RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 12:59:04 PM

Asherdelampyr

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In my house there is a standing rule that applies to both of us, as neither one of us are at our best when we wake, the rule is simple
Whatever is said for up to one hour after that person has woken up does not count :)

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 1:06:14 PM

PeonForHer

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Good rule. Excellent rule. In fact, that one rule could save many, many partnerships, I'd guess . . . .

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 1:30:40 PM

AlexandraLynch

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My household sets things up the night before so that morning is accomplished with the minimum of interaction among the house inhabitants. Pills and soda next to the computers, clothes ready on closet doors, and the first meal of the day mostly put together in the fridge...."Food's ready, come sit" is all that is said, and then once everyone has eaten, we do morning check-ins on chronic conditions and what's going on today.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 2:28:11 PM

AgreeableOne

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Interesting insights all around. I expect there is a subtle level of D/s in most households, vanilla included, which comes to light in the morning time. As expected, here in a D/s forum, some of the rules and rituals described for the early AM are more extreme. Good reading.

As touchy as my Domina would be in the AM while I tried to have things ready for her and stay out of her way, she also made a point later in the day to smile and tell me "mornings don't count" just like Asherdelampyr alluded to in her experience. I guess the most extreme she got would be the no eye contact rule which was easy enough and I didn't take it personally, it's just what she needed.

Lockit has a wonderful ritual she describes as "Before they leave, they would kneel or come to me and we would have some wonderful bonding moments and I would tell them what I expected of them during the day or what was going to be happening."

As a submissive, I can tell you that what you have described there Lockit is fantastically powerful. My Domina wasn't a self admitted Domina, so we didn't get so far as to have rituals like that. On a few occassions though, when she was fully dressed and ready to go, we had some moments along those lines. Very powerful for the submissive I can say.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 2:49:56 PM

Venatrix

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

It can all be worked out!

I'm going to fine-tune that statement and say that a lot of it can be worked out, but not necessarily all. If someone starts putting a lot of stipulations on a relationship, I walk away. A person needs to add something to my life, and by this I don't mean more problems.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 3:00:58 PM

Tantriqu

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Separate rooms for weekdays, in My beds for weekends and special occasions like thunderstorms, but always separate beds on vacation. I like My peace and quiet for sleep, but he's there for orgasms and afterglow before and after.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 3:13:40 PM

PeonForHer

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quote:

Lockit

I would just have my man set the alarm wherever he was sleeping so that he could wake up and join me so that we could wake up together. That is what matters to me most. Seeing him first thing in the morning. I happen to like morning...

I'd have something similar with my ex. We both knew that if I'd been asleep for a couple of hours, I could fall back asleep. So she'd come and get me if she woke during the night. Either that, or I'd wake up myself and go to her room.

All five foot nothing her - she still managed to take up an entire king sized bed. But I could lift her up fully to move her and she'd still not wake. She could sleep through Armageddon - God, I envied her in that.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 5:24:07 PM

OttersSwim

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My Lady and I share her home for most nights. It has been interesting integrating me and my things into her space. From extra hangars, to space in the closet and a dresser (now there's commitment!)!

Our A.M. ritual is pretty set at this point. She works early mornings and I don't have to be at my job till 10. I get up with her at 5:45 and make her tea, iron her work uniform, do her hair, make a bit of breakfast (depending on time), and lay out her things. Once she is out the door, I am free to stay up or go back to bed and I do both depending on mood or energy.

We love our days off together where we can sleep in! We have a full sized futon in the basement (playspace) and we can go from play to bed (and all that that implies!). We love the space and the energy it has!

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 9:10:42 PM

LadyPact

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For a different angle, OP, I'm a poly person, so the sleeping arrangements are different.

One of the house rules between MP (Mister Pact, My husband) and I is that our bedroom is our sanctuary. No subs can sleep in 'our' bed. When clip (My sub) is here, I have sleeping space for him in the living room on the floor. It's actually a big futon mattress which is about eight inches thick. It's rather comfortable. I've been known to sleep there with him once in a while. If away from home, depending on the size of the bed, clip will sleep with us, with Me in the middle.

Anytime clip is here, it seems that we all have different schedules. Like other people have mentioned, I'm terrible at waking up in the mornings. Give Me caffeine and a little time to read email before I start My day. During this time, clip is generally buzzing around the kitchen, making breakfast or doing whatever chore will keep him occupied while I'm getting My act together. No, I don't talk a lot in the mornings until I've had a good half hour, but I'm not mean about it. Once I'm awake, we'll have breakfast together, which is usually Me in My chair and him at My feet.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 9:39:03 PM

AlexandraLynch

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We also have the rule that no one else sleeps in our bed. Subs who are here sleep either in the basement or on the couch or in the futon chair.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 10:16:47 PM

AgreeableOne

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I suppose having a loving relationship and life partnership inside the vanilla world with one's counterpart in D/s maybe the biggest separation in the posts. I personally fall into the category of having had a life partner. There are clearly others who have a life partner and, in addition, they have their sub(s) to boot (pun intended).

I am defining life partner as the one who you would like to, or are considering growing old with. Sharing a lifetime of memories, laughter, tears, accomplishments.

Again, it's all great reading and very insghtful.

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RE: Dominas and subs sharing a home - 6/10/2009 10:57:28 PM

DeathinRevelry

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Well, I'm without a pet in-home at the moment, but I've shared my space before, and I can say that there was always one basic rule, which remains in place for any other human being sharing space with me, including the kidlet: If it's before 10am, don't talk to me unless it's necessary, and do not, definitely, do not, touch me. Being a natural night owl who has to get up far too early for comfort for an office job makes for an exceptionally cranky Revelry in the mornings, so I've found an absolute minimum of contact keeps chances of possible snaps and blowups to a minimum. Beyond that, I agree with the previously stated mantra of nothing counting for an hour after waking.

As far as sleeping goes, I'm in negotiations with a potential at the moment, and I really don't cotton to the idea of sharing a bed full-time with someone else, since I both sprawl and hog covers, and thankfully, he likes the idea of a pallet made up at the foot of the bed, close enough to crawl up into the bed on weekend mornings or should he be beckoned in the night, but far enough removed that we each still have our own sleeping space. Nothing wrong with sleeping apart, so long as both people agree on it and can still get what they need from each other and the relationship.

All told, from what I've seen in the posts here, and what I've experienced in my own life, I'd say that the key components are communication (as with most things) and self-knowledge. If people can know who they are and what they need, and then express those things to their partner, then both can make decisions accordingly, whatever those may be.

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