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feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 5:25:58 PM

patina

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Hi all:

It has been a long time since i posted here but i enjoy reading and the post about the Master going soft, emotionally --lol not physically-- caught my attention.

The Master i am with now seemed to be strong and dommineering until i moved in with him now he is unable to take control and it is more of us being switches which i do not like. I have considered leaving but keep hoping he will change back into the strong man i knew at the begning. i have talked with him about the situation and he says it is just he wants to wait till all the moving we have done --changing apts, merging items-- is settled and we can fully focus on us. i can see to a point but i need him to control me now.

Is this a valid reason on his part to delay is what i am wondering or just a cover up on lack of ability?

Thank you all for help.

patina

slave to Sir Kenneth

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 5:51:33 PM

SirMIkeSD

Posts: 613
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From: San Diego, Ca
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In my mind being a Dom is not something you turn off and on at will, it is who you are. I could not sooner turn it off then cut off my cock :-) There are those that play at it when it's easy for them, that's there choice but I consider it playing.

It's your choice what to do with it.
Mike

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 6:29:10 PM

serenatee

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I was with a dominant like that. The relationship was great until it went long term then it downhill from there. We are no longer together.

Like someone else said, being a dominant shouldn't be something that one turns on and off at will.

I wish you luck.

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 7:20:49 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
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From: Nashville, TN
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

In my mind being a Dom is not something you turn off and on at will, it is who you are.

Despite the fact that I agree with you that this is how dominance should be, obviously some people do treat it as a role they need to get in the mood to play (this can be just as equally true of subs, though).

At least, it is an important thing to consider and be aware of as you're becoming involved with someone in what will turn into being a long term situation.

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 8:41:53 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
The Master i am with now seemed to be strong and dommineering until i moved in with him now he is unable to take control and it is more of us being switches which i do not like.

Fundamentally, if something isn't working for you, it isn't working. But I would urge you to look carefully at whether what you are seeking is really compatible with a 24/7 full time gig. While I control carol all the time IN THEORY, the truth of the matter is she spent the entire day out in the garage doing woodworking and I spent it on the computer typing... not a whole lot of control there. In truth, I'm not sure I've given her any command all day. There just wasn't really the occasion or need. That's real life at least for us. Is this your first 24/7, live-in arrangement?

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
I have considered leaving but keep hoping he will change back into the strong man i knew at the begning. i have talked with him about the situation and he says it is just he wants to wait till all the moving we have done --changing apts, merging items-- is settled and we can fully focus on us. i can see to a point but i need him to control me now.

Needs are needs, there you have it. But I do have to say that that sounds like a lot going on right now. Somewhat more concerning to me is this question of who's serving who here? YOU need him to control you. What about what he needs? Don't get me wrong, I'm the last person on collarme to go down the "it's all about the dom" route, but I do believe that relationships of any kind are bi-directional.

quote:

ORIGINAL: patina
Is this a valid reason on his part to delay is what i am wondering or just a cover up on lack of ability?

My opinion is that that's the wrong question. There is no such thing as validity, rights, etc. in a relationship. There is only expediency. Whether or not what he is doing is valid or what you are doing as a slave is valid is totally irrellevant to whether or not it's working out or not. None of us here can possibly know enough to guess what's really going on. The situation you've described might be any number of things including, as I said, the very day we had today in my house. Yet Carol would tell you she was just as "owned" today as yesterday or tomorrow. She was serving me by finishing the art project she needs to finish before we move to Canada.

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 9:02:15 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

In my mind being a Dom is not something you turn off and on at will, it is who you are. I could not sooner turn it off then cut off my cock :-) There are those that play at it when it's easy for them, that's there choice but I consider it playing.

It's your choice what to do with it.
Mike

Yep, Have to agree with this

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 9:43:03 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
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From: St George Utah
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Opening the Chest Cavity and showing that I am Human.

Life can be overwhelming at times. Being Dominant over another person is quite a responsibility, there are times that when things are going poorly in my own life when things beyond my control are affecting my life and make the task of being responsible for another human being appear daunting at times.

I am Human.

There are times when submissives want a specific reaction and when they do not get it they push for it and push for it, there are times when a submissive is more involved with what they are trying to get then they are about the whole picture. As an emotional being there are times when I don't feel I should HAVE to maintain this I am Master, you will obey my every whim.

I am HUMAN.

There are times when I want to held. There are times when I want to be told "I Understand". There are times when I want nothing more than to just BE. And to be expected to present myself as a Hard Stonewalled Creature every moment of every day is just a little unfair. I know there are people who do this form of choreography in their life but I am just not one of them. My Emotion is what shows her I really do understand when she is struggeling.... because I struggle too.

Being Emotional doesn't always mean weak or submissive. sometimes it just means being human.

Steel

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/10/2009 10:12:35 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

Opening the Chest Cavity and showing that I am Human.

Life can be overwhelming at times. Being Dominant over another person is quite a responsibility, there are times that when things are going poorly in my own life when things beyond my control are affecting my life and make the task of being responsible for another human being appear daunting at times.

I am Human.

There are times when submissives want a specific reaction and when they do not get it they push for it and push for it, there are times when a submissive is more involved with what they are trying to get then they are about the whole picture. As an emotional being there are times when I don't feel I should HAVE to maintain this I am Master, you will obey my every whim.

I am HUMAN.

There are times when I want to held. There are times when I want to be told "I Understand". There are times when I want nothing more than to just BE. And to be expected to present myself as a Hard Stonewalled Creature every moment of every day is just a little unfair. I know there are people who do this form of choreography in their life but I am just not one of them. My Emotion is what shows her I really do understand when she is struggeling.... because I struggle too.

Being Emotional doesn't always mean weak or submissive. sometimes it just means being human.

Steel

HOLY SHIT!.....yes.....to ALL of the above!

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/11/2009 6:26:25 AM

DesFIP

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Just about everything stopped when he moved in. Moving is stressful, especially if it involves a new job. He transferred so he knew the job but that was all he knew. He had no friends among coworkers to lunch with. He didn't even know where to go to get the best roast beef sandwich. He needed to try different coffee shops to find who remembered how he liked his coffee, who smiled when he walked in, who would chat for a minute versus the one who kept putting cream in when he asked for black and scowled when he would remind her black means no cream.

Then there was the adjustment to how I cook, where to hang up his favorite pictures arranging his closet to how he likes it etc. I had to adjust to doing more laundry, buying different foods, eating earlier, all the pictures being hung in different places, etc. It simply takes time.

We played sometimes, but not that much, and slowly by the end of the six months things began coming back to normal.

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/11/2009 6:35:50 AM

sirsholly

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quote:

where to hang up his favorite pictures

Jims favorite picture was a group of dogs playing poker. It is hung in the barn.

OP...you did not say how long you and your Master have been living together, but i get the impression things are still in the process.

Celeste gave you sage advice...give it time.

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/11/2009 8:04:03 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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quote:

Yet Carol would tell you she was just as "owned" today as yesterday or tomorrow. She was serving me by finishing the art project she needs to finish before we move to Canada.

Dude, write me on the other side about this move to Canada. I'm seriously looking at relocating to either Canada or France within the next several years.

Thanks,
Calla

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RE: feeding off a past thread - 6/11/2009 8:13:54 AM

CallaFirestormBW

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For the OP:

Everything depends on what you're looking for in a relationship. Day-to-day relationships, especially with people in close proximity to one another, can be very stressful and -often- turn out to have twists and turns that we weren't anticipating.

Did you discuss, before you moved in, what your life would look like? How much day-to-day management he did, how much 'play' time there was, how extensive the disciplines were that you'd be held to? Did you talk at -all- about what it might look like if either of you got sick or if other major changes happened? Did you have time to find out how he managed stress (some people get -more- controlling when under stress, and some people just let everything go until they can recoup their 'footing')?

I can't tell you if this is a harbinger of a long-time change, or whether it is a temporary bump in the road. Only time will tell that... but if the relationship isn't important enough to you to give it time and effort to figure that out, than the writing is already on the wall, IMO. Relationships only grow when we come to understand and adapt to being involved with another person. Life can't be lived inside our heads, in our imaginations of what we hoped we'd have or our fantasies of what we -might- have. It has to be lived in the here and now, and if it is being lived with another person, that individual's influences on the day-to-day have to be considered.

You don't specify what you want your Master to control -- maybe, if you let him know what feels 'out of control' to you, it would be possible for him to tighten up certain areas that are mutually important to him, giving you that extra security that you're looking for while still allowing him the adjustment time he's asked for because of your change in circumstance.

Just a few thoughts,
Dame Calla

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