RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance.

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/7/2009 9:58:11 PM

ZenDragoness

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Yes and no, the person will may leave, but return a week later.

The women who work in Women refugee houses (i do not know the term in english; in german it would be Frauenhaus) are well accustomed to women, who leave a lot times the abusive person and go back.

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/7/2009 10:05:56 PM

Andalusite

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No, if they are being treated in ways that they don't consent to, but don't leave, they're in a lousy relationship, not "consenting by default." A lot of women are afraid to leave someone who is abusing them, whether due to physical threats, financial reasons, concern for their children, loving their partner in spite of the abuse, or other reasons. Claiming that they deserve it, or are automatically consenting to it, is if anything even more unempowering. Men have even less of a support structure if they are being abused, for various reasons, but anyone who is battered or dealing with infidelity can take a while to finally decide to leave.

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/7/2009 10:22:50 PM

catize

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quote:

See i have this intolerance i can't help when i see things on the boards such as 'my partner has been sneaking around talking to / meeting other subs / doms', followed by many other threads along the same lines. Or 'my Dom / sub repeatedly refuses to communicate with me when there is a problem', followed by other threads along the same lines.

I just want to scream, by default or little or no resistance you are consenting to their behaviour. By staying you are allowing what they do, accepting it to a certain degree. Are we not always saying if you consent to something it is ok? Your kink is not my kink and judgementalness (is that even a word) aside of course.

So my question is, is this behaviour consent by default or little or no resistance?

People often stay in unhappy relationships because they get what is called a secondary gain from that abuse of trust. They like to whine and play the ‘victim’ role, they enjoy the repetitive drama, they relish the sympathy and attention from anyone who will listen. Yep, if they don’t leave they are not only consenting, they are active participants in their own dissatisfaction.

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/7/2009 10:42:40 PM

willowspirit

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Yes, there are always some elements of choice, but sometimes the option to leave isn't one of them -- at that place and time, anyway.
People can give their consent from a place of independence and solid assertive "person-ness", but sometimes heavy -- undeniable -- bonding takes place. A loyalty kicks in... some people have an amazingly powerful acceptence and patience of other people's behavior.
As a 'deep end submissive' (google as 'high end submissive'), I'm not always a free volunteer. It's takes a lot to make me leave. It will take friends and time -- and grave seriousness of the violation.

This is one of the reasons I feel I need the connection, companionship, support and safety found within a lifestyle community.

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/8/2009 3:49:56 AM

DesFIP

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Absolutely. If someone crosses a boundary and you accept it, then you are giving agreement for it to be crossed repeatedly.

However I don't blame anyone for staying in the beginning. Because then you will assume it was accidental and that discussion with them will make sure it doesn't happen again. But if it keeps happening, then you know it will keep happening, and at that point you either walk and find something healthier or stay and be abused.

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/8/2009 4:45:23 AM

Fitznicely

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
So my question is, is this behaviour consent by default or little or no resistance? Or am i just plain and simply being judgemental and closed minded? It has been known to happen before!!

What you're describing is, from what I can see, Battered Wife Syndrome.

While they stay, I don't accept that consent is given by default. What I've seen more often is that it's a sign of depresion, hopelessness, a feeling of having nowhere else to go, duty and so help me, love. All these factors can LOOk like the consent is given, but that counldn't be farther from the truth...

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RE: Consent by default or little or no resistance. - 6/8/2009 4:58:53 AM

lusciouslips19

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The fact of the matter is no matter how naturally dominant a master is, a newbie is a newbie. Many have never been mentored or know the first thing about safety and their introduction came from the internet porn they viewed.

I had a relationship where the D's was right on but the BDSM was dreadfully inept. I first tried to work it out by sending him a chart used in massage. Caution endangerment sites of the body. This was after he hit my kidneys. I sent him a book by John Warren. He didnt have the time to read it. I made the decision to protect myself. If you want to stay ,you have to agree to be able to top from the botom for awhile and if he seems woefully uncoordinated or too Domly to hear he is unsafe, head for the hills. Safety is the most important thing. So, sure stay in a conditional way . But you need a reprieve from certain exchanges until they can be done correctly. You may want to send him this. http://www.massagenerd.com/pictures/[color=#000000 size=2]endangerment1.jpg

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 6/8/2009 5:07:36 AM >

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