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Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/24/2009 10:02:01 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for being here. The influence is really helpful. My question relates to how I specify what "level" of Interest in something I hold, listed on my profile. It's a generic (and rookie) question, you don't have to read them or my profile to comment.

I need to know whether what I'm listing, given what I'm about to say, is truly valid. I list the things that do, or would trigger for me. I noticed quite a few things I note as "Tolerate"... and it covers a lot of the good stuff. Say "gags", or something. Tolerate, to me, means I can handle it, but I can't say I get a rush when the word is dropped. It's usually because I just haven't been there much. Always more vanilla, personal relationships, not lifestyle, which is where I'm headed now. To me, "tolerate" means I'll go there... and hopefully it shows a starting point for a Dominant..,. not a limit. I see some males that like Everything, then you read that they're a beginner. Kind of frenzied to me... but I understand the enthusiasm.

I'm not trained or in a space, but I've been there before. Tolerate sounds like I'd just be laying there, gritting my teeth... come to think of it, I guess I would be! But it sounds kind of ambivilent... if I merely tolerate your efforts... feels like I'm not offering much here.

If I say I "like" something... a lot of "somethings", now I feel like I'm filling out a sub menu... I "like" all these things, even though I don't have much experience with it. Imagination, not actual experience. It just doesn't feel honest to be that positive, with my limited experience. Sincere and well intended, but listing these are for you, not me... yes?

I'm not a hook up guy here, so I just want these to actually represent me... without giving the impression that I "only" tolerate something, Doesn't feel too attractive to me, but I'm not real sure on this.

Thanks again for the support. I appreciate it.

< Message edited by danielh -- 6/24/2009 10:10:39 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 12:29:28 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

If you feel it's not an accurate description, you could also list the things that you don't have experience in as "curious about." Personally, I'd find that closer to the truth if the subject is something you haven't actually done before, even if you think it's something that you would really like once you've had the opportunity to try it out.

As for feeling like you're filling out a sub menu, you might want to try looking at it another way. Kinks can be seen the same way as vanilla activities when it comes to compatibility. Many people want to share dynamics with people who enjoy the same kinds of play that they do. Someone who really only enjoys a little light spanking once in a while might not be the best match for someone who lives for medical play as their favorite type. Someone who thrives on verbal humiliation isn't going to be a good match for someone who has no interest in it.

The interests that you have are your interests. It's better to be truthful about them so the person reading the profile can determine how well the kinks between themselves and you will fit.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 2

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 8:08:55 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Also, fill out the vanilla interest as well---a list of entirely kink activities DOES come off as a sub menu, IMO.

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 3

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 12:59:29 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Thank you Lady Pact and Lady Hibiscus,

A lot of my experience has been spread out through out my life, in different sitations. Should I say I "like" something I haven't experienced for some years, or given a great deal of thought to recently. Well, if I hadn't had sex for a long while... still love it! I may be answering my own question here!

I've dated women that were Dominant, "lifestyle" wasn't a real public concept... far from it, so I don't have much to refer to. In my life, this was me dating a woman with very different interests and experience, things happened, crazy, hot, lot to think about, time and place... just 2 people getting together... and maybe revealing things in me I had no idea I possessed. Old school, pre-internet hook up days. My life was definitely not vanilla, so exposure to "edge" wasn't unusual. I haven't been in a submissive role for years, my head is in a way different place now. I have space. I'm trying to clarify my mind... and then get where I want to be.

The sub menu comment referred to the "all of the above" notion. And I'm not available to everyone in the same way. You might very well see things that another Dominant wouldn't from me. I haven't the slightest idea what my limits are, beyond customary hard limits. I'm not playing games, but one size doesn't fit all, for me. I don't want to lead anyone on. My basis is potential relationship, I make that very clear in my profile, so the protocols may be different than for play, that seems to add layers, but it's where I'm going. I'm noticing that I'm kind of quizzing your female perspectives as much as the purely Dominant one. I hope I'm not being intrusive... but who better to ask?

I hate to sit and work on my profile interests... 30 minutes with either of you and I'd have everything checked! :)

Thanks for the patience, I'm getting there... I'll love to re-read myself in 6 months.

I do appreciate the consideration.

daniel

< Message edited by danielh -- 6/25/2009 1:20:00 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 6:19:23 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

If you will beat the shit out of a man, your interest in said endeavor is not required.

Here's the thing, cookie................

You have no obligation to be more than passingly interested in men as opposed to women, or vice versa...

When you come home from the salt mines and slaveboy says, mistress!!!!!!!!!!!!look what I done, I licked the toilet bowl clean with scrubbing bubbles on my tongue....................

Your response should be, why is my bath not drawn? Where is my meal? DID YOU WASH YOUR FUCKIN' HANDS (AND YOUR MOUTH?)

ipso facto

Domiatrix

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 5

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 7:07:02 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Uh... with all respect on Your board... Ma'am... I'm a sub, not a slave... or a fucking idiot.
But thank you very much for your well intended comments. I know you're only trying to help (or need some).

< Message edited by danielh -- 6/25/2009 7:12:38 PM >

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 6

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 7:08:22 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Translation on aisle seven, please? Translation on aisle seven.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 7

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 8:14:20 PM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: danielh

Uh... with all respect on Your board... Ma'am... I'm a sub, not a slave... or a fucking idiot.
But thank you very much for your well intended comments. I know you're only trying to help (or need some).

ohh don't let mnottertail get to you, we are still trying to adjust his meds.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 8

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 8:25:08 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

He's on meds?

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 9

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/25/2009 11:54:32 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

It's only fair you need translation.
I needed one for your posts for a couple of years, and would edit myself to death.

M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 10

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 12:48:19 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Me??? I've been on the boards for less than one week. Dark Steven welcomed me here on Sunday. We're acting out here...

Cat... "him" ??? Not that I'd check out that profile... too much crank, obviously... but I wouldn't have bothered responding to a male lurking in Your room just to start shit. It's Your pot to stir here, not mine (or some loser).

Thanks for watching my back...
d

(in reply to FullfigRIMAAM1)

Post #: 11

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 12:54:40 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

Oh dear... danielh, mnottertail is a regular poster and much fun! You will see. It really isn't stirring a pot to cause trouble.

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No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 12

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 1:09:40 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Lockit,
If you're having fun... so am I (well...). It's Your room. I was "Asking a Mistress" so don't be offended if I don't take a lot of stupid shit from a male I wasn't speaking to, who just wants to... (ooops, almost said a felony... "wouldn't be prudent, at THIS juncture") "bastard" slap me. Homey does not play that. Not even.

No big deal.

< Message edited by danielh -- 6/26/2009 1:19:47 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 13

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 1:23:48 PM

FullfigRIMAAM1

Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline

Danielh,
Welcome to the boards.
Of course you don't have to engage anyone here you don't want to; plenty of us ignore each other, so that wouldn't be new.
On the other hand, if you're patient, there is usually something to be learned from mnottertail's cryptic posts. Sometimes he is playing, so a sense of humor is necessary too. Anyway, take the free advice for what it's worth. M

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 14

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 1:27:08 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

This is a message board and anyone can post here. Yup... even jerks and trolls and men, even dominant men. You can post anywhere you want. Most get a lil crap or give some at some point. It really isn't worth it to get too mad or to think that any dominant can say or do whatever they want. There isn't a high protocol thing going on. Stressing about it... will only make your time here harder.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 15

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 6:50:29 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Thanks all. Nothing here roils me, just speaking with you, anyone can post, but Your name is on the door, "Ask a Master" is next door, Assholes...down the hall. You don't fuck with people you don't know. I give you Ladies status, cause ya live here... and fuck everyone else if they can't take a joke (I can!). This was my thread.

Why would you think I was speaking to a Dominant...? He sure ain't mine... think accordian boxing glove through the phone, as in 3 Stooges. But lurk on dude.

Now as for you... mmmmmm. :)
Thanks! I'm out.

< Message edited by danielh -- 6/26/2009 7:06:10 PM >

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 16

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 8:01:32 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

Don't take mnottertail personally. I think it's just because you're fresh meat, as it were, and he's, err, not.

That having been said, regarding your interests, the written profile counts for a lot more than the list. How does one define the difference between a beginner and an expert in cross-dressing, for example? It's not like you can get independent certification in these activities. So, I'd worry less about the list and a lot more about how you present yourself in the written portion, which, incidentally, I haven't read, so don't take this as criticism. It's just how I weight profiles when I'm "sub shopping."

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 17

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/26/2009 8:27:50 PM

danielh

Posts: 22
Joined: 3/21/2008
Status: offline

Venatrix,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. No criticism noted. You took the time to read and respond to my question. I appreciate it.

d

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 18

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/27/2009 1:57:50 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

As to the secondary discussion on the thread, yes, anyone can post here. It doesn't matter what gender a person is or which side of the kneel they are on. Often, there are very good contributions that come from sources other than those who identify as a Mistress. If you posed a question on this board and received excellent advice from someone other than a female Dominant, would you disregard the content strictly because of who typed it up, rather than what was said?

Also, you're wasting your keystrokes in telling people it's "your" thread. It stops being yours as soon as you post it on a public forum. People will take the discussion where it goes according to those who contribute on it. Many good discussions come through as people add their own perspectives and nuances to any topic.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 19

RE: Are my profile "Interests" valid? - 6/27/2009 5:07:12 AM

MmeGigs

Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: danielh
You don't fuck with people you don't know. I give you Ladies status, cause ya live here... and fuck everyone else if they can't take a joke (I can!).

On the internet there are plenty of people who fuck with people they don't know. There are no forums (other than private, tightly moderated forums) that are immune from this. I see it on handicraft and gardening forums as much as I do on kinky ones. The best thing to do is to ignore people you think are fucking with you. People are going to form their opinions of me based on what I post, not on what other folks say to or about me. If I responding angrily or counter-attack, it's likely going to backfire. If the person wasn't fucking with me, I'm going look like a jerk. If they were, I've just shown them that I took the bait and I've issued them an invitation to keep fucking with me.

To get back to the topic at hand, I agree with Venatrix that what's in your profile is a lot more important than what's on the list. I think that what you put in the first email you send is as important or perhaps more important than what's in your profile. If you don't get her interested, she's unlikely to check out your profile.

(in reply to danielh)

Post #: 20

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