Actual label instructions on consumer goods

Actual label instructions on consumer goods (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Humor and Games

Message

mydestiny2043 -> Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 8:04:42 AM)
1. On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.) 2. On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?) 3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....) 4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.) 5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): Don 't turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!) 6. On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...) 7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?) 8. On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.) 9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because???...) 10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to... what?) 11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.) 12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash) 13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh... fly Delta?) 14. On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.) 15. On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

sirsholly -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 8:09:30 AM)
quote: 15. On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) yanno...these warnings generally appear AFTER some bozo actually did it. Good thing though...heaven help us if he were to breed.

Marc2b -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 11:16:50 AM)
quote: yanno...these warnings generally appear AFTER some bozo actually did it. That's the really scary thought which is why one I read on a disposable light some years ago really perplexes me (and I swear to God I'm not making this up): DO NOT INSERT INTO ANUS. DO NOT IGNITE WHILE INSERTED IN ANUS. There's perveted - like us! - and then there's PERVERTED!

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:10:17 PM)
On a batman costume "Chestpiece is not body armor, will not stop bullets" seriously

sirsholly -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:11:33 PM)
On SillyPutty...Not to be used as earplugs

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:19:33 PM)
that other use, is for processing other liquids :P

Pyrmidon -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:25:09 PM)
My goodness, but you certainly go through a wide variety of products!![:D]

sirsholly -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:25:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Pyrmidon My goodness, but you certainly go through a wide variety of products!![:D] we are a diversified bunch!

sirsholly -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:27:25 PM)
My favorite...Curling iron can cause serious damage to the eyes. this was sent to be by some wise-ass after i burned my cornea with a hot curling iron.[8\|]

kittinSol -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:28:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly this was sent to be by some wise-ass after i burned my cornea with a hot curling iron.[8\|] A curling iron is NOT an eyelash curler, Holly [8\|] .

stella41b -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:44:28 PM)
From my own personal archives of when I was a translator in Warsaw... (taken from an advice poster for Warsaw City Council) 'Bombs have a tendency to explode without warning. These explosions usually happen suddenly.' 'If you see a strange person inform the police immediately.' 'In the event of a bomb exploding on a bus or tram, do not panic, and make your way to the nearest available exit.' (from a jar of peanut butter) 'Not suitable for people with nut allergies.' (from instant soup) 'Warning: boiling water may be hot.'

Marc2b -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 12:58:25 PM)
quote: A curling iron is NOT an eyelash curler, Holly . I know of a gal who should have been told that they are not for use as a dildo either. I didn't know whether to [sm=rofl.gif] or [sm=river.gif].

SteelofUtah -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 1:06:08 PM)
My Favorite... On a Gag Gift it isn't real but it was Hillarious. It was a Large Dildo and the warning lable said. If you are too stupid to use this correctly just return it for a full refund. Steel

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 1:11:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Marc2b quote: A curling iron is NOT an eyelash curler, Holly . I know of a gal who should have been told that they are not for use as a dildo either. I didn't know whether to [sm=rofl.gif] or [sm=river.gif]. That would depend on whos regions were curled I imagine :D

dcnovice -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/9/2009 1:12:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Marc2b quote: A curling iron is NOT an eyelash curler, Holly . I know of a gal who should have been told that they are not for use as a dildo either. I didn't know whether to [sm=rofl.gif] or [sm=river.gif]. This makes me think fondly of Florence King's When Sisterhood Was in Flower. One of the funniest stories I've ever read.

FourQ -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/10/2009 4:15:32 AM)
Product Warnings:"Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet." -- In the information booklet. "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. "For external use only!" -- On a curling iron. "Warning: This product can burn eyes." -- On a curling iron. "Do not use in shower." -- On a hair dryer. "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device. "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment." -- On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket. "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." -- On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan. "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists. "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -- On an electric rotary tool. "Caution: Do not spray in eyes." -- On a container of underarm deodorant. "Do not drive with sunshield in place." -- On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard. "Caution: This is not a safety protective device." -- On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn. "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter. "Battery may explore or leak." -- On a battery. "Do not eat toner." -- On a toner cartridge for a laser printer. "Not intended for highway use." -- On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow. "This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater. "May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defence pepper spray. "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth." -- On a novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock." "Caution! Contents hot!" -- On a Domino's Pizza box. "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!" -- On a coffee cup. "Caution: Shoots rubber bands." -- On a product called "Rubber Band Shooter." "Warning: May contain small parts." -- On a frisbee. "Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush. "Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife. "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old. "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use." -- On a battery. "Warning: Do not use on eyes." -- In the manual for a heated seat cushion. "Do not look into laser with remaining eye." -- On a laser pointer. "Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven. "For use on animals only." -- On an electric cattle prod. "For use by trained personnel only." -- On a can of air freshener. "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers." -- On a can of air freshener. "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror. "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft." -- In the manual for a jet ski. "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm. "Do not use as ear plugs." -- On a package of silly putty. "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator." -- On a bag of fresh grapes in Australia. "Warning: knives are sharp!" -- On the packaging of a sharpening stone. "Not for weight control." -- On a pack of Breath Savers. "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth." -- On the label of a bottled drink. "Theft of this container is a crime." -- On a milk crate. "Do not use intimately." -- On a tube of deodorant. "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." -- On a box of rat poison. "Fragile. Do not drop." -- Posted on a Boeing 757. "Cannot be made non-poisonous." -- On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid. "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller. "Excessive dust may be irritating to shin and eyes." -- On a tube of agarose powder, used to make gels. "Look before driving." -- On the dash board of a mail truck. "Do not iron clothes on body." -- On packaging for a Rowenta iron. "Do not drive car or operate machinery." -- On Boot's children's cough medicine. "For indoor or outdoor use only." -- On a string of Christmas lights. "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume. "This door is alarmed from 7:00pm - 7:00am." -- On a hospital's outside access door. "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted." -- On a sign at a railroad station. "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems." -- On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets. "Product will be hot after heating." -- On a supermarket dessert box. "Do not turn upside down." -- On the bottom of a supermarket dessert box. "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball." -- On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy. "Not for human consumption." -- On a package of dice. "May be harmful if swallowed." -- On a shipment of hammers. "Using Ingenio cookware to destroy your old pots may void your warranty." -- A printed message that appears in a television advertisement when the presenter demonstrates how strong the cookware is by using it to beat up and destroy a regular frying pan. "Do not attempt to stop the blade with your hand." -- In the manual for a Swedish chainsaw. "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers." -- From a manual for an SGI computer. "Warning: May contain nuts." -- On a package of peanuts. "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the Styrofoam packing. "Do not eat if seal is missing." -- On said seal. "Remove occupants from the stroller before folding it." "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. "Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer. "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. "Warning! This is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants." -- On the packaging for a wristwatch. "Do not wear for sumo wrestling." -- From a set of washing instructions.

GreedyTop -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/10/2009 7:30:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: 15. On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) yanno...these warnings generally appear AFTER some bozo actually did it. Good thing though...heaven help us if he were to breed. Holly? is there something you're not telling us? ducks and runs

Asherdelampyr -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/10/2009 7:53:38 AM)
How many people when they buy a stereo honestly think the company may have put a snack in there?

FourQ -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/10/2009 8:13:37 AM)
I think it was intended for those stupid enough to put a chocolate CD in a CD player mate. I personally like the ones Battery may explore... explore what? If you put it in a remote controlled car is it going to drive around your house at 3am looking for burglars? Please keep out of children (kitchen knife). Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is not chopping fruit and vegetables, but slaughtering any kids who wander in to the kitchen?! For use by trained personnel only. On a can of air freshener. Eight week evening course available at your local college. Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted. - The defence rests. Seriously though, how many of these are because of a sue-you, sue-me culture?

LKN4SIS -> RE: Actual label instructions on consumer goods (6/10/2009 9:46:07 AM)
all I know is ....if I wake up dead because of ANY of these products...I'm gonna sue !!!!!

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125