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why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 1:17:54 AM

monaslave

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/10/2009
Status: offline

Why cant so many Dom´s say the truth,when you are talking,if you are seeking poly or want more slaves than just one,or more to play with than just one? when you do say it in your profile,and you do say it when you talk. even when you are asked for limits and you mention that as a hard limit! why is it, so many try to sneak it in anyway?? when they fucking KNOW youre NOT into that! And yes I am and have been with all-also the latest-that I DO NOT seek that,but that I am open for play,but only for shorter not so were talking ownership here. why is it,so many Dom´s cannot say the truth here,and try to sneak it in?? I mean,what do you gain when the truth comes out? we will be gone! I can start count how many I met that are like that and they are many,despite what you say to them. is it really so hard telling what you really want? Im amazed how few talk the truth, even the Dom I had for years show he lied to me about that as well,I even wrote to a profile that I suspected be his,and what do I see now,that it actually is him,and he denied,denied,denied! for what?! I TOLD him no other owned slaves than me,that was my hard limit! why cant ppl just tell the truth? because I walked when he couldnt get his hands in line.

Post #: 1

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 1:42:00 AM

MsValentine

Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Why cant so many Dom´s say the truth,when you are talking,if you are seeking poly or want more slaves than just one,or more to play with than just one? when you do say it in your profile,and you do say it when you talk. even when you are asked for limits and you mention that as a hard limit! why is it, so many try to sneak it in anyway?? when they fucking KNOW youre NOT into that! And yes I am and have been with all-also the latest-that I DO NOT seek that,but that I am open for play,but only for shorter not so were talking ownership here. why is it,so many Dom´s cannot say the truth here,and try to sneak it in?? I mean,what do you gain when the truth comes out? we will be gone! I can start count how many I met that are like that and they are many,despite what you say to them. is it really so hard telling what you really want? Im amazed how few talk the truth, even the Dom I had for years show he lied to me about that as well,I even wrote to a profile that I suspected be his,and what do I see now,that it actually is him,and he denied,denied,denied! for what?! I TOLD him no other owned slaves than me,that was my hard limit! why cant ppl just tell the truth? because I walked when he couldnt get his hands in line.

Why don't Doms tell the truth?

Well there could be many reasons for it.

Firstly they may just be lying shits of the first order and find it easier to lie than tell the truth.

Then, maybe they are inexperienced and so not really know what they want. Hence they change their minds every five seconds about what they want and that may seem as though they are lying even if they are not. They have lied though generally if only about their inexperience. Sad!

They might also be afraid they will never hook the submissive of their ( wet) dreams by being honest so pursue a career in lying as an expedient way of getting what they want.

This leads me on to the last reason...they may just be dreadfully, deeply, shockingly...STUPID.

Take your pick or mix and match!

( I am sure female Doms are just as capable of being liars as male Doms but Monaslave was referring to male Doms in her post)

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 2

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 1:55:27 AM

LadySweetOrSour

Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

Mona, you've said all this stuff over and over. You have been given advice over and over. YOU are the one with the problem now. Yes, he's a shit. Yes, you got done over. Yes, we all sympathised and tried to help you. BUT.......

Please try to understand, this ranting and raving isn't helping you at all and people responding are just feeding this obsession.

Yes, you got shit on. We ALL get shit on occasionally, that's life. Getting over things is what really takes courage. Get some and stop this repeating behaviour. And next time make sure you know the person fully before giving so much of yourself to him. Now let it go.

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 3

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 2:09:07 AM

MsValentine

Posts: 82
Joined: 6/14/2008
Status: offline

Yes, I should have also said that Mona, you really do need to get yourself together and learn to have a bit more discrimination and self respect or all you will ever get is lying shits for Doms.

You may well have had some bad experiences, welcome to the world, but stop it happening again by deciding what is okay for you or not. talk everything through in advance, do a contract if you like to sort out the ground rules but just don't rush in to be someone's slave like a crazy puppy because it is just going to hurt you each and every time.

< Message edited by MsValentine -- 6/23/2009 2:10:05 AM >

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 4

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 3:05:09 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

(A) Because the chase, hunt and kill aren't any different because it has BDSM as an element

(B) Because adding the internet alllows for dramatic amounts of secrecy

(C) Because people think they can masquerade in the life geting away with things by virtue of the numbers and secret nature

(D) Because one continues to choose poorly and not learn from past mistakes

You have 2 minutes to answer, use a black number 2 pencil. press firmly and cover your paper to avoid cheating.

_____________________________

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 5

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 3:18:27 AM

ZenDragoness

Posts: 372
Joined: 1/21/2006
From: Berlin/Germany
Status: offline

quote:

Getting over things is what really takes courage.

While reading your sentence LadySweetorSour i had the mental image of that sentence
being engraved in stone. Because in 7 words you catch a great truth. Leaving misery
and having the courage to start afresh is what really takes courage.

_____________________________

aka Morgaine289

http://goldenerkern.blogspot.com/

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 6

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 4:38:13 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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To Know!
To Will!
To Dare!
To Keep Silent!

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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(in reply to ZenDragoness)

Post #: 7

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 4:48:13 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Because if said Dominant males are anything like the rest of us, we've said it, you just chose not to listen.

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to IronBear)

Post #: 8

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 5:25:45 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Why are the only people you are interested in, op, are liars?
This is the more important question. Of course there are bad people in this world, who lie and cheat. But healthy strong people aren't drawn to unhealthy ones. You always pick the bad guys not the many honest good guys. Figure out why that is and you won't have this problem.

This has nothing to do with wiitwd, it has everything to do with who you are. And who you are is someone who is always interested in liars and cheats. Fix yourself and this problem will disappear like magic.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 9

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 6:00:37 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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Either the Doms like that are not attracted to you, or you're not attracted to them.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 6:03:30 AM

LATEXBABY64

Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline

I think everyone lies But the bottom line no one wins when they do i would find a better person they are out there not everyone powers on manipulative lies and deception

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 11

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 6:05:24 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Why are the only people you are interested in, op, are liars?
This is the more important question. Of course there are bad people in this world, who lie and cheat. But healthy strong people aren't drawn to unhealthy ones. You always pick the bad guys not the many honest good guys. Figure out why that is and you won't have this problem.

This has nothing to do with wiitwd, it has everything to do with who you are. And who you are is someone who is always interested in liars and cheats. Fix yourself and this problem will disappear like magic.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 7:02:57 AM

oceanwinds

Posts: 530
Status: offline

There is no answer to your question, because I will not jump on anyone's band wagon to put down Doms. In my work, one thing I have noticed is a lot of people, don't really listen to what their 'mate', be it in any relationship, and go into a fantasy of what could be. I find it rather difficult that a major factor of their personality changes overnight.

We all have brains and I find it is useful to use them, instead of going into panic mood and drown in drama.
I know Sir does not like drama, and it is very understandable the reasons why.

< Message edited by oceanwinds -- 6/23/2009 7:04:51 AM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 13

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 7:08:04 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

You can ASK them and tell them swinging and poly are both hard limits.

When they express an interest in pursuing others, then you walk....pretty simple really.

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(in reply to oceanwinds)

Post #: 14

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 7:36:18 AM

sleazybutterfly

Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

I have concluded a lot of times we only find what we allow ourselves to find.

You attract what you put out there. I would agree from your past posts, you have some major things going on in your life, and your head. You need to get those together before you can ever hope finding a stable, sane relationship with anyone. We all meet liars, creeps, buttheads..etc, it's whether we allow them to continue to stay in our lives that tells a lot about us.

You have gotten good advice here, and good advice in past posts..what you decide to do with it is your decision. You have to figure out what is attracting you to these people, and then what is keeping you there once you find out the truth.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 15

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 7:43:09 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Why are the only people you are interested in, op, are liars?
This is the more important question. Of course there are bad people in this world, who lie and cheat. But healthy strong people aren't drawn to unhealthy ones. You always pick the bad guys not the many honest good guys. Figure out why that is and you won't have this problem.

This has nothing to do with wiitwd, it has everything to do with who you are. And who you are is someone who is always interested in liars and cheats. Fix yourself and this problem will disappear like magic.

You've hit the nail on the head.

OP, judging from your posts, you keep choosing the same kind of partner over and over. What inside you makes you do that? I would suggest before you get yourself into a nother relationship, you sit down and figure that out. Otherwise, you're doomed to repeat the same mistake over and over.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 16

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 7:45:32 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Seems to me like the op has been given good advice here and...from what I can tell...in past threads.

It actually does seem pretty simple...ask upfront and then, LISTEN to the answer. If he says he is not interested in playing with others for now but may be interested in the future, that means he MAY expect it to happen. He did NOT say that he was not interested, period. That may be the part you're hearing because it is what you WANT to hear.

Now, some dominants may listen to hard limits and ignore them. That then is their problem but the solution is simple...you sit down, you remind the dominant that this was a hard limit for you and you tell him that if he wants others he can have them but he will do so without having you. However...and I know this has not been mentioned yet but I am going to throw it in there...I've talked to submissives who've said that THEY are not interested in something right now but depending on what happens, they MIGHT be for the right dominant, one that is committed to them and their relationship. If they mean it, great...but based on what I've seen with many other relationships and have gone through myself, that is a variation of "bait and switch"...they hold out the possibility of something they have no intention of ever following through on in order to progress things along.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 17

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 7:47:50 AM

serenatee

Posts: 7
Joined: 5/17/2009
Status: offline

Mona, it is time that you do some soul searching and ask yourself why you keep attracting these type of men. It has nothing to do the "lifestyle." There are liars and cheaters everywhere just because they are a dominant, domme, sub, slave they aren't immune to lying or cheating believe me I have had my fair of themrs in and outside of the lifestyle. I know it hurts when you are honest they aren't. If you keep doing the same old thing, you will keep getting the same results. I will you with that. I hope that helped.

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 18

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 8:07:05 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Why cant so many Dom´s say the truth,when you are talking,if you are seeking poly or want more slaves than just one,or more to play with than just one? when you do say it in your profile,and you do say it when you talk. even when you are asked for limits and you mention that as a hard limit! why is it, so many try to sneak it in anyway?? when they fucking KNOW youre NOT into that! And yes I am and have been with all-also the latest-that I DO NOT seek that,but that I am open for play,but only for shorter not so were talking ownership here. why is it,so many Dom´s cannot say the truth here,and try to sneak it in?? I mean,what do you gain when the truth comes out? we will be gone! I can start count how many I met that are like that and they are many,despite what you say to them. is it really so hard telling what you really want? Im amazed how few talk the truth, even the Dom I had for years show he lied to me about that as well,I even wrote to a profile that I suspected be his,and what do I see now,that it actually is him,and he denied,denied,denied! for what?! I TOLD him no other owned slaves than me,that was my hard limit! why cant ppl just tell the truth? because I walked when he couldnt get his hands in line.

Quit your damned whining and fix the problem....YOU!

You, the person that is tollerating this shit. You, the person that would rather whine that admit your own culpability. You, the ONLY person with the power to fix the problem permanently.

What are you going to do, keep bitching and whining, blaming other people for your problems, or do something positive and proactive?

Oh yeah........that is MY version of truthful and honest. Painful at times yes, but it's what you want, yes?

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 6/23/2009 8:13:27 AM >

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to monaslave)

Post #: 19

RE: why cant Dom´s say it as it is? - 6/23/2009 8:17:38 AM

BarnacleBill

Posts: 51
Joined: 6/12/2009
Status: offline

What makes a sub a great sub? One that can think on their own and know what is best for them! period.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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