AAkasha
Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:
ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
Very well said Lockit. I never consciously realize what the 'do-mes' are actually doing, but they are being disrespectful and completely selfish. Sometimes it is hard to figure out who's what and how.
The way I learned to recognize "DO-ME"-ism is by dominating devoted vanilla guys. "Lifestylers" often wrinkle their nose at this and think it's somehow "less than" to dominate someone who isn't "in the scene" or a self-identified submissive. No matter how you slice it, devotion and surrender are just as rewarding when they come from a man who isn't kinky, and suffering can be just as sweet from a man who isn't a masochist. Most important, with a vanilla, it's *always* relationship-first, because that's where you built the trust first to say, "Honey, I have to tell you before we go any further. I enjoy seeing men suffer, it turns me on. And I am really into bondage. So are you on board or not?"
If you have dominated a man with *no* agenda, not a kinky bone in his body, not one little "fantasy" he wants to box you into, you've tasted and seen a kind of pure, unselfish submission. Kinky guys and subs try to fast track the "relationship" part of a femdom relationship to get right into the "femdom" part, and everything gets skewed. Some men are master manipulators at getting what they want, because it's all they know (it's not their fault). But if you've dominated a man who had no agenda other than to please you, not even an "agenda to please you", as confusing as that sounds, you've tasted something quite unique. (of course in some cases his main agenda is to get laid, which is another story, but that is something that can be addressed also).
Granted, vanilla guys have a boatload of other problems and challenges and for a longterm solution aren't quite as feasible. But I recommend it as a way to test the waters for women who are still experimenting and finding their "femdom legs." It's also a great training tool for learning seduction, confidence and mischief. Keeping a vanilla guy on his toes, interested, turned on and then seducing him into enjoying acts he found otherwise weird or unattractive is thrill ride in itself. You also get a crash course in communication when you see Joe Vanilla experience "sub drop" or come to grips with feelings of homophobia, threatened masculinity as he reflects on the fact that he just deep throated a strap on cock.
All men have an agenda. The solution is to make them have *your* agenda. Most submissive men can be put on the right path if you use patience and creativity. Just make sure that first and foremost, the biggest carrot, even BIGGER than their fantasy, is your pleasure. You do that by making your pleasure - your smile, your laughter, your pussy and your orgasm (pick whatever priority you wish) -- his lifeblood.
With vanilla guys, you retrain them away from their primary motivations of ego and cock. Make their ego about *performance* (pleasing you) and their cock less important than your pussy, or basically, own your sexuality and your pleasure. Make him realize you don't need his dick to cum, but you need his surrender. When the lightbulb goes off, it's a huge moment.
Sorry for the sidetrack. I got nostalgic.
Akasha
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RE: Chastity and control - 
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