Online vs Real Time (Full Version)

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DarkPossession -> Online vs Real Time (6/13/2009 6:35:20 AM)

Greetings
i have been an online slave for almost six months to a absolutely wonderful Master, the slavery does not interfere or infringe on my real time life, its purely online with a few variances for some training He did with me.
We are talking about meeting and taking this to the next level, i am of course anxious that my online slavery is just that, online. Speaking with Master, He assures me that through my actions even online He can tell.
Has anyone else experienced this fear, doing this 24/7 will be such a change and a leap of faith, absolutely and Master has assured me He understands this, does it really come down to how much i want and need this or something else?



leadership527 -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/13/2009 6:42:37 AM)

It comes down to moving slowly and having patience. As you have correctly deduced, that's a big jump -- carol and I did it (sort of, we were married but our first explorations of D/s were online). In my personal opinion, I would recommend that you two realize that while it may be your intent to be his slave with all that that implies, it will take time to build the trust, respect, knowledge and skills on both parts to get there. See... no leap of faith. Just careful, thoughtful exploration between two people. Anything else is more like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute while praying. I suppose some might call that a leap of faith. I just call it suicide.

If your master is willing to go slow, take one step at a time, and actually EARN the right to lead you, then it can work.



Rainfire -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/13/2009 9:55:41 AM)

OP, many here have various views regarding online D/s and it's authenticity. However, the important thing is what it means to you and your master.

If this is going to be a first meeting in person, I would recommend meeting in a neutral, public place, say coffee at Starbucks inside a local bookstore. If there is travel involved, stay at a reputable, safe hotel, not a private home. Yes, you're going to have fears and nerves, because there are times when the chemistry of online just isn't there in person. Agree to meet as friends first and then see where things go. Just because you are submissive, doesn't mean you give up certain basic human rights and safety.

On the other hand, sometimes there is a leap of faith. I did it and never regret it. I flew out to meet my Master/Daddy, Lumus last year and moved in with Him the first time we met. I showed up at His doorstep just before midnight from a long, cross-country, international travel adventure and said "Hi Honey, I'm home!!!' as He opened the door. I was collared the 4th of July and we were married on Halloween.

Sometimes, fairy tales do come true. Feel free to drop me a cmail if you want to..... [:)]



oceanwinds -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/13/2009 4:49:50 PM)

My brain does not seek to compare which is better an online or real time relationship. It is a futile debate, and is up to the individual person.

Meeting your Dom for the first time in person would be exciting and nerve -wracking. I would suggest, as I do with people in a new relationship(of all kinds) take it slow. The rose-color glasses will come off eventually, and real life happens. It is then that a relationship is tested in reality or fantasy.



kuriouswitch -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/13/2009 9:46:00 PM)

Its a little scary at first to go from online to real life the first time. I did it in May and was very nervous. But Master made it very easy, he took it slowly and didn't lose his patience and let me make mistakes and guided me when I was unsure. Take it one day at a time and take a deep breath, you're going to be nervous of course but just do what comes naturally to you.



Huntertn -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/13/2009 10:00:05 PM)

Good luck!!! Communation...is the key...from both of you..He's not a mind reader..and either are you...talking it thu makes the difference every time and in every way



DarkPossession -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/14/2009 4:13:04 AM)

Greetings
Thank you so much for the responses, all very wise words indeed. The trepidation i feel is natural and exciting, yet filled with fear that it won't translate. However, my Master and i both agree that if this is all we have, or get then it was a time in our lives well spent. i need very much to let go of the fear and let be what its meant to be... safety is paramount and will be.
Thankyou all again, it feels very good to be able to ask these questions of people who have experienced it. [:D]



DarkSteven -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/14/2009 6:11:22 AM)

RL is much more than online.  It's more rewarding and more frustrating.  It takes more time and energy but gives you back much more.

The first meeting will be awkward because you know everything about  each other - what kinds of sex you like, what you will not so, all kinds of intimate details... and yet you're meeting for the first time, not knowing each other.  Just get past that awkwardness and see if you mesh.



ranja -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/15/2009 4:06:05 AM)

Be careful
I do not know anything about your relationship other than that it is on-line...and what i know from on-line is that people can be very very different in cyber than they are in real life.
meet somewhere safe, public and make sure you can get away clean if you do not like him.
Good luck



Andalusite -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/15/2009 9:02:21 AM)

Instead of jumping from online-only to 24/7, meet in person a few times - go on dates, maybe play in a public BDSM venue, get to know each other!



Manawyddan -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 5:08:43 AM)

I always tell women whom I'm meeting iRL for the first time, that whatever has gone on virtually, we are starting from scratch, as friends. For all we know, we might not even be physically attracted to one another. So keep it simple.

Of course, it's also happened that I've met people from online and had immediate chemistry with them and we glommed onto one another after about five minutes, but that's the happy exception not the rule.



Firebirdseeking -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 6:25:57 AM)

I know this is old fashioned, but I think that when a woman drives three hours to meet a man for the first time, she gives him a message that she is, as the saying goes, "hot to trot".  I know not everyone will agree with me, but I do think a dominant comes to the lady at least for the first time. he is already suggesting a hotel room, do we think he is thinking with his cock?   

In response to OP and in general.



antipode -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 8:38:29 AM)

quote:

Has anyone else experienced this fear, doing this 24/7 will be such a change and a leap of faith, absolutely and Master has assured me He understands this, does it really come down to how much i want and need this or something else?


"Even online he can tell" is absolute nonsense - that is typically manipulative language, he is messing with your mind.

Secondly, I would normally do a test period, for someone who is new to 24/7, and then evaluate whether we want to turn that into permanent. I can't say this enough, 60 to 70% of human communication is non-verbal, and that 60 to 70% you aren't now getting you are filling in in your head. Not until you have a cup of coffee with him, and can see his lips move, can you get a proper sense of things.



TheBanshee -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 8:49:27 AM)

You are new.  Listen to your gut first.  Fear is your friend, it tells you when something just doesn't smell right.  Yes, its exciting, yes, the thrill, and yes, you want this too. 

Meet in a public place.  This isn't online, this is real time.  Get to know him, and how you feel toward him.  Don't plan on anything more than a casual lunch, or dinner, or afternoon somewhere.  Then go home.  Take inventory of how you feel.  Are you already planning for next time, fabulous.  Or. are you thinking - whew, close call there.

Oh, doesn't hurt to have someone know you're meeting someone from online.  You don't have to tell them the nature of the the site.  Tell them you will call them at a certain time and that you'll be at a certain location.  If they don't hear from you to send reinforcements - and don't just forget to make the damn call or you'll freak your friend out.



PrincessDonna -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 8:57:33 AM)

How do  YOU feel? It's all going to come down to that.If it were I breaking a sub in to 24/7 I would start with a weekend then go to a week,honestly each person has their own personal quirks and you dont find them out till your in close quarters,he may want you caged every nite and just assumed you would know that,has he toook you for a collar and leash walk yet?In public? Had you do some shopping and/or cooking for him and friends?I would NEVER go to fulltime with a sub without alot of real time together to establish trust and knowledge of each other. Good Luck.



DarkPossession -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 8:27:16 PM)

Thank you everyone again...
i have considered most things said, but its helpful to have others opinions regardless unless i have forgotton something in all the excitement and flush...
This is inter country... so a big leap - and He is coming here, there will be someone with me and we are going to see how it goes...which is all His suggestion.
Antipode - i do understand where You are coming from with the line about messing with my mind, we talk real time everyday and lot of my fears come from within.. it really will be one step at a time. i actually never even considered having a Master until 12 months ago, online was a way of easing into it gently, for me anyway.

~ dark



Kalista07 -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 8:47:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

I know this is old fashioned, but I think that when a woman drives three hours to meet a man for the first time, she gives him a message that she is, as the saying goes, "hot to trot".  I know not everyone will agree with me, but I do think a dominant comes to the lady at least for the first time. he is already suggesting a hotel room, do we think he is thinking with his cock?   

In response to OP and in general.

Really? And why is "3 hours" the magic number? And at what point is she no longer 'hot to trot' and just seeking to meet someone? i will openly tell You i drove 3 hours nearly every weekend for three months, then 3 hours (one way) every other weekend. i do not regret doing it. The first time we met at a park. The second time we met at a park, went to dinner at a restaurant, then i went home. The third time we watched a movie at his house. All very benign...All very vanilla. Why? He had to (like it or not..this is reality for me) earn my trust. He had to earn my willingness to submit to Him.
Kali



DavanKael -> RE: Online vs Real Time (6/20/2009 8:58:20 PM)

Not judging the veracity of OL vs RT. 
Completely agree with Jeff aobut individuals needing to earn each others' trust. 
Also, regarding the 'hot to trot' presumption that's been in a couple of the posts here, I think it could be a show of dedication.  I'm 'hot to trot' as a matter of being me, driving x # of hours doesn't, in any way, mean to me that I anticipate 'throwing down' and someone making that presumption would be in grave error.  Some people are simply more willing to put their actions where their interests are. 
  Davan



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