Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Got your Dom hat on?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Got your Dom hat on? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/23/2009 6:00:49 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline
quote:

Its just such a piss off, because I took him from a vanilla virgin, to what he is, and put so much work into everything.


If your work was that easily undone, perhaps it wasn't as strong as you believe it was. you seem like you are more concerned about your toy not playing right, instead of HIM figuring out what he really wants. All i see is you saying YOU know, however, HE needs to recognize and acknowledge this all on his own.

Perhaps its time to let the boy be the MAN he is and figure it out for himself. You can be there for him or you can get pissed off because he knows nothing else but what you have taught him and now he is learning there is a real world out there. Did you ever stop to consider maybe even if it was his mom who make me think it, this may be something he wants to check out for himself? You can be like his mom or you can be the person who has worked him through what seems a whole hell of a lot up to now, now you have to work him through this which may mean you have to teach him about something that may take your toy away from you if he determines his dom hat is what he wishes to wear.

You can't make this decision for him, and i hate to say it but it seems you have made this decision for him in the past. Now this time, he really has to do it himself.

Either way, i wish him luck in his learning a little more about himself whatver that may be. And i hope your relationship works out for you.

angel


_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/23/2009 9:22:27 PM   
LadyHexx


Posts: 48
Joined: 2/27/2009
Status: offline 		Actually, I did step back and allow him to figure it out for himself, thats why Im helping him training to be a dom. Im trying, really trying to foster his desires, and that was the way I saw to do it.

(in reply to barelynangel)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/23/2009 9:34:04 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		Why you would want to put up with all this drama is beyond me.  It sounds like, of the three people involved in this situation, you are the one with the least amount of control over it.  You can reassert your control by walking away from him entirely.  No fighting over mummy, no pseudo-dom training, nothing.  Let him get his act together by himself, and in the meantime, go sub hunting.  If he decides he wants to be with you, and you're still interested, then you can take it from there. 

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 5:22:28 AM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Maybe you aren't the one who should be training him in learning about this side he wants to explore. You are too close to it, you want something different, and he is too instinctive towards you. Conflict of interest idea. And i am sure he knows you feel this is a waste of time and are frustrated which will on some level hinder this exploration.

Maybe you should find someone else to help him explore this concept and remove yourself from it. It may then help at least put your home back in order to where your relationship is defined easier between the two of you because he doesn't only have YOU to practice on so to speak.

It also may give him space to fully emerge himself to understand his dom side when he is with someone else, while with you he can simply do what he knows and enjoys without feeling he is giving up anything at the moment.

Good luck,

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 5:50:04 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHexx

Actually, I did step back and allow him to figure it out for himself, thats why Im helping him training to be a dom. Im trying, really trying to foster his desires, and that was the way I saw to do it.


This about says it all.  You are helping to train him to be 'a dom' whilst expecting him to submit to you.  That will not work.  You are expecting him to be two things at the same time.  No wonder he is confused.  You are far too emoptionally involved with him to do so much at once.
 
No - I never have nor do I own a 'dom hat'.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 6:14:33 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		He's a Momma's boy.

Run away, fast and far.

Leave it.

_____________________________

Download SLAVE LOVER. Explicit BDSM porn, with a plot! A love story, on a FemDom planet! http://www.amazon.com/Slave-Lover-Chronicles-Book-ebook/dp/B0031ERBLI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1261973416&sr=1

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 6:47:21 AM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		how in the world did his mother know the intimate details of yalls relationship?  i wonder if she would have disliked you if she had just known you were a g/f, instead of a domme to her baby.

theres a lot to be said for discretion.  everyone does not need to know the dynamics you have.

my opinion only, of course.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 8:38:33 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		LOL... try hiding submission or dominance from this mother... and I don't think I am special!  It has been my job to know without knowing... to see things hidden... to examine, take care of and make sure all was well.  Even when you step back and let the lil birdies fly, you know a great deal!  The major thing here is a mother who is acting too motherly or unhealthy or a mother who has really stepped back and allowed the birdie to fly.

I didn't have to know details of real personal things to know when my lil birdies were submissive with one or dominant with another or submissive healthy or submissive unhealthy. And I am not a controlling mother.  I always hated the saying I am raising um's.  I said I am raising adults because when all is said and done, I want an adult standing there.  Then it was time for my party!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to JstAnotherSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 10:16:24 AM   
LadyHexx


Posts: 48
Joined: 2/27/2009
Status: offline 		We did try to hide it, but with her living 4 houses down from us (dont even get me started on that) She knows everything before even we do.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 10:28:50 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		OK, I'm a bit confused here. You identify as a dominant which means, to me, that you move through the world and shape reality to your will -- successfully. That is not happening here. When I've been in such situations in the past, my response is to take a long, sobering look in the mirror. I find it very productive to ask the man I see there a few questions.

Why am I failing here? What flaw(s) in my leadership style is/are preventing my partner from obeying? What am I doing wrong?

I find that if I pay attention, the guy in the mirror has some really great advice.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 6/24/2009 10:29:31 AM >

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 11:23:15 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I know he is a sub, he loved doing it, loved making me happy, and loved his life when he was submitting to me, he said so on 1000's of occasions.


Then there should not be an issue. For anyone to blackmail anybody else, the blackmailer has to have some tools to do the blackmailing with, I am not seeing how that works here - if you mean emotional blackmail, say so, and provide more information.

Secondly, if this sub of yours is easily controlled by his mother, you're not the dominant you think you are, you don't have the power you would like to have. So, whether you pack it in or not, you need to examine yourself, your motives, your actions, your place in the relationship, and figure out what went wrong. Whatever went wrong, it is with you, not with him, not with his mother, it can vary from him trying to keep everybody happy, to you upsetting his mother because you don't know how to manage her. Check it out, and stop blaming your ills on others.

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/24/2009 12:53:16 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Set aside the D/s part of your relationship with this guy and realize this is a power struggle between a mother who may feel no woman is good enough for her son and you trying to replace her in his life. I wouldn't be surprised if she views you as a threat to her relationship with her son and thus sees you as competition for his affections and his attention. Unless you and her reach a mutually agreeable solution, it is pretty much guaranteed that you will lose in the end. Ultimatums never work and maybe the wiser course is to step back especially if you consciously or unconsciously put him in a position where he feels he has to choose between you or his mother. He is the only one who can make that choice have his own life or not.

I've been there with a former Sir. Mommy dearest was jealous of the time he and I spent together. I saw how that wedge was being placed between us and found it easier to walk away form him and the relationship than to fight over his attentions with his Mother as I knew I would lose in the end. After 10 months of absolutely no communication from him gave me the answer that I made the right decision to walk.




< Message edited by beargonewild -- 6/24/2009 12:59:57 PM >

_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 6/25/2009 8:12:35 AM   
LadyHexx


Posts: 48
Joined: 2/27/2009
Status: offline 		Well, I think I might like to try this with little to no D/s involved for a while, and see if there is anything keeping me around. I can live kink free with him if there is something else making it worth it to stay. I guess I really cant change him, and I'll just have to ride this out, or jump ship. As for not being a good Dominant, well, I refused to break him, for one, and for two, Im not going to force him to do something he doesent want to do right now. So, I guess, Im probably the one taking my Dom hat off here, and just being a girlfriend for now. Hopefully, that is the right thing to do.

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 7/6/2009 10:12:27 PM   
justme1980


Posts: 169
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline 		After reading the OP statements... This relationship is wrong on so many levels. I'd cut my losses and find someone else

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 7/7/2009 1:20:12 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		For the moment, change the locks so she doesn't have a key if she does. Have one night a week set up to have dinner with her, other nights don't answer the phone or door. Have him call her the next day and talk then, with a time limit before he says I'll see you Tuesday like usual, bye for now, have to run.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to justme1980)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 7/7/2009 8:55:36 PM   
penitentialarts


Posts: 43
Joined: 1/2/2009
Status: offline 		Well, it sounds like he has some choices to make.  Being close to your mother and listening to her advice is one thing.  Letting her run your relationships and sex life is quite another.

He's going to have a hell of a time being someone's Dom if his mother controls his life to that degree.

- Jesse

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 7/7/2009 11:15:44 PM   
ChasingOblivion


Posts: 125
Joined: 5/19/2009
Status: offline 		Leave while you still have good memories to cherish. I had a similar situation with my husband.
My husband and I used to swing, and I got involved with a Dominant that I met through a mutual friend in our swingers group. I kept no secrets from my husband about the D/s relationship, and he supported my exploration of BDSM wholeheartedly. At least he did until he ran out of women to play with, and then he got jealous and demanded I end it. My husband had a problem with alcohol. When he drank he became a stupid raving ass, and he'd made such a complete fool of himself at so many play parties that no women would go near him anymore. It was because of his own stupidity that he ran out of partners and then demanded that I give up my Dom so that we were "equal."
He said if I wanted a Dom so bad then he could do it. No, he could not. He tried, but it was laughable, horrible, painful (to watch, not in the literal sense) and less pleasant than finger nails on a chalk board.
Then he decided that he wanted me to be a switch, which I am SO not, but I went along with it, if only for the socially accepted pretense for beating the ever-loving shit outta him.
We kept spiraling down until we crashed and burned into a fiery explosion of bad. If we had both had the sense to cut our losses, we could have remained friends at least, but now we can't even stand each other.
Trust me, if it's you against mom, you're not going to win that one. Move on before things get ugly.

(in reply to penitentialarts)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 7/22/2009 5:39:36 AM   
MissBathsheba


Posts: 14
Joined: 11/4/2007
Status: offline 		It is possible that he is still submissive. He is submitting to his mother. He may be trying to be dominant to please her. I consider myself submissive but I will and have done things that are more dominant in nature in order to please someone. I wouldn't want to be more dominant frquently and I suspect if this is the case with him he will eventually become miserable over it. Unfortunately since it's his mother it makes it really hard to literally leave the relationship. I hope you can work it out, it sounds like you really care about him deeply.

(in reply to ChasingOblivion)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Got your Dom hat on? - 7/22/2009 8:13:00 AM   
petmonkey


Posts: 1053
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline 		i recommend couple's therapy.  Here's hoping Y/you're relationship returns to being about You and him; not You, him and his Mother.

(in reply to LadyHexx)
Profile   Post #: 39
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Got your Dom hat on? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109