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Termyn8or -> RE: I AM A BITCH (6/23/2009 7:36:22 PM)
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A bitch eh ? Well we'll see how you stack up. Friday (just let me know which Friday) go to Gino's bar and order me a cheeseburger and a Budweiser. Wear a feather in your cap, I will find you.
I'll have you know my Mother is a retired Master Bitch and my sinister is working toward her bona fide status as well, which is what put the "ni" (sister>sinister) in her familiar title. Mom is still the alpha bitch though, she has developed that tone of voice that cuts right into the middle of your mind like an acetylene torch on a stick of butter. She will give lessons on occasion if you get on her good side. (or actually at times when you get on her bad side)
Then we can move on to level two. If you are still threatening to kill me after being chained to the wall for four hours, you have earned prequalification. If you actually carry out that threat you get an extra three credits. Don't laugh, three male members of the family have died that way. We are dedicated to bitchdom.
You might ask why. Well I will tell you. The Men of my clan seek out bitches, because we do not get phone calls at work like "The neighbors are fucking with me". We just get home from work and find a couple of houses burnt down in the neighborhood. The closest thing we get to an emergency call would be something like "Stop at the pound and get a dog", "but honey I thought we agreed we didn't want a dog", "Doesn't matter I'll kill it anyway". Any specific dog, they want the one with the biggest teeth. So you get home and there is a body in the back of the pickup truck and you bring in the dog. She promptly feeds it a piece of meat. You finally get an explainaintion. "This ass tried to rape me, now the dog's got his dick". At this point all I have to do is remind her to give the dog some ketchup.
Also that dog gets a bullethole the first time he pisses in the house. There is a corpse of course but as a Man in my clan, you know what to do. Just hope I got enough chain left and I'll pull an Emmet Hill. Owning and maintaining a bitch can involve a bit of work sometimes, but overall we find it worth it. Remember the Woman who killed her daughter's competitor in HS to give her kid the win ? If she had been though the BITCH training program she would've gotten away with it rather than have it blasted across every TV screen in the country.
Feel free to conact me if you can mettle up to this standard. Although you miss one point for revealing your nature, you are not really a bitch until you go through our training program. You don't annouce it to the world. you surprise them with it. Futher there is the acronismisation test so you know what it really means. You must find your own unique set of words for which the letters B-I T-C-H stand for. The current winner is :
Bit his
Ill formed
Too small
Cunthead in
Half.
Because of the number of applicants we began accepting word combinations like that. You are expected to come up with your own one year from the onset of training. And it sticks with you like a master thesis in college. It will be comapared of course to the most current database to make sure it is indeed original first thougth. But then it is twenty credits. We have found that it helps preserve a bitch's spirit as she ages.
So if you think you are up to it, c'mon down.
T
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