RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is?

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 8:21:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BarnacleBill What makes a sub a great sub? One that can think on their own and know what is best for them! period. No, not period. Unless you are only speaking for yourself and what makes a sub great for you.

BarnacleBill -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 8:22:39 AM)
sorry I mis-spoke!

SteelofUtah -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 8:41:02 AM)
mona, I would start asking yourself why all these Doms eventually end up wanting another slave. What is it you aren't bringing to the table? Now I know that wasn't exactly fair as most who are into poly will tell you it isn't about wanting more it's about being able to love more, however I know that most who are poly when confronted with someone who says they are not and will not be okay with a Poly Situation would rather walk away then be untrue to themselves. That being said what makes being Not Poly okay with then in the beginning and then NOT okay after that? There is only one common denominator her mona and that is you. Take responsibility for your own decisions and stop pointing fingers. Steel

Prinsexx -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 9:20:40 AM)
Because people lie full stop. Actually about worse stuff than their need to get off on more than one sub adoring them. They raise families, get jobs looking after small children, and are then secret pedophiles. Or they say the British have been spying in Tehran whilst slitting the backs of children on the streets to prevent a democracy. There's stuff to get your knickers in a twist about other than a dumb dom.

LovingMistress45 -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 6:06:33 PM)
Mona it is you not them. You have the problem and you need to fix it. Until you do you will be with liars and cheaters, because that is what you are attracting. So figure out why you keep doing this to yourself and then stop.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 6:23:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: monaslave Why cant so many Dom´s say the truth,when you are talking,if you are seeking poly or want more slaves than just one,or more to play with than just one? when you do say it in your profile,and you do say it when you talk. even when you are asked for limits and you mention that as a hard limit! why is it, so many try to sneak it in anyway?? when they fucking KNOW youre NOT into that! And yes I am and have been with all-also the latest-that I DO NOT seek that,but that I am open for play,but only for shorter not so were talking ownership here. why is it,so many Dom´s cannot say the truth here,and try to sneak it in?? I mean,what do you gain when the truth comes out? we will be gone! I can start count how many I met that are like that and they are many,despite what you say to them. is it really so hard telling what you really want? Im amazed how few talk the truth, even the Dom I had for years show he lied to me about that as well,I even wrote to a profile that I suspected be his,and what do I see now,that it actually is him,and he denied,denied,denied! for what?! I TOLD him no other owned slaves than me,that was my hard limit! why cant ppl just tell the truth? because I walked when he couldnt get his hands in line. Quit your damned whining and fix the problem....YOU! You, the person that is tollerating this shit. You, the person that would rather whine that admit your own culpability. You, the ONLY person with the power to fix the problem permanently. What are you going to do, keep bitching and whining, blaming other people for your problems, or do something positive and proactive? Oh yeah........that is MY version of truthful and honest. Painful at times yes, but it's what you want, yes? I agree with LaTigresse. And I might add.....stop having your temper tantrums all over the boards, grow up and and start taking some personal responsibility for the type of man you choose to have in your life. I'd say by the age of 35 it's high time. Evidently, you need to take more time getting to know people before you hook up with them. Maturity is a wonderful thing, we should all try it.

dreamerdreaming -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 6:41:01 PM)
[sm=river.gif][sm=boohoo.gif] [sm=beatdeadhorse.gif]

sweetsub1957 -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 6:46:43 PM)
lmao!!!!

blacklily -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 9:27:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Why are the only people you are interested in, op, are liars? This is the more important question. Of course there are bad people in this world, who lie and cheat. But healthy strong people aren't drawn to unhealthy ones. You always pick the bad guys not the many honest good guys. Figure out why that is and you won't have this problem. This has nothing to do with wiitwd, it has everything to do with who you are. And who you are is someone who is always interested in liars and cheats. Fix yourself and this problem will disappear like magic. I agree wholeheartedly Des. May I call you Des? Well, the crux of my current situation is that I attracted a full blown MARRIED narcissist in my vanilla life (workplace)... we had the mad vanilla passion that transcended time, space and even my own reality. Talk about chemistry and charm!!! All the while I literally beat myself up over the fact that I melted under the guise of his charm, even after finding out that he had a wife.... (duh, don't the majority of Indian men by age 30?) By and by our 4 month relationship (if you want to call something one-sided a relationship) progressed into talk of watersports, light bondage and the like. We played a bit and I really enjoyed the experience, but through it all I found that I needed more and the needs ( a bit of attention maybe?, asking me about my goals and interests, hanging out and going for coffee... etc) that he agreed to, just weren't being met. I am no psychiatrist nor do I profess to even be a psychologist or behavioral scientist, but I do know that my ex-Daddy fit a narcissist to a T. I attribute it to his strict East Indian upbringing and from his talk about his father, he may have inherited the predisposition for the corrosive personality disorder. I couldn't see myself submitting fully to him and I did not want to play the true martyr or victim. I have needs... whether they be basic or elaborate (I like shiny things from time to time) and this man did not have the capacity to provide a simple cuddle or any form of aftercare after heavy play. I say all this because I know that I have been attracting narcissists and likely sociopaths throughout my lifetime. I definitely know that most of the men were definitely emotionally unavailable. Why do I keep attracting those devoid of a soul? Because I refuse to truly acknowledge mine. I have been trying to fill the vacancy of others by becoming who they wanted me to be. As Des said, fix yourself and you will attract healthier people. Be strong and recognize signs early on and listen to your still voice. In the interim, don't blame yourself or beat yourself up over your choices or over the fact that you don't quite understand why this type of pairing is happening in your life. Just be forewarned, take things slow and never be afraid to say NO! My Daddy is gone now. A mere figment of my imagination, yet I celebrate the freedom that I had the audacity to grant to myself. I wish you sanity and success! ~ blacklily

GYPZYQUEEN -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/23/2009 9:38:29 PM)
Last year as I lay about lamenting that these subs kept lying to me and would meet and then run off and "what the hell was the matter with them?". .I took a look at the common element.. ME BINGO...!! I kept picking young,inexperienced "subs" who JUMPED to be with a DOMME real quick becuz I was...... yep ..........lonley..[&o] and missed my husband who has crossed over fuk it felt like shit[:'(] to see what I did but I LOOKED..and I saw.. I did grief work and filled the lonliness with art...creativity and self care ........BEFORE searching again... and now it has changed.!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fukkin A B and C[&:] GQ

tied4urpleasure -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/30/2009 7:48:26 AM)
I been with my Master for 8 years. We live apart and live in seperate states. We are about 2 1/2 hrs. away from each other. Its been very complicated the past 4 years, due to all his lies. When I met my Master he was a single father of three kids The 1st 3 yrs. were the best of my life with him. After that it went to hell in a hand shake. My Master collared me in 02' and told me I was his property and he owned me. My Master trained me to fit him. he had switched jobs and havent heard from him for weeks. so I sent him letters to see how he was doing. ( I had stepped over my boundaries). (I wasnt allowed to send him anything..which he never told me at the beginning.) I recieved a phone call message from a woman whom was in receipt of my letters ( I thought it was his mother telling me something happened to him.) when she called the second time and left a mesaage, it was his WIFE. Everything was my fault..But my Master lied to me from the beginning. He had spent the next 3 yrs. resenting me . I stayed by his side the whole time. Now Im in the middle of moving on and he is now trying to change his ways to keep me. When the time comes I will be setting myself free from my Master. Why is it ok for them to lie to us Slaves/Subs, but we lie to them we get punished.

OsideGirl -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/30/2009 7:56:28 AM)
You found out that he was married and had been the entire time and you're still talking to him?

CreativeDominant -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/30/2009 8:00:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tied4urpleasure I been with my Master for 8 years. We live apart and live in seperate states. We are about 2 1/2 hrs. away from each other. Its been very complicated the past 4 years, due to all his lies. When I met my Master he was a single father of three kids The 1st 3 yrs. were the best of my life with him. After that it went to hell in a hand shake. My Master collared me in 02' and told me I was his property and he owned me. My Master trained me to fit him. he had switched jobs and havent heard from him for weeks. so I sent him letters to see how he was doing. ( I had stepped over my boundaries). (I wasnt allowed to send him anything..which he never told me at the beginning.) I recieved a phone call message from a woman whom was in receipt of my letters ( I thought it was his mother telling me something happened to him.) when she called the second time and left a mesaage, it was his WIFE. Everything was my fault..But my Master lied to me from the beginning. He had spent the next 3 yrs. resenting me . I stayed by his side the whole time. Now Im in the middle of moving on and he is now trying to change his ways to keep me. When the time comes I will be setting myself free from my Master. Why is it ok for them to lie to us Slaves/Subs, but we lie to them we get punished. It's only O.K. if you allow it to be. People are human and being human, lies are going to come out of almost all of us. The level of those lies, the intent of those lies are what, for some people, make the difference. If a submissive told me a lie about "i had to fix hamburger Sir, they didn't have chicken" when the truth is that they got to the store and forgot that I had asked for chicken, that really isn't going to affect the dynamic in a manifest way...unless it keeps occurring. Then that indicates something deeper going on, whether it be her inattention to detail or her carelessness regarding what I have told her or something else. But lying about another partner, especially a husband/wife, is a helluva big significant factor to the dynamic. you, as one of the partners involved in this situation, have to determine the importance of that lie to YOU but remember, your decision begets what happens.

lizi -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/30/2009 8:16:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tied4urpleasure I been with my Master for 8 years. We live apart and live in seperate states. We are about 2 1/2 hrs. away from each other. Its been very complicated the past 4 years, due to all his lies. When I met my Master he was a single father of three kids The 1st 3 yrs. were the best of my life with him. After that it went to hell in a hand shake. My Master collared me in 02' and told me I was his property and he owned me. My Master trained me to fit him. he had switched jobs and havent heard from him for weeks. so I sent him letters to see how he was doing. ( I had stepped over my boundaries). (I wasnt allowed to send him anything..which he never told me at the beginning.) I recieved a phone call message from a woman whom was in receipt of my letters ( I thought it was his mother telling me something happened to him.) when she called the second time and left a mesaage, it was his WIFE. Everything was my fault..But my Master lied to me from the beginning. He had spent the next 3 yrs. resenting me . I stayed by his side the whole time. Now Im in the middle of moving on and he is now trying to change his ways to keep me. When the time comes I will be setting myself free from my Master. Why is it ok for them to lie to us Slaves/Subs, but we lie to them we get punished. Holy cow, he's been lying to you for 4 YEARS? You found out he was married and stayed with him another 3 years? There were times he wasn't in contact with you for weeks? You ask why it's ok for D types to lie to their s types but in this case you obviously showed him that it was ok to lie to you by staying with him every time he did it. It worked for him and it must have worked for you on some level because you spent 8 years of your life with this man. You get punished by him for lying because that's what you allowed to happen. It's not a case of all Doms and all subs here...it's a case of what the two of you did in your relationship with each other.

LaTigresse -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/30/2009 8:39:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tied4urpleasure I been with my Master for 8 years. We live apart and live in seperate states. We are about 2 1/2 hrs. away from each other. Its been very complicated the past 4 years, due to all his lies. When I met my Master he was a single father of three kids The 1st 3 yrs. were the best of my life with him. After that it went to hell in a hand shake. My Master collared me in 02' and told me I was his property and he owned me. My Master trained me to fit him. he had switched jobs and havent heard from him for weeks. so I sent him letters to see how he was doing. ( I had stepped over my boundaries). (I wasnt allowed to send him anything..which he never told me at the beginning.) I recieved a phone call message from a woman whom was in receipt of my letters ( I thought it was his mother telling me something happened to him.) when she called the second time and left a mesaage, it was his WIFE. Everything was my fault..But my Master lied to me from the beginning. He had spent the next 3 yrs. resenting me . I stayed by his side the whole time. Now Im in the middle of moving on and he is now trying to change his ways to keep me. When the time comes I will be setting myself free from my Master. Why is it ok for them to lie to us Slaves/Subs, but we lie to them we get punished. You are your own problem, not him.

Amaros -> RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? (6/30/2009 9:16:19 AM)
You answered your own question here: quote: ORIGINAL: monaslave]I mean,what do you gain when the truth comes out? we will be gone! A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush - once we've got the One in hand however, we can't always help wondering about the Two still out in the bush. With most men, I think you can just assume it, we all fantasize about having a harem, it just happens to be easier said than done, one woman is a handful for most. Overall, the average attitude of most women (vanilla) is that sauce of the Goose is sauce for the Gander, and that harem fantasy goes all to hell, thus swinging and polyamory on the secular side, polygynous religious cults on the other. But, we all seem to have the urge to take shot at it, it's genetic. The good news is, for all my generalizations here, there are plenty of men who are not obsessed with the idea, even though they might not say no if you suggested it.

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