Online dating question

Online dating question (Full Version)

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Mistressmsonline -> Online dating question (6/20/2009 3:06:51 PM)
Quick poll of the Mistresses: Would you engage in sexual play (or any Domination play) with a sub on a first meeting? By first meeting, I mean you spoke with a (local) sub online briefly and really know only the basics. You decided to meet in a public place because they were so close to you. I had a sub in this situation think that I was going to dominate him, or at least have him beg for collar, etc. all on the first meeting. I don't do anything but talk typically, and in a very non D/S manner. Am I nuts or weird? Seems crazy to do anything else, but hey maybe it's me.

Andalusite -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 3:09:28 PM)
I've done some very light play on a first date - discreet hair pulling, biting, etc. (on both/either side). However, going off to formally play, especially in a hotel room, seems to me to be unsafe, and collaring on the first date definitely feels to me to be moving too quickly. YMMV, of course!

SomethingCatchy -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 3:12:15 PM)
Only if he was really really hot.... and we weren't having dinner in the middle of the night after he'd driven for the whole day.... and I had a space available besides the cab of his truck.... Oh sorry. I'm sure there are people who play on the first meeting. I'm just not one of them.

Lockit -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 3:20:58 PM)
I decide when I will and won't... the submissive expecting... most likely won't ever happen. I have twice after talking for months, but typically would not. With you just joining and first post and a hidden profile... I am jaded enough to wonder if you are a guy and wanting to know who puts out on a first meet. Sorry... just the way it works around here for me sometimes. Just as you wonder what's up with his thing... I wonder about things too.

Mistressmsonline -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 3:58:00 PM)
I decide when I will and won't... the submissive expecting... most likely won't ever happen. I have twice after talking for months, but typically would not. With you just joining and first post and a hidden profile... I am jaded enough to wonder if you are a guy and wanting to know who puts out on a first meet. Sorry... just the way it works around here for me sometimes. Just as you wonder what's up with his thing... I wonder about things too. [/quote] LOL; No. I am not a sub looking to get an easy one. I hide the profile to avoid all the emails i get. My feelings are that I have no interest in a Sub that would immediately kneel, beg, masturbate or do anything like that on order from what amounts to a stranger. I am picky about Subs and don't want just any and all of them, and would hope a Sub wouldn't want to submit to just anyone either. I want a pretty vanilla first meet, unless there was lengthy phone and online communication. I consider it a process really over a period of time and meets. Was wondering if I was odd in this.

Lockit -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 4:02:49 PM)
You are not odd in this! lol

CarrieO -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 4:19:34 PM)
Two of my favorite sayings come to mind when I read questions like this one. "To each his own said the lady as she kissed the cow" and "Normal is relative" My normal may not be your normal and neither of us might be attracted to cows! I've played a bit on first meets, and other times I couldn't wait to wash my hands after a first handshake. It all comes down to how appropriate it feels for me at the time. Just because a man assumes meeting will be followed by anything sexual doesn't mean it will. In fact, if I get any sort of vibe like this from him, I will excuse myself with an explanation of why. Patience is a virtue...if he's patient and takes the time to get to know ME, not the sex object he's created in his mind, then he'll be fortunate enough to enjoy the rewards of that particular virtue. To answer your question....are you odd in wanting to take time? No, I don't think so.

LadyPact -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 6:02:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mistressmsonline LOL; No. I am not a sub looking to get an easy one. I hide the profile to avoid all the emails i get. My feelings are that I have no interest in a Sub that would immediately kneel, beg, masturbate or do anything like that on order from what amounts to a stranger. I am picky about Subs and don't want just any and all of them, and would hope a Sub wouldn't want to submit to just anyone either. I want a pretty vanilla first meet, unless there was lengthy phone and online communication. I consider it a process really over a period of time and meets. Was wondering if I was odd in this. Here's the funny part. If you change around the pronouns from sub to Domme, I think it should work the same way on the other side of the kneel. I'm much less likely to deal with anyone who would so quickly allow someone to Dominate them when they didn't even know them. If a person is willing to submit to just anyone, without knowing their character and integrity, what are they really worth to Me? That 'any Dominant will do' attitude is very unattractive to Me.

PeonForHer -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 6:24:07 PM)
There might be a slight tendency amongst subs, as a whole, to be less inclined to be 'up for it' on the first date than their vanilla counterparts. Couple of reasons, at least - a) it might take longer to build up the D/s feeling and connection b) it could be risky putting oneself in a vulnerable position with someone you don't know well. But, of course, I've never met a prospective sub partner and am not likely to. Just guesses.

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 6:42:29 PM)
I do whatever I feel like if we are both massively into one another. I don't generally plan to do anything on first meeting, nor do I allow anyone the expectation of anything happening. M

MeaganBlake -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 9:57:00 PM)
I once met a boy for a coffee date who expected me to take him out and spank him in the back seat of my car. In the middle of the mall parking lot. I refused. I never saw him again. But to actually answer your question, I generally wouldn't play on a first meet, unless we'd been talking for awhile.

BKSir -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 10:03:18 PM)
Not a mistress, plumbing is wrong for that. ;) But, on the first meeting, that's a definite no for me. Most of my past pets I didn't even breach the subject for a long time of even considering them as them being my sub. A lot of them never even knew I was into this "lifestyle" until many weeks into knowing them in person, often not until I brought up that I might be interested in them wearing my collar. I need to get to know someone first. Know what they're into, what they like and dislike, who they are as a person. Get to know their personality very very well, learn their buttons and switches. Figure out what makes them tick, and decide from there if they're right for me and vice versa. And then go from there. I've always had an aversion and almost an inability to have any sort of physical relationship with someone I didn't have strong feelings for.

DarkSteven -> RE: Online dating question (6/20/2009 10:27:24 PM)
I have played on a first meeting. And I've almost always regretted doing so. I end up trying to get out of something I shouldn't have gotten into in the first place.

TEMPERANCE -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 3:42:07 AM)
I dont engage in sexual play with submissives ever... actually that is a blatant lie.... i only regard things as being sexual if its them doing it to me... if im doing them then it doesnt count... whoops.... ill shut up now.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 4:24:10 AM)
To each his own, not sure what you mean by SEXUAL play---sex, penetration, oral etc. never on the first play meeting. Anything more than coffee or a meal on the first meeting? Never. Anyone who begs for the collar at the first meeting, completely missed the meaning of a collar...to Me.

slaveboyforyou -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 7:14:36 AM)
quote: Would you engage in sexual play (or any Domination play) with a sub on a first meeting? I've had sex with women on the first date, both vanilla and BDSM afficinados. I don't see anything wrong with it if the attraction and eagerness is there. I don't really need to know a person's life story in order to sleep with them. Sex is fun; it doesn't have to be part of a long term committment for me. I'm perfectly comfortable with waiting or not doing it at all if there is no spark. But I sure as hell won't say no if it happens. From the posts I've read and my interactions with a number of women over the years, I know my opinion isn't exactly popular. As for men saying they won't sleep with an attractive, willing woman on a first date.....puuuuuleeeease! 99% of you are lying through your teeth.

Lockit -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 10:29:57 AM)
LOL... I remember the day... way back when... when most were having sex on first dates. Hell sometimes they didn't even know the persons name. I took my share of what I wanted. If you liked the look or sound of someone or you simply wanted to do it, you did. Oh... some thought to hide what they were doing, but they always got caught. We were shocked when we met a virgin and felt sorry for them and might have tried to hook them up. The sexual movement moved into orgy's and swinger's. Not everyone was doing it all but no one was shocked by it. There were paper stands, mulitple news paper stands on street corners where people advertised for partners. The mags of Playboy and Hustler were left on coffee tables or next to a toilet quite often. Not everyone was doing anyone who asked, but they did have the freedom to say yes without a lot of social stigma. Some held out to some degree, but most were out there in some way, at some point. California was rocking and rolling and I am not talking about just earthquakes. All this is what brought about free clinic's in nearly every city, condom's being passed out, birth control being handed out and abortion clinic's everywhere. No one can say it wasn't happening because of these things. Aids changed things. Age changed things. Raising um's that no one knew who the daddy was changed things. Condoms broke at a high percentage and paternity testing wised up a few hard core men who didn't want to give up the freedom, but didn't want to get caught with their pants down and the need for providing um bottles and diapers. I am glad we had the freedom, but many took things to an extreme and I think many started wising up and seeing the pitfalls of that freedom. I also think it had some lasting effects. So while I know I have and could, I most likely will not. Been there, done that and didn't like the results past that high or party or party boy. I want more. I enjoy sex far more now. The quicky mad rabbit dash is not for me. But having done it, I cannot say I never did or would. But when doing something that most consider unlawful... you bet I am going to make sure I know who I am playing with so I am not introduced to someone with a badge wanting to take me to a cage. One thing we learned back in the day... you give it up, they are looking for the next one. You don't give it up, they are begging for your attention. That is when I learned the art of denial and no longer was I shouting, burn the bra... peace, not war... make love not war... flower power... love the one you're with... but wait, no and power to the pussy! While some of it was fun and I can't deny it... I like the here and now far better!

gentlemanprince -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 2:07:38 PM)
Yes, I have had sex on the first day and, like DarkSteven, often have regretted it. Somehow, the emphasis on sex tends to obscure the question of whether or not we like each other as people. I chatted with my current lady online and by phone virtually every day for two months, then flew halfway across the country to see her. We spent one day together doing entirely vanilla non-sexual things, just enjoying each others company and getting to know each other. We played on the second day. I didn't think we were rushing it and still don't.

LadyPact -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 3:06:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit LOL... I remember the day... way back when... when most were having sex on first dates. Hell sometimes they didn't even know the persons name. I took my share of what I wanted. If you liked the look or sound of someone or you simply wanted to do it, you did. Oh... some thought to hide what they were doing, but they always got caught. We were shocked when we met a virgin and felt sorry for them and might have tried to hook them up. The sexual movement moved into orgy's and swinger's. Not everyone was doing it all but no one was shocked by it. There were paper stands, mulitple news paper stands on street corners where people advertised for partners. The mags of Playboy and Hustler were left on coffee tables or next to a toilet quite often. Not everyone was doing anyone who asked, but they did have the freedom to say yes without a lot of social stigma. Some held out to some degree, but most were out there in some way, at some point. California was rocking and rolling and I am not talking about just earthquakes. All this is what brought about free clinic's in nearly every city, condom's being passed out, birth control being handed out and abortion clinic's everywhere. No one can say it wasn't happening because of these things. Aids changed things. Age changed things. Raising um's that no one knew who the daddy was changed things. Condoms broke at a high percentage and paternity testing wised up a few hard core men who didn't want to give up the freedom, but didn't want to get caught with their pants down and the need for providing um bottles and diapers. I am glad we had the freedom, but many took things to an extreme and I think many started wising up and seeing the pitfalls of that freedom. I also think it had some lasting effects. So while I know I have and could, I most likely will not. Been there, done that and didn't like the results past that high or party or party boy. I want more. I enjoy sex far more now. The quicky mad rabbit dash is not for me. But having done it, I cannot say I never did or would. But when doing something that most consider unlawful... you bet I am going to make sure I know who I am playing with so I am not introduced to someone with a badge wanting to take me to a cage. One thing we learned back in the day... you give it up, they are looking for the next one. You don't give it up, they are begging for your attention. That is when I learned the art of denial and no longer was I shouting, burn the bra... peace, not war... make love not war... flower power... love the one you're with... but wait, no and power to the pussy! While some of it was fun and I can't deny it... I like the here and now far better! I hate to say it, Lockit, but I think some of what you've written here is why now things have swung the other way. It isn't always especially about a moral issue. Sometimes, it can be a health issue and folks aren't always willing to gamble their health on someone they've never met before. There's a thread going on in the general section right now that just screams the dude wants to hook up with the gal to get laid on the first meet, but he wants her to bring a health report. Of course, he's telling her that he wants to be with her forever and yadda, yadda, but since his charms seem to be working on her so easily, he's being smart and making sure she's disease free.

PeonForHer -> RE: Online dating question (6/21/2009 5:26:48 PM)
As for men saying they won't sleep with an attractive, willing woman on a first date.....puuuuuleeeease! 99% of you are lying through your teeth. I might not, SB. This is not the vanilla world and I'm pretty new to it. If there were something about 'her' that rang alarm bells, even slightly . . . . well, I'd at least make sure that things are kosher about both her and the 'venue'. And I'd be careful about just how vulnerable I'm going to be with her. (I can get out of those cheap metal padlocks, but not the real things!) But, then again, if there were any things that didn't feel right, I'd probably not see her as 'attractive' anyway. She just wouldn't click properly for me.

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