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Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 4:33:30 PM

brandi1379

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/3/2009
Status: offline

Ok so a little back story on my current pickle, I was given a task by Sir to start 2 posts a week here on CM in hopes to expand my knowledge some. So Im trying to think of some questions that havent been asked a thousand times and one pops into my head. Now i think this question is a good one, one that could be posted in two different catigories and get different answers.

So i ask Sir if i can post this question in two different places right....he says NO and then proceeds to tell me how dissapointed he is in me for being so lazy. Now this hurts my feelings cause i wasnt thinking of it that way. The way i saw it was i would put it to two completly different groups of ppl and get a whole slew of different answers right. So i tell him that he has upset me by jumping right into the idea of me being lazy and trying to getout of my duty.

Now i said this in a most respectful way and apologized if it came out sounding snotty or caty.

My question to you is.....did i handle this situation right? If not how should i have handled it.

I see now looking back that it would have been redundent to post it twice but at the time it sounded good in my head.

Thank you in advance

Post #: 1

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 4:43:51 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Imo it was manipulating his task to fit what you wanted instead of what he wanted. You most likely knew this was skewing his order and yet you did it in a way that would be quick and easy instead of the correct way.

You didn't ask two questions. You asked one question in two different places. He said to ask two questions.

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 2

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 5:00:32 PM

brandi1379

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/3/2009
Status: offline

I knew it would still be asking only one question, I had every intention to post another one but i didnt get the chance to explain my way of thinking he just jumped to the idea of me being lazy. Now i know it sounds like im whining, but if i made a mistake in what or how i said it i would like to know. So the same mistake is not made twice. I hope yall can understand what im traing to get at.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 3

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 5:19:15 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

It's a moot point because cm's terms of service prohibit posting the same question in multiple forums. It's too often a spammer doing that.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 4

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 5:20:24 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I think he overreacted. Honestly, he could have accomplished the same thing by laughing and saying "Nice try but nope" without causing hurt feelings on both parts. I'm wondering if he always jumps to the worst possible interpretation. Because I find most things are due to miscommunication and having someone who assumes the worst of me would get to be old, quick.

If you were going to post it in two different forums here on Cme however, that's against the rules. The mods would delete one thread anyway.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 5

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 6:29:05 PM

greeneyedreamer

Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

Well, you did not listen or follow directions but truthfully, does one or two matter that much? I don't know, I am not much on following arbitrary rules so if it doesn't make sense to me, I can't do it. Luckily I have a dom who realizes that micro managing me doesn't work ... Talk to him about it.

_____________________________

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I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 7:13:48 PM

Rhembein

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/8/2009
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I agree that you should just communicate with him about it. Tell him how he made you feel, explain your side, do as he has requested, and move forward.

Best of luck to you.

(in reply to greeneyedreamer)

Post #: 7

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 7:27:18 PM

brandi1379

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/3/2009
Status: offline

thanks for all the advice its really helpful. and i should have known that posting twice is against the rules...it usually is in forums...but at the time my head got well ahead of it self lol i had the idea at work if that tells u anything lol

(in reply to Rhembein)

Post #: 8

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 7:39:57 PM

Rhembein

Posts: 136
Joined: 6/8/2009
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Ha Ha! :)

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 9

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/16/2009 11:30:15 PM

DagnyT

Posts: 43
Joined: 2/20/2009
Status: offline

Hi brandi,

Was he reacting to you- had you previously tried to wiggle out of doing things or have you shown a penchant for taking the easy way out?

Or did he assume you were being lazy because of his past experiences or because of his mindset at the time? Or maybe a combo?

I could see myself doing that- thinking two sets of responses would be interesting and talking about that while having every intention of posting another question but not focusing on that part at the moment and then feeling hurt that the assumption was made that I was being lazy.

What I have been learning to do is stop focusing on being "wronged" or "wounded" and looking at why the misconception occurred and asking him something like, "why did you draw this conclusion- that was not my intention so your reaction was a surprise". And he'll tell me if it's because my response seemed to fit a pattern or if he made an assumption based on something that had nothing to do with me (whether it's about women from his past had reacted in that, or to that, situation or he had a bad day or whatever).

If it's the latter, I know I need to move on (and not harbor hurt feelings). If it's the former, than that's something I know I have to work on.

Cheers,
Dagny

edited for clarity (I hope)

< Message edited by DagnyT -- 6/16/2009 11:31:38 PM >

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 10

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 6:06:29 AM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Imo it was manipulating his task to fit what you wanted instead of what he wanted. You most likely knew this was skewing his order and yet you did it in a way that would be quick and easy instead of the correct way.

You didn't ask two questions. You asked one question in two different places. He said to ask two questions.

Yet if the OP's Sir didn't specify two different questions then technically the OP was still following her dom's wishes.

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(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 6:18:49 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: brandi1379

Ok so a little back story on my current pickle, I was given a task by Sir to start 2 posts a week here on CM in hopes to expand my knowledge some. So Im trying to think of some questions that havent been asked a thousand times and one pops into my head. Now i think this question is a good one, one that could be posted in two different catigories and get different answers.

So i ask Sir if i can post this question in two different places right....he says NO and then proceeds to tell me how dissapointed he is in me for being so lazy. Now this hurts my feelings cause i wasnt thinking of it that way. The way i saw it was i would put it to two completly different groups of ppl and get a whole slew of different answers right. So i tell him that he has upset me by jumping right into the idea of me being lazy and trying to getout of my duty.

Now i said this in a most respectful way and apologized if it came out sounding snotty or caty.

My question to you is.....did i handle this situation right? If not how should i have handled it.

I see now looking back that it would have been redundent to post it twice but at the time it sounded good in my head.

Thank you in advance

You did what you wanted, not what was asked. So for me, you handled the situation badly.
He said you were lazy. You again reacted badly. If you feel the need to apologise for what you said and how you said it, you already knew deep down it was incorrect. If you had come to him with no agenda, you wouldn't have the need to apologise.
To me, you are trying to manipulate the situation and embarressing him in the process. If you checked CM rules, you would know that asking the same shit twice is a nono. You have already said -

quote:

and i should have known that posting twice is against the rules...it usually is in forums...

So, you are basically making your rules up as you go along. You did it to him and you did it to CM. I would ask yourself why you feel it necessary to try to control the situation instead of submit to the authorities you sign up to. To me, that is TFTB in the negative sense.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 12

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 6:28:20 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Besides if it's two a week, why would he throw a hissy fit if she asked the same question twice one day and another question later in the week? I'd take a good hard look at his tendency to lose perspective.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 13

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 7:23:25 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Besides if it's two a week, why would he throw a hissy fit if she asked the same question twice one day and another question later in the week? I'd take a good hard look at his tendency to lose perspective.

Well, if that was what happened. It didn't - if you read the OP.

The OP has specifically stated that she asked what she could do prior to doing it. Nothing you just stated was what she said so you have made it up as you are going along.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 7:45:18 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I think your Dom overracted a little. You have to talk to him and tell him you intended to ask anothr question later in the week. The thing of it is you siad something he misunderstood got upset which got you upset and that is not a good place to be. You two really need to talk to each other more. Communication is the key . It seems you had a break in communication, if you don't talk that is how misunderstandings become big problems.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 15

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 9:48:39 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

In an astonishing turn of events, I agree with Des *laughs*. Probably agirl will post here eventually so just let me say right up front, I agree with whatever she answers to this also. To answer you specific questions:

did i handle this situation right?
No, but the error was minimal. You pushed back a bit on a task that you were struggling with. His error, on the other hand, was quite a bit larger. Here, since predictions are free I'll offer you one. When you are no longer his, he's going to tell you that you weren't a true submissive.

If not how should i have handled it.
You should've made the two different postings along with any duplicates you wanted. Then you should've reported out at the end of the week, "I made my two questions Sir. I got good feedback on one. The other I struggled with the answers so I posted it in a few other places to seek additional clarification. Overall, what I learned from my questions this week was <fill in the blank>. And when you gave that flawless answer, I'm going to assume that he still would've found some reason to be disappointed.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 10:00:50 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline

As others have said: you asked one question in two places.
I do understand why you wished to ask different poeple, but it is still only one question. Thus you were not following his instructions.
I cannot comment on how he reacted, or on your reaction to his statement about you being lazy etc. because I don't know either of you. If he misinterpreted you then you simply move forward realising you need to communicate with him more effectively - and explaining that you were hurt by what he said before in a respectful manner is taking a step towards more positive communication between the two of you.

Personally getting stuck into semantic debates over the exact meanings of commands and instructions is often fruitless. He is the Dominant. In my life that means if you are unclear you seek clarity with him before you begin, not after the event.

_____________________________

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 17

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 10:01:44 AM

gypsygrl

Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline

Here's how I'm reading the situation:

You were given a task to start two posts a week here on cm. This, as written, is a very open ended task and there's a variety of ways to fulfill this task. Since (judging from what you've written in your op) your Master didn't give you specifics, you came up with an idea that seems to have fulfilled his criteria, presented it to him, and asked if it was ok. I'm assuming you did this before you perfomed the task. I don't see any harm, foul, manipulation or laziness in asking for clarification before performing a task, unless you've been told previously that this was unacceptable. That he chose to call you lazy instead of providing you with a clearer idea of how he wanted you to complete the task is offputting to me, but, I'm me and others might be ok with it. If I were in this situation, I would be thinking that he was lazy (or careless) for giving such a vague order when he seems to have had a prettly clear idea of how he wanted you to complete the task but just didnt bother to put that idea into words.

_____________________________

“To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin

(in reply to brandi1379)

Post #: 18

RE: Question for a sub/slave - 6/17/2009 10:11:45 AM

brandi1379

Posts: 137
Joined: 3/3/2009
Status: offline

I know now that i was wrong for asking and assuming it was ok. Sir said 2 that means 2 different posts, not the same one in two different places. Sir said no cause it would have big a big mistake in the long run and he saw that. Im thankful to Sir for correcting me.

(in reply to gypsygrl)

Post #: 19

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