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New here!!! - 6/10/2009 4:06:39 PM   
cmbtmedic


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/10/2009
Status: offline 		Ok here is my question. Why are some Doms meaner than others. This may sound silly but ive just recently started this lifestyle and will be asking many questions in the future. I dont think im going to be one of the meaner Dom's because of things in my past. But im more into letting the sub know she is beautiful and give her compliments. Now does that make me look soft to other Dom's or is that natural?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 4:08:44 PM   
Asherdelampyr


Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
Status: offline 		Some doms are meaner than others because people are different. There is no one way to do things, no one thing that always works without question, you find what works for you and use it. :D

_____________________________

Pirate King,

The nicest man you'll ever bleed for

Posting Help

Vitam Piratae Eligo

The Rainmaker

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 4:17:05 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		my Master/Daddy is very loving, kind, patient, gentle, as well as firm when He feels the need. Even in a stern moment i couldn't imagine i would consider Him mean....Even though i have totally uttered the words "Daddy You're MEAN!" LOL

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to Asherdelampyr)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 4:34:21 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cmbtmedic

Ok here is my question. Why are some Doms meaner than others. This may sound silly but ive just recently started this lifestyle and will be asking many questions in the future. I dont think im going to be one of the meaner Dom's because of things in my past. But im more into letting the sub know she is beautiful and give her compliments. Now does that make me look soft to other Dom's or is that natural?

Define 'meaner' please

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 5:03:35 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		For the exact same reason that some non-Doms are meaner than others.

Part of being a Dom is that you do it your way (within the boundaries of SSC of course).


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 5:12:11 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		If, by "mean," You mean sadistic or inflicting excess pain, no.....not all are.  ("Excess" is even a matter of opinion.)  my Sir is loving, gentle, patient and kind.  i do not think Him less Domly for it, either.  He is also fair and firm and "all-business" and will give me a red ass when it's well-deserved, if i'm cruisin' for it and i reach His limit.  lol  As a matter of fact, i would never be with a "mean" Dom.  i met One once, and ran like hell in the opposite direction.  Sadistic meanness works for S/some, firm lovingkindess does it for me every time.  It just takes all kinds to make different relationships work.  There is S/someone for E/everyone.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 5:13:54 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		DarkSteven, You are so right on and cool. 

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 5:18:49 PM   
LookieNoNookie


Posts: 12216
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cmbtmedic

Ok here is my question. Why are some Doms meaner than others. This may sound silly but ive just recently started this lifestyle and will be asking many questions in the future. I dont think im going to be one of the meaner Dom's because of things in my past. But im more into letting the sub know she is beautiful and give her compliments. Now does that make me look soft to other Dom's or is that natural?


That's an excellent question....and one not altogether often asked.

Some Doms are still driving Pinto station wagons (those are the mean ones).

Some are not (those are the nicer ones).

Feel free to email me if this didn't cover things.

(I live to serve).

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: New here!!! - 6/10/2009 8:02:10 PM   
cagliostro


Posts: 128
Joined: 12/29/2007
Status: offline 		My personal opinion is that a lot of people confuse dominance with aggression(if I'm interpreting "meaner" correctly).  People sometimes think that dominance has to be harsh or vicious.  But also bear in mind what one person considers mean, another might consider a turn on.

(in reply to LookieNoNookie)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 2:54:00 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cmbtmedic

Ok here is my question. Why are some Doms meaner than others. This may sound silly but ive just recently started this lifestyle and will be asking many questions in the future. I dont think im going to be one of the meaner Dom's because of things in my past. But im more into letting the sub know she is beautiful and give her compliments. Now does that make me look soft to other Dom's or is that natural?


You do really need to understand that BDSM people including Doms are just ordinary people. Some people are mean because they are just hard assed whilst other people are just plane mean and nasty spirited. It just happens that some of both types find their way into the BDSM scene, just as those who are really good friendly helpful people do. There is really no huge mystery about it at all..


_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 5:35:35 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		It all has to do with style.  Pick what is comfortable for you and your partner.

Some who come across as very strict (which can be mistaken for mean) are actually wonderful nurturers.  Some who come across as gentle are actually very sadistic, either physically or mentally.  You can be a very effective Dom no matter how you choose to inspire trust and devotion as long as your partner is looking for those same types of traits.

You will find that some subs will look for someone gentle while others will look for someone who is very strict.  Some want punishment often while others will do anything they can to avoid it.  The real trick is in finding personalities that go well together.  In the meantime, feel free to be the real you.



_____________________________



(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 6:13:46 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Why do you care what other people think?

The only people who get to have a vote on how your relationship runs is you and your sub. That's it. So what if some of those "one thing wrong and kick them to the curb" types says you're doing it wrong. You're going home with someone who cares about you, and they for all their posturing are going home alone.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 6:34:57 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		This brings me to the point: you are by your own statement in your profile, are new to the BDSM Lifestyle/Arena. I understand what you are saying. It would be normal to seek to be seen in an acceptable light by others at the beginning until you are settled in your Dominance and Dominant skin, for want of a better expression. many people do this in all walks of life. It is normal, if such an animal exists, to look at some others as role models. Given time you will see other Dominants here who have similar traits to those yourself. Just give yourself time to get the feel of things. My best advise at this time is to just be yourself. A true Dominant is one who lives, eats, sleeps, shits. piddles, showers and just is a Dominant and has no need to try to role play it. This also applies to a Victorian Lifestyle Master or Mistress just as it does to a Gorean Lifestyle Freeman or Free Woman. It is what they and you are. Others can label you as soft and easy going, laid back but strict, hard assed, harsh/mean or what ever floats their boat. You will attract those who react naturally positively to you as a person.

By the way, Greetings and welcome to the CM Boards. May you find joy and humour here.


< Message edited by IronBear -- 6/11/2009 6:36:21 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 3:47:29 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		ask yourself why vanilla people have a range of meanness versus being caring. The answer is the same.

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 6:43:22 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline 		Sometimes men can be meaner because they arent all that conscious. Sometimes the ones who act all nice are not. Some are big fat liars/fakes hiding behind some sort of persona to present otherwise.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 7:32:39 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Ah, you'll probably be told over and over that you're not a REAL Dom cos you don't whip shit outta your sub or half kill them every playtime.

That is bullshit.

My style of dominance is one of nurturing, enabling and enhancing my girl to help her be the best person she can. I am proud of the progress she makes under my care. You'll find as many who have similar outlooks, as you'll find ones who scorn my very existence.

What works for you, works for you. Doubtless you'll find a sub who appreciates and flourishes under your care. Then you'll see just how right your choices have been.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 10:11:21 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		You say mean like it's a bad thing!

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 10:16:10 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm not mean.  I'm sweet and innocent.  

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 11:16:02 PM   
onlyfreelycaged


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		It don't matter what other people think. what matters is being true to your self.

now that being said, I need someone who tells me that I'm beautiful, and that I'm doing well. I don't need a whole lot of being told what I did wrong. I do enough of that to my self. But, that's what *i* need, and others will have different needs and wants.

(in reply to cmbtmedic)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: New here!!! - 6/11/2009 11:27:14 PM   
flogger


Posts: 186
Joined: 6/27/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not sure what you mean, but I'm not mean, sometimes frustrated, but still a loving Dom.

(in reply to onlyfreelycaged)
Profile   Post #: 20
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