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My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 4:54:15 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		...I see this constantly in male submissive profiles and being the practical, pragmatic person I am, I think..why? You're a grown man, with grown sensibilities, why can't you manage your own being--I think its a ruse, a come on to get the Domina to think She is in charge but focus on the males sexual needs.
 
However, I would like to hear (hopefully) some honest talk about why this seems to be THE focus for male subs/slaves, why you think this is ALL a Domina is interested in "if at all" and why you think WE can save you from masturbatory mental disease?

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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 4:58:50 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		A nice little earner if they find a Dom that will indulge their desire. Basically , it's a big turn on for them, wouldn't you say?

ETA.....If you tell them that they can wank to their heart's content, they would be quite miffed.....lol

agirl


< Message edited by agirl -- 6/14/2009 5:01:48 AM >

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 5:13:16 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ETA.....If you tell them that they can wank to their heart's content, they would be quite miffed.....lol

 
This is one of the reasons I adore your posts!

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to agirl)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 5:39:05 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		I saw Jay Leno tell a joke that went something like: "The Viagra instructions say, 'Take four hours before sexual activity.'  What unhelpful instructions!  Men don't know when men are going to have sex.  Women know when men are going to have sex."

I've thought a few times in my life that it would be nice to have a "manager."  Each time it has been when I wasn't in a relationship, and was facing challenges I found extremely difficult.  When I am facing a problem I do not know how to solve, my sexual desire sometimes goes through the roof, and I masturbate instead of dealing with the problem.  Fortunately, I have eventually dealt with the problems, and moved forward -- but I've certainly thought, "Dang, having a woman tell me to just stop freaking out and deal, might be a big help."

Because of this, it's not hard for me to imagine a man who sees no way out of a situation, and becomes addicted to masturbation.  It's much more delicious to fantasize about having a domme than it is to think about getting a therapist, or -- even worse OMG OMG -- doing the work needed to solve the problem that you're trying to avoid.  We see an example of this all the time on the boards: "My marriage has a serious problem, so instead of dealing with it, I want to slake my rising kinky lust."


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(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 6:21:31 AM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I believe a lot of it boils down to a fundamental difference between men and women, and how they think and feel.  Very broad generalizations here, but ones I believe are mostly true... men are more sexually driven than women, women are more emotionally driven than men, men don't particularly understand that women don't think like men, and women don't particularly understand that men don't think like women.

This is not to say that women aren't sexual or that men have no emotions.  This also doesn't exclude that some men do understand that women don't think like men, and that some women do understand men don't think like women... or that there is some level of understanding for many others... or that there are plenty of exemptions to every rule.

Disclaimers now aside, I believe that for a lot of males, their interest in BDSM is fueled primarily by their sexual needs and desires.  Because BDSM on the surface appears to have a decidedly sexual overtone (because BDSM activities tend to involve things that produce the endorphins closely associated with sexual feelings), they truly believe that women who are involved in BDSM must also be motivated by the sexual aspects.  To them, because the dominant is the party interested in control, then interest in control of the sexuality of the submissive must be a focal point in the desired relationship.

This may be an oversimplification, but activities that focus on denial or chastity, sexual identity manipulation, and sexual service still provide the satisfaction of sexual attention.  I think a lot of submissive men are looking for any sexual attention they can get.  

< Message edited by TreasureKY -- 6/14/2009 6:24:19 AM >

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 7:48:52 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		It is very odd that we have such differences in nature.  I masturbate to relax.  Like sex it calms me, raises and lowers my heartrate, envelops me in relief and allows me to sleep.  :) lol I am not seeing a disadvantage to this as sleep helps me to focus.
I wonder if male ejaculation.. or more specifically the potential mess causes guilt?  This has always fascinated me because denial for me would be exhausting for a few months then I would just turn off that need.
Kyst 
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1


I've thought a few times in my life that it would be nice to have a "manager."  Each time it has been when I wasn't in a relationship, and was facing challenges I found extremely difficult.  When I am facing a problem I do not know how to solve, my sexual desire sometimes goes through the roof, and I masturbate instead of dealing with the problem.  Fortunately, I have eventually dealt with the problems, and moved forward -- but I've certainly thought, "Dang, having a woman tell me to just stop freaking out and deal, might be a big help."

Because of this, it's not hard for me to imagine a man who sees no way out of a situation, and becomes addicted to masturbation.  It's much more delicious to fantasize about having a domme than it is to think about getting a therapist, or -- even worse OMG OMG -- doing the work needed to solve the problem that you're trying to avoid.  We see an example of this all the time on the boards: "My marriage has a serious problem, so instead of dealing with it, I want to slake my rising kinky lust."



< Message edited by Missokyst -- 6/14/2009 7:49:29 AM >

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 1:20:07 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		I substantially agree with your premise, Cat. 
Some people seem to get off on long-term sexual denial.  That's pretty much my idea of hell. 
Perhaps, too, with a lot of women being so withholding of sex and sending mixed messages, if the male has a clear idea of what he needs to do to get the gratification he desires, that alleviates anxiety about not getting sex and gives a goal-oriented way to get what he desires (Stereotyping about females being withholding of sex/sending mixed messages and of males being goal-oriented). 
  Davan

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(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 1:30:17 PM   
Starbuck09


Posts: 724
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		 When a man has an orgasm Missokyst they experience much the same as you yourself do, particuarly sleep as the body has just lost a load of protein and has to manufacture more sperm. I think the reason that so many men like chastity is that it actually increases the potency of any sexual release. It also keeps men in a constant state of sexual  arousal and so fantasies that they might not particuarly want to act out in real life suddenly become not just desirable but irresistable. I imagine that quite a few mistresses have met men who have a fantasy to taste their own spunk but as soon as they orgasm they lose the desire to do so completely.  Chastity like tantra does a lot for the strength of the male sexual experience which is why, I suspect, it is so popular.

(in reply to DavanKael)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 1:43:42 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		You may have something there as most men I know are done after one orgasm, at least for a few hours.  But women... well many woman can have one after another without skipping a beat.  They can increase, decrease, stay riding on one plane for a long time, or become so many that it becomes painful.   Some females do orgasm explosively after a long bout of denial, but for me long periods of no sex make it very hard to get back into the rhythm of things.  After a 12 yr bout of celibacy it took me a good 6 months to orgasm and that one was not that great.  lol but give me one after another and I am going to remember your face, your scent, the number of hairs on your arms and anything else I had to focus on to keep my sanity.
lol
I love being female
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: Starbuck09

When a man has an orgasm Missokyst they experience much the same as you yourself do, particuarly sleep as the body has just lost a load of protein and has to manufacture more sperm. I think the reason that so many men like chastity is that it actually increases the potency of any sexual release. It also keeps men in a constant state of sexual  arousal and so fantasies that they might not particuarly want to act out in real life suddenly become not just desirable but irresistable. I imagine that quite a few mistresses have met men who have a fantasy to taste their own spunk but as soon as they orgasm they lose the desire to do so completely.  Chastity like tantra does a lot for the strength of the male sexual experience which is why, I suspect, it is so popular.

(in reply to Starbuck09)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 8:48:11 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

I think..why? You're a grown man, with grown sensibilities, why can't you manage your own being 

Given the number of male friends I've known over the years who couldn't keep their pants zipped... I think youre expectations are a tad less than realistic.  Beyond that, why is it any less acceptable for a male slave to want his sexuality managed than a female slave?  If any of the well known female submissive here were to post that they wanted someone to control when they could have sex or masterbate, how often, with whom, etc... I doubt anyone would much bat an eye at it. 

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A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 11:38:57 PM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		~FR~

You want your habits managed? Uh, ok... I made a doctor's appointment for you. Yeah, he's gonna chop off your twig and berries, and make sure that you can still pee, but leave nothing else there. Bam, habits managed.

I can't deal with this sorta stuff :P Part of the reason I'm not remotely interested in being a dominant (or being a long-term chastity sub).

If it were up to me I would prefer to just never get outta bed and have sex all day... so, uh, that's one way of managing, isn't it?

Bah.

I agree with Cat; if you're an adult you should be able to manage your own damn self. If not, then you need help, not a mommy/daddy (it's what we call an addiction to sex, very serious).

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 11:49:27 PM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline
Conquer the leopard's skin or pretend to have babies?

A submissive is a submissive because of the strong innate need to be managed.
Overall.
They have a need, Dominants have a need, lets meet in the middle. As it pertains to sex....
the only weird sexuality is asexuality, so paraphrased is the Freud.


(in reply to aravain)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/14/2009 11:57:47 PM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic
A submissive is a submissive because of the strong innate need to be managed.
Overall.


Heh, I don't agree at all, and I suspect *many* don't, as well.

I consider myself a submissive in that I want to please. I'm submissive to my partner's desires not because I want him to manage my life or order me around (quite the opposite, I wouldn't stand for that), but because I want to please him. A majority of the time I'll manage myself, I'll make my own decisions, but will ask for his input if I need/want it.

We can't make generalities about why someone's submissive :P Unless the generality is that "Not every submissive is submissive in the same way" which is just confusing :P.

That said, people that want to be *managed* (to me) want to be babied or hand-held... which is a whole 'nother barrel of apples about how that fits into submission/why that's submission.

Welcome to the boards after a long time on the site!

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 12:05:06 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		To please? To have that one person that you so adore thinking about you because, well... you need it. And you are the best please-r to the dominant of your choice. I do not know if I am pleasant to be around. I can manage myself fairly well. But to become a better submissive/slave. That requires a manager, right?

You are correct about every submissive having different needs and desires and this equates to dominants as well.
It was wrong of me to generalize.

(in reply to aravain)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 12:25:43 AM   
aravain


Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline 		In my case I don't need them to think about me because I'm pleasurable. I only need to know that I have pleased them. A certain level of love and attraction, for a relationship is desired, of course... but if someone is my dominant a relationship isn't necessarily implicit. They can be separate. I can be submissive to someone I don't love (or who doesn't love me, or even think of me much) purely because I like to please them. It's this way with some of my teachers at university (who honestly don't care what grades their students get, but who I endeavor to please by taking part in class and being actively engaged and interested, among other things), as well as with jobs (where the bosses don't want to have to think about you at all. I get my submissive jollies made all the time when I'm working and do well enough that the boss can either give me a project and not worry about it, or doesn't even have to give me one, I just do it automatically).

I don't care about being the best person at pleasing anyone who I see as (specifically) my dominant (whether sexual or not). What I care about is making sure I've pleased them. I don't think it requires a manager to become better at pleasing someone, anyone, at all. It requires a brain, and the ability to observe and think. ;) Likewise, I don't think it requires a manager to be a 'better submissive/slave' whatever that means (which is different for so many people), especially if your idea of submission isn't tied to *being* managed.

To me, saying "I need to be managed" is a very dominant attitude... sorta 'topping from the bottom' in that you're ordering the dominant to follow your own orders. Some people (as evidence I offer up the countless amount of profiles offering/requesting it) must enjoy that sort of dynamic... I would not, and it would not fall within MY area of submission or domination as I'm interested in either for BDSM.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 12:45:59 AM   
pyroaquatic


Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline 		I need a lot of guidance I guess.

I find servitude to be enjoyable, but not to everyone. There must be something wrong with my brain because I require tons of feedback. That is me, and you are you I suppose. On topic, the denial of release-Chasity-is a fetish. Here is a belt... okay here is the key. This stays with me and now you have no option of masturbation.

And to masturbation.... how much is too much? I guess if your arm looks like popeyes.... you just might be able to break that Chasity belt clean off.


There are too many variables in sex for my brain to conceive of. The X factor in SeX.


(in reply to aravain)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 1:01:09 AM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Starbuck09
as the body has just lost a load of protein and has to manufacture more sperm.


Just a little F.Y.I., semen/ejaculate actually contains a very small amount of protein.  Looked into this for a friend whom we were giving a raft of shit to about her needing to be on a high protein diet. ;)

Most of the relaxation release from it comes from the same source as any exercise would provide, with the increased activity, caloric use, heart rate, etc.  Only, it feels a damn sight better than running a couple miles, that's for damn sure.

Also the comfort level.  "Hey!  That felt realllllly nice... time to just kick back now and enjoy the afterglow."

As far as the whole chastity belt thing, I will admit to having a passing interest in male chastity devices, but, I don't think I would ever use one on my pet.  A: he probably REALLY wouldn't like it, and B: why the hell would I punish myself by having to find a key or remember a combination code or some shit, because I want to play with my pet?

That's another problem.  I lose keys all the damned time.  I sincerely doubt he'd much like me coming at his junk with a rotary tool to cut the cage off.


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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 11:38:30 AM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		Okay, it's one thing to want your sexual indulgence to be managed.....i.e. orgasm control/denial.  That's pretty commonplace and there's nothing wrong with that.  But to need it to be managed because you're unable to manage it yourself?  That's addiction and the person needs to get counselling for it.

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 4:46:29 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		Well, for me, bdsm b/d is primarily sexual in nature.  It can extend to all aspects of one's life (and often does), but I do think that the genesis is in the sexual.  As far as managing one's sexuality, there is also the element of humiliation in it.  Having a woman dictate what you can do with your penis is humiliating. 

Let's say your Superior strips you naked and clamps a chastity device on your cock.  It is giving up control in an important area of life that is 100% sexual.  It's not like you are denying me Pepsi for a month.

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
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RE: My sexual habits must be managed - 6/15/2009 9:58:28 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BKSir


That's another problem.  I lose keys all the damned time.  I sincerely doubt he'd much like me coming at his junk with a rotary tool to cut the cage off.



Good point. I guess you'd just have to use an oxy-propane torch. Being the tenderhearted, considerate soul that you are!


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In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
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(in reply to BKSir)
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