Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced?

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Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/18/2009 5:16:02 PM

RLMK

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Joined: 6/6/2009
From: SC
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I'm quite definitely dominant, but I'm not that experienced. (I don't have a dungeon, cattle prod, etc... OK, so I do have a cattle prod, but it's in the barn)

BDSM isn't likely to become a consuming part of my life -- but I have decided that it might work out better than trying to convert vanilla women.

However, if I date women closer to the age that I'm usually more comfortably with (mid twenties to early thirties), and they're subs, they seem to already be considerably experienced.

Just wondering if that's really something I should concern myself about.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/18/2009 5:17:51 PM

Asherdelampyr

Posts: 9556
Joined: 11/14/2006
From: The Desert
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Not really, no
pick up some good books, talk to people you trust, but, really in your case a sub with a bit more exp than you might be considered an asset :)

just my thoughts

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/18/2009 5:23:24 PM

RedMagic1

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Most of the women I've dated have scened more than me. And I mean a LOT more, because I've dated in the fetish industry, and I'm just a guy with no cattle prod, much like your humble self.

They didn't date me because I was all that with a rope. They dated me because I was nice and funny and neato and stuff.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/18/2009 6:44:47 PM

kallisto

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Matters not whether you have a dungeon. Now... the size of your cattle prod might be a whole 'nother story.

What I'm saying is there is more to a Dom than how big his toy collection is. Wait, that might not be right either.

Really what I'm saying is ... you can have the biggest and "bestest" of dungeons, implements, and toys and still not be worth the storage space it will take to house all that. You still have to be a person first.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/18/2009 9:48:56 PM

olena

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Joined: 12/27/2007
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Meeting the right person for you will mean they accept you for you. The person inside you should trump anything that time can fix. There are plenty of dominants that have all the toys and experience using them but that does not make them good at all in M/s or D/s relationships.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 6:22:31 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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You have cattle on Myrtle Beach?

Sorry about that, got sidetracked. It doesn't matter how much experience either of you have, or don't. What matters is how well you connect. Chemistry and compatibility, just like in vanilla dating.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 6:32:17 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RLMK
I'm quite definitely dominant, but I'm not that experienced....subs, they seem to already be considerably experienced.

Uh yeah... If I were you I'd be concerned about this in a GOOD way. Let's see... you're not experienced and you are finding partners that have more experience than you. Isn't that a good thing? I'm not a huge fan of the "blind leading the blind" strategy. It feels all nice and snugly until you plummet to your doom off the cliff nobody saw.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 7:30:14 AM

littleone35

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I thinkk it is good to have an experienced sub. When Master first started on in this lifeatyle he had a experienced sub. As he says she "trained" him he was always a Dom but he was new into the lifestyle. So she helped him. Having a experienced sub is not a bad thing.

Matt's littleone

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 10:19:02 AM

RLMK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You have cattle on Myrtle Beach?

I'm only in MB during the summers -- I spend the rest of the year in TX. (Although I haven't had cattle in years, now -- I plan to go back to a ranch ASAP, but, for now, it seems like my life will be considerably more urban -- Houston -- than I care for.) There's still a barn, etc, but there's no way of leaving livestock there, responsibly.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 10:26:35 AM

RLMK

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
It feels all nice and snugly until you plummet to your doom off the cliff nobody saw.

I'm sure you're quite right... I, almost, literally went off a cliff once -- jeeps really will do the whole "teetering" thing...

It was a very long, hot walk back...

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 10:53:05 AM

califsue

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And..I would look into attending munches and or events that teach a particular skill if you are looking to learn how to use a singletail whip for instance.
Munches vary from munch to munch and location but it can be a good starting point to meet others and possibly find a mentor if you felt that
was appropriate for you.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 1:36:32 PM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RLMK

I'm quite definitely dominant, but I'm not that experienced. (I don't have a dungeon, cattle prod, etc... OK, so I do have a cattle prod, but it's in the barn)

However, if I date women closer to the age that I'm usually more comfortably with (mid twenties to early thirties), and they're subs, they seem to already be considerably experienced.

Just wondering if that's really something I should concern myself about.

Compatibility is far more key. "Experience" can be a dubious thing to rely upon if you both gleaned it from different worlds. A man with a more serious aptitude for dominance may not get along so well with a woman who has spent twelve years as a "submissive" within the surface trappings of an alt lifestyle—not because she has learned more, but learned wrongly. Alternatively, she may find his natural character, unfettered by the clichés and truisms often found within these social circles refreshing; for all her touted years of "experience", he may indeed have things to teach her.

Experience can be helpful, but it can be something that has to be "unlearned" as well. It's really the quality of experience that's important, and how relevant that experience is within a particular relationship set; it can help as much as hurt. Sometimes it can just be plain irrelevant. Philosophical congruence and natural propensity is by far more important.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 1:48:35 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: RLMK

Just wondering if that's really something I should concern myself about.

No. Take advantage of opportunity; do not impose restrictions on yourself - everything to gain; nothing to lose.

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RE: Inexperienced Dom -- newbie sub, or experienced? - 6/19/2009 1:49:39 PM

Lockit

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We learn in life and hopefully it is a constant learning process. I don't have as much kink experience as many other's and there were times when it made me feel a bit insecure being with someone with more experience. I had experience in d/s and being in female led relationships, but not the real kinky or bdsm. I have learned a thing or two from submissive's and I was very glad to learn from them. It didn't change the dynamic's in any way and it didn't make me look bad. There are still many things I do not know and many I will never know. But I know life... I know people a bit and I know me and if I am playing with someone, I know a lot about them.

I just keep myself ready to hit 'Lucy Ricardo' stage and laugh at her... okay... me! lol I guess I won't worry about it until I hit 'the three stooges' stage. I study new things. I ask people. I make sure it isn't something that needs training to be safe and I go with caution into a new experience. So far only once did things not pan out so well because it was more exploration and learning his body that lost the luster for us and lack of his communicating and expecting a porn dominatrix... which I didn't know!

Just do as people have said. Find someone you connect with on other levels and then go have fun.

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