... the munches we go to here are great, it's at a family owned and operated bar/restaurant and we have a blast. They have theme nights, such as weird hat night where everyone wears a... well, you know... weird hat, and animal print night, etc. The waitress gets emails letting her in on the theme and she dresses for the occasion as well. Generally there is around 20 to 30 people from the group there and if there are "short people" there we watch our "p's and q's"... but we still have fun.

Jewel

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: normal reaction? - 2/10/2006 4:37:55 PM   
seaturtle50


Posts: 382
Joined: 12/28/2005
Status: offline
quote:

[blush] Maybe sometimes I need to keep my "inner academic" under better control


Please, no need for any sort of holding back where You are concerned!

It was a VERY WARM smile. I do need all of those i can get. Thank You for that one ;-)

st50

_____________________________

i want to be your ... #1 lowest common denominator.

Destiny happens in a moment ... in the blink of an eye.

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Profile   Post #: 20
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