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ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: How to survive a grizzly bear attack (6/23/2009 11:14:32 AM)
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ORIGINAL: stella41b
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ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda
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ORIGINAL: stella41b
Sticking your thumb up the bear's anus usually works as it makes the bear feel very sleepy. Your thumb becomes what is known as a 'tappen' which plugs the bear's anus when it hibernates.
It works with all bears except polar bears. I haven't ever tried this, but it was told to me a few years ago by someone who worked at Warsaw Zoo.
No offense, but I'm thinking that the fact you're alive to post this already makes that quite clear, Stella. Somehow I have a hard time convincing myself that if I'm ever attacked by a bear, the best way to calm him down would be to sodomize him!
First off it was a joke.
Well... yes. I assumed it was. That seemed self-evident.
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ORIGINAL: stella41b
A bit like your joke earlier in the thread about arming yourself against a bear with a pistol. As if that's going to do a lot of good.
Coming from someone from a country where coyotes are native, I found it funny.
You see even if you did manage to kill it I'd love to see how you would cope with the disposal of up to 500lb of dead bear.
However I doubt it. Ever wonder why they have to get the best police marksman to fire a tranquilizer dart into a bear, or for that matter a tiger? You see bears, just like tigers and saltwater crocodiles have the ability to move very fast, and also to move very suddenly. The fact that you're here to post your response indicates to me you have never pulled a pistol on a bear.
I'd love to see how you'd placate a bear and get it to retreat after firing a pistol at it, even if you did survive. However there's another damn good reason for not attempting to shoot a bear. You might injure it. And if you injure the bear, you significantly reduce its chances of being able to hunt in the wild, and furthermore condemn it to seeking out food sources near human habitation - great news for farmers, livestock breeders and people who own pets.
You respond to a sighting of a brown bear or grizzly bear much in the same way as that of a wolf or wild boar, you back off and retreat and if possible notify the authorities. This much I know from living in the mountainous regions of Central and Eastern Europe.
I'm assuming this one is a joke as well, but since you seem rather testy today I won't risk irritating you by responding with an equally humorous reply. I'll just back away and retreat...
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