Initiating contact with disrespect

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danielh -> Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 8:44:10 PM)
Hi, everyone. My first post here. I'm a little hesitant to ask, but I need to know this. I'm evolving and learning, protocol, etc. I've been getting unsolicited contacts (usually good) from some Dommes here, giving me a bad time about my profile, don't like it, too long, too mental, etc. I understand my potential role, and why I'm here. I think I expressed what I mean. I'm relationship oriented so it seems right to reveal who I am and what I feel. I've been getting some really helpful, and well intended feedback, which I appreciate. When someone you don't know offers to help you get where you want to be, that's good energy. Some very awesome women here. My question is... when a Domme initiates contact with critical words, nothing constructive or positive... is this a test? I'm not seeing anything in my profile that should annoy a stranger. I'm not speaking of being challenged or a little pressure. I expect that, it's my opportunity to show who I am and what I'm made of. You're the Domme, I understand that. I can take it. I should just disregard... but I don't. I respond, and not positively. Unsolicited rudeness... it's not working for me. Comments? Thank you for reading me. daniel

HeavansKeeper -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 9:10:17 PM)
Like a good book or movie, the end comes too close. If someone is interested enough, no profile is too long. I take criticism as a challenge, and expect it to be backed with analysis. I keep a cool head, as one critic does not floor my house of cards (I may even learn to better myself). Usually, I'd say 9 times out of 10, if I respond to criticism the conversation end rather quickly. Once I've explained my position, 4/9 it is met with nothing-silence-no response. 5/9 it's met with an understanding "Oh." The journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step. Twisting your ankle on the threshold doesn't mean you won't find a pot of gold... But then again, it's a red flag for a bad day.

DarkSteven -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 9:28:39 PM)
Daniel, I don't get it. At one point, you say that you're getting what I would consider constructive criticism. Then you make the claim that some of the feedback is rude. What do you mean? Some Dommes have snarly words in their profiles about how men are worms, etc. Are the rude comments in this vein? If do, block and ignore. I have to say that the Dommes here have their hands full. If they're initiating contact with you, you're doing damn well. Sneaky tip - take the Dominas' advice and rework your profile. Then ask them what they think of the rewrite. You'll be beginning communicating with them and showing them that you can do as they say... may well reap rewards down the road.

danielh -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 9:59:25 PM)
Thanks for the reply, DS. I thought my post was clear. I said some women, most, are very cool. Direct, engaging, seemly understanding that I'm not exactly trained (yet). I've gotten good feedback, and incorporated it... especially the first week or two! Sub speak, things like that. I get that. And then I spoke of a different flavor of person seeing something in my profile that evidently annoys them, a totally different situation. It's not that my feelings are hurt (well, maybe a little) it's just nasty e-mail from a stranger. I was just asking, protocol or lifestyle wise, is this something that I'm considered to expect. I am sub here, not slave, that's clear. Is this a game ? Why bother? If nothing good at all to say... About my post, must be me... I'd write it again pretty much verbatim. I do appreciate your feedback, I know you're helping here. Thanks, d

Lockit -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 10:12:18 PM)
I like a longer profile because it tells me far more than most will and it helps me see the person. If someone is impatient and doesn't want to read about you, then let them pass on by! I believe a good dominant pays attention and wants information so that they can evaluate whether they wish to know you more or not and so that they can know you if they wish to. I would keep the projections on what your dominant and your relationship/the feelings will be like as you seem to really push this romantic idealized version of how you would respond to her. I am not sure on how you mean different things you say so I can't say it is bad or good, but I would limit it to saying it once rather than repeatedly throughout your profile and journal. Let the romantic idea's and such flow when you meet someone but to go in with expectations is almost a set up to a woman... in my opinion. If someone meet's me and feels those things coming on... wonderful and if it isn't wonderful I can address it, but knowing he expects to feel this way and seems very stuck on the idea of feeling it can be just as bad as someone projecting in other ways. I don't want my man broken or weakened by me. I want him strong, happy, well adjusted and in love. In love will bring all I would want. I want my love to spark a fire in him, not a melted man with no will of his own.

Venatrix -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 10:23:36 PM)
Daniel, being badly mannered has nothing to do with dominance. If someone is rude to you, I would simply delete the e-mail without responding. I know it's temping to address the rudeness - I've done it myself - but really, is that how you want to spend your time?

LadyPact -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 10:26:53 PM)
I have to go with Steven on this one. The usual complaint is that the Dommes don't initiate contact with the male subs, so you're actually doing better than most. For the Dominants that have been helpful to you, absolutely thank them for their suggestions and perhaps throw back a question or two. If they are trying to be helpful, it will be a great way for you to start an exchange. Even when they aren't, thank them for their time. Something about you got them to notice you, so that could open doors, too. After so many posts about how does one get Dominant women to review their profile or initiate contact, this is a welcome change. You must be doing something right.

justme1980 -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 11:07:46 PM)
There is no excuse for rudeness This is non consentual humiliation, which confirms she is a child playing at being a grown up I'd tell the B*tch to get back on her broomstick and offer her a quarter to call someone that gives a damn

Toppingfrmbottom -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/21/2009 11:26:53 PM)
Yes. This is the internet, people will be rude people will be kind, people will be indifferent. Enjoy the kind ones, and learn to ignore the rude ones, it does no good to get annoyed and respond " in kind" to them. quote: ORIGINAL: danielh Hi, everyone. My first post here. I'm a little hesitant to ask, but I need to know this. I'm evolving and learning, protocol, etc. I've been getting unsolicited contacts (usually good) from some Dommes here, giving me a bad time about my profile, don't like it, too long, too mental, etc. I understand my potential role, and why I'm here. I think I expressed what I mean. I'm relationship oriented so it seems right to reveal who I am and what I feel. I've been getting some really helpful, and well intended feedback, which I appreciate. When someone you don't know offers to help you get where you want to be, that's good energy. Some very awesome women here. My question is... when a Domme initiates contact with critical words, nothing constructive or positive... is this a test? I'm not seeing anything in my profile that should annoy a stranger. I'm not speaking of being challenged or a little pressure. I expect that, it's my opportunity to show who I am and what I'm made of. You're the Domme, I understand that. I can take it. I should just disregard... but I don't. I respond, and not positively. Unsolicited rudeness... it's not working for me. Comments? Thank you for reading me. daniel

DemonKia -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 1:13:17 AM)
FR, after read thru My cynic meter is beeping & I have to wonder if the rude 'femdoms' are really female . . . . . I think I might be sniffing horny net geeks at work, trolling . ... . . Something to consider . . .. .

danielh -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 5:15:01 AM)
Thanks to all of you for your thoughts and feedback. I'm not trying to make a mountain out of an ant hill (we don't have moles in Arizona), just want to make sure that my feelings and ego aren't keeping me from seeing something obvious here. And to DK... horny male trolling net geeks... hadn't considered that... at all. Like I said, I'm learning here. Thank you to all for taking the time to offer your thoughts. daniel

Drifa -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 5:33:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: danielh My question is... when a Domme initiates contact with critical words, nothing constructive or positive... is this a test? No matter who does it, when someone either responds to you or initiates contact to you and is an @$$hole, be thankful. They have told you right up front before you wasted any time on them that they are not compatible with you. I read your profile, and I think it's a good one. It's not in a Twitter-ready format, so what? Some people will be terrified or discouraged by a "wall o' text" like that, but -- in my personal experience -- if you are the kind who writes a wall of text, you probably need someone who is comfortable reading such anyway. On the other hand, also consider that there's quite a few people in the D/s world who have a deep seated urge to be "fixers". I've met dominants who WANTED with every fiber of their being to be the White Knight for their sub, helping to "save" the sub from all sorts of things -- bad exes, bad life choices, smoking, down to much smaller issues. Similarly, I've met submissives with the same desire to "fix" but as a service. When you encounter a fixer, there is no malice involved in the suggestions, you have just triggered that deep-seated need in them to come charging to the rescue with advice or corrections. Just delete-and-block the ones that are too far out of your comfort zone, laugh at the ridicule worthy responses heartily (don't forget block-and-delete), and respond to the ones that seem to you to be productive conversations.

LadyLou -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 5:40:11 AM)
It's a communication malfunction on the part of the person mailing you. The person feels they have something to say, but really don't have the skills to express that in a polite, tactful manner. Add to the mix that the anonymity of the internet seems to inspire a lack of social boundaries, and you end up with rude unsolicited email from someone on an ego trip. Rudeness is not dominance. It is however, often used as a posturing tool by those who haven't a clue. You could respond back with equally 'inspiring' words, but it's not worth the effort. Just disregard it and try not to let someone else's social ineptitude bother you. As for the tactful ones mailing you in a polite manner, you are already a step ahead of most, grab that opportunity. Good luck.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 6:29:59 AM)
I find far too many women--on here---have confused Dominant with Domineering, it has given them some excuse to treat people like scum--I guarantee you, they don't act like that in public but gather like little chickens cackling over what they write--net is..net them out. Someone is ignorant or stupid to Me, they are going to get both barrels.

LaTigresse -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 7:08:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici I find far too many women--on here---have confused Dominant with Domineering, it has given them some excuse to treat people like scum . Men and women both seem to get this wrong. To me, it is a sign of personal insecurity. Ignoring them is the best tactic I've found. Calling them on it seems to just stir the shit pot. Unless, of course, you are like me, and actually enjoy stirring the shitpot and watching them spin themselves into a frothy mouthed frenzy![:D]

LadyPact -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 8:02:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Men and women both seem to get this wrong. To me, it is a sign of personal insecurity. Ignoring them is the best tactic I've found. Calling them on it seems to just stir the shit pot. Unless, of course, you are like me, and actually enjoy stirring the shitpot and watching them spin themselves into a frothy mouthed frenzy![:D] I keep telling you that we have more in common than you think. LOL.

LaTigresse -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 8:23:22 AM)
I think if we ever meet, together we could have A LOT of fun...... Just thinking about the possibilities put a smile on my face.[:D]

PeonForHer -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 8:30:48 AM)
Hi Daniel, Yes, DemonKia's view strikes a chord. This is smelling odd to me too. I've never had an offensive cmail from anyone and I don't see anything objectionable about your profile. I would say: block and move on. I'm afraid internet meeting places don't leave one much choice and it's usually a waste of energy to do otherwise.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 8:32:53 AM)
A male sub recently accused me on another thread of "deriding" him, when I did nothing of the sort. I guess I'm a bit leery of male subs saying they are spoken to with disrespect. Does that mean the person didn't start by saying how awesome you are? I think the OP's profile is poorly written. Does that make me disrespectful? I have had some version of the following email/chat exchange maybe a gazillion times: A: I hope you weren't offended. B: What? No, I think it's great! Sometimes I was A, and sometimes I was B. If you don't see a person's body language, and can't hear their tone of voice, it's sometimes hard to tell whether people are trying to build you up or tear you down.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Initiating contact with disrespect (6/22/2009 10:30:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici I find far too many women--on here---have confused Dominant with Domineering, it has given them some excuse to treat people like scum . Men and women both seem to get this wrong. To me, it is a sign of personal insecurity. Ignoring them is the best tactic I've found. Calling them on it seems to just stir the shit pot. Unless, of course, you are like me, and actually enjoy stirring the shitpot and watching them spin themselves into a frothy mouthed frenzy![:D] I am SOOOO like you in this area, sometimes I'm just in the mood for a good pot stirring--heh heh

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