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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: The Case for and Against Cyber (6/23/2009 11:11:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: CelticPrince
In the past when Cyber comes up there is always alot of negative comments re; it not real, its fake; I need to touch skin etc, etc.
It is granted that there are many, most I suspect, that simply cannot get their mind to bend around the concept; but those that can are fortunate as a fill in until realtime can happen.
For my part when I mentor new folks coming into the path, I encouage it as a means of determining personality traits, sexual proclivities and a glimpse into real time with that other side of the slash.
What sayeth you pro or con and why?
I think that cyber has its place, but it is a completely different animal than physical interaction. In a way, to me, it is like getting immersed in a really good novel... great story line, lots of interesting concepts... but on the down side, it doesn't always transition well to experiences outside of sitting with that book.
Cyber is a great way to learn about how -ideas- work for you. It works best with things that are predominantly -mental- and -emotional-, but which don't require a huge physical component. Cyber is -not- a good way to figure out if you're going to be compatible to live with someone, or whether you'll fit in with, say, a poly family (or whether you even like -in person- poly), or how to do things like bondage, temp/permanent piercings, or anything else that requires potentially risky activities done to another person's body. It's also important to remember that some things that a person may do easily or willingly are not going to be feasible in a physical situation. I think people tend to forget this -- not just about the -other- person, but about themselves as well. For example, I can't kneel. I might -want- to kneel, say, to not make my dad feel out of place when I join him at church (one of the few things I do -just- because it makes him feel better), but even sitting with my dad at Catholic mass, they're going to have to do the kneel thing without me. I have an artificial joint that is on its last legs (only a nominal pun intended here), and I'll be darned if I'll pay for a replacement just to genuflect. It has nothing to do with my beliefs -- if it were a 'belief' problem, I wouldn't even go to church -- but it's something nice I do for my dad, that makes him feel good, so avoiding the 'trappings' doesn't make sense when you're already in the -big- trapping... but it just doesn't translate to what my body can manage, no matter how much my mind and my love for my dad may want me to.
I think there's a place for cyber. I think it's a good place to explore if you can't get out there and do right now, and it may even be a long-term pleasure for individuals who are happy sticking to that medium. I think that it has a lot of limitations, though, and too much focus there when attempting to transition into a more physical situation can lead to unrealistic expectations of what living full-time in a stylized manner could be or would be like, especially for those who have no physical experience to bolster their cyber-imagined expectations.
Dame Calla
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