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vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 11:43:31 AM   
henrythek23


Posts: 2
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		Hi,
   I'm not sure where this question could be asked, or if it was already asked before.  I'd like to know what people think.
   I know cuckolding is a common fantasy for sub men, and some have more in depth ideas than others.  I have a female friend that has various relationships with men, we are and have been nothing more than friends.  I find her to be very attractive, and always think how great it would be if she let me serve her even in a minor way while she still has her flings on the side.  The idea of cleaning her place while she's out on  a date, or hearing about her sex while I'm sexually frustrated is something I'd love to experience.
   I don't have the nerve to ask her if she'd allow any of this, and can't see myself ever mustering up the courage to ask her.  But does anyone think that any woman in the "vanilla world" would like this, or is it an interest that would only appeal to certain kinky people?  I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this.
   Thanks everyone.


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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 11:54:59 AM   
subtlebutterfly


Posts: 2230
Joined: 6/15/2008
From: Not your hood
Status: offline 		If my friend came sayin hey subtle I wanna clean your house while you're out fucking.....and knowing that my friend would be sexually frustrated???? If I fuck somebody I'm definitely NOT wanting my friends to end up sexually frustrated, it's not what our level of friendship is.
If this scenario happened to me, all I would think of is EW GROSS bloody pervert, so much for the friendship.
I expect friendships to remain on a friendship-based level, not a kink level. But I'm not saying all women would mind this..I'm sure there are some..somewhere.


< Message edited by subtlebutterfly -- 6/20/2009 12:48:18 PM >

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 12:35:17 PM   
antipode


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Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this.


You don't have the nerve, you don't have the nerve. No questions you ask here, or answers you get here, will give you the nerve. Your friend, you see, is not here, and she has her own personality, views, feelings, etc. You're getting into the category of "I missed the train" because you stood outside the station, deciding where you were going to go, and now it is almost midnight, and most trains have been and gone. Stop faffing about, if she is a friend she'll answer you truthfully - worst thing that can happen, she turns out not to be the friend you thought she was.

Get in there, dude, stop thinking already.

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 2:11:24 PM   
leadership527


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quote:

ORIGINAL: henrythek23
   I don't have the nerve to ask her if she'd allow any of this, and can't see myself ever mustering up the courage to ask her.

I SOOO agree with antipode on this one.

I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert, Dune


quote:

But does anyone think that any woman in the "vanilla world" would like this, or is it an interest that would only appeal to certain kinky people?  I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this.

Uh.. yes. I have always been vanilla and still associate most closely with the label "vanilla". But in my experience women in general are a LOT less repressed than men sexually. I think a LOT of women who thought warmly of you would be happy to provide this service to you and wouldn't have a hard time at all undestanding it. Sure, it'd take a bit of conversation. But honestly, it's usually us guys who are way too up tight.

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 3:45:57 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: henrythek23

Hi,
I have a female friend that has various relationships with men, we are and have been nothing more than friends.  I find her to be very attractive, and always think how great it would be if she let me serve her even in a minor way while she still has her flings on the side.    


If she is just a friend how could she be
having flings ""on the side.."??
 
meaning you are the main..?? or what???????
hmmmmmmmm
more going on here isn't there..??
GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 6/20/2009 3:46:45 PM >

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 4:27:31 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: henrythek23

Hi,
I'm not sure where this question could be asked, or if it was already asked before.  I'd like to know what people think.
I know cuckolding is a common fantasy for sub men, and some have more in depth ideas than others.  I have a female friend that has various relationships with men, we are and have been nothing more than friends.  I find her to be very attractive, and always think how great it would be if she let me serve her even in a minor way while she still has her flings on the side.  The idea of cleaning her place while she's out on  a date, or hearing about her sex while I'm sexually frustrated is something I'd love to experience.
I don't have the nerve to ask her if she'd allow any of this, and can't see myself ever mustering up the courage to ask her.  But does anyone think that any woman in the "vanilla world" would like this, or is it an interest that would only appeal to certain kinky people?  I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this.
Thanks everyone.




imo?
i think you already know the answer to this?
It's the arousal level. The fact that she is a vanilla woman makes it mroe risky, makes it more perverse, gives the fantasy an edge and so you keep replaying it over and over.
It has arousal value.
Try asking a real kinky woman if you can come clean the house whilst she is fucking and, (if she's anything like me) she'll fuck out every night of the week just to get the house cleaned.


< Message edited by Prinsexx -- 6/20/2009 4:28:03 PM >

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 4:34:12 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this.


You don't have the nerve, you don't have the nerve. No questions you ask here, or answers you get here, will give you the nerve. Your friend, you see, is not here, and she has her own personality, views, feelings, etc. You're getting into the category of "I missed the train" because you stood outside the station, deciding where you were going to go, and now it is almost midnight, and most trains have been and gone. Stop faffing about, if she is a friend she'll answer you truthfully - worst thing that can happen, she turns out not to be the friend you thought she was.

Get in there, dude, stop thinking already.



Being one of the prime candidates as a carpenter of CM postings, antipode once again hits the nail very squarely on the head.

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 4:58:56 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stella41b


quote:

ORIGINAL: antipode

quote:

I've been driving myself crazy thinking about this.


You don't have the nerve, you don't have the nerve. No questions you ask here, or answers you get here, will give you the nerve. Your friend, you see, is not here, and she has her own personality, views, feelings, etc. You're getting into the category of "I missed the train" because you stood outside the station, deciding where you were going to go, and now it is almost midnight, and most trains have been and gone. Stop faffing about, if she is a friend she'll answer you truthfully - worst thing that can happen, she turns out not to be the friend you thought she was.

Get in there, dude, stop thinking already.



Being one of the prime candidates as a carpenter of CM postings, antipode once again hits the nail very squarely on the head.

i think if you read it standing on your head it makes perfect sense.
See: i knew the yoga would come in handy.


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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 6:16:12 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think the question is a bit flawed.  If the friend would agree to a cuckhold arrangement, wouldn't that be considered a kinky relationship, rather than vanilla?  Not everything kinky has to do with S/m or D/s.  Threesomes are kinky, even though they might not have anything to do with BDSM.  

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 6:41:27 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I think the question is a bit flawed.  If the friend would agree to a cuckhold arrangement, wouldn't that be considered a kinky relationship, rather than vanilla?  Not everything kinky has to do with S/m or D/s.  Threesomes are kinky, even though they might not have anything to do with BDSM.  

All questions are flawed until we know the answers?


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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 7:54:43 PM   
littlesarbonn


Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline 		I have a very close female friend who fits exactly the same description the OP has put forth for his friend. There are times I have thought how great it would be to be involved with my friend because she's really hot, and yes, I'm attracted to her. But I'm also her best friend and have been it for a few years now. When we became this type of friends, I pretty much had to give up on any ideas of becoming an "item" with her because that's not how our friendship evolved. I honestly believe that if I ever tried to interject something of a romantic or kink relationship into our dynamic, it would destroy the very foundation we have built already. My friend has lots of relationships with other guys, and I have acted as her confidante and she has acted as mine (to a point, as she does not know (or admit to knowing) about my submissive lifestyle.

To be honest, I would hate to lose the friendship I have with her because I value it greatly, and that's the fear someone has to realize when he decides that he wants to satisfy his carnal, kink needs more than his friendship needs. I do know that if you ever make an attempt to rewrite that relationship, it may never salvage itself to what it was before. It's not one of those things that usually survives the attempt. So you have to pretty much ask yourself if you're willing to throw away what you already have, but even more important, you have to look at why you have that friendship in the first place. If your only reason for the friendship is because you want so much more and you just haven't had the courage, you're lying to yourself and your friend if you keep the relationship as is. If you value the friendship as a true friendship, then the answer should be self-evident.


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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/20/2009 8:07:59 PM   
DavanKael


Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline 		Ah, Jeff, now I know why that quote sounded so familiar!!!  I just read Dune a few months ago!  :> 

OP, while cuckolding holds no inherent appeal for me, clearly you have other preferences.  If your friend already tells you enough for you to assert that you know about her dating and sex life, perhaps she'd be open to giving you a bit more of a 'kick' with the bonus to her of having her house cleaned. 
'Course, I'm thinking this, on your side of things at least, could complicate into something not platonic. 
Are you willing to risk the friendship?
  Davan

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/22/2009 4:35:51 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527
I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Frank Herbert, Dune


I found that this works when one is hanging a hundred feet off the ground being swarmed by bees.

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/22/2009 5:47:02 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		I Dunno how long you've been friends for, but if you fancy her more than 'just' friends the friendship is already a bit weird and untrue on some level... if you think the feeling might fade you could just sit it out...
But if she tells you about her sexual exploits you should be able to tell her some of your more private things....maybe you will find a right time and place to muster the confidence to move in closer... she might like to 'accommodate' you, you never know till you ask
good luck

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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/22/2009 6:40:02 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		This vanilla stuff SO irritates me.  Few of us here launched into doing BDSM the day we turned 18, some of use didn't even have fantasies about this stuff to much later in life, I didn't till I discovered D/s and worked backwards into becoming kinky.

Many of the women here are complete ladies during the day and you would never guess how twisted and perverted they really are.  Many vanilla women have fantasies as well.  If you are SO nervous, why not talk to her about this friend you have that you did it once for but that you could never again find someone that would let you clean her house before she went out?  Telling her how hot it made you and how good a job you did cleaning and see if she picks up the hint.  If she does, go SLOW, don't open the floodgates and start talking about how you want to clean his cum out of her after he finishes, wait at least a day or two to tell her that...lol!



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RE: vanilla involvement in bdsm - 6/22/2009 3:47:33 PM   
abuddingdom


Posts: 158
Joined: 3/8/2007
Status: offline 		I agree that the " go slow" & be wary of the floodgates approach is often best. But, we practice emotional transparency in my house( to which I was introduced  by my wise  & pretty one). For the majority of my life white lies were ok if they were for an honorable purpose, & when I moved on to darker lies for less than honorable purpose I worked out this system of compromise&denial with myself because I've  always  been a good guy, you know? Then, having been seriously seriously burned by lies from people close to me & recovering from the damage, I reached a point where dishonesty became so distasteful to me that I just needed to minimize it from my life as much as I possibly could. I raised standards for myself , & though I can still be forgiving when people are human&make mistakes my tolerance for untruth is only a few  very short steps from zero.  I  dont advocate for doing that "I did this before with someone" if you haven't - thats exactly the kind of thing I would have done  in the past & as innocent&harmless as it seems it can not only damage or destroy a friendship  it  can break you down spiritually over time. At least thats what the cumulative effect was on me.

I dont know what kind of friendship you have with this woman, henrythek23. Nor do I know anything of your life experience,  your philosophies of life or even how you define friendship. If this is your kink(or one of them) you can either act on it(or  more accurately figure out how to approach it with this particular person or with another) or not & always wonder what if.....In my case, I can wonder what if ,  one fine afternoon away back when , I'd didnt pin the wrists of my first bottom over her head&cover her mouth & give us both the best orgasm of our lives at that point? What if I hadnt come up with the nerve? The answer in my case is that I know I would have done it another day, with her or with another. But I dont know you or anything about you. I say find a way to live your fantasies. Life's short........

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