My first time as a sub

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ShivaTS -> My first time as a sub (2/13/2006 11:22:41 PM)
I have met a dom who is willing to play with me and teach me. I trust him completely. He sent me an eight page form that was very detailed page to fill out what I have done and what I would not do to what I would like to do often. 99% of it was never experienced but to my suprise and his, I went as low as soft limits, no hard. He took a quick look and told me what he considers hardlimits and would not do with me. We talked about my first time on this Wednesday. I am so excited I cant sleep, but Im scared to death of what it will actually happen when my fantasy becomes reality. Im curious how much of a pain threshold I will actually have. I dont think I will have very much of a tolerance, but I will do my best. Did your perception of life change after submitting to the pain for the first time?

DragonNphoenix -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/13/2006 11:25:13 PM)
OMG Yes!!! My Entire life changed after submitting to my Dragon the first time. I felt the most freeing experience of my life. I cant wait to hear of your growth and experience. 1st Girl Phoenix

ownedgirlie -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/13/2006 11:36:44 PM)
Like you, i had almost no experience with any "BDSM activities" prior to my Master. There was so much i had not yet done. i met him with nervous, excited anticipation, and after he was certain he had my trust. He subjected me to only the levels he felt were appropriate for me in a first experience. He pushed me, but in retrospect i smile, as wow did he ever hold back. But for me it was a lot at the time. my perception of many things changed after submitting to Him physically for the first time. He had told me in advance that i would change, and he was correct. With regard to tolerance for pain. Everyone has different pain threshholds. Two years later, i still feel like a wimp in that regard. Some love pain, others hate it. Some love humiliation, others hate it. The important thing is to do your best, and a dominant who sees a girl trying hard to please him/her can not possibly be disappointed. No one is an expert their first time out...or their second...or third....you get the idea. This is why it is a journey and we all grow at different paces. i wish you a wonderful Wednesday. One of the best pieces of advice a dear friend gave me before my first serve: "Just remember to breathe." [:)]

ownedgirlie -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/13/2006 11:38:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DragonNphoenix OMG Yes!!! My Entire life changed after submitting to my Dragon the first time. I felt the most freeing experience of my life. I cant wait to hear of your growth and experience. 1st Girl Phoenix i LOVED the way you put that!

Sensualips -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 4:53:28 AM)
quote: Did your perception of life change after submitting to the pain for the first time? No. Not the second or the third time either. I am not a masochist though. It was an interesting experience and something to build on, but not this huge life-altering event. quote: I trust him completely Based on your postings it seems you probably just began corresponding with this Dom in the last day or three. You have not met him face to face. I would be wary of completely trusting someone under those circumstances. I am not saying he is a bad guy. I am saying what happened to your wise mentor/mistress, to removing profiles for a bit, to "I am going to slow down and wait until I am emotionally ready."

JohnWarren -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 5:06:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShivaTS Im scared to death of what it will actually happen when my fantasy becomes reality. Im curious how much of a pain threshold I will actually have. I dont think I will have very much of a tolerance, but I will do my best. You might want to read this essay on my website http://www.lovingdominant.org/1stScene.html

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 5:08:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Sensualips quote: I trust him completely Based on your postings it seems you probably just began corresponding with this Dom in the last day or three. You have not met him face to face. I would be wary of completely trusting someone under those circumstances. I am not saying he is a bad guy. I am saying what happened to your wise mentor/mistress, to removing profiles for a bit, to "I am going to slow down and wait until I am emotionally ready." I agree. With your history of bad experiences, I would hope that you could slow down and meet this person in public first, without playing. Be well, Julie

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 6:24:51 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShivaTS Did your perception of life change after submitting to the pain for the first time? I can't say my perception of life changed, but it certainly altered things and how I understood them when it came to submission and bottoming. I still think you're going too fast and getting in over your head.

MHOO314 -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 6:41:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShivaTS I have met a dom who is willing to play with me and teach me. I trust him completely. He sent me an eight page form that was very detailed page to fill out what I have done and what I would not do to what I would like to do often. 99% of it was never experienced but to my suprise and his, I went as low as soft limits, no hard. He took a quick look and told me what he considers hardlimits and would not do with me. We talked about my first time on this Wednesday. I am so excited I cant sleep, but Im scared to death of what it will actually happen when my fantasy becomes reality. Im curious how much of a pain threshold I will actually have. I dont think I will have very much of a tolerance, but I will do my best. Did your perception of life change after submitting to the pain for the first time? hmmmm just a tad curious, in another series of posts you shared your abuse at the hands of Doms--- so is this your first time, your first time with what you believe is a good Dom or are you setting yourself up yet again for abuse?

openmindedslave -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 7:04:44 AM)
You said something very imporatin..In fact questioned yourself ..."about fantasy becoming a reality".. It generally can't happen. Think about your fantasy for a moment. Take a step back. Think about what you see yourself doing and how you are reacting. In reality, you need to know the Master has his own ideas. His or her needs and wants .her experiences or lack of .And with anybody new , you will learn from one another concerning limits, challenges , interest and so much more. The questioniare he had you fill out is a start, but understand it may not always be followed . I noticed a coupleof responses so far have suggested you slow down alittle and get to know each other a little better. Maybe go out to dinner to learn about each other. At the very least , if you discover a common thread, you will beable to a better sub when it comes time to serve...Good luck

MistressOfGa -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 8:17:38 AM)
I trust him completely ShivaTS, didnt you just meet him within the past couple days? How can you trust someone completely you just met online or through email in the past few days? Please slow down, take a breath. I think that you want this so badly you are willing to throw caution to the wind, and by doing so, you may get deeply hurt, both emotionally and physically. I don't know this person you are in contact with, none of us do, but I think we are all trying to help you to stay safe. You are the only one who can save you, is there a safe-call in place for this meeting? Are you willing to meet him in public first? Why rush the play part of it? Let me just tell you of an email I received a couple months ago. It was from a male submissive who met a female dominant online. They agreed to meet, he had no safe call in place, he just figured that he was a strong man and could take care of himself. When he got there, she told him that although she had an STD, he was to have intercourse with her anyway. He of course refused. She brought out several men to help her tie him up and beat the living crap out of him. While they were beating him, she kept telling him that he will abide by what she says and he will obey her every rule. He ended up having 3 cracked ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a broken nose and broken fingers. You see, even though he felt he was safe because he could physically over power her, he didnt count on other people (Men) being there. I told you this story, to say this; no matter how safe you think you are on the first meeting, and no matter how much you say you trust someone you just met, there is always room for caution. THINK about this before meeting him. It isnt all about sex. Ask him if ya'll can meet in public first and get to know each other before any kind of play is involved. If he says yes, then have a nice time getting to know your potential Dom, but you will be amazed how quickly some will turn on you once you say you want to have a platonic meeting to begin with. I have a submissive friend who goes through this all the time. Good luck to you. BE SAFE. P.S. The male submissive has since filed charges with the local DA and they are pursuing the matter further.

ownedgirlie -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 8:28:40 AM)
i answered this on the assumption that you have known him for awhile. Just a few days? Whoa...that changes things considerably. How can you trust someone completely in just a few days? i agree with the others about slowing down and being careful....

proudsub -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 10:10:38 AM)
quote: I have met a dom who is willing to play with me and teach me. I trust him completely. After reading your thread on not being able to say "no" this worries me. Please get to know him first before you play. It might help to go back and reread that other thread. quote: I went as low as soft limits, no hard. This also worries me. Are you saying you have not hard limits, there is nothing that is absolutley a taboo? what about mutilation? gang bangs? animals? illegal activities? etc I hope it works out for you and that you are able to stay safe.

ShivaTS -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 11:04:36 AM)
Im sorry I didnt make myself clear. Its been almost 2 weeks since my bad experiences. I went to a my first munch right after that. The person I speak of runs it. Alot of people there speak very highly of him as a person and as a dom. He knows about my experience and has set a limit for the time being that this will be about bdsm not sex for the first little while. Yesterday was our second time meeting in person. He brought his wife for me to meet. We have emailed back and forth inbetween the much. My mentor that I spoke of previously has been to his munch and says he is a very good dom who will take his time with me. I know I am back on the fast lane again, but it has been almost 2 weeks since the wanna be doms hurt me and I think I am alittle better emotionally than I was then. That was simple abuse and sexual gratification. I understand that now. I believe my experience with him will be a true bdsm experience.

openmindedslave -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 12:57:52 PM)
Appreciate the additional information, but it does seem a little short in time since your terrible experience. It does seem that you are being treated more as a human than a "it" or non person. Still see the advice of taking it slow might still be the best course...Doesn't mean you can't investigate all the options available, including your ability to ask questions concerning your safety and what they have in store for you ...Fantasys are wounderful, but don't let the next experience not be what you want it to be...

proudsub -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 1:50:34 PM)
quote: I went to a my first munch right after that. The person I speak of runs it. Alot of people there speak very highly of him as a person and as a dom. That makes me feel better about it. quote: He brought his wife for me to meet. Well at least he isn't hiding the fact that he is married. Is his wfie going to be involved? is she also dominant? What kind of a relationship are you expecting? Does he have a stable of subs/slaves?, is he just there to train you and get you started? or are you hoping for something long term, which I wouldn't expect from one who is married? Keep in mind that it is very easy for a sub to "fall for" her dominant. I would hate to see you get hurt again emotionally by falling in love with someone who is married.

Sensualips -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 2:49:23 PM)
quote: Its been almost 2 weeks since my bad experiences. Oh well, if it has been almost two whole weeks. That changes everything. Thank goodness you slowed down and took your time.

ShivaTS -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 6:40:05 PM)
His wife is a sub turned vanilla. He does have 2 subs. He wants to help me get started the right way and let me learn slowly what I like and dislike. He made it clear that if I was to be considered for collaring, it wouldnt be for aleast a year, till I have learned enough and would be in a proper position to accept it. I am worried I will fall for him, but I have gotten better with my self love. Happy Valentines day!

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 8:00:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ShivaTS His wife is a sub turned vanilla. He does have 2 subs. He wants to help me get started the right way and let me learn slowly what I like and dislike. He made it clear that if I was to be considered for collaring, it wouldnt be for aleast a year, till I have learned enough and would be in a proper position to accept it. I am worried I will fall for him, but I have gotten better with my self love. Happy Valentines day! It's quite possible you've fallen in with a great guy who really does want to see you grow into a strong self-reliant person and see if there's possibly a relationship to build on. It's also possible you've fallen in with a rock star/savior complex type dom who has a huge fetish for finding newbies and helping them along the path of "true submissive enlightenment" (which always seems to end up at the end of one of THEIR toys) and doesn't really care as long as you don't cause him too much personal trouble and follow along happily. One does not necessarily exclude the other unfortunately. The real issue here isn't whether you've fallen in with a good wolf or a bad wolf- the issue is that you are doing something because you lust for it and are afraid to just NOT get involved for awhile, you feel you NEED a guide. You're not making a choice out of security, but out of frenzy.

Evanesce -> RE: My first time as a sub (2/14/2006 8:36:14 PM)
quote: I have met a dom who is willing to play with me and teach me. I trust him completely. Didn't you just tell us a horror story about having to go to the hospital twice in a single week after jumping into play with complete strangers? Have those experiences taught you nothing? Or were you just pulling our collective chain since, in THIS thread, you're telling us: quote: Im curious how much of a pain threshold I will actually have. I dont think I will have very much of a tolerance, but I will do my best. Did your perception of life change after submitting to the pain for the first time? If THIS is true, then are you saying you were lying to us in your other posts?

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