The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things

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AAkasha -> The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 9:56:48 AM)
Most femdoms who have been around awhile have met this sub: He's got a great personality, he's funny and charming, he's cute, he's enthusiastic. And he's totally "shot out of a cannon." When it comes to submission or bottoming, he's 100mph, eagerly finishing each task or order as quickly as possible to get to the next one; or constantly saying things like, "Do you need anything? What can I do for you?" And when you tell him to settle down, and take it slow, and that you will be SURE to let him know when the next command is appropriate, he's still just....carrying around that submissive buzz of "can we play now? is it time yet? do you need anything?" - through his body language, eye contact or just -- non verbal, it's there. It's the submissive equivalent of a puppy with too much energy - they are CUTE, yes, but it gets VERY annoying and tiring. There's no room for dominance or power exchange because he's always doing circles around you waiting for the next play session. You can't casually flirt, because the slightest flirtation sends him into a tailspin and he wants to keep going, and then when you ease back, he mopes and later tells you things like you "put him into subspace" (with a light slap on the butt, what?) and then didn't continue. He's like a light switch that doesn't have an "off" mode. What do you do with this kind of endless energy? Is it endless energy, or is it a bottomless pit of need? Is it just novice enthusiasm, or is it a personality trait that is permanent? Have any femdoms successfully gotten this type of sub/bottom to "calm down," and stop pushing, and just let things go and let the femdom go at her pace? I have met several subs/bottoms that I was HUGELY attracted to, and also really enjoyed topping; but they get so overly enthusiastic and totally eager and "always on" that it's exhausting just to be around them, and you know every moment they are just waiting for you to do something dominant. Akasha

LadyHibiscus -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 9:59:20 AM)
I have a sadist/dominant friend who is ALWAYS ON. Some folks are like that, and it's good when they hook up.

DesFIP -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 10:15:20 AM)
Find him physically demanding tasks? Like digging ditches or double digging the garden. Send him out to run 3 miles or do a 1 hour tough exercise tape. Maybe he just is a tad hyperactive?

PeonForHer -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 10:42:12 AM)
Good ideas, DesFIP. Such things would make him fitter and healthier, as well. Two birds with one stone.

pyroaquatic -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 10:56:10 AM)
and after that physical labor he is still hyper, bind his arms and legs, gag him, blindfold and use him as a footstool. definitely gives You time to relax and assert your dominance at the same time.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 11:07:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pyroaquatic and after that physical labor he is still hyper, bind his arms and legs, gag him, blindfold and use him as a footstool. definitely gives You time to relax and assert your dominance at the same time. Good idea pyroaquatic! It sounds like maybe this hyper puppy has never gotten rid of sub frenzy. The frenzy can be exhausting for the sub AND E/everyone around him/her as well.

Lockit -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 11:08:17 AM)
Anyone who pressures me for play, gets none. I don't care what they do, they are not going to be stuck on... on... with no shut off because it simply won't work. I don't do things as a trade off. It is a relationship of some sort and things flow how I direct them. If someone is bouncing off the walls to serve, it becomes a pain in the ass. The last thing I want to do is play with a pain in the ass! lol So basically I make sure those around me are not hyper anything. All I can see in my grumpy older age is someone bouncing off the walls first thing in the morning and not surviving the morning. lol Since I have to temper myself... they must too!

AlexandraLynch -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 11:10:05 AM)
(laugh) Our girl is like that. We just have her do a couple more physical tasks like mowing the lawn or carrying some laundry down and up from the basement or whatever, and it takes the edge off enough that she is tolerable.

Lockit -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 11:20:06 AM)
God, I had one that literally jumped out of bed in the mornings. I nearly fell out the other side of the bed it was so forceful! That had to stop and fast! lol I need a slower wake up or I can be a real drag, even to myself! As I slowly woke up... he would putter around the house, play music and left me alone until I was half human. Once I am awake... okay the party is on... but these days it is taking much longer! lol I would set things up the night before so that there was some direction to all that hyper... hello the day is here... wake up... sunshine... lets go! Not in my world... If I have to rush into the day... hand me a coffee, some milk in travel cups and we hit the road... but otherwise... calm down or you are going to get killededed!

pyroaquatic -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 11:24:53 AM)
I feel bad for this hyperactive sub. I used to be the same way until I started meditating.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 2:49:14 PM)
I understand the personality type you are describing. He probably wouldn't last long around Me. However, if I did want him around, I'd lay down the law on the amount of caffeine and sugar he was allowed to consume. Secondly, he'd be given the physical tasks as others listed above. Insert an anal plug, drive him 3 miles from the house and drop him off. (5 or 10 if he's in good shape) Of course, it's summer, so he'll have very little clothing, and no ID, phone or other way of getting home except to walk or jog. An explanation of 'why' you were giving him this task, etc. Hitching would result in punishment, and not the fun kind. I also like the quiet time suggestions.....piece of furniture, talking and eye restrictions, etc. I'd likely even demand that he obey some 'sit/stay' command when I gave him a certain hand signal, so it wouldn't interrupt whatever I was doing at the time. Whining or protest would result in even less of My attention....he could have time to give Me feedback at a later time. After all, wouldn't the last thing such a personality do well with be stillness and silence? And of course, we'd hate to see him suffer so! NOT!

PeonForHer -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 3:36:53 PM)
Well, well! I must say, you're sterner that you look, SC. Otters has kept that side of you well hidden, I must say!

TANTRADD -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 3:40:02 PM)
The sub is there to serve you..to be moulded by you for you.... If he pouts becuz he went into subspace..tough shit..YOU CALL THE SHOTS.. not him. HE will have to LEARN what to do when he is in that space and you do not wish to engage..other wise he is a DO ME. A GOOD TALK IS IN ORDER... "this is what I expect if...when....and YOU WILL DO it" If he has enthusiasm and energy then it can be used as strength for his training for what YOU NEED... IS there a skill set needed in your home? if he lives with you? such as cooking? then he can go to class and practice..practice.. or what about lanscaping..so you need that? he can study it for 2 hours a day and plan a project... IF he is racing around waiting for play time you a are going ot be on egg shells eventaully STRICT protocol and rules are needed here... re: speak when spoken to... if I do not have a task you will.... adn ...... *I will let you know when.... HE needs to hear..write it...see it in writing then LIVE IT I had this occur once and I spent time explaining that all I "needed" tonight was a teddy bear.."lay still beside me.." or "all I need is someone at my feet quiet as I watch TV" and then reinforced how pleased I was he could do it.. and how DISPLEASING racing around was.. I really DISAGREE with running him lke a dog..or USING Up his energy in shit tasks.. HE will eventually be unhappy and energy is something is has TO GIVE which can be used for enhancing your life... T

bobipanti -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 8:16:32 PM)
Sometimes the sub in his/her pleasing frenzy gets lost in the atmosphere of what to do to totally please the Domme; but I feel that you know that.....

Lockit -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 8:20:39 PM)
I don't know about that. Is he doing it to please his dominant or to get play? There's a big difference! I don't want to get into the arguement of the submissive needs something out of it... I know that and I wouldn't ignore my submissive's needs... not at all. But... if he is prancing around driving me crazy to serve me that is one thing... if he is prancing around driving me crazy and asking when it is play time and then what can he do for me and again when is it play time. My answer will be... when hell freezes over.

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 8:26:28 PM)
I am naturally like that and sugar and caffeine, does not encourage it or make it worse, in fact in some cases coffe makes me sleepy. I have an 8 ounce baby bottle of coffee or hot chocolate and I am so soothed I want to go ni ni. quote: ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t I understand the personality type you are describing. He probably wouldn't last long around Me. However, if I did want him around, I'd lay down the law on the amount of caffeine and sugar he was allowed to consume

Drifa -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/17/2009 11:36:00 PM)
I wasn't going to respond to this one, but as I wandered away from the computer I had this strong image in my head of a kid who puts a quarter in the gumball machine and gets out a gumball, every time. Then I think of the sub who mows one lawn, folds one load of laundry, administers one footrub and expects that the "gumball machine" will now always immediately produce one flogging, one pegging, and a mindblowing orgasm. That's the sub wanting direct control via "I put in X amount of service, I get back Y amount of topping". In my relationship, I can ask if I need play or sex or whatever. But honestly, she normally knows what I need before I do. And then you get into the issue of "I need to eat to live" vs. "I want Haagen-Daaz". One is a need, one is a want. And I'd really be uncomfortable with bothering her with my little wants when I know she's doing other things, or tired, or whatever.

LadyPact -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/18/2009 1:01:17 AM)
I was going to stay away from this thread, too. I changed My mind. What I'm reading here, in some ways, could be used as a somewhat accurate description of clip. The thing you have to remember is that clip is ADHD. Literally, he is always "on" because he's wired that way. In fact, caffeine slows him down. Now, I know the post wasn't written as to sound offensive to those with the particular condition and no imagined offense has been created here, but I wonder, Akasha, if that might be exactly what you have on your hands. There are a good number of folks into BDSM who are ADD or ADHD both diagnosed and undiagnosed. Many of them are drawn to wiitwd because they literally are wired differently. In a sense, you have to dominate them differently, too. Lots of structure and lots of authority. That sit back and let Me pursue you thing is hard to maintain when inside they are going a hundred miles an hour. I've never had to give clip what I would call an empty task. I don't put him on a treadmill to tire him out or throw boxes of rice on the floor so he can pick up the grains with tweezers. That doesn't make My life easier. What I've done instead is put protocols in place about what needs to be done around here so that when I'm barely getting My eyes open in the morning and he has enough energy to bounce around the house, he knows what he's supposed to do. I don't throw the word 'training' around these boards very often, but in essence, that's what it is. It does take a while to do that and it is an investment. There's one heck of a reward in it though.

pixelslave -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/19/2009 1:19:49 PM)
Akasha could also very well be describing the case of a sub with a strong need to serve or one that's had to suppres his submissiveness for an extended period of time and suddenly finds he has an outlet for them; you might describe it as a case of "sub frenzy". Perhaps given a bit of direction on the pace that things in the new relationship will follow, along with some added assurance that he's not going to be dismissed because of his eagerness to please and/or desire for play, he'll relax and there won't be an atomosphere filled with pressure from him. [&:] - pixel

Vendaval -> RE: The "shot out of a cannon" sub - neediness ruining things (6/20/2009 2:39:27 PM)
Fast Reply - I agree with the formula of structure, discipline, physical exertion and would add loaning this type of submissive out to do extra work for friends who need it. lol

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