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Sirandlittle1 -> RE: how does one know (2/11/2006 2:36:51 PM)
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Hello bluenite52, and welcome to collarme.
I can only describe my learning of what i needed, not others.
I read lots and lots of threads, i read most of literoticas library. Id see a name of some sort of play, go look it up in the library, then read a fictional story about it. I began to see certain 'theme's' running through my desires.
Problem for me came when i learned that i wanted to give various sensations to others. My 'experienced' Domme friend, informed me i was a Domme. I held management positions, was a mother of grown children, a alpha female. I dont tend to panick in crises, i lead. Others follow. So i accepted her opinion. Well, after a while, i got kinda fed up of being the one in control. I wanted someone to show me the care, attention, detail that i showed others. So i sought a submissive experience.
I answered a add for a online submissive. He set me tasks to do, with a addition, that i was to record my reactions to these task and send him them back. I did, then, no feed back, not even a reference to my completed and emailed response, just THE NEXT TASK.
Needless to say, i was not getting anything from the exchange. So i went back to my friend Domme, and said i wanted to experience submission in real life, could she help me find someone. We visited clubs, i was surrounded by subs attn. I just seemed to be giving off the wrong vibe. The Dom's seemed to see me as a challenge, or i attracted the wrong sort. The 'on your knees sub' type. Who immediately got my gut reaction, of "fuck off your fool, im looking for a Dom, and your pathetic overtures are taking my valuable time up". I was at a loss? I am slim, 6ft tall, confident, and considered very attrative, i was not getting the right image across in face to face encounters. So i thought, if they cannot see me, then i cant be projecting a image wrong. So i went back on line.
This time, so that i could seek a Dom, who i felt i could feel submissive to. Again, in chat rooms and bdsm meet up sites, found nothing but, 'on your knees submissive' types. I was in a chat room one day, and the peacock doms were doing their thang, a argument about some bdsm matter ensued, and they all kinda lost it, behaving like spoilt kids. There was a other person in the room, who offerred a solution to the argument, where each were right, each a winner. He was calm, did not emotively respond to the others insults, kept objective, stood by his opinion, whilst respectful of others. HIM, that was the one i wanted to meet. HIM and only HIM.
We are now 24/7 D/s. Turned out, he had little experience as a Dom, a few play partners where he topped and enjoyed it, so was seeking a sub to learn with.
We are very much in love, he is a wonderful person.
I spotted him, because i am excellent at character assessment. I work as a psych triage nurse, i am a cognitive behavioural therapists, my assessment of others, has been honed over 25 yrs of assessments completed. I used this vanilla skill to select very pickily, who i was able to submit to, they had to be genuinely nice, and credible as a MY Dom. Respect, honesty, ability to communicate are vanilla qualities i would not comporomise in a partner. And certainly more so in a Dom i am going to submit to.
So i am now a submissive. I was always a submissive. Im very empathetic, which is why i was able to play as a top. I adore sex. I want other to share that same wonderful experience. I was not a Domme, i was a good vanilla lover.
Unfortunately, my Domme friend has never been able to accept that i am a submissive. A, because i topped her, B, because she has never seen that side of me, nobody has, only HIM. It has in fact, ended our friendship. She never bothered to see, how happy and complete i am, how much i have achieved in our 16 months together.
I maybe considered a switch, a Domme or a submissive by others, i dont give a rats arse. I am submissive to someone i respect more than any other person i have ever met.
I do like to wield the sensations, i like to give another a experience, where they are passive, and i am active. I like the feel of a whip in my hand, i have a certain amount of top space. Every now and again, i get a little toppy with my Dom. Who controls its outlet.
He is happy for me to provide a session where i am the one dishing it out to him. He trust me to do this, a difficult thing for someone who is a Dom. But i do it, because he gains pleasure, i am doing it as his submissive.
My assetiveness is not always required in my submission, lol, and it takes a lot of effort sometimes to submit, there are days when i think, im not cut out for this. But they are few.
I have many areas of my life, where i have to be in control. Where i have power. Its soooo nice to be able to give over that control and power to another.
God forbid something should go wrong and my Dom were gone. But hypothetically, lets assume im single.
I am aware that i could be a switch with play partners.
I have learned that i do not need to control another to get my jollies, so a top i could be, a Domme, never.
I know that the growth of me as a submissive, experiencing things i love, flying in subspace is a drug im addicted to. Power exchanges where i am the one surrenderring the power, this is my true orientation. I have learned which elements of life, encourage my submission, what hinders it. What types of play really put me somewhere special and why in some cases. Yep, i am his submissive. Not necessarily a submissive, but his submissive definately.
A small lesson, dont listen to others opinions of who/what you are, they are often full of misconceptions, agenda, and preconceived ideas, go 'suck it and see' and sit on the fence for a while. Most of all, enjoy your journey. Its not really about the arrival at all.
little1
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