Where do I start? (Full Version)

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CaptainSex -> Where do I start? (6/25/2009 10:12:23 AM)

All right... being a beginner dom, if not the first time ever... I've never owned any slaves or been able to torture people, though how the fuck do I start? Where? Most slaves want an experienced dom, I understand... but how can you have experience without someone there? Especially if you're just a single man? Anyone's advice would be nice and sweet as rice!



ZenDragoness -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 10:30:34 AM)

Writing here is a great way to start, welcome CaptainSex. I would recommend you look for your local scene and go to their munches and other meetings. That way you will be seen, you meet and talk and will be noticed. Maybe do not start with: Do you want to be my slave? And do not only seek out the women. Talk to the men, learn from the other dominant men and women. Most local scene are very close knitted. If you get a good reputation it will harvest you contacts.

Over all: Be respectful.

Good luck!



CaptainSex -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 10:47:15 AM)

Well, honestly, I'm not really a fan of munches. Usually private and quiet.



FawneTwo -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 10:48:11 AM)

" all the bitches are hard to get" You said it not us...




CaptainSex -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 10:49:53 AM)

Well, it's true. And not all slaves are fans of munches, anyway.



Lucylastic -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 10:52:29 AM)

Hello CaptainSex, you are in toronto ??? check out the website at http://www.ehbc.ca and look for their calendar page.It has all the local munches and events going on around the area, most of them have links to the various websites for said events. If you arent ready for munches or events yet, get in some reading about the realities and misconceptions of domination/submission and S&M.
Examples would be
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
S/M 101 by Jay Wiseman
Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns(name escapes me)
Sensuous Magic by Patrick Califia
There are tons of books on bondage and other "kinks"
Available from amazon, or http://www.greenerypress.com and other bookstores, I know indigo has some of them.
Get to know yourself, your abilities and desires beyond the sex angle, be real and open to thoughts and concepts, read topics here that interest you, join in askand most of all enjoy yourself
Good luck
Lucy



CaptainSex -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:01:22 AM)

Mmm... I'll look into that. Meanwhile, anyone else? Why collarme when we can have munches?



ZenDragoness -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:03:50 AM)

As i wrote before, do not stop writing here, you will be noticed.



RCdc -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:07:34 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Mmm... I'll look into that. Meanwhile, anyone else? Why collarme when we can have munches?


My suggestion is not to focus on meeting a slave or a partner, but instead concentrate on forging friendships with people.
Participation in any related fora, be it an online on CM or a munch can only increase the people you can meet and gain you more knowledge, contacts and friendships.  It's networking.
 
the.dark.



CaptainSex -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:07:50 AM)

Oh, I'm hoping. I'm hoping. I know now that "Can you move to Canada" is such a dreadful pickup line. And why the hell use a pickup line? I don't even know how I can put someone in consideration on here. I mean, what? You just... ask? I'm totally n00b!



SmokingGun82 -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:15:57 AM)

Ok, as someone else who despises munches (or any other meeting type that's predicated on a single common interest), here's my advice. First, post on here. Offer opinions. Be yourself. You'll get emails based on that.

Next, don't look at submissives or slaves as objects to be collected. They might become objects, if that's a kink the two of you work out, but at the beginning they're people. So talk to them like you'd talk to anyone else. Find someone who has the same vanilla crap as you- morals, beliefs, deeply held values, interests... all that. The kinky stuff can be negotiated and can fall into place. Obviously, if there's something you really dig and they hate it, that could be a deal breaker... but most things can be compromised, I find.

Also, grow a thick skin. Sometimes these forums can get kinda toasty, but you'll find responding politely and with poise will work out better than lashing out like a little bitch. And you can really piss off people if you ignore their flamebait. :)

Last, don't forget to have fun. You get one roll on this rock, you better make it count.



Apocalypso -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:19:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex
I don't even know how I can put someone in consideration on here. I mean, what?

That really isn't necessary.  While the whole "under consideration" thing seems to do it for some people, I'd say there's far more of us who really don't understand the appeal.

There's really no magic formula here.  It's the same as it would be finding any relationship.  It's about compatibility, and BDSM is just one of the things you need to be compatible on.



CaptainSex -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:20:10 AM)

"Also, grow a thick skin. Sometimes these forums can get kinda toasty, but you'll find responding politely and with poise will work out better than lashing out like a little bitch. And you can really piss off people if you ignore their flamebait. :)

Last, don't forget to have fun. You get one roll on this rock, you better make it count."

I think these paragraphs, in my view, kind of contradict each other. ;-)



Lucylastic -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:37:46 AM)

wait until you read some of the posts, some will make you pissy, some will make you laugh like a drain, and some will make you go WTF?
so will some of the people, within a 24 hour period:)
WIth the diversity here you will find a bit of everything
Lucy




peppermint -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:40:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaptainSex

Well, honestly, I'm not really a fan of munches. Usually private and quiet.


Sorry to hear that you prefer to not attend munches.  Munches, events, and groups have training sessions.  Those sessions teach you valuable skills that you need to know.  Some of those skills can not be learned from the internet or a book.  So, by refusing to attend a group you are cutting yourself off from valuable information and needed skills. 

If you dislike munches, an event might be your best choice.  That why you don't have to be social with anyone.  You just go to the lectures of your choice and can ignore the rest of the attendees while learning things you need to know. 

quote:

Why collarme when we can have munches?


Collarme is just another resource one can use.  If you are lucky you may even make contact with people online who actually do the things you are only dreaming of at the moment.   As with any free internet site Collarme has its share of men pretending to be women, people who are just here to whank, people who haven't a clue as to what BDSM is, etc.  There are also real people who do this stuff here.  The forums can often be a informative place to ask a question. 

quote:

Where? Most slaves want an experienced dom, I understand... but how can you have experience without someone there?


Well, you've decided you won't be part of a group where people could help you gain experience, so I haven't a clue as to where you will get that experience.  It may take you time, but eventually you may find a slave willing to be your crash test dumbie.  Be careful.  Make sure you have enough information to not cause damage. 





CaptainSex -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 11:47:07 AM)

Oh believe me, as it says in my profile... I'm into TPE.

Munches I could try out a few times, though my first one elsewhere was a disaster and ended up acting like an idiot. :p



sirsholly -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 12:04:30 PM)

quote:

I've never owned any slaves or been able to torture people,
torture people???



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 12:09:39 PM)

You're new, and you want to torture people AND engage in TPE? 

Criminy.



peppermint -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 12:17:06 PM)

You wouldn't be the first man who attended his first munch and made himself look like the village idiot.  Munches are used to it.  It's why no one is invited to play parties or learning sessions without attending more than one munch.  At least that is the rule where I attend.  People want to make sure you are okay before you are invited to their homes.  If you act the horny geek macho chest thumping DOM (hear me roar) type, then expect to never be invited to any of the inner events.  If you act polite, showing respect to others, Dominants and submissives alike, then you will have many doors opened to you.  



LaTigresse -> RE: Where do I start? (6/25/2009 12:26:50 PM)

Welcome.

And, if you make an idiot of yourself here, trust that you were not the first and will not be the last. But we will have A LOT of fun showing you the error of your ways![:D]



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