Chauvenistic stuff (Full Version)

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WileyCat -> Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 9:21:02 AM)

I have met a couple of Doms on here who want to meet me but want me to be free for them when they do so they want me not to talk to other Doms in the meantime and yet they have their profiles up and open. I think that practice is a bit stupid right off unless you really think you might dig that person and are willing to give it a go that way. That can happen and I have been open to it, but I find that practice a little chauvenistic - putting a sub out of circulation while they remain in circulation.

I am not interested in returning to the days of not having the same rights right off the bat like that.

Anyway, I've been overwhelmed by the overly anxious dominant male energy on this site and am just looking to meet interesting people now in the local scene and attend more meetings, play parties, demos, etc.

I had the first unfortunate epxerience of meeting/playing someone I thought was cool, but later turned around and complained about all the aggravation and idiocy this site has brought him and how he is lonely and looking for the one.

Anyway, just needed to vent. I met a really nice couple out last night and decided to go out in public more and give meeting Doms here a rest. I have met a few I keep in touch with and that is all I need for now.

Just wondering what anyone else thinks of this practice though. If they would do it or not if they really liked a guy while getting to know him.

Catherine



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 9:25:05 AM)

If you look for "collar of consideration" you will see that actually a lot of subs enjoy being in a situation where they are out of the pool and the dom is still merrily fishing.

What matters is what works for you. I think dating and considering eachother on a reasonable basis and mutually deciding to become monogamous/serious/take the next step is a better way to forge a foundation of working TOGETHER in a relationship for the long term. However, many people find this system works for them and gives them more submissive/dom fuzzies.

Find what works for you.



WileyCat -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 9:41:54 AM)


"If you look for "collar of consideration" you will see that actually a lot of subs enjoy being in a situation where they are out of the pool and the dom is still merrily fishing."

"However, many people find this system works for them and gives them more submissive/dom fuzzies."

I see. I was wondering about that. It is not too much of a problem for me right now, as I need a break anyway and being in the pool and treading all this water is wearing me a out a bit with all the interest I got. But generally, until I meet them face to face, I think it's a little silly - for me. I feel it sets up a lot of expectation or something for things that might tnot happen past a cup of coffee.

Thanks!
Catherine






MHOO314 -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 11:06:51 AM)

Here is My take on that----there is no relationship until there is a MUTUAL commitment--until then you are looking as much as they are---and until then there is no Dominance and no submission---its a communication.



RavenMuse -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 11:27:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314
Here is My take on that----there is no relationship until there is a MUTUAL commitment--until then you are looking as much as they are---and until then there is no Dominance and no submission---its a communication.


Well said as usual MH

Personaly, Yes if there was a chance of both people finding what they where looking for then I would expect them to put 'under consideration' in the profile and switch the 'activly looking for' to friends only whilst we looked further into what potential the relationship had. However I would be doing the same in at least switching my own profile to 'seeking friends only'

IMO any new relationship worth having needs time to settle in, see where it is going and even IF it is going anywhere. It maybe only a small thing, but it is a sign that you are at least to some extent serious about the other person, one of the few things that you can do early on before you get to the point of meeting off-line.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 11:49:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse
but it is a sign that you are at least to some extent serious about the other person, one of the few things that you can do early on before you get to the point of meeting off-line.

See I would recommend meeting the person offline WAY before you get to the point of being serious about the other person and suggesting to go monogamous/take the next level.



RavenMuse -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 12:09:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
See I would recommend meeting the person offline WAY before you get to the point of being serious about the other person and suggesting to go monogamous/take the next level.


It is a matter of perception. Whilst I am Poly, I'm seeking one person (if the situation is such that I search again once the relationship settled then fine I can resume searching at that time) it isn't an invite to 'go mono' with all that entails, but rather one of focusing the available effort into seeing if this is what both people are seeking without one or the other being inundated by dealing with other folks that are also seeking.

If it doesn't work, what is lost? A few days/weeks of the search.... it is a marathon, not a sprint!



MasterRobert1 -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 1:02:32 PM)

Until some type of agreement is reached between you and a Dom, you retain all-ALL- of your rights. You're still in the negotiations stage. What you want has as much weight as what he wants. This is where you find out if he's worth what he wants; and you have to decide what it is your willing to give (or give up, as the case may be) in return. If you don't know how to negotiate, learn.



WileyCat -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 8:15:22 PM)

Thanks for all the input. I think my first instincts are right - that it's not my thing really, to be restricted before I get anything going. I could see with the wrong person that could cause some anger or indignation if I changed my mind about it. Or that it might hurt me psychologically as well if it doesn't go well.

Thanks for the heads up on learning about Negotiation. I have no idea about this so I better slow down and learn, especially about how it goes in the beginning of a relationship. I have a vanilla male friend who jokes with me, "You're kind of uppity for a sub!" Why not?

I am still working with the ideas and practice of submission in other ways and have a play party to go to where I can watch, learn, and participate . The group that runs it is very education oriented, and I met a great couple who I feel comfotable hanging out with and asking lots of questions.

I have found myself becoming ambivalent as to what I am after here in a way - the target keeps moving as I get more information and feedback. I am also empathic which can be a strength as a submissive, so assertive negotiation will be necessary.




LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/14/2006 8:38:45 PM)

You're asking sincere questions in an inquisitive manner and you know that you don't know enough to make any sort of serious decisions yet. Your miles ahead of the average newbie.

Now keep it that way. :)



littleone35 -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/15/2006 9:21:33 AM)

Well i tell them righr off the bat that i am talking to others and if they don't like it then they don't have to talk to me. Since my late Master died 3 years ago (in May) i am not looking to jump into anything i am keeping my options open until i meet the Dom i want to be my new Master,

littleone



Crazytwice -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/15/2006 2:35:51 PM)

Just as in a vanilla relationship, until you both make a commitment to each other,
"all is fair in love"

If he is still shopping, you should be too, or at least not taking him too seriously.
JMHO.



LthrdWolf -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/15/2006 7:58:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

Personaly, Yes if there was a chance of both people finding what they where looking for then I would expect them to put 'under consideration' in the profile and switch the 'activly looking for' to friends only whilst we looked further into what potential the relationship had. However I would be doing the same in at least switching my own profile to 'seeking friends only'

IMO any new relationship worth having needs time to settle in, see where it is going and even IF it is going anywhere. It maybe only a small thing, but it is a sign that you are at least to some extent serious about the other person, one of the few things that you can do early on before you get to the point of meeting off-line.


Greetings RavenMuse~ How are you tonite. *smiles*

Interesting thread,I would like to chat re some of your above comments please.
Once I am seriously 'considering' & 'after' I have met the person real time,I will indeed adjust my profile accordingly (unless they are really far away,or overseas,then the real time meeting would perhaps be after the profile adjustment - depending.)

That being said,I am currently also speaking here & there with C.M. bio males including subs & slaves,mostly vis a vis making some new friends -but also- some are 'interested' in My profile & I must say,thus with a careful respectful approach (some) have recently caught my attention too (at least to a degree) one in particular,at this time.

Now 'If' things were to progress to 'serious consideration',there is still a distinct possibility -due to my Lesbian orientation/identity & what I was originally looking for- that I would still very much want a female submissive or slave too (which everyone involved does & would know right up front.) I would want this possible addition either eventually,or maybe 'sooner' if it is meant to be ...which provides the segue to my last point,addressing both one of your comments RavenMuse & the original posters query.

Due to this,I would want to stay in circulation,saying that there is 'serious consideration' in my profile,but keep the 'actively seeking' part still open.As for the 'being considered' submissive or slave,I would want *his profile to reflect being in consideration,but at that point take *himself (*gender descriptor due to the situation) 'out' of actively seeking circulation until W/we see where it is going.

This is Neither right or wrong to my way of thinking ...but rather My way of approaching these particular issues.

LthrdWolf ...who knows what lies ahead ...or how D/s gender identity mixes & possible resultant considerations will present themselves in the future,but as long as one does their absolute Best to consistently act with 'integrity' to Me that is what - counts.





mysecret40 -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/16/2006 6:32:16 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WileyCat

Thanks for all the input. I think my first instincts are right - that it's not my thing really, to be restricted before I get anything going. I could see with the wrong person that could cause some anger or indignation if I changed my mind about it. Or that it might hurt me psychologically as well if it doesn't go well.

Thanks for the heads up on learning about Negotiation. I have no idea about this so I better slow down and learn, especially about how it goes in the beginning of a relationship. I have a vanilla male friend who jokes with me, "You're kind of uppity for a sub!" Why not?

I am still working with the ideas and practice of submission in other ways and have a play party to go to where I can watch, learn, and participate . The group that runs it is very education oriented, and I met a great couple who I feel comfotable hanging out with and asking lots of questions.

I have found myself becoming ambivalent as to what I am after here in a way - the target keeps moving as I get more information and feedback. I am also empathic which can be a strength as a submissive, so assertive negotiation will be necessary.




Wiley:
Lucky is so right about meeting in person. And you sound like you really have a good frame of mind in approaching meeting your Dom/Master. You KNOW this online stuff can be nothing but illusion. Real time meeting is the only way to go. I have met many Doms for coffee or lunch dates....some wanted to collarme/own right away. Some are nothing but players. Some aren't even Doms~! lol. It is "our" consideration as much as theirs....this is a mutual power exchange. To me they have to prove their worthy of me. So being "uppity" is a good thing....I won't settle...time and patience....I personally look for particular characteristics and if they don't fit the bill....then I simply let them know...diplomatically that it's not going to work.
Secret



RavenMuse -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/16/2006 7:04:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LthrdWolf
Interesting thread,I would like to chat re some of your above comments please.


How could one resist such a polite request from a dear lady[:)]

quote:

Once I am seriously 'considering' & 'after' I have met the person real time,I will indeed adjust my profile accordingly (unless they are really far away,or overseas,then the real time meeting would perhaps be after the profile adjustment - depending.)


Quite, it is the point where both have realised there is a serious possibility that the other may well be what is being looked for that is the point where I would also be looking for this to happen. Meeting them however is not the key for me, I prefer to meet at least once as early as possible but that point of realising serious potential may or may not occur before that happens (More likely after with those local because it is far easier to organise meeting in central London for a coffee or somesuch at short notice)

quote:

That being said,I am currently also speaking here & there with C.M. bio males including subs & slaves,mostly vis a vis making some new friends -but also- some are 'interested' in My profile & I must say,thus with a careful respectful approach (some) have recently caught my attention too (at least to a degree) one in particular,at this time.


Oooh good luck[:)]

quote:

Now 'If' things were to progress to 'serious consideration',there is still a distinct possibility -due to my Lesbian orientation/identity & what I was originally looking for- that I would still very much want a female submissive or slave too (which everyone involved does & would know right up front.) I would want this possible addition either eventually,or maybe 'sooner' if it is meant to be ...which provides the segue to my last point,addressing both one of your comments RavenMuse & the original posters query.


I was speaking of course from my personal perspective and thus my own situation. Whilst poly and therefore there being the possibility of looking in the future for an additional sub/slave, I am firstly looking for just one AND I preffer to take on only one new involvement at a time and get that 'settled' and the trust built before being open to forming other relationships.

quote:

Due to this,I would want to stay in circulation,saying that there is 'serious consideration' in my profile,but keep the 'actively seeking' part still open.As for the 'being considered' submissive or slave,I would want *his profile to reflect being in consideration,but at that point take *himself (*gender descriptor due to the situation) 'out' of actively seeking circulation until W/we see where it is going.


There are two reasons why I am quite willing to also take myself, at least till things either prove not suitable OR the relationship gets settled, 'out of curculation' as far as activly searching is concerned.

Firstly, as I state above, it fits comfortably with how I preffer to do things and secondly, it is a small token gesture to the sub that I am taking the possibility of them being the one I am seeking to wear my collar seriously. There are all too many players and idiots out there and whilst it may not be much, when it comes to reasurance every little helps.

quote:

This is Neither right or wrong to my way of thinking ...but rather My way of approaching these particular issues.


As I've stated at other times, what I write here on the forums is simply my opinion, from where I stand and in this case specificaly from and relating to my own situation. My way is right for me (And hopefully for the young lady I seek), your way I would expect to be right for you and the people you seek.

quote:


Best to consistently act with 'integrity' to Me that is what - counts.


Absolutely. To thine own self be true.



LthrdWolf -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/16/2006 10:15:52 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: LthrdWolf
Interesting thread,I would like to chat re some of your above comments please.


How could one resist such a polite request from a dear lady[:)]

....Thank you kind Sir. *warm smile*


quote:

That being said,I am currently also speaking here & there with C.M. bio males including subs & slaves,mostly vis a vis making some new friends -but also- some are 'interested' in My profile & I must say,thus with a careful respectful approach (some) have recently caught my attention too (at least to a degree) one in particular,at this time.


Oooh good luck[:)]

....Thanks again & the same for Your search too. [:)]

quote:

Now 'If' things were to progress to 'serious consideration',there is still a distinct possibility -due to my Lesbian orientation/identity & what I was originally looking for- that I would still very much want a female submissive or slave too (which everyone involved does & would know right up front.) I would want this possible addition either eventually,or maybe 'sooner' if it is meant to be ...which provides the segue to my last point,addressing both one of your comments RavenMuse & the original posters query.


I was speaking of course from my personal perspective and thus my own situation. Whilst poly and therefore there being the possibility of looking in the future for an additional sub/slave, I am firstly looking for just one AND I preffer to take on only one new involvement at a time and get that 'settled' and the trust built before being open to forming other relationships.

....This is a Good point,& really My style too regarding "trust building".However if cross over availability & mutual interest were to happen,I would make sure that applicant #1 was secure (as much as is possible in any sitiuation.) Anyway,let's face it,it is difficult enough finding one match ...two blowing through Our door simultameously -highly unlikely. *chucklez with you*

quote:

Due to this,I would want to stay in circulation,saying that there is 'serious consideration' in my profile,but keep the 'actively seeking' part still open.As for the 'being considered' submissive or slave,I would want *his profile to reflect being in consideration,but at that point take *himself (*gender descriptor due to the situation) 'out' of actively seeking circulation until W/we see where it is going.


There are two reasons why I am quite willing to also take myself, at least till things either prove not suitable OR the relationship gets settled, 'out of curculation' as far as activly searching is concerned.

Firstly, as I state above, it fits comfortably with how I preffer to do things and secondly, it is a small token gesture to the sub that I am taking the possibility of them being the one I am seeking to wear my collar seriously. There are all too many players and idiots out there and whilst it may not be much, when it comes to reasurance every little helps.

....More Good food for thought,especially your last line here,so I will take this into consideration now too.

quote:

This is Neither right or wrong to my way of thinking ...but rather My way of approaching these particular issues.


As I've stated at other times, what I write here on the forums is simply my opinion, from where I stand and in this case specificaly from and relating to my own situation. My way is right for me (And hopefully for the young lady I seek), your way I would expect to be right for you and the people you seek.

....This was meant as a general closing comment,& not directed at you per se,I should have indicated that more clearly.Regardless your response shows class Sir.

~For those who perhaps might not understand this form of 'honorific' -ie/Sir Ma'am etc- address from one Dominant to another,it simply reflects a nod of courtesy &/or respect (sometimes even Dominant to Dominant playfullness) but not submission. ~

quote:


Best to consistently act with 'integrity' to Me that is what - counts.


Absolutely. To thine own self be true.


....Be well RavenMuse

....Regards LthrdWolf



windy135 -> RE: Chauvenistic stuff (2/16/2006 10:43:59 AM)

I had a Dom that I played with only. When playing one night he said I don't want you talking to other men. My reply was "not going to happen" and he said : I don't want you talking to other Dom's and my reply was "sorry I can't do that, were not a couple" Kinda sucked that it seemed that I topped in that 30 second convo but hey I know what I want. He agreed and we still play once in a while.



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