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My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/11/2009 11:59:25 PM

BigBaby

Posts: 60
Joined: 3/26/2004
Status: offline

I met a semi-pro Domme here on "collarme" she was looking for friends for her slave as he had moved here from Minneapolis for work (I live in ND). We have met a handful of times and tried to create a munch for the local kinksters in the small community where I live. We didn't have much luck but remained friends and occassionally talked here on collar me.

About a month ago I decided to approach her about doing a scene with me. Her reply was very positive and friendly, she mentioned tribute but told me she was ok with some kind of gift like a nice bottle of wine etc., she considers us friends.

I have been communicating with her and planning this for about a month now. Her specialties are feminization and hypnosis (both of which I love!) She has told me to purchase a wig and a ball gag...I have. I actually got this really cool ball gag and restraints off of ebay, they are pastel pink leather and the ball part of the gag is kind of a hard plastic with air holes in it. I tried both of them on and OMG I went into sensory overload when I put the ball gag on!!! It is like a full face device that has buckles at the sides, behind the neck and under the chin. When I have it on I drool alot and I don't mind that...hope she doesn't? I have never experienced wearing one and well I love it!

I have also ordered a complete outfit for my first ever scene and well I am a little shy about sharing what it is here but can tell you it matches the restraints and ball gag (the color). I am planning on putting together a make-shift spanking bench in a spare bedroom I have in my trailer.

We will be meeting this Sunday at 12 noon and well I told her I would be hiding in the closet waiting for her lol. I am a little nervous and wandering if I will get any sleep Saturday night?

I would really like some input as how to act, do's and dont's and maybe some story's about others first-time scenes?

Post #: 1

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 7:13:58 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

Wow...a guy hiding in the closet...I dunno...if I was a female, I would likely not feel to safe about that...

So there are two parties to this scene, and you seem to have all things oriented to your pleasure, but what about hers? I would suggest asking her what -she- wants you to do, where you should be, and how you might be dressed, restrained, etc. If she does not have ideas, then you can suggest your items, but remember, this is actually really mostly about -her-.

Is she a sadist? Does she even like sissies or AB play? Will she feel safe in your space with you...hiding in the closet? What are her ideas for the scene? What is going to ensure that -she- has a good time too? You should ascertain those things before you get in scene. Ask her what she would like to get out of it, other than a 'nice bottle of wine'.

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to BigBaby)

Post #: 2

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 7:34:19 AM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BigBaby

We will be meeting this Sunday at 12 noon and well I told her I would be hiding in the closet waiting for her lol.

I agree with Otter...come out of the closet! Is there a reason you can't meet her at the front door?

You said you've "been communicating with her and planning this for about a month now" and during that time she hasn't discussed any of her plans or given you any idea of what to expect?

I'd suggest, since you're both on CM, that you let her know you've started this thread. Is she aware of your nervousness? Where does she fit in this scene besides as a means to your end?

To be honest, after checking out your profile, I'm surprised with the total newbie sound of this post. You give the impression that you've "been around the block" a few times in your profile but this question makes it sound like you're brand-spankin'-new.
I guess I'm just just confused.

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

(in reply to BigBaby)

Post #: 3

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 8:47:28 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

She's braver than I am. There's no way I'd do a first meet at someone else's home, where he would be laying in wait for Me in a closet. No safe call in the world would prevent Me from being attacked with whatever weapon someone would chose to have in the closet with him, or if it would only be the one person I would have to worry about.

The same actually goes for you there, Jerry. Are you quite sure that this woman (if you've confirmed that) is coming alone? Ball gag in place, who would ever hear you scream if this turns out not to be what you expected?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to CarrieO)

Post #: 4

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 8:52:33 AM

OttersSwim

Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
The same actually goes for you there, Jerry. Are you quite sure that this woman (if you've confirmed that) is coming alone? Ball gag in place, who would ever hear you scream if this turns out not to be what you expected?

She's got a point there ya know...

_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 10:53:10 AM

KidatHeart

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Somehow I am being misinterpreted. When I said I will be hiding in the closet it was a joke, like I am nervous about this whole thing, I wont actually be hiding in the closet but I will clarify that with her just to make sure she didn't get the wrong impression either?

I have asked her what she would like to do and what would make this enjoyable for her. Her response was that we will meet and find something mutually enjoyable for both of us....so I am sure she has plans of her own?

She enjoys feminization and hypnosis, both of which we will be doing. She also likes bondage and discipline...my likes also.

I won't be wearing the ball gag...she will be putting it on me I am sure, Don't recall saying I would be wearing it while waiting for her?

Well I was just looking to share some first time experiences and maybe get some input about how to act and treat a Domme, or any other ideas anyone has as I have never had an experience like this. She is a pro-Domme and has a website, I have read it and plan to read it again before we meet.

(in reply to OttersSwim)

Post #: 6

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 11:05:09 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

I won't be wearing the ball gag...she will be putting it on me I am sure, Don't recall saying I would be wearing it while waiting for her?

i think you misunderstand...wearing a gag the first few times you play with someone is a terrible idea. You need to be able to verbalize your safe word loud and clear. If she tells you another type of signal can be arranged (ie holding something in your hand and dropping it if you need her to stop..etc) do not agree!!! You do not have enough experience as a submissive to trust your physical responses.

_____________________________

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(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 7

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 11:11:56 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

You say you've met only a handful of times.

How well do you really know her? How good are your intincts about people and how good are you at looking past your lust and subfrenzy to read her?

These are things you need to consider.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to BigBaby)

Post #: 8

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 3:42:32 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Too much too fast: type of play, locale: screams danger to me.
Davan

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May you live as long as you wish & love as long as you live
-Robert A Heinlein

It's about the person & the bond,not the bondage
-Me

Waiting is

170NZ (Aka:Sex God Du Jour) pts

Jesus,I've ALWAYS been a deviant
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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 9

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/12/2009 5:01:49 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

I am glad you are about to have your first experience and I can understand you must be very excited.

Indeed there are people who are not genuine. And you seem like a nice, trusting guy. In general, I agree with advice about being careful to whom you make yourself vulnerable. If you feel good about this domme, wonderful.

From what I gather you have met this domme a few times. That she has a sub, she tried to help him find friends, and that there was an interest to start a munch are all positive indicators to me. While what I say is not foolproof in either direction, generally if one is active in the lifestyle or professional community to the extent that one cares about reputation, it is a positive indicator.

I think starting with less edgy and less vulnerable activities is a good idea. You seem passionate about feminization, which can serve as a good first time activity. If you enjoy service submission, that can also make for a good first time activity.

I do not know a lot about hypnosis. From a demo I have seen, it was more like putting someone in a very relaxed state and then making them open to suggestion. I am not sure how risky or not it is with respect to proper technique, and trust. Again, if you feel you can trust her and feel good about her competence, more power to you.

There are different perspectives about how much or not to do during first play. In my opinion, wearing a gag is fine. Based on the types of play you list, it seems you are wearing more for the feel of it. Even if you do engage in corporal play, I think if you have a way to signal a safeword while wearing a gag, it is fine to do so. For corporal play, again something low key like spanking would be a smoother way to start.

You will be nervous, which is fine. It might even come across as endearing to her. If you drink, it might not be a good idea to try to hide the nervousness by drinking. One can all too easily get carried away with the drinks.

I would think about what you can do to be a good host. I would also think about what her interests are, and what you can do to make the experience an enjoyable one, and one she would want to repeat. If you think you might get carried away to keep aware of what you might do to address her fun, you can put little items in your play area that serve as a reminder (why do I have a book here that I usually keep in the kitchen. Oh yeah! Mistress, would you like anything to drink? ;-) ).

After your first experience, you might feel a little down once it is over. If so, it can happen. If you wish to know more, you might search threads about subdrop.

Lastly, subs can become emotionally attached with the woman with whom they have a euphoric experience, especially the first time they have such an experience. It would be a good idea to keep your expectations in check.

I hope you have lots of fun.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 6/12/2009 5:04:05 PM >

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 10

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/13/2009 12:34:17 AM

KidatHeart

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Sea you are way cool! Thank you so much for the great advice and think I was thinking pretty much along the same lines as you on everything. Yes I do trust her she is very nice and I am usually a pretty good judge of charachter, we have known each other for about a year now and we have shared alot of e-mails. I am concerned most about what you mentioned as far as when the scene ends and she leaves....guess that is my greatest concern other than acting correctly around her?

I am planning on buying some snacks to serve her and serving them while dressed up. I have put together a present (including a thank-you card for her). I will also be taking her and her sub for a boatride once my boat gets out of the shop, that was something she wanted from me in turn for what we wil be doing tommorrow.

Well other than that I have a few suggestions as far as our "play-time", I am going to talk with her about me desires and just let whatever happens? She is a pro- Domme and she told me she would handle me with care. She knows I am an adult baby and has even agreed to let me dress accordingly...well kind of anyways lol.

Thanks again sea for the great advice, alot of my responses to this post so far didn't even approach the subject matter I was inquiring about...just alot of opinions unrelated to the questions I sought....oh well lol cheers back at ya sea! "kid"

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 11

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/13/2009 1:00:28 AM

KidatHeart

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Thanks to the rest of you also for some good input..I just kinda filtered out what was good and bad as know one knows the situation better than me. I have complete confidence that we will have a great time! Will do a followup probably monday sometime, will write in this thread as to where it is posted in case anyone wants to read about it?

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 12

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/13/2009 2:41:11 AM

MsMillgrove

Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline

I am taking this thread with a grain of salt since the OP says "who knows the situation better than me?" The last time he asked for help here was a long saga of a Mommy domme coming to visit him that did not work out well at all...and while I truly felt for him, I also have the impression that he is very long on enthusiasm..and pre-planning and maybe shorter on taking it easy for a first time visit.. keeping his eye on what's realistic. It's understandable considering he is stuck out in the middle of nowhere without the support and experience of a strong local community. Just a thought. Look forward to hearing about the visit and hope it's a grand success.

(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 13

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/13/2009 9:32:55 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KidatHeart
I am concerned most about what you mentioned as far as when the scene ends and she leaves....guess that is my greatest concern other than acting correctly around her?

It might not happen at all. It usually does not happen with me with an evening of play. I have felt it more after a weekend or more and it is hard for me to tell how much of my feeling is subdrop and how much of it is sadness that the time together is over and I will not be seeing this person for a while.

I am making you aware of the possibility in case it happens, and in case you want to plan activities to keep yourself social.

Best wishes for Sunday.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 6/13/2009 9:34:23 AM >

(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 14

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/13/2009 10:38:26 AM

KidatHeart

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

I do realize that she will be gone once the scene is over and that she has a sub already so in the back of my mind I think I am prepared for what you call subdrop. I do believe we may play in the future if all goes well and who knows maybe she has a friend looking for a sub? I am basically looking at this as an experience I have wanted and need to do. Well I will let you know how it goes sea. Thanks again for your input!

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 15

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/15/2009 12:07:55 PM

KidatHeart

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Well I have now broken the ice and experienced my first BDSM experience!

We had a great time. We just talked for about 15 minutes. She then had me sit on the couch and hypnotized me...this was extremely relaxing and I really felt at ease!She ordered me to remove all my clothes, Next she asked me to present her with my outfit. I was a little nervous about this because of the nature of the outfit.

I went and got the outfit and everything I had prepared for this meeting. She started looking at everything and handed me a training bra, I put it on. Next she handed me a diaper...she commented on how cute it was (it had a cute pink taping panel on it like a real baby's diaper) she put on a pair of rubber gloves and laughed about her new experience as she did help me put it on. I was now diapered and told to stand up, next she took the dress out of the bag, it was a pastel pink satin replica of a little girls style party dress with white lace and bows adorning it. She told me to raise my arms and slipped it on me and zipped it up commenting on how cute it was and how well it fit me!

Next came some pastel pink plastic panties, white tights with pink lace and bows on the tush, fluffy petticoats, a pair of matching lace ankle socks and white little girl style Mary Jane shoes, a pair of white satin 23 inch gloves and finally a set of pastel pink leather wrist restraints.

I was then taken into the kitchen and told to sit on a chair, she took out the makeup I had given her and applied it to my face, lipstick, eyeshadow etc.

I had bought some cheese and crackers and a bottle of wine. She told me she would like some cheese and crackers and that I should prepare them for her, I did this with the wrist restraints connected together and she commented about my fumbling to accomplish this mission lol.

She told me I could now have a smoke. We sat and made small talk while eating cheese and crackers, I also served her the bottle of wine I had bought which was actually one of her favorites... menage a trouis or something like that?

Next I was taken to the living room and she told me to kneel down over the couch, she yanked down my tights and plastic pants and diapers, she proceeded to give me a hand spanking and commented on how I was not crying yet...it really didn't hurt? She asked me to get her a wooden spoon or other implement but she then remembered she had brought something of her own...it was a shoe something? It was black hard plastic and kinda curvy she used it a few times on my bare butt and still I was not crying...I commented that maybe I was a "pain slut". She then used it on my inner thighs...this hurt!

After being disciplined she told me to get dressed again and told me to indulge in pleasuring myself as she watched.

Well all in all I thought that for a first time experience it went extremely well other than I thought she would discipline me harder? I think maybe she was being gentle with me as this was my first time? She also mentioned things like "next time" which leads me to believe she wants to do it again?

(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 16

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/15/2009 1:56:52 PM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

Congratulations on having a good first experience! It seems like you have met a good domme and I am happy for you.

It would be good to send her a note to let her know how much you appreciated your time with her. It would be good to ask her how the experience was for her, and if there is anything that could have made it better. And it would be good to seek a good balance between play and other subjects in future conversations. That is, it would be good to check that your enthusiasm to repeat the experience does not lead you to focus only on play in future conversations. And keep that boat coming ;-)

She may indeed have gone easy on you because it was your first time, which is a wise thing to do. It seems you enjoyed the experience and if this point comes up, I think it would be good to make sure it does not come across as a complaint. When you play again, you could tell her that you enjoyed the spanking and would like to go further if she also wanted to but don't know how much further. One method people new to playing with each other use is the 1-10 scale. Basically, the top hits the bottom and the bottom responds with a number on a 1-10 scale to indicate how much more the bottom can take (10 being equivalent of Red or stop). This approach helps a top get a sense for how much a bottom can take.

Lastly, different dommes feel differently about scene reports. Some might appreciate the excitement and happiness evident in the comments while some might feel that a private matter is being shared with others. If you do not already know how she feels about the matter, it might be good to ask.

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 6/15/2009 2:03:05 PM >

(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 17

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/16/2009 12:34:54 AM

KidatHeart

Posts: 7
Joined: 9/13/2008
Status: offline

Hi sea, she did use the 1-10 scale on me and she was in awe that I didn't cry, you may be right about me dsclosing the scene to others, my feelings are that I am the vulnerable one as nobody knows who she is however I do respect her confidence and would do nothing to jeopordize that! I think I may delete this post for my own confidentiality...can you do that and if so how? I did send her a text thanking her for everything and will follow-up in the near future in a similar fashion as you recommended....I think she had as much fun as I did..if not more lol

(in reply to undergroundsea)

Post #: 18

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/16/2009 1:14:47 AM

iwearpanties

Posts: 509
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline

Kidat Heart

I m happy for you that your frist tme was as good as you had hoped it would be

(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 19

RE: My First Spanking....coming up! - 6/16/2009 3:40:06 PM

AllforFun

Posts: 83
Joined: 4/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KidatHeart

I do realize that she will be gone once the scene is over and that she has a sub already so in the back of my mind I think I am prepared for what you call subdrop. I do believe we may play in the future if all goes well and who knows maybe she has a friend looking for a sub? I am basically looking at this as an experience I have wanted and need to do. Well I will let you know how it goes sea. Thanks again for your input!

I am in the same boat. This weekend I will be celebrating my 25th birthday and we are planing to visit a dungeon (me and my friends). They have no idea that I am actually into BDSM and I hide it well. One of my friends actually commented, "I just dont see you as the type of person who likes that sort of thing". I dress very plainly and have 0 tats or piercings. I think he has the image of a tattooed and pierced dressed in leather sado/masochist. Sorry, we walk very plainly in the daylight, lol. In any case, I hope you enjoy the expierence.

(in reply to KidatHeart)

Post #: 20

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