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RE: name - 6/26/2009 10:07:43 AM

highballer

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/23/2009
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On the other hand . . . . when a name or a rule or a particular punishment elicit strongly charged emotions, it can be viewed as an opportunity to go deeper into one's own psyche.

And I have found that until I do that I am just reacting and not really responding to the cue. There is no choice in reaction; it just happens. A response involves choice.

One of the great gifts buried in my own attraction to submission has been these red flags that pop up every now and then which give me a chance to work them through. (The latest big stuck spot for me has been being called "idiot" and frankly I am finding it a tough one to work through, but I have learned that it is always worth the effort to accept the opportunity to do a bit of emotional cleanup.)

A couple of resources that have helped me in this are Loving What Is by Byron Katie and The Presence Process by Michael Brown.

Take care

(in reply to littleone35)

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Post #: 21

RE: name - 6/26/2009 12:46:50 PM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

just tell them, if you need to, ask to write an email explaining how you are feeling. Master tells me all the time to tell him if something is wrong, even if i think he won't like it. He says that as long as I am respectful he won't punish me for bring a problem to him. But if he finds out that I am keeping something from him then I get in trouble for not saying anything.

(in reply to littleone35)

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Post #: 22

RE: name - 6/26/2009 3:42:45 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subage

my Master and Mistress have many names for me and i am ok with then but when the call me "girl" it makes me feel like an object not a person. i am not good with saying how i feel or talking about things that bother me what i am trying to ask is how do i tell them with out just saying it ? ps this name i am useing in not my name that i use i just made it so i could post stuff and my Master and Mistress wouldnt know i did

I had a quick squiz at your profile solely to see of you're actually male or female.... And you're a fem/sub who doesn't like being called "girl"???

By default, I've always called my partners "girl", even back in my vanilla days. If I'm having a light-hearted flirt with someone, she'll be "girl", too. I have a feminist friend who I especially call "girl" just to see her eyes roll.

Technically it is a an objectification but it also comes down to being an intimacy.... When some shop assistant calls me "Sir", it's part of his/her uniform and means nothing special to me. But when MY girl does, even when we're in casual mode, it's *intimate*. About the only thing that changes when I'm addressing her is that my tone relects "which" girl she is to me.

I'd have thought the bigger issue is that you feel the need to "post stuff and my Master and Mistress wouldnt know i did". Which suggests your collective communication level really does suck. Are you even happy in that house-hold?

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

(in reply to subage)

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Post #: 23

RE: name - 6/27/2009 12:15:53 AM

subage

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/24/2009
Status: offline

i am very happy here i dont want them to know cause i dont want to disapint them by not comeing to them with things that are bothering me thats something they have been trying to get my to talk about things that bother me and my feels but it something i cant

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Post #: 24

RE: name - 6/27/2009 3:01:27 AM

pixidustpet

Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subage

i am very happy here i dont want them to know cause i dont want to disapint them by not comeing to them with things that are bothering me thats something they have been trying to get my to talk about things that bother me and my feels but it something i cant

one of the things TheEngineer is trying to drill into my head is this:

"if i dont know something is broken, how do i know i need to fix it?"

the same thing with your dominants. if you dont tell them something is hurting you, how can they fix it? if you have issues with just saying it (i understand that, i do too) perhaps you could write it in an email, or journal it and give them the journal to read. *something* to let them know how you are feeling.

because even though you are identifying as submissive/slave, you have feelings also, and it is your job to let them know everything and THEM decide. if you dont tell them, then you're taking the decisions away from them, and that isnt submissive at all.

(that's been my lesson this week, also. and TheEngineer was happy i learned that one.)

kitten

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Post #: 25

RE: name - 6/27/2009 6:08:03 PM

peppermint

Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subage

i am very happy here i dont want them to know cause i dont want to disapint them by not comeing to them with things that are bothering me thats something they have been trying to get my to talk about things that bother me and my feels but it something i cant

If you do not tell them when something is bothering you, then they will be really mad when they read this and find out you've been keeping secrets from them. You have no business keeping secrests from your owners. If you prefer to live a lie, then your servitude to them will not last long as you will be dismissed when they discover your lies.

(in reply to subage)

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Post #: 26