What makes someone worthy to be collared (Full Version)

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keane -> What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 8:53:11 AM)

I have the opportunity to spend some time with a Mistress.  She wants me to explain to her why I am worthy to wear Her collar.  I know this will vary based on the individual, but what can make someone worthy.  Any suggestions will be helpful.



SmokingGun82 -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:05:53 AM)

To me, one important aspect would be knowing why they're "worthy" without asking others for stock answers.



kittinSol -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:08:06 AM)

Are you trying to get us to do your homework for you, by any chance [sm=domme.gif]?



amy3373 -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:09:53 AM)

Hello. New here [:)] you can look up on the net for traits of a good submissive. if they somewhat fit you. than perhaps you are worthy.

Good luck!



DesFIP -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:16:20 AM)

Depends on what she's looking for. Is she looking for someone who will never question her even when you know her decision is a bad one? Is she looking for someone to have her back for her, to help her prevent trainwrecks?

Actually the fact that you have no clue what she's looking for, nor what you have to offer, says that you folks aren't ready for this next step. What you are ready for is a lot more deep conversation.

But in general, a list of your skills wouldn't come amiss. Are you a clean freak? Good with paperwork? An amazing cook or baker? Gardening, massage, computer repair. All that sort of stuff to begin with.

Beyond that, slow to anger, thoughtful, honest, polite, kind to children and animals etc. The basic stuff.



OrionTheWolf -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:31:32 AM)

This is exactly what I was thinking, all the way to the wording you used. Us thinking alike is a scary thing, stop it ;)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Are you trying to get us to do your homework for you, by any chance [sm=domme.gif]?



LaTigresse -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:33:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

This is exactly what I was thinking, all the way to the wording you used. Us thinking alike is a scary thing, stop it ;)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Are you trying to get us to do your homework for you, by any chance [sm=domme.gif]?



Oh lord, the world really is coming to an end!!!!!!![:o]



leadership527 -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 9:36:08 AM)

Very good question. For me, the answer is both simple and complex.

The simple answer is that I'm looking for a top-notch human being who wants to give themself to me in the literal sense of the word.

What makes that more complex is what goes into making up a top-notch human being. For me personally, that's going to include:


  • honesty, both internal and external.
  • courage (which is based upon optimism and becomes the foundation of success)
  • strength (the ability to engage in legitimate suffering)
  • the ability to love, trust, and respect (rare commodities it seems)
  • the ability to be in a partnership with their partner as opposed to a contest (also rare)
  • the proven ability to succeed in the world - at least enough to pay the bills.
  • Intelligence which drives a sense of humor
  • Wisdom to help me not be an idiot.
  • Cute enough
  • that ineffable "chemistry" thing.


Give me all of it becomes worth exploring more. Miss any one of those and the person at most could get to "friend" status with me. I am not down on you asking for input and perspective here. I personally see it as a strength to solicit perspective. Of course, the final answer you give must be relevant to you.

All that being said, I struggle with the idea that your mistress wants you to "explain why you're worthy to wear her collar." Have you asked her for her reasons why she's worthy to hold the end of your leash? Out of curiosity, what are the two of you going to do about 4 minutes after the collaring when it becomes clear that one or more of the "worthy" characteristics didn't pan out? I can absolutely guarantee you that I am not worthy to own Carol. I honestly don't know how anyone could be. If that was how she thought, we'd be divorced.



RCdc -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:05:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: keane
I know this will vary based on the individual, but what can make someone worthy.


When Master says it is so.  Then it is.
 
the.dark.



softness -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:12:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: keane
I know this will vary based on the individual, but what can make someone worthy.


When Master says it is so.  Then it is.
 
the.dark.


*replaces Master with Sir ...... and is right with you babe ...

hopes all is well
xxxxxxx




CallaFirestormBW -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:15:16 AM)

Read her profile -carefully-. Remember all of the conversations you've had about what she really wants in a submissive. Think about what people do to earn the respect, trust, and affection of others and figure out which of those things are things -you- have done or are willing and open to be doing on your mistress's behalf. Think about the skills you bring to the table, the talents you have to share, and how much of yourself you're willing to open to a life with this women. Then, when you're done thinking about all of this stuff, think about it -again-... and this time, be really, brutally HONEST about what you're willing to be, do, and how you're willing to live... and -then-, if you decide at the end of it that what you're willing to be is compatible with what she is looking for, you can start writing. By the time you're done, you'll know why you're worthy -- or why you're not.

Dame Calla



brandi1379 -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:16:06 AM)

IMO what makes someone worthy is obedience, doing what your mistress tells you without question. 



dreamerdreaming -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:22:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: keane

I have the opportunity to spend some time with a Mistress.  She wants me to explain to her why I am worthy to wear Her collar.  I know this will vary based on the individual, but what can make someone worthy.  Any suggestions will be helpful.


I hate that "worthy" crap. You might be worthy of a good owner, domme or whatever, and still be a bad match for her. The two of you might be amazing, wonderful people, and still not fit together well. What do you have in common? What traits do you each have that compliment the other's?

And why is she worthy of you? I'd ask her that, when you're done with your explanation. Remember, you're shopping too. If it were me, I'd probably be so annoyed by her question that I'd drop her. There are a lot nicer ways to put it, if you want someone to tell you why they're deserving of you. Asking why you're "worthy" comes across as presumptuous and arrogant, to me. If it were me I'd tell her thank you very much but I'll need a domme who isn't vain and rude. Then I'd go find a domme who is polite and modest, and knows how to ask someone about themselves in a nice way.



DesFIP -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:27:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: brandi1379
IMO what makes someone worthy is obedience, doing what your mistress tells you without question. 


Except when they don't want you to do that. Since they chose you for your intelligence and your ability to help them avoid bad decisions by not obeying bad orders.



kittinSol -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:31:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

This is exactly what I was thinking, all the way to the wording you used. Us thinking alike is a scary thing, stop it ;)


quote:

ORIGINAL: kittinSol

Are you trying to get us to do your homework for you, by any chance [sm=domme.gif]?



Oh lord, the world really is coming to an end!!!!!!![:o]



I'm not worthy.



JaDaMaGi -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:33:52 AM)

That totally depends on the sub and the dom.  For me, I'd need someone pretty independant.  I don't want to take care of a big baby, and I don't want to take on another person's responsibilities.  Thats just me, though.  A lot of people apparently look for that.



LadyNTrainer -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:38:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming
I hate that "worthy" crap. You might be worthy of a good owner, domme or whatever, and still be a bad match for her. The two of you might be amazing, wonderful people, and still not fit together well. What do you have in common? What traits do you each have that compliment the other's?


I agree completely; there really is no good objective standard of "worthy" when it comes to relationships, but there is a whole lot to do with compatibility.  A better question might be, "Do you think we can make each other truly happy and be compatible in the long haul?"


quote:

And why is she worthy of you? I'd ask her that, when you're done with your explanation. Remember, you're shopping too. If it were me, I'd probably be so annoyed by her question that I'd drop her. There are a lot nicer ways to put it, if you want someone to tell you why they're deserving of you. Asking why you're "worthy" comes across as presumptuous and arrogant, to me. If it were me I'd tell her thank you very much but I'll need a domme who isn't vain and rude. Then I'd go find a domme who is polite and modest, and knows how to ask someone about themselves in a nice way.


There are "nice girl" dommes, but there's a lot to be said for being an arrogant, demanding bitch.  Some of the time, anyhow.  It would probably get old (at least in a primary partnership) if the emotional consideration in the relationship didn't go both ways.

I can think of circumstances under which I would ask that question, and it would have to do with making the submissive in question verbally categorize his own aspects of self-worth in a way that could help lend him confidence and self-esteem in his own value and identity as a collared slave.  The motive would not be personal arrogance, but teaching and self-improvement.  And sometimes these methods of teaching do work better than being nice, but if you fail to understand them, they can backfire.

And it's also possible that the domme in question is in fact an arrogant boob.  I don't know.  I can only say what would be going through my own mind when I ask such questions.  Making him speak in this way would be all about him, for his benefit and personal growth, and would really have nothing to do with me or my ego.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:39:52 AM)

I probably wouldn't respond to this question, however if I did it'd be along the lines of "I'm worthy 'cause I've invested my time in you and you still seem to like investing your time in me." short simple and to the point.
However, this kind of question feels kind of off putting...but that's just me, I'm not interested in having to convince somebody that I am something.



antipode -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:44:20 AM)

quote:

Any suggestions will be helpful.


My suggestion would be that you spend enough time on a board like CM that you develop an understanding of where to post a question. You are in "General BDSM Discussion".  Is this a general BDSM question? No. It is a question for Mistresses, or perhaps for Submissives. You can't ask there any more, because you don't get to duplicate questions, but the first answer I would give you is that you develop an understanding of where to post, and where to look something up. Without that elementary bit of doing your homework, and focusing, you won't be collared, unless you're looking to be collared by an amateur.



stella41b -> RE: What makes someone worthy to be collared (6/17/2009 10:49:51 AM)

Sorry not to be too helpful but if I have to explain or justify myself why I'm worthy of being in a relationship with someone I'd rather pass and move on or wait for someone for whom my worth is apparent and doesn't need discussing.



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