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LadyPact -> RE: BDSM Groups... (6/25/2009 1:11:06 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: penitentialarts
Just to place what I say below in context, I have served on the board of a large BDSM group in the past, and have been a member of many other ones (with wildly varying structures) for the past 12+ years.
I have finally come to the conclusion that benevolent dictatorships are the best model for BDSM groups. The more complex the decision-making structure, the less satisfied people will be. Groups run by boards tend to have more in-fighting and have a harder time getting rid of problem members. You need someone in place with the authority to say "go away, and don't come back" to problem types that won't reform their ways.
To whatever degree possible, don't involve money in things. No dues, no charges for parties, no donation jar. The exchange of money takes you into a whole different legal realm, and makes it much harder to say "we're just a group of friends having a private party" if the police come knocking.
Stick to house parties. That way you don't have to pay for dungeon rental, and you are definitely in a "private residence," rather than a semi-public place. That gives you more legal protection.
If you don't allow sex and/or edgeplay at parties, some folks won't attend. If you do allow it, other folks won't attend. You need to decide which way you want to go up front, be clear about it to anyone looking to join, and stick by your guns. No matter which route you pick, there will be people that are unhappy about it. At the very least, there will be people who vote with their feet.
For example, in general (not a 100% rule) I don't go parties with very restrictive rules. Since my local "public" dungeon is restrictive to a ridiculous degree (and seems to be getting more so), I rarely go there anymore. I save the money and use it elsewhere in the community. There are other people who don't think their rules are restrictive enough.
Parties are what draw people to groups. Munches are the best way to pre-screen people for parties. Events, educational classes, etc. are all good things, but the types of parties you have will have the biggest impact on the success of your group.
- Jesse
I have to disagree with some of this. While every group should have a single point of accountability, I don't agree with any group being a dictatorship. I'm much more in favor of a group that has a board. While it's true that sometimes those members will have disagreements amongst themselves, it also prevents the group from becoming just an extension of what one person wants. It also helps to prevent people being not welcome at the group just because the leader of said group has a personality conflict with someone. If it's really a group for the community, then the community should be a part of the group's decision making process. Not just what the person who organized the group wants.
Yes, parties at the individual homes of group members is a wonderful idea. The problem is that you're going to find only a few of your members will have the appropriate living situation, space, and play stations for even a small group to have a play party. Unless you are going to host every play party at your home, or you expect someone to just offer to hold them out of the kindness of their heart, be prepared to compensate them for the use of their space, electricity, their time and contribution. Best rule of thumb on this one. Whoever holds the party gets to set the dungeon rules.
Compensating who holds play parties is one reason groups collect money. The other is, if you are hoping to do any form of educational activities, the least you should be able to do for your presenter is compensate them for their gas in traveling to you and a decent meal for their efforts. If while you are just starting out you don't exactly have the resource pool amongst your members for a demo once a month (if that is going to be one of the goals of the group), get to know folks in other groups who may be willing to come from other areas. This also helps with the advertising that Mars mentioned earlier.
Your group absolutely should have a charter, mission statement, and a set of by-laws. Also, be prepared to come up with a code of conduct for members of your group to sign before attending any demos or play parties. Most other groups will be happy to share with you what is working for them.
On the 18 or 21 question, I'm currently a member of four groups. Only one of which is 18 and up. Depending on where you chose to hold the group's munch (don't do this at a private home) will help to guide you in that choice. You may also want to consider age if your group will ever want to make trips as a group to public dungeons.
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