What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom?

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What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 7:03:03 PM

cocodancer777

Posts: 6
Joined: 12/8/2005
Status: offline

I don't know how to even start a search? Please give me some ideas that I can gage the sincerity of those who approach me.

Thank you very much.

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 7:12:37 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

That ain't gonna ever really happen.

I can give you a song and dance........

Don't be giddy.........
Talk, read, talk, read, search the boards...........

Self discovery.........

What do you want? You better by god have it right if you are gonna make the deal kiddo.

Thats most of the deal........lotsa nice people on here as well as dick flashers.........

Hang out, hang back......this is a life changing decision just like many you made to date.......consider what went well and what went bad and use it.

Sincerely,
Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to cocodancer777)

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 7:13:31 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cocodancer777

I don't know how to even start a search? Please give me some ideas that I can gage the sincerity of those who approach me.

Thank you very much.

First, start within yourself. What turns you on. Look for someone whose needs are complementary.

If there are any groups near you, take advantage of them to meet people in a face to face environment.

If someone insults or pressures you, ignore them. Dominance isn't being a bully. You want someone who will work with you for mutual satisfaction.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to cocodancer777)

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 7:24:24 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Oh, and what the hell; since John won't say it (when did you become demur, sir?) check out greenery press dot com or see if you can pick up one of this man's books or any other of the published he hangs around with when you see his name (metaphorically speaking) there is some damn good advice and hilarious stories in them books out there.

AGAIN,

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to JohnWarren)

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 8:10:57 PM

champagnewishes

Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline

A good Master/Dom is a relative term. What is good for one is not necessarily good for another. Therefore, you need to start with yourself. Read, read and read. Have plenty of paper handy to take notes. As you read, be truthful with yourself. "Is this something i am interested in?" Make columns with headings such as "Like", "Open to try", "Definately not", "Things i don't understand" etc etc.

Once you feel comfortable about your likes and dislikes, still read some more...LOL. Make sure you have all the answers to the questions on your list. If you opt to go online in search of meeting someone, be prepared. The minute you start chatting with someone and you feel the least bit uncomfortable, step back for a second and voice what your feeling. If your concerns are ignored, hit block and move on. Always be up front and honest...and look for this to be met with understanding and guidance in a supportive manner. Anything short of this, throw up the warning flags.

Best of luck and welcome to the boards!

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 8:26:51 PM

JohnWarren

Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

Oh, and what the hell; since John won't say it (when did you become demur, sir?) check out greenery press dot com or see if you can pick up one of this man's books or any other of the published he hangs around with when you see his name (metaphorically speaking) there is some damn good advice and hilarious stories in them books out there.

AGAIN,

Ron

Thank you. To be quite honest, recommending Loving Dominant really didn't occur to me. Must be the pain med or the advanced age.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 8:31:38 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

I don't know how to even start a search? Please give me some ideas that I can gage the sincerity of those who approach me.

The search always starts from the inside, Coco. You might want to consider actually breaking off your current relationship before starting another one. Do things on your own for a while. Give yourself some time to learn about yourself and about what you really want from a 24/7 relationship. Now, none of that is a requirement and certainly there are people for whom things work out, but for the majority, there are broken hearts along the way, disappointments, and reality rears it's ugly head when we move out of our fantasy of what we 'think' BDSM will mean to us. Ultimately, you'll be the one responsible for what happens to you. Have you tried communication with your husband? Does he know what you want or need? You might have the Dom of your dreams right in your own house and not even know it. You married him for a reason after all. If your marriage is at it's end, then end it. If you can't give it any more chances because of what it's been through, then you can't. Just be careful. BDSM is a huge risk, so be aware of the steps you are trying to take.

::sighs:: I do wish you all the best. As for ideas about how to gauge the sincerity of those who approach you. Use your head, follow your heart and trust your gut. If all three of those are in sync, consider giving the relationship a shot. If ANY of those raises red flags, you'd probably be better off moving on and trying with someone else. For example, if you heart races and your mind gets foggy with the thoughts of someone whom you've met.. but your gut is screaming that's it's all WRONG.. trust the gut. If the gut and mind are saying YES, YES but the heart's not there.. move on as well.

Be well, Coco.. and I hope you find what you're seeking. A lot don't, but a lot of us do.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to cocodancer777)

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/10/2006 11:02:07 PM

Tapestry

Posts: 226
Joined: 10/29/2005
Status: offline

I have to agree with Celeste. Finish one relationship before you start another. And unless there are greater issues surrounding the end of your marriage, consider talking to your husband about exploring the lifestyle. It's not fair to you, to your husband, or a potential Dom to not have one finished before starting a new relationship. Have you considered seeking professional help and counseling with the marriage issues? Above all, BDSM and a Dom, are not going to rescue you from a bad marriage, only you can do that.

I also have to agree with John, find your local BDSM group and join it. Typically there are informative and educational presentations, as well as opportunities to get to know experienced people who can help you learn, explore, and discover if this is for you. After you have discovered if this is for you, in a safe and sane environment, then seek out a Dominant partner.

And I also have to agree with Ron, pick up a copy of The Loving Dominant by John Warren, PhD. As I was learning about the lifestyle, that book, along with several websites, was very helpful and informative! I didn't have to order my copy as it is sold at Barnes & Noble. I don't know if other bookstores carry it or not.

Good luck to you. I have first hand knowledge of how hard it is to end a marriage and stand on my own 2 feet. I had/have a child to support, and only 1/3 the income, and just felt I could never manage to do it. Finally, I found the strength and made it happen. Was it easy? Oh hell no! Was it worth it? Absotively Posilutely!!!! Figuring out how to stand on my own 2 feet and take care of my son and myself for the past few years, knowing that I can do it, and don't NEED a man to do it for me, makes my submission even more meaningful, because it's a choice. It's not done out of desperation, but simply because I want to. And having been alone and independant for awhile makes the relationship with Master better than I could have ever hoped for.

Be strong, believe in yourself, and you will find you have hidden depths of courage and abilities you didn't know you had!

In the meantime, if you choose to pursue meeting Dom's now, be careful of the posers, the users, and those who will take advantage of you. There are genuine ones here, as Ron said, but there are also a lot of hustlers too. For that reason alone I suggest a real life, face-to-face BDSM group. Celeste's suggestion of Head/Heart/Gut is good advice also, as is Champagnewishes suggestion to hit block and move on when chatting if you are uncomfortable. A true Dom is a gentleman and will not pressure you. They will understand your newness and be willing to teach you and work with you at a pace that's comfortable for you. Furthermore, they will not use abusive or bullying language with you.

_____________________________

Tapestry

Daddy's Little Girl

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away."

www.tapestry41.blogspot.com

(in reply to BitaTruble)

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RE: What should iI be seeking in a good Master/Dom? - 2/19/2006 6:24:47 PM

Submotive

Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cocodancer777

I don't know how to even start a search? Please give me some ideas that I can gage the sincerity of those who approach me.

Thank you very much.

Seems to be so many concepts and ideas in this lifestyle. For me, being in love, feeling cared for and respected by my Master is just as important in this lifestyle as in the vanilla one. i honestly and truly can't submit with any degree of reality without those.

How can i trust someone who doesn't love and respect me? And how can i submit completely to someone i can't trust?

_____________________________

Owned by Scotch Master

i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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