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Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 6:14:57 AM

Evilcaduceus

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Maybe it's me, but when looking for a mistress, I come across profiles of women who refer to themselves as pro dommes, wanting gifts and other things. I also come across real people who want the same things I do, but I feel like I am "competing" with others to be their sub and even to get to know them.

I guess what I am asking is, are mistress's into people with disabilities? How will I know? And what is a pro domme, are they just women with an over inflated ego or what? I do stay away from those who want us to refer to them as goddess or what not as they are NOT my mistress or anything to me.

Please help

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 6:28:14 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

1. Yes, you are competing with other subs. Note that you are checking into lots of profiles, so the Dommes are competing with other Dommes as well.

2. No decent Mistress would ever be into people who defined themselves by their disabilities. What else do you have to define yourself by?

3, Quit worrying and stewing and just get OUT there.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 6:41:58 AM

lovingpet

Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
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Boy, I hope no one is basing their judgement of me based off what I don't have to offer. I have found myself in a position where more areas of my life are touch by illness and "disability" than those that aren't. First of all, as DarkSteven said, I don't focus on what I can't do. I choose to present what I have to offer and let people learn my intent.

Yes, you are competing with others, but it really has nothing to do with whether you will succeed or fail. What does contribute is your belief about your "odds of winning". I didn't come on here expecting to never meet that right person. So far I have been blessed with two wonderful people with whom I share relationships and several great friends that are there even in the dark times. I had great expectations and I persevered to reach them.

Let me also just say I know from personal experience that disability can easily become of no consequence in choosing a partner. I have a dear friend who had many obstacles in front of him in order to find someone, but it did not stop him. He had all the strikes against him. He didn't see it that way and his reward was the prize of a truly special relationship.

Dominant or submissive, disability only limits you if you choose to let it. It makes the search harder, no doubt, but that one who is willing to overcome it and find a way to make such a relationship work, that is an excellent beginning. I would be willing to say that it prevents a lot of games and long stretches of wasted time because people take themselves out of the running very quickly. That's fine with me. I don't have time and precious space in my heart to waste. May you find your bliss!

lovingpet

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 7:51:57 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

For starters, I agree with Steven 100%.

One thing I'd like to add. You don't really think that everyone involved in BDSM is in some kind of perfection of physical abilities club, do you? If so, you'd be quite mistaken. Take a good look around this place for example. You'll find posts from all kinds of people with every physical issue that you can think of under the sun. They aren't being held back and neither should you.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to lovingpet)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 8:28:51 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

How can I not agree with Steven and LP?

What is your disability? (Sorry, I am not a profile searcher) depending on its severity, it might be more or less of an issue, but most things can be worked around. I have met or know personally folks in wheelchairs, with canes or walkers, dragging oxygen, walking with prosthetics... it's a world of folks! They all participate according to their abilities!

HINT---a person asking for gifts, tribute, etc. is WORKING. If you are interested in paying for someone's time, I recommend www.maxfisch.com to help you find someone. Otherwise, if you read a profile that doesn't make you feel good, read another one! Easy peasy. Have fun!

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[page 23 girl]

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 9:11:08 AM

Evilcaduceus

Posts: 24
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Thank you for your kind responses. I use a wheelchair and have a breathing tube. I just got overwhelmed I guess with those that want a domestic sub and all. Thank you for building my confidence back up :)

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/11/2009 2:26:34 PM

LyraLaLaurie

Posts: 83
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

Lots of people have limits around physical disabilities like past surgery, asthma, medical conditions etc. Seems mild but I had surgery on my wrist that makes long-term flogging pretty frustrating. Do not worry about it, just make your limits clear before play and I guarantee you will have some fun :) !

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/13/2009 9:36:07 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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You may find Kinked.org helpful; it's aimed at BDSM folks who are playing with disabilities from both the dom and the sub end.

The short form answer is that while some folks in the scene are shallow, a lot of us are interested in *people*, not just their bodies. A disability would not be a deal breaker to me. A miserable, whiny or defeatist attitude in relation to it would be however.

(in reply to LyraLaLaurie)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/15/2009 9:57:24 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

You may find Kinked.org helpful; it's aimed at BDSM folks who are playing with disabilities from both the dom and the sub end.

The short form answer is that while some folks in the scene are shallow, a lot of us are interested in *people*, not just their bodies. A disability would not be a deal breaker to me. A miserable, whiny or defeatist attitude in relation to it would be however.

We all have our strengths and weaknesses as well as our dysfunctions. Sometimes our greatest strengths can also wind up being our greatest weaknesses. The best example of the latter that comes to mind is the perfectionist that won't clean something because they can't do it "perfectly", or else they spend all day doing a 10 minute task.

I'd call the person in that example "disabled", but that's just my view.

It's all a matter of perspective.

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/16/2009 12:16:12 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

Don't overlook the possibilities of local munches. Get to know people that way also. When people come to know YOU, your personality, the outer shell becomes less important, I think.

I remember in college one of my roommates (a real looker) was dating the homeliest man I had ever seen. I couldn't understand it. Then I got to know him, and I recall my own self-surprise several months later when I realized that I no longer thought this fellow was unattractive... because at that point I was seeing him for who he really was. It made me think hard about my own knee-jerk reactions to all sorts of people.

I'd also think about contacting people just to form friendships. The person you contact may click with you. Or not, but maybe they have a friend who would be perfect for you. Or maybe there's nothing relationship-wise at all, but they'll recommend the best book you will ever read. Friends are worthwhile too.

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/16/2009 6:25:23 PM

alone4now49

Posts: 4
Joined: 5/29/2009
Status: offline

While I am sure that there are an actual few pros that truely like their clients it is probably a safe bet to say that most are "into" their clients until the money runs out A pro provides a service and deserved to be compensated, just like any other job

As far as the other dommes on this board that feel they entitled to "trubutes" as a condition of the relationship. I will just say that while I personally feel it inappropriate, ultimately it is up to the male sub if he wants to involve himself with someone like that, Do either have oversized egos and exaggerated opinions of themselves I will leave that one alone. Do they feel compassion for people with disabilities, I'd say you have to do that on a case by case basis
I am sure there are some very good Mistresses on this board, that will not insist upon a "Tribute"

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evilcaduceus

Maybe it's me, but when looking for a mistress, I come across profiles of women who refer to themselves as pro dommes, wanting gifts and other things. I also come across real people who want the same things I do, but I feel like I am "competing" with others to be their sub and even to get to know them.

I guess what I am asking is, are mistress's into people with disabilities? How will I know? And what is a pro domme, are they just women with an over inflated ego or what? I do stay away from those who want us to refer to them as goddess or what not as they are NOT my mistress or anything to me.

Please help

(in reply to Evilcaduceus)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/17/2009 1:25:08 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alone4now49

While I am sure that there are an actual few pros that truely like their clients it is probably a safe bet to say that most are "into" their clients until the money runs out

That totally depends on the client. Some are likable and fun to be around. You give them all kinds of extras and spend more time with them because it's pleasant and enjoyable. Others are a pain in the ass that you wish had never been born, and that you put up with only because they pay. The minute they quit paying, you're out of there. It's all about how the client behaves, and about basic human nature. This is equally true in any profession, whether you're a medical caregiver, a librarian, a bank teller or a pro domme.

quote:

A pro provides a service and deserved to be compensated, just like any other job

That is certainly true. If you honestly have nothing to offer except a selfish desire for kinky play done your way, it's better to pay a pro than to bother some lady who is looking for a relationship with a sincere and serious submissive who cares more about pleasing her than about his own desires. That would not be you. Don't deceive and lead her on; just pay a pro domme to meet your needs.

(in reply to alone4now49)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/17/2009 2:48:34 PM

TANTRADD

Posts: 22
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

Whenever I see are you INTO..??? and one thing is listed such as age..a type of play...etc I feel the person has already limited themselves a lot..by defining themselves by that..

I have played with men in wheelhchairs...paralyzed and more...a challnenge means you get creative..it the man's MIND I sought ...his mind..

T

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

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RE: Disabled sub - 6/20/2009 3:49:27 AM

cromaH

Posts: 25
Joined: 6/18/2009
From: Hungary
Status: offline

The male subs are in much more, than the female domes. There is an inverse relationship among the women. So a sub lady finds a partner easily because the male domes’ number is rather big. The women feel drawn towards the “virile” men instinctively there is an atavistic characteristic at them probably.

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